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Wife texting another married man?


Infidelity In an affair or suspect your significant other? Share your experiences and concerns here.

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Old 13th February 2019, 10:14 AM   #46
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Originally Posted by Disgruntledhubby View Post
She has realized she is in the wrong, she didnít cheat with him but she lied about still texting him,she said she liked the attention.

I told her I do not trust her anymore and I cannot be with someone I donít trust,

At the minute we are trying figure out how we do this while causing the least amount of impact to our kids.
She did cheat with him. It many not have YET gone physical but for sure emotional which is actually just as bad. He dominates her heart and mind, not you. I hope the kids eventually find out mom ruined the family since they may harbor anger toward you for filing for divorce. And I know it is hard when kids you love so much are caught in the middle and you are balancing what has to happen vs. protecting them. But think of it this way- you don't want to model an unloving marriage to them. That will screw them up too. This is all on your wife and please don't ever feel disgusted for looking into her activities (going thru phone) to figure out what you are married to.
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Old 13th February 2019, 1:05 PM   #47
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Originally Posted by Disgruntledhubby View Post
She has realized she is in the wrong, she didnít cheat with him but she lied about still texting him,she said she liked the attention.
Did this admission by her include agreement she'll end the relationship with him and indicate any willingness to fight for your marriage?

If not Disgruntledhubby, think you've only seen the tip of the iceberg...

Mr. Lucky
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Old 13th February 2019, 1:36 PM   #48
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She said she would never text him again, she said she thought it was all harmless,
But sees now it was wrong,
Iíll log back in a few weeks and fill you guys in.
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Old 13th February 2019, 1:47 PM   #49
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If she can't do it in front of you then she shouldn't be doing it. She is choosing to protect the other man over you. She knows what she is doing is wrong, that's why she's hiding it from you. She knows he's a player, she knows being found out will hurt you, yet it's not enough to stop her. Distance isn't a barrier for long when it comes to infidelity, just read some of the thousands of threads on this site. What she doesn't get is she investing whats yours into another man, another man with a proven record of conquests. You can't be in a marriage part time if you want it to succeed. Your 100% all in or your not.

If reconciliation is on the table then independent counselling should be a requirement for another chance at saving the marriage. She needs to find out why she needs validation from other men, why your validation isn't enough for her. If she values a "friendship" over her marriage then she has little value in your relationship, deal with her accordingly. Her sneaking around and keeping secrets from you has put both of you in this terrible position. She needs to take the lead to fix this.
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Old 13th February 2019, 2:00 PM   #50
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Originally Posted by Disgruntledhubby View Post
She said she would never text him again, she said she thought it was all harmless,
But sees now it was wrong,
Iíll log back in a few weeks and fill you guys in.
Did she think her lying was also harmless? If it was truly harmless, why did she feel the need to lie about continuing to talk to this guy?

Does this guy live in the same town as you and your wife?

I'm with the others here, that suspect there may be lots more that you have not yet discovered about the true extent of their "friendship".
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Old 13th February 2019, 3:23 PM   #51
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If she is not begging you to not divorce her you have your answer. If she is not on her knees bawling and slinging snot you know what has happened.

You can bet an emotional affair where the two affair partners are close enough to consummate the affair have consummated the affair.

The chances they havenít had sex is slim and none.
If she says she is willing to do anything to save the marriage, run the Phonelab recovery program on her phone. Also have her take a polygraph.

She texts him for a year. Heís a well known cheater. She deletes his texts to hide them. Then she also lies about it. All those hours she was messing with him belonged to you and your kids. That precludes her from being a great mother. GREAT MOTHERS DO NOT CHEAT. GREAT FATHERS GET FIFTY FIFTY CUSTODY.

Be strong and take care of business.
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Old 13th February 2019, 3:31 PM   #52
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So she said it was harmless and she liked the attention. What don't you ask how she would feel if the roles were reversed? I bet that she would not think it was harmless.
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Old 13th February 2019, 3:54 PM   #53
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Originally Posted by Chaparral View Post
If she is not begging you to not divorce her you have your answer. If she is not on her knees bawling and slinging snot you know what has happened.

You can bet an emotional affair where the two affair partners are close enough to consummate the affair have consummated the affair.

The chances they havenít had sex is slim and none.
If she says she is willing to do anything to save the marriage, run the Phonelab recovery program on her phone. Also have her take a polygraph.

She texts him for a year. Heís a well known cheater. She deletes his texts to hide them. Then she also lies about it. All those hours she was messing with him belonged to you and your kids. That precludes her from being a great mother. GREAT MOTHERS DO NOT CHEAT. GREAT FATHERS GET FIFTY FIFTY CUSTODY.

Be strong and take care of business.
I meant to say an EA thatís a year long and the two are in close proximity, the odds are it has turned physical. That it it hasnít the chances are slim and none.
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Old 14th February 2019, 12:07 AM   #54
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Originally Posted by Disgruntledhubby View Post
Hi all,

I was wondering if I post my situation that I could get some advice,

So my wife has been texting this married guy(a guy known for cheating) for nearly 1 year now, I didnít mind at first as I trusted my wife but he would text her most weekends and she would be sneaky about and never said she was texting him,

Then one night she got up during the night to go text him in another room,this is when I started getting real paranoid,I asked her who she was texting and she said our son,I checked and wasnít active all night,she lied.

I confronted her and she denied it, the next day my mind was racing,Iíve done something Iíve never done,I checked her phone and found out it was this guy(this was my first time knowing who sheíd been texting for months), she deleted their chat from the previous night but there was a msg from him apologizing for last night.

