LoveShack.org Community Forums

Reload this Page LoveShack.org Community Forums > Romantic > Marriage & Life Partnerships > Infidelity

Wife cheated. 2-years follow-up


Infidelity In an affair or suspect your significant other? Share your experiences and concerns here.

Like Tree17Likes
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 4th March 2019, 2:00 AM   #31
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2019
Location: Italy
Posts: 31
Quote:
Originally Posted by Marc878 View Post
IN her eyes she got away with it. Zero consequences.
Undisputable...
CheatedCheater is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 4th March 2019, 2:21 AM   #32
Established Member
 
Marc878's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Georgia
Posts: 4,465
I feel for you.

There is no good way to deal with it.

You must find your own way
Marc878 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 4th March 2019, 2:41 AM   #33
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2019
Location: Italy
Posts: 31
Quote:
Originally Posted by Marc878 View Post
I feel for you.

There is no good way to deal with it.

You must find your own way
Already found, a couple of years ago...
Stay today, go tomorrow. No other reasonable alternatives (well, a possible alternative is that we lead parallel lives, like many people do, keeping a dead marriage falsely alive in front of the others.... Sad and absurd anyway).
CheatedCheater is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 4th March 2019, 9:41 AM   #34
Established Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: India
Posts: 2,073
Hi CC, I remember one of the accounts posted on here a couple of years ago or so where the husband refused to divorce his wife who had cheated on him. They were already middle aged and the children were reaching the stage where they would be leaving the parental home for college. The couple owned enough together to be able to lead a very comfortable life if they stayed together but would be financially distressed if they divorced and went their separate ways. The husband reconciled to the fact that his marriage was dead but decided he did not want to be pauperrd by divorcing his wife.

What he did was to find various activities that he enjoyed and indulged his passion in them. Some of these were ones his wife had previously put a stop to or severely curtailed his participation in. Now of course, she kept her mouth shut as he went about doing what he pleased. In the home he was cordial with her but cut her off from affection and there were very few activities where they jointly participated. The guy seemed content to lead his life like that and would advise others to do the same although, of course it was not everybody's cup of tea. Overall, I think it was a sad way of spending one's remaining time on this planet.
Wish you the very best for the future.
Just a Guy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 4th March 2019, 1:04 PM   #35
Established Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Georgia
Posts: 431
Why live that absurd way, as you describe it? Seriously, there is no reason to do it. Take the financial hit, you can rebound. If you are willing to live miserably with her, may as well try living without her and see if you are still miserable. You won't be, if you truly separate.
bigman1 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 5th March 2019, 7:42 AM   #36
Established Member
 
seren's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Highland Scotland
Posts: 1,879
Cheated cheater, I am sorry your daughter knows that you and her mother are no longer 'in love', it is always hard for children no matter how old they are. I applaud that you are trying to do the right thing by staying and being there for her and here is the but ..... if you can, it is healthier for you to leave, start a new life, but one where your daughter visits and is not in a home where her parents aren't truly together. Children really do pick up on tension, it does affect them, whether we think so or not.

I spent many years working with children who came from broken homes and homes where the parents were in conflict, that doesn't have to mean arguments every day. All children want two parents who love each other, it is what all the good fairy tales have us believe is what families are. Sadly, as we all know, that is all too often not the norm. I wonder if she hangs onto hope that you both being there will mean a return to you and your wife loving each other, of course she wants you there, you are her Dad, she loves you.

As hard as it is, I would have left and started a new life, a new home, one where she doesn't have to watch to see if her Mum and Dad are being loving or not. I understand that no one knows your situation more than you and think that you are putting your daughter's wishes before your own, but as she gets older this normality of you both being together, but not, will have her question what families really are. I hope it all works out for you and wish you nothing but the best x
__________________
I have a MM, he is my husband, my best friend, soulmate, lover and keeper of my heart. I reciprocate.
seren is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 5th March 2019, 7:47 AM   #37
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2019
Location: Italy
Posts: 31
Quote:
Originally Posted by Just a Guy View Post
Hi CC, I remember one of the accounts posted on here a couple of years ago or so where the husband refused to divorce his wife who had cheated on him. They were already middle aged and the children were reaching the stage where they would be leaving the parental home for college. The couple owned enough together to be able to lead a very comfortable life if they stayed together but would be financially distressed if they divorced and went their separate ways. The husband reconciled to the fact that his marriage was dead but decided he did not want to be pauperrd by divorcing his wife.

