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Infidelity In an affair or suspect your significant other? Share your experiences and concerns here.

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Old 19th February 2019, 8:31 PM   #1
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Neverending- a venting

Husbands affair was three years of hell. Getting her to stop calling/showing up was another six months of hell.

Now itís been a year without OW. We are in a good place. We have our struggles but a new understanding of the commitment of marriage and working through things.

Husband went with his boss (owner) today to look at a suite they are thinking about moving the office to. In a different town. Sooo, itís RIGHT ACROSS THE EFFING STREET FROM OWíS WORK OFFICE.

I canít get rid of her to save my life.

This isnít to say that something WILL happen because I believe it wonít but they COULD run into each other. She could see him and get obsessed again. She could go visit his boss (they are family acquaintances).

Iím literally like laughing so hard af the SNAFU that is my life. Itís not even funny but all I can do is laugh. I let out a big sigh and told hubby and his face fell and he was like ďok...well I can make sure I donít go out for lunch and I can leave early when I can and ....Ē bla bla bla.

If yíall are praying people please say a prayer the building doesnít work out pleasseeeee
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Old 19th February 2019, 8:54 PM   #2
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You seem to place an awful lot of the blame and responsibility for the affair on the OW. Unless your H was coerced at gunpoint, he's the one you should be concerned about.

Is there a reason he can't tell his boss "no" on the location?

Mr. Lucky
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Old 19th February 2019, 9:09 PM   #3
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Originally Posted by Mr. Lucky View Post
You seem to place an awful lot of the blame and responsibility for the affair on the OW. Unless your H was coerced at gunpoint, he's the one you should be concerned about.

Is there a reason he can't tell his boss "no" on the location?

Mr. Lucky
Because it’s not his decision, or his company.

Don’t worry I know the affair wasn’t all her doing. But the ending, after....she would show up at his work and park by his car and wait for him. She didn’t respect the no contact, embarrassed him by showing up in his office, and was just always bumping into us. it took a long time for her to give up.

As my post says, I’m venting. Seems whenever we hit a good part she finds some way to make contact....being right across the street....just sucks. And of course it may never happen I just hate how the affair is kind of always there even when it’s not.
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Old 19th February 2019, 9:30 PM   #4
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Ya, that sucks.

I wouldnít trust that to be a good move.

Why canít he be honest with his boss and say that isnít his preferred location?

He needs to tell his boss that woman that meddled in your marriage has an office right across the street.

Has he ever considered a change of jobs?
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Old 20th February 2019, 12:40 AM   #5
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Because itís not his decision, or his company.
I may have assumed too much. When you said this:

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Originally Posted by AnneD View Post
She could go visit his boss (they are family acquaintances).
I thought maybe the boss knew some of what happened?

Mr. Lucky
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Old 20th February 2019, 12:49 AM   #6
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The sad reality is, there are things in this life that you control and things you donít control.

Unfortunately, this is one of those things you donít control.

Itís unfortunate that this woman hasnít respected better boundaries. But, what do you expect from a woman who engages with a married man... a respect for healthy boundaries is obviously not her thing.

But, the simple truth is, if your husband is going to cheat again, it wonít matter if her office is across the street. Itís his decision, either he will be faithful to you or he wonít. And, if he isnít faithful... well then, he doesnít deserve to be your husband anymore.
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Old 20th February 2019, 3:07 AM   #7
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But, the simple truth is, if your husband is going to cheat again, it wonít matter if her office is across the street. Itís his decision, either he will be faithful to you or he wonít. And, if he isnít faithful... well then, he doesnít deserve to be your husband anymore.
I don't know that I completely agree with above. I think sometimes it's a case of out of sight, out of mind. I was once addicted to a man I had a toxic relationship with. As long as we didn't see or talk to one another I felt good and strong, like I was completely over him and happily moved on. The minute we saw each other old feelings would come back, I'd feel that familiar pull and we'd start the same crap up again. We reconnected even after 14 months of no contact, and we knew it was going to be a disaster but we did it anyways because we were both idiots. I once had a therapist tell me it takes 2-3 yrs of total no contact to really get over an addictive relationship.

