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Am I being played?


Infidelity In an affair or suspect your significant other? Share your experiences and concerns here.

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Old 4th January 2019, 5:13 PM   #16
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First red flag:
A guy trying to convince you to cheat says your husband is too. If he canít provide something concrete I would strike this as invalid.

Second red flag:
Your friend who has always had a ďfeelingĒ that your husband is a cheater. This is pointless and should be ignored.

Third red flag:
The fight with his sister where she called him out for cheating. Since it is quite likely she was trying to throw a hand grenade into his life to get back at him I wouldnít give this much weight, UNLESS she can give you actual verifiable information. I would corner her and point out that you canít unring that bell and that if sheís going to say he is she better back it up. Tell her she either honest or lying and to leave vague bs to fortune cookies. If she canít or wonít, then I would chalk that up to just trying to stir the pot.

I agree with others here, if itís bothering you that much then open up to your husband and have a frank discussion of how you feel. If you donít get your bearings soon on this matter it will continue to be a detriment to your marriage.
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Old 4th January 2019, 5:55 PM   #17
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I would also be suspicious, I don't think you're being unreasonable. Of course that is largely colored by my experience of ignoring red flags for years with my xH.

I just think it's odd that two different people accuse him of cheating just to get back at him - there are so many other things they could have said. Your friend's suspicions I would have probably given a pass if it weren't for the other two.

Just keep your eyes open and give it a little time. I wouldn't bring it up any further with him at the moment unless something else happens. Hopefully your fears and suspicions will be relieved soon by his every day words and actions.
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Old 4th January 2019, 6:20 PM   #18
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Why wouldnít you find out who the blonde gal is?
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Old 4th January 2019, 10:57 PM   #19
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Your sources

1. A guy that tried to get you to cheat. Really.

2. Your sister in law who doesnít get along with your husband. Who never denied that she was cheating. I can see her trying to ruin your marriage.

3. Your best friend that has no real proof just a gut feeling.

Your husband shows none of the signs. He doesnít hide anything. No phone guarding nothing. What do you do on the word of a cheater, you have your husband followed.

I would seriously reconsider my marriage if I found my wife doing what you have done.

I hope you find a way to put this to rest one way or another.
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Old 5th January 2019, 12:14 AM   #20
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People don’t just randomly say that someone is cheating if there isn’t something to it. There are many ways how this could be true even if current evidence is lacking. Perhaps it happened in the past and is not currently happening. Perhaps the OW lives out of town. Perhaps your husband is smart and has a burner phone just for this purpose. His sister gave too much detail to just make it all up on the spot. Is she known to be a compulsive liar?

I wouldn’t let this go. You need to have a very serious and in depth conversation with your husband. It’s also concerning that he hasn’t initiated it if innocent. Sounds like he has briefly denied it and moved on. Who is the blonde woman? Could his have sister been mistaken? Is he explicitly saying that his sister is making all of this up, the blonde woman doesn’t exist etc etc.?
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Last edited by Eternal Sunshine; 5th January 2019 at 12:18 AM..
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Old 5th January 2019, 1:01 AM   #21
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When you need to ask the question one usually already has the answer.
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Old 5th January 2019, 9:37 AM   #22
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Stuck between a rock and a hard place is an understatement in this situation. Your girlfriends suspicions cannot be considered. You told her beforehand that you had suspicions. All she did is reinforce your suspicions. She provided no evidence or even information.

Now as far as the other two accusers are concerned, I think your biggest mistake in hiring a private investigator was it not contacting the guy who made a pass at you. Through your sister-in-law, you now have additional information, about another affair, or possibly the same person. I I would contact the guy who made a pass at you, and get a name. Give this name to the PI as well as all the information from your sister-in-law and have him look into it.

The alternative to this, is the question yourself forever, and wonder about your husband's actions, whenever he's out of your sight. It's a no-win regardless of what you do.
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Old 5th January 2019, 9:42 AM   #23
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Quote:
Originally Posted by The Dude Abides View Post
Hello Sammy

From my point of view abut marriage, and the way I feel about my wife, I would be devastated if she felt or suspected or worried, even in a small way, that I had been cheating on her. The minute she felt that way I would want to know so I could drop everything to start doing whatever necessary to ease her mind and allow her to feel confident that nothing had happened.

