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Neverending- a venting


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Husbands affair was three years of hell. Getting her to stop calling/showing up was another six months of hell.

 

Now it’s been a year without OW. We are in a good place. We have our struggles but a new understanding of the commitment of marriage and working through things.

 

Husband went with his boss (owner) today to look at a suite they are thinking about moving the office to. In a different town. Sooo, it’s RIGHT ACROSS THE EFFING STREET FROM OW’S WORK OFFICE.

 

I can’t get rid of her to save my life.

 

This isn’t to say that something WILL happen because I believe it won’t but they COULD run into each other. She could see him and get obsessed again. She could go visit his boss (they are family acquaintances).

 

I’m literally like laughing so hard af the SNAFU that is my life. It’s not even funny but all I can do is laugh. I let out a big sigh and told hubby and his face fell and he was like “ok...well I can make sure I don’t go out for lunch and I can leave early when I can and ....” bla bla bla.

 

If y’all are praying people please say a prayer the building doesn’t work out pleasseeeee

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You seem to place an awful lot of the blame and responsibility for the affair on the OW. Unless your H was coerced at gunpoint, he's the one you should be concerned about.

 

Is there a reason he can't tell his boss "no" on the location?

 

Mr. Lucky

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You seem to place an awful lot of the blame and responsibility for the affair on the OW. Unless your H was coerced at gunpoint, he's the one you should be concerned about.

 

Is there a reason he can't tell his boss "no" on the location?

 

Mr. Lucky

 

Because it’s not his decision, or his company.

 

Don’t worry I know the affair wasn’t all her doing. But the ending, after....she would show up at his work and park by his car and wait for him. She didn’t respect the no contact, embarrassed him by showing up in his office, and was just always bumping into us. it took a long time for her to give up.

 

As my post says, I’m venting. Seems whenever we hit a good part she finds some way to make contact....being right across the street....just sucks. And of course it may never happen I just hate how the affair is kind of always there even when it’s not.

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Ya, that sucks.

 

I wouldn’t trust that to be a good move.

 

Why can’t he be honest with his boss and say that isn’t his preferred location?

 

He needs to tell his boss that woman that meddled in your marriage has an office right across the street.

 

Has he ever considered a change of jobs?

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Because it’s not his decision, or his company.

 

I may have assumed too much. When you said this:

 

She could go visit his boss (they are family acquaintances).

 

I thought maybe the boss knew some of what happened?

 

Mr. Lucky

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The sad reality is, there are things in this life that you control and things you don’t control.

 

Unfortunately, this is one of those things you don’t control.

 

It’s unfortunate that this woman hasn’t respected better boundaries. But, what do you expect from a woman who engages with a married man... a respect for healthy boundaries is obviously not her thing.

 

But, the simple truth is, if your husband is going to cheat again, it won’t matter if her office is across the street. It’s his decision, either he will be faithful to you or he won’t. And, if he isn’t faithful... well then, he doesn’t deserve to be your husband anymore.

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But, the simple truth is, if your husband is going to cheat again, it won’t matter if her office is across the street. It’s his decision, either he will be faithful to you or he won’t. And, if he isn’t faithful... well then, he doesn’t deserve to be your husband anymore.

 

I don't know that I completely agree with above. I think sometimes it's a case of out of sight, out of mind. I was once addicted to a man I had a toxic relationship with. As long as we didn't see or talk to one another I felt good and strong, like I was completely over him and happily moved on. The minute we saw each other old feelings would come back, I'd feel that familiar pull and we'd start the same crap up again. We reconnected even after 14 months of no contact, and we knew it was going to be a disaster but we did it anyways because we were both idiots. I once had a therapist tell me it takes 2-3 yrs of total no contact to really get over an addictive relationship.

 

I don't want to be overly negative but I'd be concerned. By your post it sounds like your husband carried on this three year affair right in front of you. Not that you just found out after the affair had been going on for three years but more like you were aware that it was going on the entire time and your husband couldn't put a stop to it so he kept it up right under your nose. If that's the case then it sounds like the affair had a powerful hold on him. I say keep your eyes open, stay aware. Maybe it's time for your husband to consider a new job.

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Husband went with his boss (owner) today to look at a suite they are thinking about moving the office to. In a different town. Sooo, it’s RIGHT ACROSS THE EFFING STREET FROM OW’S WORK OFFICE.

...I let out a big sigh and told hubby and his face fell and he was like “ok...well I can make sure I don’t go out for lunch and I can leave early when I can and ....” bla bla bla.

 

 

Like he didn't know that???

I guess his face fell, as he then knew you had sussed out the OW was going to be just across the road...

I don't know your husband or the OW, so I do not know the likelihood of them picking this up again, but it is a horrible situation for you to be in regardless.

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It would be interesting to find out whose idea it was to move to this particular "new office space", was it solely the boss or did your husband put the idea into his head?

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I don't know that I completely agree with above. I think sometimes it's a case of out of sight, out of mind. I was once addicted to a man I had a toxic relationship with. As long as we didn't see or talk to one another I felt good and strong, like I was completely over him and happily moved on. The minute we saw each other old feelings would come back, I'd feel that familiar pull and we'd start the same crap up again. We reconnected even after 14 months of no contact, and we knew it was going to be a disaster but we did it anyways because we were both idiots. I once had a therapist tell me it takes 2-3 yrs of total no contact to really get over an addictive relationship.

