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Wife almost cheated on me


simps0n

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My wife went to an after-class party last night with her classmates to celebrate their certification for pro designers. She came home at 4am and I immediately felt something's wrong. In the morning she confessed that she (almost) got into threesome with a guy (the teacher, married) and another woman (also married). They had some drinks chatting on the balcony and eventually the other two started touching and kissing each other, then he ****ed the other woman. They tried to involve her in the act but she sort of refused. She confessed that the guy kissed her and she touched his penis, but that was all... She only stayed there and they did not force her anymore after she refused to continue.

 

I have very mixed feelings and still not decided what to do. We have a kid and I will not leave her for this, but it is probably a red flag for our relationship. So far she has always been very loyal even though our sexual relationship in particular has never been great. So I partially understand her curiousity and that she due to the emotion (and alcohol) got into this. Nevertheless, she is upset and acknowledges that she should not have reaches to the kiss/touch point and that she will understand if I leave her.

 

I am still very emotional and maybe do not get the big picture yet. What do you guys think? Even though I know the problem is mainly in ourselves, I am very tempted to have a 'chat' with the guy as he knew she was married and still tried to **** her. My wife is asking me to leave him alone as actually nothing happened, almost.

 

Thanks.

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I am very tempted to have a 'chat' with the guy as he knew she was married and still tried to **** her. My wife is asking me to leave him alone as actually nothing happened, almost.
First, your wife did not almost cheat on you, she did cheat on you; kissing him and giving him a hand job is cheating, and thus something did happen. Second, there is more that happened that she will never tell you; that is why she does not want you to talk to him. Third, regardless of if you stay in the marriage or leave, the marriage you had will never be the same.

 

Without telling your wife or anyone else in advance, talk to the other man to find out more about what happened. Then tell the other man’s wife, again without telling anyone in advance. If this guy gets to make out with your wife as he tries to have intercourse with her, the least that you get to do is talk to his wife about it. Maybe she knows something about it that you do not know. Also, not telling her if she does not know, makes you part of the cover-up, and she has a right to know.

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Thanks for your honest and direct comments & advice, Try. It is very much appreciated.

 

I agree that I have a feeling that I am not getting the whole story. As I said, she appears very upset and regretting, so I will try to get some more details from her.

 

I was also planning to find the man's wife and talk to her. As for talking to him, I do not know what I can get from this... At this point he looks like typical guy taking advantage of drunk women. I assume the three of them were flirting during the evening, but they crossed the line at a point and my wife realised wha was happening too late. I do not think there is much more built-up to the intercourse.

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Thanks for your honest and direct comments & advice, Try. It is very much appreciated.

 

I agree that I have a feeling that I am not getting the whole story. As I said, she appears very upset and regretting, so I will try to get some more details from her.

 

I was also planning to find the man's wife and talk to her. As for talking to him, I do not know what I can get from this... At this point he looks like typical guy taking advantage of drunk women. I assume the three of them were flirting during the evening, but they crossed the line at a point and my wife realised wha was happening too late. I do not think there is much more built-up to the intercourse.

I'm almost certain you are not getting the whole story.She cheated on you. Period. There is no "I did this but I stopped there" that can justify what she did. Try to consider if she is worthy of receiving your love. She didn't honour her vows and you.

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I agree with the others that more happened, she only touched his penis, with what part of her body and for how long..

 

BTW.. 4 years ago you posted a thread about your good friend titled:

 

Would you forgive betrayal?
https://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/497719-would-you-forgive-betrayal

 

You might also want to look at the advice from that thread since you have a connection to that couple and how it turned out.

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Personally, I would approach the other woman. She has as much to lose and more motivation to come clean as to what your wife's involvement was. Just say "so far your husband doesn't know, I need to know what my wife's involvement was here and your secret is safe with respect to your situation."

 

That should chase the story from the depths of secrecy.

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I am still trying to get some more details, but it seems there's nothing much more as meaningful and related events, or at least she is not willing to share anymore. Anyway, I acknowledge that she cheated. She's unable to explain to herself why she got involved (as every other woman that cheated, I guess...).