What he did was to find various activities that he enjoyed and indulged his passion in them. Some of these were ones his wife had previously put a stop to or severely curtailed his participation in. Now of course, she kept her mouth shut as he went about doing what he pleased. In the home he was cordial with her but cut her off from affection and there were very few activities where they jointly participated. The guy seemed content to lead his life like that and would advise others to do the same although, of course it was not everybody's cup of tea. Overall, I think it was a sad way of spending one's remaining time on this planet.
Wish you the very best for the future.
I substantially agree with that man, until the situation matures. Not the best possible life, I agree, but for sure the less damaging, as a whole.
I thank you for your wishes and I reciprocate them.
CheatedCheater is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 5th March 2019, 9:52 AM   #38
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2019
Location: Italy
Posts: 31
Quote:
Originally Posted by bigman1 View Post
Why live that absurd way, as you describe it? Seriously, there is no reason to do it. Take the financial hit, you can rebound. If you are willing to live miserably with her, may as well try living without her and see if you are still miserable. You won't be, if you truly separate.
I thought I explained beyond every reasonable doubt my evaluation and strategy....
CheatedCheater is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 5th March 2019, 10:00 AM   #39
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2019
Location: Italy
Posts: 31
Quote:
Originally Posted by seren View Post
Cheated cheater, I am sorry your daughter knows that you and her mother are no longer 'in love', it is always hard for children no matter how old they are. I applaud that you are trying to do the right thing by staying and being there for her and here is the but ..... if you can, it is healthier for you to leave, start a new life, but one where your daughter visits and is not in a home where her parents aren't truly together. Children really do pick up on tension, it does affect them, whether we think so or not.

I spent many years working with children who came from broken homes and homes where the parents were in conflict, that doesn't have to mean arguments every day. All children want two parents who love each other, it is what all the good fairy tales have us believe is what families are. Sadly, as we all know, that is all too often not the norm. I wonder if she hangs onto hope that you both being there will mean a return to you and your wife loving each other, of course she wants you there, you are her Dad, she loves you.

As hard as it is, I would have left and started a new life, a new home, one where she doesn't have to watch to see if her Mum and Dad are being loving or not. I understand that no one knows your situation more than you and think that you are putting your daughter's wishes before your own, but as she gets older this normality of you both being together, but not, will have her question what families really are. I hope it all works out for you and wish you nothing but the best x
I thank you for your kind words. What you say is sheer good ol' common sense.
Unfortunately, apart from the promises that I made to my daughter and the huge financial hit that some lovely judge would administer to me as the final reward for being a cuckold, it is necessary, to the benefit of everyone, that I stick around to keep the other man at large.
Best to you.
CheatedCheater is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 5th March 2019, 7:25 PM   #40
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 84
So you let a CHILD who knows nothing of life and who literally has an unformed brain make the decision on how 3 lives will be lived. That is just the most ridiculous thing. You are the parent and the BS. You should be making the decisions here. Jeez.
Crazelnut is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 6th March 2019, 12:42 AM   #41
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2019
Location: Italy
Posts: 31
Quote:
Originally Posted by Crazelnut View Post
So you let a CHILD who knows nothing of life and who literally has an unformed brain make the decision on how 3 lives will be lived. That is just the most ridiculous thing. You are the parent and the BS. You should be making the decisions here. Jeez.
I beg your pardon, Sir, but "the most ridiculous thing" is that you still haven't understood the whole reasons for my (temporary) staying in the marriage, after I wrote them maybe ten times.
CheatedCheater is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

 

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Wife of 9 years Cheated for last three years aus_avi2000 Infidelity 75 25th September 2016 7:03 PM
to follow or no to follow her..? Kaykaymillz Dating 1 16th April 2016 7:09 PM
24 years marriage, now seperated follow up Flyboy15601 Separation and Divorce 0 4th March 2008 2:29 PM
Follow up to wife wanting divorce, but sending mixed signals hillbilly_1971 Separation and Divorce 2 6th December 2006 8:59 AM
Follow up on my custody loss two years ago. Kenyth Parenting 9 3rd November 2006 6:26 PM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 1:50 PM.

Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.


Copyright © 1997-2018 LoveShack.org. All Rights Reserved.