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Wife had a 5yr affair


Infidelity In an affair or suspect your significant other? Share your experiences and concerns here.

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Old 4th March 2019, 5:20 PM   #16
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I would never in a million years forgive a 5-yr affair. She has fooled you long enough, donít let her do any more damage and donít let your fear of being alone drive you to make a bad decision. How could you ever trust this person again? Sheís not sorry at all. Sheís only sorry she got caught.

Btw, the next time youíre in a relationship with someone and they hide their phone and are reluctant to be transparent to you, donít put up with it and donít stick your head in the sand when all the signs are right in front of you. I canít believe you even bought that story about the late night texts and why she put her phone under her pillow.
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Old 4th March 2019, 5:23 PM   #17
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How long is the divorce going to take? Can't she move back to the state where her parents live? Why can't her boss pay her bills since he's the one who was having sex with her?
Takes 60-90 days to finalize the divorce. My lawyer wants me to keep her happy so she wonít appeal the D and try to take half. Her family lives in NY and she says she canít face them since I told them. I even told her Iíll buy her the ticket. Lol
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Old 4th March 2019, 5:27 PM   #18
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Did she pay you last month?
Yea she paid me and said she will now help out with all the bills. I told her just pay her phone, insurance and internet bill. My lawyer and family tell me to just be nice till the D is finalized and I am financially safe.
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Old 4th March 2019, 5:29 PM   #19
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Sooner or later your wife is going to lawyer up - that's a given. When she does you're going to regret having let her stay in the house because getting her out will be damn near impossible. In the meantime she's taking full inventory of your assets.

5 out of 6 years in a clandestine affair? This is a chick who knows how to play the long game.

Yes, you're wife is just using you while in nursing school and as soon as a lawyer clues her into what she's legally able to screw you over for - it will happen.

Go to ANY church and personally thank God you don't have children with her. That's some divine intervention right there.
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Old 4th March 2019, 6:21 PM   #20
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Originally Posted by Willski View Post
we only get intimate once a month or once every 6 weeks and everythime I initiate she would 95% of the time get mad and say she is tired for the passed 4yrs. She would never initiate.
Researchers typically define "sexless marriage" as having sex 10 or less times per year. You are thus in a sexless marriage. For you to find out that she has been having sex with the other man (OM) during your marriage, means that the reason you are in a sexless marriage is because she doesn't like sex with you as she prefers sex with the OM. This cannot be fixed. Once you find a woman that wants to be your wife, you will look back at this as you being crazy to have put up with this all of these years.

Also, she has been lying to you at least 5 years about her affair, so do not believe anything that she says. She says 5 years and 15 times, is probably a lie. In fact it could have very well started shortly after she met him, and she may have had sex with him during your marriage more than she had sex with you. With no children, divorce is a no brainer.
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Old 4th March 2019, 6:22 PM   #21
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Have her sign an agreement now.

Start pressuring her big time. You need her signing while she is agreeable.



Suggest she moves with her OM.
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Old 4th March 2019, 6:39 PM   #22
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Originally Posted by bathtub-row View Post
I would never in a million years forgive a 5-yr affair. She has fooled you long enough, donít let her do any more damage and donít let your fear of being alone drive you to make a bad decision. How could you ever trust this person again? Sheís not sorry at all. Sheís only sorry she got caught.

Btw, the next time youíre in a relationship with someone and they hide their phone and are reluctant to be transparent to you, donít put up with it and donít stick your head in the sand when all the signs are right in front of you. I canít believe you even bought that story about the late night texts and why she put her phone under her pillow.
I didnít buy the story, I just didnít want have hard evidence. But yeah always always listen to your instincts.
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Old 4th March 2019, 6:43 PM   #23
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I didnít buy the story, I just didnít want have hard evidence. But yeah always always listen to your instincts.
Does the boss's wife know? She deserves to and you deserve to ruin him. Don't play too nice with the guy who helped ruin your family.
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Old 4th March 2019, 6:47 PM   #24
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Originally Posted by Turning point View Post
Sooner or later your wife is going to lawyer up - that's a given. When she does you're going to regret having let her stay in the house because getting her out will be damn near impossible. In the meantime she's taking full inventory of your assets.