 

Tell me I am naive or something, but there are several strange and untypical circumatances that we both noticed in her behaviour and physical effects on her body that that were present during the party and afterwards. Therefore, I have asked her to consult with a specialist, make some examinations if needed and also check with her girlfriend if any of these were experienced by her as well. My assumptuon is that the guy may have drugged them with something to provoke sexual desire in women. He was pouring the drinks to them and also offerred them some biscuits, which is a little bit suspicious. I know even if true, facts will not change, however I want to rule this option out.

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I am still trying to get some more details, but it seems there's nothing much more as meaningful and related events, or at least she is not willing to share anymore. Anyway, I acknowledge that she cheated. She's unable to explain to herself why she got involved (as every other woman that cheated, I guess...).

 

Tell me I am naive or something, but there are several strange and untypical circumatances that we both noticed in her behaviour and physical effects on her body that that were present during the party and afterwards. Therefore, I have asked her to consult with a specialist, make some examinations if needed and also check with her girlfriend if any of these were experienced by her as well. My assumptuon is that the guy may have drugged them with something to provoke sexual desire in women. He was pouring the drinks to them and also offerred them some biscuits, which is a little bit suspicious. I know even if true, facts will not change, however I want to rule this option out.

 

Like what? Spanish fly? Lol.

 

If he drugged them it would be been worth something that would sadate or incompacitate them. Not turn them on.

 

Otherwise we men would be making sure that stuff was in EVERYTHING.

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Like what? Spanish fly? Lol.

 

If he drugged them it would be been worth something that would sadate or incompacitate them. Not turn them on.

 

Otherwise we men would be making sure that stuff was in EVERYTHING.

 

This.

 

It is very unlikely she'd have this clear a memory and the ability to step away from it had she been slipped a date-rape drug. It's not that strange that a dude like this was feeding them drinks if he suspected it would get them to lower their inhibitions; it's a creep move, but it does not necessarily mean he drugged them.

 

Go ahead and take her to emergency care or or clinic now if you want to be sure. Inform her that you're leaving at X time, and you will not wait, lest any potential drug work its way out of her system. See how she reacts. My gut says she will stall because she knows she was not drugged.

 

I'm sorry, but I have to say that I believe your wife cheated and it was more than likely on her own free will.

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Hate to join the crowd, but you are definitely getting the watered down version of events.

 

Here is something you can do, tell her you contacted the guy and the stories dont match up and you demand she take a polygraph. Pay close attention to her reaction, all your answers will be in her reaction.

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In reality the whole story doesn't actually matter.

Your wife cheated full stop.

When this all kicked off and a threesome was mentioned, she did not go "Taxi!" or "Uber!" and took herself home , no she stayed, kissed the guy and "touched" his penis...

I see no good coming from talking to the guy or his wife, the other woman or her husband, they'll only lie anyway. This is between you and your wife now, it is for you two to sort out where you go from here.

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I am going to take a total different position than the other responses. Humans are not perfect. What ever happened I would have accept this as a alcohol induced mistake, your wifeÂ’s remorse and her telling you about it because the real cheaters would neither have remorse or openly tell you about it.

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If the roles were reversed and you told your wife that you were just drinking with another married couple. You then only proceeded to kiss the wife and touch her vagina but that was it, would she believe such nonsense from you?

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Loyal and loving partners don't cheat even when drunk. You can't justify cheating on alcohol. And if things get sexually weird in a social meeting, they just leave and go back home inmediatly.

 

Your wife is telling you the truth partially like all liars do. She says she touched his penis but she hasn't stated which part of her body she used. She doesn't want you to talk to this man because I believe he is going to tell you what happened.

 

Do yourself a favor and find a respectful and loving woman, you deserve it.

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I am going to take a total different position than the other responses. Humans are not perfect. What ever happened I would have accept this as a alcohol induced mistake, your wifeÂ’s remorse and her telling you about it because the real cheaters would neither have remorse or openly tell you about it.

 

Not necessarily. Could be she thinks there is a chance he may hear about the events in question thru other sources and she is trying to control information.

 

I agree its between op and his wife, however, as is the case with all cheaters believe only that which you can verify.

 

Sure the others involved will likely lie, but what if the other guy says "oh she made me stop after oral" or the other woman says "I didn't do anything with the guy, you need to talk to your wife" it's a clear indication that they are not being honest....all three of them.