 

I don't want to be overly negative but I'd be concerned. By your post it sounds like your husband carried on this three year affair right in front of you. Not that you just found out after the affair had been going on for three years but more like you were aware that it was going on the entire time and your husband couldn't put a stop to it so he kept it up right under your nose. If that's the case then it sounds like the affair had a powerful hold on him. I say keep your eyes open, stay aware. Maybe it's time for your husband to consider a new job.

 

Yes it was a constant back and forth between me and her. He’d be home then he’d leave and then he’d be home then he’d leave. There were some things that happened that was like an epiphany for him and it’s like when the switch flipped, he was done with her. He’s 100% committed to the marriage so I’m not that worried about cheating with her. More worried about having to deal with her crap again if she sees him and tries to connect. Because she didn’t take it that well.

 

According to what I can see on her social media she is doing better now but who knows.

 

I’m more just venting that I’m sick of dealing with her or even the idea of her

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I may have assumed too much. When you said this:

 

 

 

I thought maybe the boss knew some of what happened?

 

Mr. Lucky

 

Oh yes. The boss knew what happened. Boss wasn’t my biggest fan. Boss took in the OW when my husband left her, etc etc etc

 

OW used to work there which is how they met. She doesn’t now. But her mom (she is 24) is friends with the boss so there’s that connection. OW used to come “visit” the office just to say hi to everyone. She hasn’t in a year, I hope that I’d they do take this office she doesn’t start that again

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Like he didn't know that???

I guess his face fell, as he then knew you had sussed out the OW was going to be just across the road...

I don't know your husband or the OW, so I do not know the likelihood of them picking this up again, but it is a horrible situation for you to be in regardless.

 

No he really didn’t know. I only know because I am on a facebook page for thst town (it’s where I grew up) and the place she works for apparently now is a non profit for people in that town and she was posting stuff in the Facebook page (I literally CANNOT get away from her!). So I kinda Facebook stalked her and found out where she works. I never said anything to hubby. We have life 260 on our phones, he’s open with things and let’s me know stuff so he texted me to let me know he’d be in this town and why. Sent pics of the office space, etc etc etc.

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It would be interesting to find out whose idea it was to move to this particular "new office space", was it solely the boss or did your husband put the idea into his head?

 

They have been looking for a new office space for awhile. She rents, she wants to own. They go out every few months to see a building so this isn’t weird.

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It would be interesting to find out whose idea it was to move to this particular "new office space", was it solely the boss or did your husband put the idea into his head?

 

Being OW is a family friend of the Boss it could be her that planted

this idea in the Boss' head.

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Sounds like your husband needs a new job.

 

Agreed. And not necessarily because the OW may potentially be working across the street... but because it sounds like a rather toxic work environment, with too many connections and too much history...

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Being OW is a family friend of the Boss it could be her that planted

this idea in the Boss' head.

With the new info then it is quite possible the boss is playing matchmaker or she just wants to work in an area close to her friend.

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Yes he needs a new job and that is in the cards in the next few years when kids graduate and move to a different state.

 

Boss isn’t playing matchmaker now, she respects his position and he doesn’t talk about personal stuff with her anymore because he doesn’t want anything mentioned in passing to OW.

 

However, I wouldn’t put it past OW to notice their was a building for sale across the street and send the info to the boss .

 

This is all probably nothing. They’ve looked at many buildings, this is just one. It is in heart of town, not near highways and only has paid parking so IMO it’s not really good for an office building where clients visit.

 

I just think it’s funny in a WTF way that she keeps popping up. Can’t wait to move.

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If I were in your shoes, I would make it clear that there was a hard boundary here and would have papers ready to serve FWS if he allows himself to work across from her.

 

 

"in a few years" to get a new job is insufficient, especially with a boss which supported the affair and friend of the AP! She may herself be a future AP...

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Oh yes. The boss knew what happened. Boss wasn’t my biggest fan. Boss took in the OW when my husband left her, etc etc etc

 

Then it should be easy for your H to say "this doesn't work for me, I can't have my office here" and to leave it at that.

 

Lots of retail spaces for rent and if he's a key employee it's a pretty easy accommodation...

 

Mr. Lucky

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If I were in your shoes, I would make it clear that there was a hard boundary here and would have papers ready to serve FWS if he allows himself to work across from her.

 

 

"in a few years" to get a new job is insufficient, especially with a boss which supported the affair and friend of the AP! She may herself be a future AP...

 

She didn’t support the affair, she didn’t like it because it cut into his work time and all the drama that came with it. But she only saw APs side and even though I had known the boss for years, all of a sudden I was the crazy person. I was a little of course, due to the situation. I don’t know what boss/OW relationship is now. Boss is a lesbian, not concerned there.

 

I know this is all in my head....I mean, the anxiety of it. It’s probably going to turn out to be nothing and here I am going over all these scenarios and preparing to be in a mess of drama.

 

Ahh

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I know this is all in my head....I mean, the anxiety of it.

There is nothing in your head here, you have every reason to be a little bit if not a lot concerned...

 

 

Cheating, the gift that keeps on giving.

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I know this is all in my head....I mean, the anxiety of it.

 

I’m sorry, your husband had an affair with a 24 year old coworker... a very inappropriate relationship, to say the least. Further that, his boss knew about the affair and took the woman in when it ended.

 

She may well have burned this bridge by her over-the-top behavior when the affair ended, but I’m not sure I would say that this anxiety you are feeling is totally in your head.

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