What’s he hiding?

[Mummy1234]

Hi

 

Please help me

 

A year ago my partner worked away, he said he was off to bed but I then noticed he was online on WhatsApp a couple of hours later. I asked him the next day who he was talking to as I was suspicious and this was unusual. He said it was his boss changing the start time for the following day. I asked to see the messages to put my mind at ease and he deleted it, he doesn’t delete messages. So fed flag.

 

A year later and a wedding looming, I can’t stop wondering what he’s hiding from me. I confronted him last night and his response was a red flag. He said he won’t try and recover message or see if his boss has it. Why not prove something if you can to try and save your relationship? He said WhatsApp can keep you logged in if you’re not online- hmm. I said if he was out late or made a mistake we could talk about it but he refuses to and got defensive and seemed nervous and shifty.

 

I have a very strong gut feeling something has happened. Yet no proof. How can I find out if something happened!? I’m so scared. I love him but I don’t trust him, but I’ve no proof so leaving is ridiculous.

Edited November 11, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[Mr. Lucky]

After having gone through infidelity and divorce, given a choice I’d rather marry someone I trusted than someone I loved. You really should demand both and refusal settle for less.

 

Plan accordingly...

 

Mr. Lucky

[FMW]

I don't think "leaving is ridiculous" just because you don't have solid proof. You're not married, you don't have children (I'm assuming).

 

I'm not saying you SHOULD leave him, but I feel very strongly you should NOT marry him if you have any trust issues. Marriage isn't going to improve that and most likely will make it worse.

 

So my advice would probably be to step back and take some time to reconsider everything. Unless you are just suspicious and untrusting about things in general with everyone, I believe your gut instincts mean something. It's likely if you think about it there's more than just that one incident that triggered your feeling.

[BaileyB]

I wouldn't think of it as "leaving," rather "staying" and making a commitment to this man. Do you want to stay, to commit to marry and spend the rest of your life, with a man that you do not trust? That's the question.

[carhill]

Given what you shared here, OP, I'd opine he's not 'in' the marriage, in your case engagement. Back when younger and in the reproductive game, I called such relationships 'marriages of convenience'. Plenty of people have them but choosing to stay in one is an individual thing. I couldn't do it so have been alone for a decade. Everyone is different.

 

I'd cancel the engagement and, if no attempt to get professional help with both the sexual and relationship issues is contemplated, move on. Too many red flags here IMO.

[Artdeco]

Yeah, I wouldn’t trust him. Doesn’t mean he did something like cheating, as in having actual sex with someone, but he definitely did something he did not want YOU to know/see. The question is why. Probably some inappropriate communication, doesn’t matter with whom. Could be an old flame, a prospective flame, a colleague he worked away with and he went to a strip club with, or anything else he doesn’t want you to know. It’s always a balance act to ask for transparency in these situations, because you really have no evidence of anything, other than missing messages, and a gut feeling. Which, imo, is usually a good indicator that something is/was up. But with no proof, the other person will always argue that you are out of line, too demanding, unreasonable, etc.

Was that the first and only time you’ve felt that way with him? If not, and other situations have occurred where he gave you doubt, you definitely shouldn’t ignore it this time. His reaction is fishy (deleting msgs, and then saying the app makes you look like you’re online even if you’re not......which is it?).

[misspalmy]

hes up to no good. run girl