5 out of 6 years in a clandestine affair? This is a chick who knows how to play the long game.

Yes, you're wife is just using you while in nursing school and as soon as a lawyer clues her into what she's legally able to screw you over for - it will happen.

Go to ANY church and personally thank God you don't have children with her. That's some divine intervention right there.
It was her decision to not have kids yet. We are Asians and our culture is pretty much I take whatís mine and you take whatís yours if we split. I have all the screen shots and will use that if she doesnít leave with just whatís hers. Her mother and father think she is the most innocent person in the world. Her reputation is everything to her. She even told me if we do get a divorce to just tell everyone that we didnít see eye to eye. I did not agree to that as I will destroy her reputation with her family and friends when itís finalized.
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Old 4th March 2019, 6:47 PM   #25
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Originally Posted by Turning point View Post
Sooner or later your wife is going to lawyer up - that's a given. When she does you're going to regret having let her stay in the house because getting her out will be damn near impossible. In the meantime she's taking full inventory of your assets.

5 out of 6 years in a clandestine affair? This is a chick who knows how to play the long game.

Yes, you're wife is just using you while in nursing school and as soon as a lawyer clues her into what she's legally able to screw you over for - it will happen.

Go to ANY church and personally thank God you don't have children with her. That's some divine intervention right there.
Legally, the house is joint property and he canít just kick her out. As long as she doesnít know that and as long as she doesnít wise up until everything is finalized, heís doing the best thing by taking his attoneyís advice and Ďplaying niceí.

And I agree, he needs to thank his lucky stars no children are involved.
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Old 4th March 2019, 6:56 PM   #26
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Originally Posted by 40somethingGuy View Post
Does the boss's wife know? She deserves to and you deserve to ruin him. Don't play too nice with the guy who helped ruin your family.
I called his wife and told him everything. She had me text and email all screen shots I saved. She is a CFO of a big hospital where I live. She was pissed and said ďmy marriage is a sham! we have children!Ē. She even told me to not tell my wife she knew so she can play it off and dig in her husbands phone and computer. Fingers crossed she divorced him and takes him to the bank.
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Old 4th March 2019, 6:57 PM   #27
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Originally Posted by bathtub-row View Post
Legally, the house is joint property and he canít just kick her out. As long as she doesnít know that and as long as she doesnít wise up until everything is finalized, heís doing the best thing by taking his attoneyís advice and Ďplaying niceí.

And I agree, he needs to thank his lucky stars no children are involved.
This 60-90 days are gonna be the longest 60-90 days of my life...
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Old 4th March 2019, 7:08 PM   #28
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Takes 60-90 days to finalize the divorce. My lawyer wants me to keep her happy so she wonít appeal the D and try to take half.l
She would have to be stupid not to get a lawyer. Iím not sure I would rely on her continued compliance, especially as the reality of her situation hits home and the fear of supporting herself starts to sink in...
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Old 4th March 2019, 8:51 PM   #29
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She would have to be stupid not to get a lawyer. I’m not sure I would rely on her continued compliance, especially as the reality of her situation hits home and the fear of supporting herself starts to sink in...
Her older sister got a divorce last year because she caught her husband cheating. She took what was hers and left him with what was his. I just hope my soon to be ex has the decency to do the same. Like I said, it’s in our culture. She even said she wouldn’t dare try to take what’s not hers. I think she knows word will spread fast in our asian community and it will destroy her and her family even if they are in NY.

Last edited by Willski; 4th March 2019 at 8:52 PM.. Reason: Grammar
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Old 5th March 2019, 9:23 AM   #30
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Originally Posted by bathtub-row View Post
As long as she doesn’t know that and as long as she doesn’t wise up until everything is finalized, he’s doing the best thing by taking his attoney’s advice and ‘playing nice’.
I don't know where they are located but, if the divorce proceeds with her relying solely on HIS attorney that could be grounds to modify the settlement even after the divorce is final. So, while I agree "playing nice" could work out for him, it's not a fool-proof strategy since nothing in divorce ever really is.
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