Had an affair with a married woman with a child

[OJK]

I had an affair with a married woman who has a 7 month old baby girl. She ended things with me last night. Why get into such a thing in the first place ?

 

I had graduated back in September, as happy I was knowing that I had the World at my feet, I never knew everything was about to come crashing down. I saw her after 13 years. She is a close family friend and she decided to come for vacations to Germany at my parents place. It happened to be that I was there that same day and just like that we clicked.

 

After talking to her for 2 days, we decided to head out for some bars on a Friday night. Things went great, we both kissed each other but I we didn't sleep together. She gently pushed me and said no and I respected her for that. She went back to Australia and decided to contact me from there. She had me right where she wanted me to be. For 3 months we built something.

 

Her husband was the son of a millionaire expatriate based in Japan. He abused her, beat her, took drugs, was drunk almost every night. And at the same time I was falling for her. Without hesitating I decided to ask her if she was willing to leave him and be with me. I was also willing to take her child. I told her that I might not have that type of money but I promised her that I would keep her happy.

 

She wanted some time to think about it. And she finally decided to take action and file for a divorce. I flew to Australia to meet her. When I arrived, I started to get a negative vibe from her. She was hesitant and responding late. As if everything had changed. No more hearts, no more baby, nothing. I stayed at a hotel in her city for 6 nights. The first night she came to my hotel room for 10 mins. Her husband called her twice via facetime and she left. The next 5 days I spent were the same. All she could offer me was 5 or 10 minutes each day and I started to realize that she was never going to leave him for me.

 

I came back home last night and she called me and said that she wanted to end things because she wanted to give her husband a chance

 

 

But as I remember she told that he will never change, he hasn't in 2 years He still does drugs, drinks alcohol and beats her, yet she doesn't want to file for a divorce just because she has a daughter with him.

 

 

Where does this leave me ? I am heartbroken because I fell in love with her and just like that she ended everything. I never had any bad intentions and it feels like she ripped out my heart...

Edited December 23, 2018 by OJK

[Bryanp]

Sorry for your pain. You now realize who she really is and not who you wanted her to be. I seriously doubt all of the stories that she told you about her husband are true. You do not realize it but you escaped a very bad situation. If she went with you don't you think that her rich husband would have made your life a living hell? A married woman with a 7-month-old baby is not what you want in your young life right now. You escaped a bullet. Thank you lucky stars.

[smi11ie]

Have you ever "personally witnessed" her husband doing drugs and beating her? I doubt it. You played along with this fantasy, talking **** about her husband with her, to justify your relationship with a married woman. You were just a "good guy" trying to save her ......... Sound about right? It's a load of nonsense. You shouldn't get mixed up with married people because it reflects poorly on your character.

[Mr. Lucky]

I never had any bad intentions

 

Didn't you have an affair with a married woman?

 

My friend, someone smart enough to graduate at a university should know an affair with a married woman with a small child and a husband of means residing in another country is about as poor a wager as you can make. And you made this decision based on two days together?

 

Hopefully lesson learned...

 

Mr. Lucky

[OJK]

Thank you for the replies

 

To be honest, I just turned 30 just a few weeks ago. Is this something I wanted ? Heck no. I also want kids of my own, someone who is willing to give me the time I deserve. I tried to leave her twice in the span of 3 months and every time she pulled me back in.

 

September: She told me that she will always think of me no matter what happens and that she is glad to have met someone like me. I started to come into senses that this might never happen and I wrote to her if she wanted to finish this, now is the chance. But she never did it. She pulled me back in saying: He hasn't changed in 2 years and she doubts he will ever change. He spends all of his nights with his friends (Monday-Sunday), drinking, playing cards. She suspected him of taking drugs and then he was aggressive with her. Too many arguments, and she wasn't happy. She told me that she will wait till December and then leave him and her child with him. I then stayed and continued having the relationship.

 

October: She started to get attached to her daughter. She said she would never be able to live without her and I told her if this is the case, I am willing to take them both. And still she says that she will wait it out till December. Now her older brother already knew about what has been going on, he already knew about it even before I met her. She now wanted to tell her dad but slowly. You see she has an older sister who is also divorced and has a 14 year old daughter living at home and she thought that her dad would not be able to deal with this, he has already a heart condition. During this month, her hubsand rapes her even while she said no to him. She calls me 3 in the morning telling me about it. Why would she do such a thing if she wasn't serious ?

 

November: He beats her, she gets bruised up and leaves her house. Goes missing for a day and then finally contacts me. She tells me that if she spends 6 months more with this guy she might commit suicide. She again tells me that she will wait it out till December before she pulls the plug. I again decided to pull away from her but she pulls me back in. It was getting hard on me and I should had left back then.

 

 

Note: During the span of these 3 months, she made something very clear to me. She didn't make any promises with me that she will definitely leave the husband and be with me. She always wanted to mend things with her husband BUT already knew that this was impossible. Why ? Because she had already spent 2 years with him and he didn't try then so why would he now. She also said that she will at a point leave him if this continues like this. Which is why I decided to continue this.

 

So I finally went to meet her in December. It was a bad encounter to be honest. We argued a lot and in 6 days it was like the end was near. We spoke 4 times on the phone right up till now and she gave me 4 different stories.

 

Phone 1# (The day I was leaving the hotel): She was mad at me because of the way I reacted. I was being rude and frustrated that I couldn't spend time with her. And she wanted to spend time with me but it was hard for her to leave her kid behind and spend multiple hours with me. She now told me that this is how things are going to be if I decide to meet her in her city because she couldn't do anything about it. So I can decide to continue this or leave her, that was a choice she gave me.

 

 

Phone 2# (When I got home): She was hurt still because of the way I reacted. She thought she might never be able to forgive me for what I had done. Because I accused her of making excuses for not giving me time. And now she stopped initiating contact with me.

 

 

Phone 3#: She wanted to end things because she wasn't feeling anything. Both me and her agreed that we can't force someone into a relationship. But I convinced her that the person she met was not me. I was spending 6 nights in a foreign country, city and I couldn't help but assume that she was avoiding to see me. Somehow I felt that she had forgiven me but she hadn't and she agreed to talk to me to fix things.

 

 

Phone 4#: Now her story completely changes. She has feelings for me still but now she still wants to end things because she doesn't want to cheat on her husband anymore. She tells me this because there is no other way for her daughter to have both of her parents along side her. She has never cheated or has acted the way she did and now she is feeling the guilt. Despite whatever her husband does and did with her she wanted to give him time now. So she started to spend time with him for the sake of her daughter.

 

 

So now she has ended things with me. There are a lot of question marks ? I don't really know what has happened and it makes me feel sad because I actually loved this person and she couldn't even give me a clear cut answer as to why she wanted to end things with me. She hasn't blocked me on anything and still replies to my texts whenever I send her one.

[Mr. Lucky]

She hasn't blocked me on anything and still replies to my texts whenever I send her one.

 

And you're still texting her because.........?

 

OJK, unless you asked Santa for more pain this Christmas, it's (past!) time to cut your losses and move on. The simple fact is you picked the worst possible candidate for a potential relationship, one that never got off the ground.

 

You're in the prime of your life. Don't waste any more of it on her...

 

Mr. Lucky