 

The natural instinct is to believe your loved one, we can be blinded to the truth by our desire to want to believe them. that does you no good in the long run, especially since there was likely a room full of witnesses to their behavior leading up to the event.

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Not necessarily. Could be she thinks there is a chance he may hear about the events in question thru other sources and she is trying to control information.

 

I agree its between op and his wife, however, as is the case with all cheaters believe only that which you can verify.

 

Sure the others involved will likely lie, but what if the other guy says "oh she made me stop after oral" or the other woman says "I didn't do anything with the guy, you need to talk to your wife" it's a clear indication that they are not being honest....all three of them.

 

The natural instinct is to believe your loved one, we can be blinded to the truth by our desire to want to believe them. that does you no good in the long run, especially since there was likely a room full of witnesses to their behavior leading up to the event.

 

Of course she will try to control info but it is already too late, she already admitted to cheating.

She has already crossed a line.

It is a moot point what actually happened.

Yes, he may have his own particular lines as to what he will and will not put up with, but it doesn't alter the fact his wife was "at least" willing to kiss some other guy and touch his penis...

Is that actually a comfortable thought going forward?

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Fyi, wife got a test from drugstore which sort of showed cannabis use... Then we made it to emergency room and made urine test which resulted negative. These tests are made 12 hours after the events, so even if any drug use it might be not present or non traceable. I was secretly expecting something from this, but it is very hard to prove anything anyway. Interestingly, I asked wife to call girl friend and ask how was she feeling today and she also shared some identical untypical feelings. But yeah, it is probably just me trying to find an excuse to believe...

 

As for talking to the other guys involved, I am only considering revealing the story to the wife of the guy. I just do not foresee anything useful coming out if I talk to any of the rest.

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Your wife didn't almost get into a threesome, she did get into a threesome. People very rarely confess to the entirety of what they did, they try to downplay it as much as possible. She likely only confessed because you already knew something had happened, and stuff like that has a way of getting back to you anyway. It's up to you if you decide you want to stay with an unfaithful woman. I would not.
I did not directly state this in my last post, but even if you believe her story by cheating in the way that she described, she did in fact participate in a threesome. She joined the other 2 people in a private place where she kissed, and gave another man a hand job while watching them as they had sex.

 

BTW, as she kissed and gave him a hand job, where did he touch her? Also, as the other 2 took enough clothing off to have sex, how much clothing did she take off or unbutton?

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Interestingly, I asked wife to call girl friend and ask how was she feeling today and she also shared some identical untypical feelings. But yeah, it is probably just me trying to find an excuse to believe.
Your wife not only disrespected your marriage, but she did it in front of and with a friend. This friend will forever share this cheating with your wife. This makes this friend a “toxic friend”. Your wife must immediately agree to forever cut off all contact with this friend as well as with the other man if she wants a chance at saving the marriage; this should be absolute and nonnegotiable.

I am only considering revealing the story to the wife of the guy.
Without warning you need to talk to the other man’s wife ASAP. If your wife dares to be upset with you when she learns of this after the fact, you will know that she lacks full remorse for her actions.
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They had some drinks chatting on the balcony and eventually the other two started touching and kissing each other, then he ****ed the other woman.

 

Honestly simps0n, I wouldn't need any more info beyond this point where your wife stayed in the room while they had sex.

 

More than enough to support any steps you choose to take...

 

Mr. Lucky

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Where did the threesome occurred?

 

Open space balcony. They didn't even get nacked (except for the 'attributes'...). That's actually very confusing for me as wife is quite shy and having quite serious anxiety issues. It is very likely that someone else saw whats happening outside, but I would never assume wife is capable to do something like this... This and few more odd facts contribute my theory for the 'rape drug' thing.

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Open space balcony. They didn't even get nacked (except for the 'attributes'...). That's actually very confusing for me as wife is quite shy and having quite serious anxiety issues. It is very likely that someone else saw whats happening outside, but I would never assume wife is capable to do something like this... This and few more odd facts contribute my theory for the 'rape drug' thing.

 

 

Assuming she's telling the truth and there was some sort of drug involved...

 

 

Please encourage her to contact the police. If there is a man ( or couple) who gets their jollies out of drugging women to have sex, they need to be stopped.

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