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Wife and co-worker


Infidelity In an affair or suspect your significant other? Share your experiences and concerns here.

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Old 28th January 2019, 9:58 PM   #16
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Why? You’ll never really know.

Why? Because she can. Because she is selfish and self centered.

That covers it.

But that won’t be the answer you’ll get from her... but it’s true.
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Old 28th January 2019, 10:13 PM   #17
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S2B I have come to terms with that at this point and just need to move on from it. Your right. Ill never know. Someone else stated no matter what happens she's always going to be a different person moving forward as she's done what she's done. Regardless if she tells me why or not. It'll always be in the back of my mind and I don't think Ill ever be able to let my guard down if were able to get past this.
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Old 28th January 2019, 10:39 PM   #18
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There is an old saying here in order to save a marriage you'd better be willing to end it. If you can't then you will linger in infidelity limbo.

Don't think for a second that this just isn't your wife. She would never do this to me, our family or marriage. Denial is a place of temporary comfort so you don't have to do anything.

She knows what she's doing but is doing it anyway. Her actions tell you what?

Better wake up

Your words or talk don't count for much in these situations. They normally take it further underground. Which is what's happening. Send the text messages to her parents and tell them she is putting the marriage and family in jeapordy. Exposure is the primary way to try and end an affair. She is and has been in this deep. Even you finding out didn't phase her.

Most who come here want badly to believe them. Because they don't want to deal with the truth.

All cheaters lie, hide and deny.
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Old 28th January 2019, 10:44 PM   #19
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Your wayward wife is nothing special. She is a very typical cheater. It's just that it's happening to you.

Wayward behavior is very predictable. They all follow the basic script. We're just friends, you didn't pay me enough attention, etc, etc etc.

You didn't cause her to cheat. That was a very conscious decision on her part that she chose to make. It wasn't a mistake…

She put you where you are but it will be up to you to get out of it.

Sorry you're here.

It's not your job to help hide her affair so don't make that mistake. All that will do is enable it further.

Affairs are secretive in nature exposure brings it all out for what it is.
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Old 28th January 2019, 10:47 PM   #20
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At this time I would be affraid to lose her. Her actions tell you she's already gone.

Only tough love works.

Do not try the "pick me dance" or nicing her back. That just lowers your status even more and make her other man look stronger
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Old 28th January 2019, 10:48 PM   #21
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S2B I have come to terms with that at this point and just need to move on from it. Your right. Ill never know. Someone else stated no matter what happens she's always going to be a different person moving forward as she's done what she's done. Regardless if she tells me why or not. It'll always be in the back of my mind and I don't think Ill ever be able to let my guard down if were able to get past this.
Action is needed on your part.

Take back control of your family. She’s ruined things and done it purposely.

She’s proven she’s totally willing to betray you and disrespect you.

So now it time for YOU to do something that shows action.

Take your power back. No need to wait a minute longer.

And expose her...expose with all the evidence you have. Tell her family. Tell your family.

If she tries to ask you not to - tell her SHE did it - you’re only giving her evidence of her actions.
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Old 28th January 2019, 11:01 PM   #22
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TCL. It sounds like you have your head on straight.

I would like to give you a couple of my favorite saying to contemplate.
1. No consequences to their actions equals no motivation to change.
2. If you do not respect yourself, then who will?

Good luck to you.
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Old 28th January 2019, 11:05 PM   #23
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Pack her bags. When she comes home tell her you refuse to live with her cheating.

Right now your lack of any actions are letting her walk all over you.

You seem to want her to wake up. You need to wake up more than her.

Calmly inform your kids that mommy has a boyfriend so you can't be married anymore.
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Old 28th January 2019, 11:25 PM   #24
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FWIW, here is my 2 cents. I am a MW with 2 kids who had an EA with a MM. My MM was an Ex boyfriend who contacted me after 10 years to “see how I was doing” and it spiraled from there. Him contacting me led to a series of “what-ifs” that made me question my entire life with H. What if we (ex-bf and I had ended up together?) I painted a picture in my head that MM was nicer, listened, cared more about me than H and painted a “villain” picture of my husband. My H would come home from work sit on the couch and play video games. Didn’t interact with me or the kids and didn’t help with housework. I worked full time as well. So I resented him a great deal. MM listened to me, showed an interest, and I would complain about my H (and he would complain about his W to me) so it set up an “us” vrs “then” thing. I know it’s weird but that’s what happened. MM sent me a gift, a car part, and my H told me he was uncomfortable and wanted me to stop talking to him. So I did. I just couldn’t cross that line of continuing after H explicitly said to stop and was already feeling guilty about the intimate conversations we (MM and I) had. Thing was, MM knew me when I was young, before I was a mom and made me feel like an individual person, like a woman. Not just “so-and-so’s Mom or wife”

Here’s the thing- your wife is not in her right mind at this point. She’s in la la land, and I’m sure she feels guilty talking to him but not guilty enough to stop. She is likely enjoying being seen as an individual / as a sexual being, bc OM doesn’t see her as a mommy or a wife. If you divorce her I am certain she will be back begging for your forgiveness bc things will not work out with her OM. It’s a fantasy. The only thing you can do is give her an ultimatum and be prepared to walk through the door. It may wake her up and make her see what a mistake it would be to lose you.

I hope that helped a bit
Best post I have ever seen here.
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Old 28th January 2019, 11:29 PM   #25
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Calmly inform your kids that mommy has a boyfriend so you can't be married anymore.
No, please don't tell the kids this way.
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Old 28th January 2019, 11:59 PM   #26
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Pack her bags. When she comes home tell her you refuse to live with her cheating.

Right now your lack of any actions are letting her walk all over you.

You seem to want her to wake up. You need to wake up more than her.

Calmly inform your kids that mommy has a boyfriend so you can't be married anymore.
Mac878, Thank you for all the advice. All the support is what I have much needed.

Unfortunately at this point I honestly think my children are way too young to understand whats going on so I prefer to keep them out of it at this point. I feel that there will be a time and place when they should know the truth.
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Old 29th January 2019, 12:18 AM   #27
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If your kids are young - there’s no reason to give them a reason for now.

But doing nothing means she keeps cheating thinking you’re a chump who won’t do a thing about it.

She will never respect you while you’re so passive.

Have her leave.

If needed, ask family to come help you for a short while. Expose her to all family...likely they will rally and give you a hand.

The kids can be told Mommy has to be away for a while so Daddy will help you with what you need.
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Old 29th January 2019, 12:21 AM   #28
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Mac878, Thank you for all the advice. All the support is what I have much needed.

Unfortunately at this point I honestly think my children are way too young to understand whats going on so I prefer to keep them out of it at this point. I feel that there will be a time and place when they should know the truth.
Quit thinking of the roadblocks and start thinking there’s no choice but to have her leave.

She wasn’t considering the family/marriage when she caused all this mess... she needs to be away to experience what it’s like when consequences come around.


You can tell her it’s simple cause and effect.
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Old 29th January 2019, 12:28 AM   #29
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Mac878, Thank you for all the advice. All the support is what I have much needed.

Unfortunately at this point I honestly think my children are way too young to understand whats going on so I prefer to keep them out of it at this point. I feel that there will be a time and place when they should know the truth.
Let's hope you head this off quickly now and it works out for you.

Good luck
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Old 29th January 2019, 12:29 AM   #30
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As with any forum you take what you need and leave the rest.
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