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Wife had a 5yr affair


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Old 4th March 2019, 11:57 AM   #1
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Wife had a 5yr affair

I’ve been married 6yrs and My wife had a 5yr affair with her old boss that is 18yrs older than her I am 34 and she is 31 now. She used to work as his nanny and she said he would always tell her she was beautiful, one in a million, and that he would leave his family and marry her. She said they had sex once at his house while she was working as his naany and quit after it happened.

At first I thought something was off because she would have texts late at night and would hide her phone under her pillow when she slept, but never had any hard evidence. She would say it was his 8yr old daughter texting her but I would counter with at 12mn on a school night? Then when she quit she would have some comparisons with how I am and her old boss was. “Oh mr.x would always throw away clutter, mr.x doesn’t buy new cars, mr.x doesn’t doesn’t have a 75” tv. After a while I would always say “why are you mr.x’s girlfriend??” And she would say “ew that old guy gross”. On Jan.18th we were home and she said the hospital called her to come in, so I asked her if we can get intimate before she left and she said ok just make it quick. Quite a surprise to me since we only get intimate once a month or once every 6 weeks and everythime I initiate she would 95% of the time get mad and say she is tired for the passed 4yrs. She would never initiate.

So come Jan.19th she leaves her phone on the counter while she takes a shower. My instincts tell me to look in her phone. I look through her texts and calls, nothing out of the ordinary. I look at her pictures I found a selfie Jan.18th 1:30pm waring hospital scrubs and little makeup, then another selfie at 4pm full makeup, dangling earrings and date outfit. I go through her email inbox and nothing. I look in her email sent box and I find all the emails she sent him backed all the way to August 2018. Last email she sent him was on Jan.19th 8am “it was nice seeing you too honey. Hope you feel better. Enjoy hunting this weekend. Mwah!”.

I saw emails 3 emails where she asked him to make love to her and she even sent 3 nude photos to him. When I confronted her she denied until I showed her her emails (I took screen shots). Now she said she just liked the attention and they only met about 15 times since it started. Mr.x is very busy being a Vice President of a big company. Now she wants to reconcile and move on saying it was a big mistake and she has never done anything like this before. I knew her a long time and all her ex’s (5) just took advantage of her and disappeared. She was a really nice person, would never risk anything. Doesn’t drink, go to clubs or stay out late, perfect goody two shoes girl. So I wanted to be the man to treat her right. We we’re together 3yrs before I asked her to marry me, so I knew her quite well even before dating. I filed for divorce and she signed paperwork stating I keep our house, my money and my cars my lawyer drawer up. I pay for everything.

She only pays for groceries. Now she wants to reconcile and move forward. She really scared me because I thought I knew her 100% and now I find out she had another side to her I never knew. And the capability of the other side scares me. She says it was a mistake and regets ever cheating on me. It hurts to know she would always push me away but emailed the OM for sex. I told the OMs wife about it and she asked me to text and email her all the screen shots I took. She is a CFO at a very big hospital in my city. I feel lost and scared of being a lone again. Before her I was in a relationship for 9yrs and was engaged. And my wife and I have been together for 9yrs total as well.

My wife and I planed to have children in two years and she wants 3-4 kids all a year apart. Is she some psycho planning a life with me and having another secret life??

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Old 4th March 2019, 12:17 PM   #2
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No, do not reconcile.

You were lucky you found out who she really is.

Your marriage was a farce - she wasn’t a wife!

She didn’t act like a wife. She betrayed you and continued to lie even after she was caught!

Be lucky you got away from a lying cheater.

Date and find a gal who will treat you right - she isn’t that gal.

Stop talking to her. There’s nothing more you need to say - except “stay away from me, you’ve ruined everything”.
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Old 4th March 2019, 12:46 PM   #3
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A 5-year sexual affair putting your health at risk for STD's was not just a mistake. It was deliberate. She played you for a fool in your 6-year marriage. She has shown her total contempt and utter disrespect for you. You would have to be out of your mind to even contemplate reconciling with her.

Good God Man: If you do not respect yourself then who will?
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Old 4th March 2019, 12:47 PM   #4
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You have no children and you are still young, time to move on and find someone who is loyal to you and not some other man. This woman wasted nine years of your life. Count yourself lucky that you found out before you had raised and became responsible for the other man's love children with the woman who you thought was your wife. Those children that you talk about having in a couple of years, they would not have been yours. How does that make you feel?
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Old 4th March 2019, 1:00 PM   #5
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A bit confusing. You are divorced already? You pay for everything, but she gave you everything?

Anyway, she has 5 exes for a reason. Your point about treating her right seems odd. A bit KISA. Also, 5 of the 6 years you've been married she has been cheating. 15 times meeting is probably a lie.

Bottom line, do not get back on that sinking ship. Run.
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Old 4th March 2019, 1:43 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Willski View Post
Is she some psycho planning a life with me and having another secret life??
Willski, paragraphs and punctuation will get you a lot more feedback. It's impossible to read a wall of text when looking at LS on your phone.

