Karma for Being A Cheater

[TheRainbow]

Today I found out the other man, the biological father of my middle daughter was arrested for drinking and driving after assaulting his wife. I haven't been in contact with him since we moved. My husband is celebrating, and with good reason. It's good for me and for my family, but I feel like karma will come for me. I guess that comes with infidelity. Eventually, karma comes and I wonder if karma has already started for me. My daughter was born early, and I can't stop blaming myself.

[Familysecret]

I know the feeling. We need to be gentle towards ourselves.

[Ronni_W]

Eventually, karma comes and I wonder if karma has already started for me. My daughter was born early, and I can't stop blaming myself.

TheRainbow,

 

The concept of Karma is very much misunderstood in the West, and properly understood in the East only with in-depth study of the esoteric teachings.

The truth is that Karma does not really catch up with us until the next lifetime; only very rarely within the same lifetime.

 

However, and pertinent to what I take is your concern, your daughter's Karma and date of birth is completely separate from yours -- what you do cannot affect anyone else's Karma (or DoB).

 

Thus, you do not need to feel guilty about your daughter's premature birth.

[FMW]

I get the thought, but I don't think it's good for anyone's Karma (as you are using it here) to celebrate bad things happening to anyone, no matter what they've done to wrong you.

 

In this case, if he assaulted his wife he should have been arrested for that, and definitely if he was driving while drunk he should be arrested. But to celebrate it just because something negative happened to HIM isn't something I would say "with good reason" about, or to feel it's "good for me and my family".

 

I guess I'm fortunate that nothing bad enough has ever happened to me that I wished ill on the person who caused it. I just want people who harm me to stay away from me and hope to never hear from or about them again.

 

How you handle trying to be worthy of your husband's forgiveness should be your focus, not what is going on with this jerk.

[TheRainbow]

TheRainbow,

 

The concept of Karma is very much misunderstood in the West, and properly understood in the East only with in-depth study of the esoteric teachings.

The truth is that Karma does not really catch up with us until the next lifetime; only very rarely within the same lifetime.

 

However, and pertinent to what I take is your concern, your daughter's Karma and date of birth is completely separate from yours -- what you do cannot affect anyone else's Karma (or DoB).

 

Thus, you do not need to feel guilty about your daughter's premature birth.

 

I'm told there was nothing I could have done differently to have prevented the premature birth. It just doesn't help that I blame myself. She is doing well, but the guilt is still there. I was just venting my feelings.

[TheRainbow]

But to celebrate it just because something negative happened to HIM isn't something I would say "with good reason" about, or to feel it's "good for me and my family".

 

My husband doesn't like the guy, doesn't want the guy ever to be involved with our middle daughter. While my husband is the legal father, the longer the other man stays away, and we have proof he knew about the baby's true paternity, the less chance he won't interfere. I know I can't prevent or change the fact he is her biological father, and she will find out. So him celebrating, if one were in his shoes would be doing the exact same thing.

 

Add to Edit: He does feel bad for the other man's wife, as do I. I do wish her the best, but at the end of the day, I should only worry about what I can control.

[FMW]

I understand what you're saying - but as I explained, I have never celebrated bad things happening to anyone.

 

Just giving you my thoughts since you were concerned about "Karma".

[Ronni_W]

I'm told there was nothing I could have done differently to have prevented the premature birth. It just doesn't help that I blame myself. She is doing well, but the guilt is still there.

I was just venting my feelings.

That's exactly what I was saying -- what benefits are you getting out of blaming yourself and feeling guilty? And, if no benefits, why bother?

 

Venting feelings is a good thing...but it still means that they are there to be vented; are being held on to...so, what are the benefits, or perceived benefits, of doing that? (If that makes sense?)

[carhill]

One can examine their people picker, sure, but a man abusing alcohol, driving drunk and assaulting a woman has nothing to do with you. That's all on him. We aren't responsible for the behaviors and choices of others.

[Ronni_W]

, but a man abusing alcohol, driving drunk and assaulting a woman has nothing to do with you. That's all on him. We aren't responsible for the behaviors and choices of others.

Or, perhaps the 'bigger picture' of the thread may be more along the lines of why would one 'attract into one's sphere' a person who abuses substances and

then uses that to act in abusive/reckless ways?

 

Question mark. I don't know if that's the OP's dilemma or not, but until s/he confirms or denies, will not want to exclude any potentials.

[DKT3]

Or, perhaps the 'bigger picture' of the thread may be more along the lines of why would one 'attract into one's sphere' a person who abuses substances and

then uses that to act in abusive/reckless ways?

 

Question mark. I don't know if that's the OP's dilemma or not, but until s/he confirms or denies, will not want to exclude any potentials.

 

Broken people attract broken people. Sometimes its easier to be involved with people who are worse off, in an unhealthy state it makes one feel better about themselves.