I told her that Iíd checked her phone, and I knew who sheís been texting, she said itís nothing like you think they are only friends,I asked her to stop texting him and to block him,she said she canít block him and that she only texts him bk as she doesnít want to be rude,

After this night I got into a habit of checking when she was active late on weekend night,pathetic I know but my head was all over the place.

Anyway so he was still texting her and she was responding,it was happening most weekends, I could tell as she would be hiding the phone,and acting all suspicious, she done it right in front of me and I could clearly see who she was texting but she lied and denied it, I told her I could see it was him and she then admitted she was only texting him back,it was the first time in ages and it wonít happen again.

I told her this was messing with my head, I was feeling so paranoid and I needed her to stop

Anyway last night, it all came to a head, she was texting him again last weekend,and this weekend and Iím pretty sure the weekend before too, I lost it and done something Iíd never thought Iíd do,I text him asking why he was always texting my wife, in fairness he admitted it straight away,said it was harmless fun and they were only friends,he could see that it wasnít right and he would stop.

I now know that it was only just a friendship, my wife canít believe I let it get this far and is disgusted with me.

To be honest Iím pretty disgusted with myself,the checking her phone,checking up on her to see if sheís active and then texting him are completely out of character for me,

I need to know to other people get this paranoid and was I right to be a little paranoid?

My wife thinks I should have trusted her, my argument was the fact she kept lying made that very hard,as it turns out I should trusted her and feel like an absolute fool now.

Cheers
Your wife is a lier. Why do you think it was nothing? Because a lier and a known cheater said so.

Donít be a fool. Your wife is cheating on you either emotionally, physically or both. You had all the right as a husband being lied to has to go through your lying wifeís phone.

Donít act like a whipped puppy. Grow a set

Donít play the choose me game.

Tell her you donít give a damn who she talks with anymore. She has already destroyed your trust in her because she always lied to you about it.

Go out and stop playing the whipped puppy. If you donít your marriage is over if it isnít already.
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Old 14th February 2019, 12:09 AM   #55
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Originally Posted by Disgruntledhubby View Post
Just to point out, she is an unbelievable mother to our kids, I would never take them away from her as it would do more damage to them.
Iím not sure how this is going to play out but Iíll post up what happens in a week or so when I know.
Great mothers do not destroy their families.
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Old 14th February 2019, 12:11 AM   #56
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Inform other mansion wife without warning.

Get out of your doormat state. Take control

It's not your job yo help hide their affair

Why wait to see if she wants to keep you as her plan B?
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Old 14th February 2019, 12:14 AM   #57
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Disgruntledhubby View Post
She has realized she is in the wrong, she didnít cheat with him but she lied about still texting him,she said she liked the attention.

I told her I do not trust her anymore and I cannot be with someone I donít trust,

At the minute we are trying figure out how we do this while causing the least amount of impact to our kids.
Its at least an emotional affair and she didn't cheat?
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Old 14th February 2019, 12:28 AM   #58
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Disgruntledhubby View Post
She said she would never text him again, she said she thought it was all harmless,
But sees now it was wrong,
Iíll log back in a few weeks and fill you guys in.
She knew it was harmful! She wouldnít have been lying about it and hiding it from you if she had no idea!

Why are you believing her lies so easily?

And sheís NOT a great Mother! A good Mother doesnít put the happiness of the family/marriage at risk.

Stop making excuses for her piss poor actions!

You are helping her cheat when you make excuses!
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Old 14th February 2019, 5:21 AM   #59
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She knew it was harmful! She wouldnít have been lying about it and hiding it from you if she had no idea!
Exactly. She now sees it was wrong? BS. She knew it was wrong before, that is why she deleted so much of their texts and lied about it. If she didn't know it was wrong when why would she do that?

By believing these obvious lies, you're just letting her off the hook with no consequences. So she says she won't contact her again. I bet you a choc ice she's still going to, but now she'll be more careful and it'll be much more difficult to uncover. You've really shot yourself in the foot here.

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Originally Posted by Bryanp View Post
What don't you ask how she would feel if the roles were reversed? I bet that she would not think it was harmless.
This kind of thing is better left as a thought experiment. Actually asking her how she would feel if the roles were reversed is counter-productive because she will just say "it would be fine with me because I trust you". It would totally undermine the OP's position. You KNOW in your head that she would not be on here making posts; she would be packing your bags!!!
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Old 14th February 2019, 8:55 AM   #60
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Just to point out, she is an unbelievable mother to our kids, I would never take them away from her as it would do more damage to them.
You might want to re-think that.

I am sure she is loving to them and that she loves them and would not overtly do anything to hurt them - but in my mind, an unbelievable mother doesn't do things that she knows could blow up her family. Cheating can and often does destroy families; ask the children of broken homes caused by infidelity. A great mom doesn't choose to engage in behavior that could jeopardize the security and stability children depend on within home environment and family unit. By cheating, she is also taking a significant risk with the familiar, comfortable and happy family life your kids have to come to rely on; by hurting their dad and disrupting the peace and harmony at home, she is not being such a stellar mom. I have no doubt she has been a great mother and has the ability to get there again, but at this time, I would argue she is not thinking of the kids first and foremost.

It always bewilders me when cheating parents are too obtuse not to realize the emotional harm they are indirectly exposing their children to. A cheating parent is, in my books, a selfish parent.

Last edited by ExpatInItaly; 14th February 2019 at 8:58 AM..
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