A drunken one-night stand might be characterized as a mistake. A 5-year affair is an organized, massive deception requiring planning, intent and careful thought. The "perfect goody two shoes girl" you thought you knew was a facade, this serial cheater is the real person underneath.

Plan accordingly...

Mr. Lucky
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Old 4th March 2019, 1:58 PM   #7
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Definitely don't go back. She would still be cheating with him if you hadn't found out. She has no conscience to be able to cheat on you for 5 years. You are still young and can date women in their 20s. Good riddance to bad rubbish.
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Old 4th March 2019, 2:10 PM   #8
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Originally Posted by bigman1 View Post
A bit confusing. You are divorced already? You pay for everything, but she gave you everything?

Anyway, she has 5 exes for a reason. Your point about treating her right seems odd. A bit KISA. Also, 5 of the 6 years you've been married she has been cheating. 15 times meeting is probably a lie.

Bottom line, do not get back on that sinking ship. Run.
I had my lawyer draw up our divorce decree. He said be nice while she will allow you to keep everything you own. So in the clause he put I keep my house, cars and money. Since I paid for everything.
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Old 4th March 2019, 2:18 PM   #9
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Originally Posted by Mr. Lucky View Post
Willski, paragraphs and punctuation will get you a lot more feedback. It's impossible to read a wall of text when looking at LS on your phone.

A drunken one-night stand might be characterized as a mistake. A 5-year affair is an organized, massive deception requiring planning, intent and careful thought. The "perfect goody two shoes girl" you thought you knew was a facade, this serial cheater is the real person underneath.

Plan accordingly...

Mr. Lucky
I apologize. I wrote this on my phone. True I told her the same thing. She keeps telling me it was more like friends. I get lame excuses every time.
She knows she has nowhere to go. She has no family and friends where we live and she is just a hospital unit clerk making $17/hr while going to nursing school. I think she just needs me so she can focus on her school and probably say bye once she’s done. Because I plan to pay for everything including her credit card bills once she goes full time student in August. She even mentioned “how can a mistake change the outcome of her future”.
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Old 4th March 2019, 2:23 PM   #10
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Originally Posted by Willski View Post
I apologize. I wrote this on my phone. True I told her the same thing. She keeps telling me it was more like friends. I get lame excuses every time.
She knows she has nowhere to go. She has no family and friends where we live and she is just a hospital unit clerk making $17/hr while going to nursing school. I think she just needs me so she can focus on her school and probably say bye once she’s done. Because I plan to pay for everything including her credit card bills once she goes full time student in August. She even mentioned “how can a mistake change the outcome of her future”.
A mistake isn’t an affair that last most of the length of your marriage... that is a decision every day to betray you!

Stop paying her way! Stop it! You are ALLOWING her to use you!


Whatever she has going on - and has to pay - that is for HER to figure out!

It isn’t your problem! SHE can figure it out!

Have her move now! She will find someone new to use - I guarantee it.
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Old 4th March 2019, 2:40 PM   #11
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Originally Posted by S2B View Post
A mistake isn’t an affair that last most of the length of your marriage... that is a decision every day to betray you!

Stop paying her way! Stop it! You are ALLOWING her to use you!


Whatever she has going on - and has to pay - that is for HER to figure out!

It isn’t your problem! SHE can figure it out!

Have her move now! She will find someone new to use - I guarantee it.
Yes that plan changed as soon as I had hard evidence that she was cheating on me. Last month I asked her to pay her half of the phone, internet and insurance bill. I guess it hit her that she was about to be on her own. The only thing is my lawyer told me to let her stay in our house while she saves so she can move out. My lawyer said to be nice while the divorce gets finalized. It’s no fault divorce in the state I live in, so she can take half of everything I worked hard for. My lawyer does not want her to lawyer up.
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Old 4th March 2019, 3:54 PM   #12
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You never had a marriage.

She was leading a double life.

No sex got you because she was getting all she wanted elsewhere
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Old 4th March 2019, 3:57 PM   #13
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How long is the divorce going to take? Can't she move back to the state where her parents live? Why can't her boss pay her bills since he's the one who was having sex with her?
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Old 4th March 2019, 4:16 PM   #14
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Originally Posted by Willski View Post
She keeps telling me it was more like friends.
I'm fortunate to have a lot of friends. I don't exchange nude selfies or have sex with any of them.

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Originally Posted by Willski View Post
I Now she said she just liked the attention
Probably one of the more truthful things she's told you. But it also speaks to a black hole of neediness and required validation you could spend the rest of your life trying to fill. No thank you...

Mr. Lucky
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Old 4th March 2019, 5:08 PM   #15
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Yes that plan changed as soon as I had hard evidence that she was cheating on me. Last month I asked her to pay her half of the phone, internet and insurance bill. I guess it hit her that she was about to be on her own. The only thing is my lawyer told me to let her stay in our house while she saves so she can move out. My lawyer said to be nice while the divorce gets finalized. It’s no fault divorce in the state I live in, so she can take half of everything I worked hard for. My lawyer does not want her to lawyer up.
Did she pay you last month?
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