If I found out later that my wife had been feeling that way for some length of time, I would be sick knowing that she had suffered and didnít let me know.

Maybe your husband shares the same committment to you and your feelings? If so, please address your concerns with him and let him help you feel at ease again.

I wish you both the best.

I'm scared to tell him. He could act the way you suggest and that would be lovely. But he could also be angry that I don't trust him when in his eyes he's given me no reason to doubt. Having someone follow him could be the proverbial straw.
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Old 5th January 2019, 9:50 AM   #24
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Originally Posted by pepperbird View Post
What was his reaction when his sister made the accusation? did he deny it, change the subject or just keep arguing?

When his sister made the accusation I ran out to our bungalow we were staying in. He was seconds behind me assuring me it wasn't true. We spent the rest of the night alone and he reassured me repeatedly that there was not an ounce of truth in it. The next day he confronted her and that's when it got violent.


When I spoke to his sister the information she gave me was not very detailed but there was nothing to prove it fake. Like there was no time she mentioned when I know it is fake because he was with me. She gave three dates. She either got lucky or she knows something.
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Old 5th January 2019, 10:00 AM   #25
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Originally Posted by S2B View Post
Why wouldnít you find out who the blonde gal is?
He said in that night that he has no idea who she's referring to. Regardless of whether he is cheating or not that would be the answer though.

To paraphrase what she said because it was littered with swear words, she said it was some blond from the dog park. She found out because her friend lives right next door which I know is true. The thing is that I take our dog there. He'd be lucky to take him once a fortnight. And he's not a really social person, I couldn't see him even striking up a conversation with a stranger let alone taking it further.

I tried to speak to the woman that lives by the park but apparently they were evicted and not even his sister knows where she is or so she says.
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Old 5th January 2019, 10:03 AM   #26
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Just to add to that last post. When he was being followed he would have been at the dog park. Neither PI saw anything.
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Old 5th January 2019, 5:13 PM   #27
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You know cheaters lie, right?

Demand he take a polygraph - that way you know whatís real.
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Old 5th January 2019, 8:04 PM   #28
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Eternal Sunshine View Post
People donít just randomly say that someone is cheating if there isnít something to it. There are many ways how this could be true even if current evidence is lacking. Perhaps it happened in the past and is not currently happening. Perhaps the OW lives out of town. Perhaps your husband is smart and has a burner phone just for this purpose. His sister gave too much detail to just make it all up on the spot. Is she known to be a compulsive liar?

I wouldnít let this go. You need to have a very serious and in depth conversation with your husband. Itís also concerning that he hasnít initiated it if innocent. Sounds like he has briefly denied it and moved on. Who is the blonde woman? Could his have sister been mistaken? Is he explicitly saying that his sister is making all of this up, the blonde woman doesnít exist etc etc.?

Yes they will, I have seen it myself.
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Old 5th January 2019, 8:42 PM   #29
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Cheaters are human and humans are very clever.
Ignore the phone and the fb page, if he is not stupid he will have a burner phone and there are secret apps designed to aid cheating.
Look around your home, one woman eventually found his burner phone in the garage, she was convinced he wasn't cheating... she was wrong.

Any chance your husband knew that you had hired a PI? If he did he may have taken it all underground to put you off the scent.
If he is into IT in any way, he may be monitoring your every move and acting accordingly.


One cheater on here had a cheating "kit" hidden away, burner phone, spare laptop, spare wallet with secret credit cards, change of clothes, etc. all stuff he may need to keep his cheating secret and undiscovered by his wife.
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Old 5th January 2019, 9:03 PM   #30
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Originally Posted by S2B View Post
When you need to ask the question one usually already has the answer.

Disagree. Some people are paranoid, anxious and distrustful, often times because someone they once did trust screwed them over big time and they generalize that behavior to other people they get involved with. My girlfriend is a classic example. I recall one of several incidents- this one was a year ago after I took my office staff to a Christmas dinner. The GPS signal drifted a bit and showed my location as a couple of blocks south of the restaurant for an hour or so. I was angrily confronted when I got home about where I was and who I was with when I left the restaurant. I told her I left the restaurant, came right home. I was annoyed but I get that she's got issues. I'm innocent of any cheating in the relationship and she has no reason to think I'd ever do such a thing but she just can't help it because it happened to her in a previous relationship.
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