Jump to content

Is this infidelity?


Windybla

Recommended Posts

Hello everyone, I am very confused about the last evenements that happened with my partner... but I am most confused about this.

 

My husband told me a couple of days ago that he went to a website to look for guys to masturbate with.He told me he didn't want anything sexual, he just wanted to do it like he did with his friends...

Well, he found someone and went to his house, but when that dude touched his penis he told him good bye. He told me he regreted it inmediatly.

 

Of course for me, not telling it to me and not asking me what I thought about it made me sick, and of course, if he told me he did this with a friend I would tell him: ok whatever.

But the thought of him going to a website to look for a random man, and keeping it secret to me made me sick. Not thisalone, but he has been sneaky about more things. I just can't believe in him anymore.

 

What would've happend if that guy had a STD? we have unprotected sex, because I thought I can trust him since we have a daughter together..

I just don't know what to think, was it infidelity?

Link to post
Share on other sites

Yes it is infidelity.

 

"There were no conventional signs of infidelity: emotional distance, disappearing acts, strange phone calls in the middle of the night. In fact, we spoke before he left the office every day. On his way home, he'd stop at some random guy's house whom he'd met online, unzip, get a blow job, then pick up milk before he came home, always at the same time. Gay sex is easier to hide. Whereas an affair with a woman might get messy—she could get emotionally attached and call his home—sex with a guy is simple. There's no postcoital chatting. Gay men get right to the point" Is Your Boyfriend Secretly Gay?
Link to post
Share on other sites
...but when that dude touched his penis he told him good bye.

 

Of course for me, not telling it to me and not asking me what I thought about it made me sick, and of course, if he told me he did this with a friend I would tell him: ok whatever.

 

Straight men aren't interested in watching each other masturbate, and they certainly don't hook up via gay web sites to masturbate.

 

It makes no difference if the "dude" was friend or stranger.

 

Not telling you, or asking your permission makes you sick? Neither makes any difference.

 

He left after that dude touched his penis, did he? The definition of the word "touched" is about a mile wide in this sentence. Substitute the word "drained" for better specificity.

 

Sweetie, you're asking if it was infidelity... well, yea that too. But you are somehow overlooking the fact that your boyfriend is significantly interested in penises. And if you believe the story that he contacted and visited other men, strangers, just to masturbate... that's about as naive as one can get.

 

I'm sorry. You've got a lot to deal with here... unless you choose to pretend that masturbation with "friends" is fine, as long as he tells you. In which case, prepare for him to have a lot of new friendships.

Edited by salparadise
  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

Yes he cheated on you. Also he is gay why else would he want to watch another man play with himself while he did.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
He told me he didn't want anything sexual, he just wanted to do it like he did with his friends...

 

What? Your husband and I (and most other men I know) have a different understanding of "friends" .

 

and of course, if he told me he did this with a friend I would tell him: ok whatever.

 

And so apparently do you too...

 

Mr. Lucky

Link to post
Share on other sites
Turning point

OP, I also believe you have a lot to consider - as others point out.

 

To simplify, consider this: "How safe do you feel?"

 

You also have a daughter to think about, and your partner is adding a lot of new family "friends" you know nothing about.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
somanymistakes

(It's almost like some people have never heard of bisexuality. No, that man is clearly not 100% straight. Yes, there ARE men in the world who are 85% straight but still think a small amount of 'bros helping each other out' is just fine.)

 

Obviously it's a kind of infidelity. But if he's telling the truth about that being as far as it went, and he doesn't want to do it again, is it a dealbreaker for you? Only YOU can decide that. It doesn't matter whether one person here tells you it's totally gross or whether another person here tells you it's super hot and she'd love to see her husband with another man. That's them. That's not you.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Turning point
(It's almost like some people have never heard of bisexuality. No, that man is clearly not 100% straight. Yes, there ARE men in the world who are 85% straight but still think a small amount of 'bros helping each other out' is just fine.)

 

Obviously it's a kind of infidelity. But if he's telling the truth about that being as far as it went, and he doesn't want to do it again, is it a dealbreaker for you? Only YOU can decide that. It doesn't matter whether one person here tells you it's totally gross or whether another person here tells you it's super hot and she'd love to see her husband with another man. That's them. That's not you.

 

It's NEVER this simple.

First and foremost he told her AFTER it was done. That's deception. Secondly, he is soliciting strangers off the internet which is extremely dangerous behavior. Third, the full extent of his true sexual palette is now an unknown.

 

So, she's been deceived by a man who at best shows a lack of impulse control and good judgement. At worse, he participates in risky and dangerous behaviors with strangers found on the internet. He hides the full extent of his true sexual identity - and all of this with a daughter in the house.

 

I don't believe that being open minded or tolerant with respect to someone else requires us to be naive or foolish with our own safety. At the very least, this man is not who he claimed to be and if the OP chooses to put some distance between him and her family while he figures that out - perfectly understandable.

Edited by Turning point
  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...