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Dearly Missing My AP / How Long Does the Pain Last?

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Old 18th February 2019, 9:51 PM   #136
Join Date: Feb 2019
Posts: 12
Originally Posted by somanymistakes View Post
Huh. Now here's an interesting article which is a little more clear about what it's citing, though it admits that almost NONE of the information on the subject is actually scientific:

Now, I still haven't read the original book. But this just goes to show how sloppy reporting can make a lot of difference.

Does that one study say:

* of the men in the study having affairs, only 3% of them married their mistresses
* of the men in the study who divorced their wives, only 3% of them did so for a mistress
* of the men in the study overall, only 3% of them married their mistresses

Because those are all totally different!

(And again, this is a very specific example of high-powered businessmen, who also had a much higher rate of affairs than normal men. 88% is not normal.)

People are constantly regurgitating these "statistics" and mixing them up completely.

Now add and age gap in there. The bigger the age gap, the higher percentage of divorce
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Old 24th February 2019, 11:29 PM   #137
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I'm quite late to this thread, but having trouble sleeping tonight across the pond.

You only get one life. There is no point being in a marriage and your heart is with another woman. It comes across as though you and your wife are not compatible in areas that are important to you. It also seems that she has always been this way and you married her regardless. So did she have so many other better qualities that enabled you to ignore the sex?

People live long these days. You're just 50, living another 30+ years unhappy is no good. You and your wife can find happiness elsewhere and she need not stoop to the level of helping her husband get over his mistress, be subjected to his mistress contacting her and be looking for online resources to help him stop loving his mistress.

I can only assume her self-esteem is very low to put herself through that and honestly can't imagine how I would feel if in the future my daughter did something like this to keep her husband. It would truly break my heart that she didn't value herself more and walk away.

About Selena and three major red flags I've picked up on -

I wouldn't be asking to see the photo of the son of guy I'd just met. Your initial post said she was rolling around in bed and found your wallet and was looking through and found several pictures of you and your wife. That's quite different to your later version of this event. As an aside, in this day and age of smartphones with cameras, I'm rather surprised you had several pictures of you and your wife in your wallet. Actually printing photos/getting them developed is so last century.

4 days in Argentina, this woman who wanted a long term relationship was now complicit in an affair with a MM! You put on the tinder post, you wanted 'adult fun'. Surely she could have used google translate and figured what that was. You say she's in a professional job, she's not stupid. Tinder is hardly used for people looking for serious relationships and certainly not in the higher up age bracket.

Then she thinks nothing of contacting your wife on FB as though they are friends. You confessed the affair to your wife, so what was the purpose of her contact? to exchange notes? I think she as trying to antagonise your wife and have her end the marriage, so you would be hers by default. How very disrespectful of her. This was making sure even while in Argentina, your wife would not forget that her existence or think she was out of the picture. She was asserting her place in your life and in your marriage. That was very much her saying "I'm not going anywhere".

Imagine your wife having an affair and the OM having the cheek to be messaging you, while he's sleeping (not literally) with your wife?

I've seen so many of these scam programs and seen how the whole family can be involved to make it look authentic for a long time. It seems too fishy to me. I wouldn't trust her one tiny bit.

If you do leave your wife (which might be for the best) be very careful with Selena. Safeguard all your financial information including credit cards.
'Love is giving someone the power to destroy you, but trusting them not to'
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Old 2nd March 2019, 10:41 PM   #138
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Location: Huntsville, AL
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It never goes away. I'm almost two years into cutting off the A and I'm still not over it. You have my sympathy.
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