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Wife cheated on me for the second time


DestroyedMan

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Recently discovered messages on wife wife’s phone that had messages like I want to suck on you nipples or bury my face in your chest. She was sending things like want to meet up at the McDonald’s car park in 15 minutes or the guy saying he wants to spend a good amount of time with her and she acknowledges it and says I know let’s meet up. They also made plans to meet up over the weekend where she was going to tell em she was going shopping. This guy is from her work. I should also mention 10 years ago she cheated on me in her last job with another guy from her work. However this time we have two kids in the mix. What really hurts me is we are 32 and the guy from her work this time is 55! ****ing 55!

 

I confronted her at home and asked her if she was cheating on me, she obviously said no, I gave her 10 chances to come clean and each time it was no. It wasn’t until I gave her the evidence that she partial came clean. She keeps telling me they are just friends and those messages are just jokes. How are these jokes, who jokes about this ****? She reckons they have just kissed a few times but I don’t know. She keeps telling me I’m over reacting to the messages. Am I?

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Divorce her

 

Serial cheater.

 

"Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me."

 

Oh and the kids? It is far far better for them to have come from a broken home than to have to live in a broken home.

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
rude language removed
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File for divorce

 

Don’t say anything tilbshe is served

 

See a attorney and have your duck in a row.

 

You were a fool to start a family with a cheater.

 

Live and learn.

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You dont need to ask us that question, you need to decide what you are going to do.

 

Strong actions, ask her to leave, file for divorce. Or you can just live with her behavior.

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You know the answer. It's hard, but it will only get harder if you try to look for excuses to believe that it isn't what you absolutely know it is.

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It sounds to me like you have been letting her run roughshod over you for a lot of years. Women like strength... not aggression and not a guy who is too nice and won't stand up for her or to her... that's probably why she's interested in someone in his 50s. He has a better idea of how and when to take charge in his interactions with her.

 

However, she hasn't asked you for a divorce has she? That tells me she probably still loves you a lot and of course your children. She may be kind of bored with you right now. That could be part of why she's looking elsewhere, but not actually asking for a divorce.

 

Bottom line... take the reins. Listen to your own instincts. Face the reality and not what you'd like the reality to be. Then take action from there. This may or may not be a salvageable marriage... but you can't control anyone else... only yourself. What do YOU want from this marriage? She seems to be playing around with it. You deserve more respect than that.

Edited by DyannB
Typos... always typos...
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She also told me she wants to remain friends with him. That feels like she has chooser him over me.

 

That, to me, would be just as disrespectful as cheating. She can't remain friends with this man, he is a predator to your marriage. She shows no remorse, or she would not even suggest such a ridiculous thing.

 

I'm sorry, I think you should see attorney and file for divorce.

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Mrs._December

I guess only YOU can decide how many times you're willing to allow yourself to be disrespected by a woman you seem to desperately want to cling to like grim death.

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This is a no-brainer. Your best move is to get angry (inwardly, not necessarily outwardly) and file for divorce immediately. If she’s a lousy mom, then file for custody of the kids, too. Also, this is key - if she gets custody of the kids, make sure that she can’t move out of state with them. Lock her into a county or within a certain mile radius from either the kids’ current home or their school district. Your attorney will have ideas. The reason I say that is because with the way she cheats, she’s very likely to bolt with the kids and you absolutely do not want a long-distance relationship with your kids. But you should not hesitate to file and cut her out of your life. Don’t even announce that you’re doing it. Just do it. Make her sleep on the sofa or a guest room. Make sure she knows this is the end of the line. And you should be the one to file, stating multiple acts of adultry.

 

I’m sure this is all very hard to absorb and respond to but how do you stay with someone who has cheated on you twice? The trust is gone.

Edited by bathtub-row
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What this woman is doing is called damage control. She has succeded because now you are here questioning yourself about the obvious facts that point to her being a cheater.

 

This woman doesn't love you and has no respect for you.

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She also told me she wants to remain friends with him. That feels like she has chooser him over me.

 

You're right. Divorce her or expect more of this behavior.

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She also told me she wants to remain friends with him. That feels like she has chooser him over me.
Even going with just what she admits, the inappropriate text messages and the kissing sessions make them more than just friends. Thus she cannot “remain friends” with someone where they are undeniably more than that. Edited by Try
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She's a serial cheater. You can't fix her.

 

Stay and be a martyr for your kids but that's a doormat life.

 

Guess what? The only one keeping you in this is yourself.

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Never say "I stayed for the kids". I have worked with "Kids" that saw their parents in your situation..yes they knew, they were very perceptive of what was going on. Time and time again they told me they wished their parents got divorced....it is better to have both parents separated but living their lives happily rather than witness two people struggling in their marriage. Teach your kids that infidelity is wrong and shouldn't be tolerated.....get a divorce.

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Thanks for all the responses, I have come to terms with these fact I will never know all the truth and she may never tell me. All I can go on is what I currently know. Not making any emotional decisions until the pain settles down, also need to think of the kids in all of this. Things will never be the same again.

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Well given your mindset DestroyedMan, it would probably be for the best. That you promise your wife, you will not ever check her phone and the like. While you also promise that you will always look the other way, if ever you find out about any other men.

 

You might also ask her to hide it a bit better in the future, that way it will feel easier for you to stay with her at all cost.

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isolatedgothic

You are not overreacting. You are a normal human who has been duped by a spouse. Her behavior will not change. Why should she change? She knows you're easy to manipulate.

 

She will just get better at hiding her dalliances, and maybe, someday, she will find a man who will give her reason to divorce you. Or maybe she will have a child with another man and pass it off as yours. Or bring you an STD. Or simply cause more and more damage to your heart and soul til you don't trust another living soul.

 

She has all the power right now.

 

I hope that somehow you can rise up and demand that she leave. You did not cause this, none of this is on you, no matter WHAT she might tell you once she really start spinning her story. This is about her, and her inability to be faithful to anyone.

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I have come to terms with these fact I will never know all the truth and she may never tell me. All I can go on is what I currently know. Not making any emotional decisions until the pain settles down, also need to think of the kids in all of this.
Look up the word “chuckold” and realize that most men that become chuckolds do not want to be one, but became one through inaction. No action to end living in Infidelity, is a decision to to accept it.
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It is time for you to move on.

 

She is not going to change.

 

IT will keep on happening.

 

Doesn't matter what she says.

 

Talk is cheap.

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Thanks for all the responses, I have come to terms with these fact I will never know all the truth and she may never tell me. All I can go on is what I currently know. Not making any emotional decisions until the pain settles down, also need to think of the kids in all of this. Things will never be the same again.

 

The first time was the time to wait for emotions to settle, the second time its time to make changes.

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The first time was the time to wait for emotions to settle, the second time its time to make changes.

 

Based on his post, I got the impression that he only found out about the first time she cheated through her referencing it when he was reading stuff about the second time. In other words, he initially thought the second time was the first time she cheated but it wasn’t.

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Thanks for all the responses, I have come to terms with these fact I will never know all the truth and she may never tell me. All I can go on is what I currently know. Not making any emotional decisions until the pain settles down, also need to think of the kids in all of this. Things will never be the same again.

 

 

Yes! Absolutely!! You have got to START thinking about the kids.

 

I've said it before and I'll say it again ...."Oh and the kids? It is far far better for them to have come from a broken home than to have to live in a broken home." Just in case you didn't pay attention the first time.

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