I don't want to be overly negative but I'd be concerned. By your post it sounds like your husband carried on this three year affair right in front of you. Not that you just found out after the affair had been going on for three years but more like you were aware that it was going on the entire time and your husband couldn't put a stop to it so he kept it up right under your nose. If that's the case then it sounds like the affair had a powerful hold on him. I say keep your eyes open, stay aware. Maybe it's time for your husband to consider a new job.
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Old 20th February 2019, 5:54 AM   #8
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Originally Posted by AnneD View Post
Husband went with his boss (owner) today to look at a suite they are thinking about moving the office to. In a different town. Sooo, it’s RIGHT ACROSS THE EFFING STREET FROM OW’S WORK OFFICE.
...I let out a big sigh and told hubby and his face fell and he was like “ok...well I can make sure I don’t go out for lunch and I can leave early when I can and ....” bla bla bla.

Like he didn't know that???
I guess his face fell, as he then knew you had sussed out the OW was going to be just across the road...
I don't know your husband or the OW, so I do not know the likelihood of them picking this up again, but it is a horrible situation for you to be in regardless.

Last edited by elaine567; 20th February 2019 at 5:55 AM.. Reason: Spacing
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Old 20th February 2019, 6:01 AM   #9
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It would be interesting to find out whose idea it was to move to this particular "new office space", was it solely the boss or did your husband put the idea into his head?
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Old 20th February 2019, 7:37 AM   #10
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If she won't leave him alone then he needs to file a restraining order. Simple.
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Old 20th February 2019, 7:39 AM   #11
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I don't know that I completely agree with above. I think sometimes it's a case of out of sight, out of mind. I was once addicted to a man I had a toxic relationship with. As long as we didn't see or talk to one another I felt good and strong, like I was completely over him and happily moved on. The minute we saw each other old feelings would come back, I'd feel that familiar pull and we'd start the same crap up again. We reconnected even after 14 months of no contact, and we knew it was going to be a disaster but we did it anyways because we were both idiots. I once had a therapist tell me it takes 2-3 yrs of total no contact to really get over an addictive relationship.

I don't want to be overly negative but I'd be concerned. By your post it sounds like your husband carried on this three year affair right in front of you. Not that you just found out after the affair had been going on for three years but more like you were aware that it was going on the entire time and your husband couldn't put a stop to it so he kept it up right under your nose. If that's the case then it sounds like the affair had a powerful hold on him. I say keep your eyes open, stay aware. Maybe it's time for your husband to consider a new job.
Yes it was a constant back and forth between me and her. Heíd be home then heíd leave and then heíd be home then heíd leave. There were some things that happened that was like an epiphany for him and itís like when the switch flipped, he was done with her. Heís 100% committed to the marriage so Iím not that worried about cheating with her. More worried about having to deal with her crap again if she sees him and tries to connect. Because she didnít take it that well.

According to what I can see on her social media she is doing better now but who knows.

Iím more just venting that Iím sick of dealing with her or even the idea of her
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Old 20th February 2019, 7:43 AM   #12
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I may have assumed too much. When you said this:



I thought maybe the boss knew some of what happened?

Mr. Lucky
Oh yes. The boss knew what happened. Boss wasnít my biggest fan. Boss took in the OW when my husband left her, etc etc etc

OW used to work there which is how they met. She doesnít now. But her mom (she is 24) is friends with the boss so thereís that connection. OW used to come ďvisitĒ the office just to say hi to everyone. She hasnít in a year, I hope that Iíd they do take this office she doesnít start that again
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Old 20th February 2019, 7:47 AM   #13
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Like he didn't know that???
I guess his face fell, as he then knew you had sussed out the OW was going to be just across the road...
I don't know your husband or the OW, so I do not know the likelihood of them picking this up again, but it is a horrible situation for you to be in regardless.
No he really didnít know. I only know because I am on a facebook page for thst town (itís where I grew up) and the place she works for apparently now is a non profit for people in that town and she was posting stuff in the Facebook page (I literally CANNOT get away from her!). So I kinda Facebook stalked her and found out where she works. I never said anything to hubby. We have life 260 on our phones, heís open with things and letís me know stuff so he texted me to let me know heíd be in this town and why. Sent pics of the office space, etc etc etc.
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Old 20th February 2019, 7:49 AM   #14
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It would be interesting to find out whose idea it was to move to this particular "new office space", was it solely the boss or did your husband put the idea into his head?
They have been looking for a new office space for awhile. She rents, she wants to own. They go out every few months to see a building so this isnít weird.
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Old 20th February 2019, 10:10 AM   #15
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It would be interesting to find out whose idea it was to move to this particular "new office space", was it solely the boss or did your husband put the idea into his head?
Being OW is a family friend of the Boss it could be her that planted
this idea in the Boss' head.
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