[carhill]

Separate issues. One is each human is completely responsible for their own choices and actions.

 

The other is we each pick whom we associate with in life. That includes family. No one is beyond ejection and erasure.

[Ronni_W]

Broken people attract broken people.

That's exactly what I was saying, yes. The important question is 'Why am I doing this to myself?" -- or -- "Why am I not extracting myself from this situation?"

We cannot just keep blaming it, in the past, present or future, on our exes, or on someone else's naïveté, blindness, ignorance, or whatever else. That's exactly what I'm saying.

 

Separate issues. One is each human is completely responsible for their own choices and actions.

 

The other is we each pick whom we associate with in life. That includes family. No one is beyond ejection and erasure.

I'm not seeing how those are separate: it's the choice of, in the present (and, obviously then, for the future,) choosing our own choices and actions...for inclusion and/or erasure and ejection.

Am I missing something in that, that you're seeing?

[TheRainbow]

I made terrible decisions. I was given another chance with my husband, where the other man wife chose not too. All I can do is work on myself, learn, and move on to be a better person. I've been in therapy since summer. It's a work in progress.

[BaileyB]

I personally don’t believe in Karma as much as I believe this man’s poor decisions, selfish and entitled attitude, and hurtful behavior have caught up to him...

 

If you want better for yourself, you have to do better.

[Ronni_W]

All I can do is work on myself, learn, and move on to be a better person. I've been in therapy since summer. It's a work in progress.

Wishing you all the best, with the help of therapy. I'd offer, however, that if/when you don't feel like you're making proper progress for the time and Energy that you're putting in, then take a short break,

and/or, thereafter, find a new therapist -- not all therapists are made equal, and some have far fewer insights and job skills than others. Applying what you learn to your specific situation is key,

and a good therapist will help you see if you're succeeding or where you're failing at that.

 

As always, wishing you well in your 'work in progress'. .

[amaysngrace]

Getting arrested for drinking and driving and assaulting someone isn’t karma....it’s justice.

 

Not everything is about you. I’m wondering why you think it is?

[Marc878]

There is no karma. Life is what you make it.

[TheRainbow]

Not everything is about you. I’m wondering why you think it is?

 

It isn't about me, but doesn't mean I can't have a reaction to it. A moment of gratitude and gratefulness for what I still do have. I'm letting my husband feel a sense of justice, and I'm sharing my feelings and my regret on here.

[Mrs._December]

It isn't about me, but doesn't mean I can't have a reaction to it. A moment of gratitude and gratefulness for what I still do have. I'm letting my husband feel a sense of justice, and I'm sharing my feelings and my regret on here.

I saw your husband's post about this on an infidelity message board. Seems the OM also recently lost his job and is behind in his child support payments to boot. What a stand-up guy.

[amaysngrace]

I'm letting my husband feel a sense of justice

 

You’re letting him? Well that’s really kind of you.

 

Personally I don’t understand how anyone could celebrate someone else’s misfortune either. Is that why he needs your permission?

[pepperbird]

Today I found out the other man, the biological father of my middle daughter was arrested for drinking and driving after assaulting his wife. I haven't been in contact with him since we moved. My husband is celebrating, and with good reason. It's good for me and for my family, but I feel like karma will come for me. I guess that comes with infidelity. Eventually, karma comes and I wonder if karma has already started for me. My daughter was born early, and I can't stop blaming myself.

 

 

Op,

While I can't begrudge your husband's satisfaction, please speak to him about how he talks about your former om around your daughter.I know it might seem trivial now, but how she views him will help shape how she views herself. If she thinks he's a heel, what might that say about her? ( the question of nature vs. nurture can become complicated when someone doesn't know their biological origins)

 

 

 

I'm not saying you and your husband need to lie or be "gushy", just don't run him down unnecessarily.

[Giraffe-A]

Affairs can make or break a relationship. You had too much time in your hands before but along with what appears to be a good husband, life is simply challenging you to pay attention to your family. It’s not karma, it’s motivation.

That other guy made a choice and he too will be put to the test by having to deal with the aftermath of his choices.

[misspalmy]

If you were single then karma shouldnt get you. your not the one who cheated on his wife he was,

 

For my ex mm karma never gets him wife takes him back 2nd time he cheat and baby 2 from him due in may. how she puts up with a player

[TheRainbow]

Op,

While I can't begrudge your husband's satisfaction, please speak to him about how he talks about your former om around your daughter.I know it might seem trivial now, but how she views him will help shape how she views herself. If she thinks he's a heel, what might that say about her? ( the question of nature vs. nurture can become complicated when someone doesn't know their biological origins)

 

 

 

I'm not saying you and your husband need to lie or be "gushy", just don't run him down unnecessarily.

 

We don't talk about this stuff around our kid period and we are waiting as long as possible before we even tell her the truth. While he won't pretend to like the guy, he did say that he will keep his true hostility to himself.