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Hi. I'm married for 10. I'm 40 and my wife is 37. We have a stable marriage and I can say that I'm happy in general. But after years, our sex life has been going down especially in the last 2 years. I ve never cheated on her and I guess she hasn't either. I have a close friend who is 40 like me. We hangout about 2 times a month. He never got married. Only had one serious r.ship. He was a kind of playboy who had many gfriends. He always says that I'm very lucky to have my wife. How decent she is, how hot she is etc. And they get along well with each other. By the way my wife is not a model type of woman. She is curvy, petite but she is hot. About a month ago we went to a bar with him and a few more friends. We drank more than we normally used to. So we were all drank. My wife and my friend wanted to dance. They mostly do when we are out cause I don't like dancing. Although I was drunk I saw that they were dancing very closely. It bothered me a little but I told my self hey they are my wife and my friend what can it be! I felt as if they flirted a little but it wasn't heavy so I didn't say anything. They came back hand in hand.

 

After that they my friend started to visit us more. I didnt suspect that it was about my wife at first. But i accidentally discovered that it was. One night I heard her talking (in fact whispering) on the phone. She was talking with a very soft voice saying no to him. I know it was him cause she called his name quietly. Then I decided to be careful. I was very pissed off. But I wasn't sure what was going on.

 

My wife is not good at technology. So it wasn't hard to find something on her phone or e mail. Obviously they were flirting. My friend insisted on to meet her alone many times but she refused it. But i could see that she liked his attention. Even though they ve known each other for years something started just a few weeks ago. I felt terrible but there was a problem. At first I couldn't admit that but the affair possibility turns me on. I was very jealous but also imagine them together. In a minute in my head I can kill them but in another minute I imagine them dating. Nothing has happened yet. But i wonder if he can convince her or not.

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Just understand that, when it comes to what you're considering, you can't unring the bell. If you chose to go down that road, you'll be in a very different relationship than what you have now.

 

Without a doubt, wouldn't be something that would work for me. Think long and hard whether the same is true for you. I don't know that the problems of willingly letting her cheat are much different than the problems a normal DDay brings...

 

Mr. Lucky

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somanymistakes

A lot of people are kind of turned on by things they're also scared of. It doesn't mean you really want to do them. It's just because of the way brains are wired up. Rage, fear, arousal, hatred - sometimes wires get crossed.

 

It doesn't sound like you're sincerely into open sharing. You might have a mild cuckoldry fantasy, but thoughts in the privacy of your own mind do not define your actions, and are not things you necessarily want to do in the real world. I'm sure many times stray weird thoughts have crossed your mind and you know not to act on them.

 

I would suggest having an honest conversation with your wife. Tell her that you know this guy is flirting with her, and you're not mad, you just want to talk about it. See if she's honest or if she panics and denies. If she's really embarrassed about it, you can probably fix this. If she insists that you're completely misreading the situation, you have a problem.

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You need to tell her what you found & the two of you need to have long talks about something called an Emotional Affair She's on a very slippery slope & it could easily become a physical affair, if it hasn't already. I would also severe my "friendship" with this back stabbing dude who is hitting on your wife behind your back.

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What the hell are you thinking. If you want to get rid of your wife you’re doing a good job. Cut the friend out of your life, he already has a knife in your back. The odds you can save your marriage is about 50/50. He doesn’t just want to lay her, he wants her all to himself. If you don’t stop this immediately and extremely forcefully, you might as well save some time and just start looking for a new mate. Your friend is gone and your wife has one foot out the door. Sharing your wife and saving your marriage is as rare as hens teeth and there are thousands of threads to prove it. Wake the hell up unless you’re ready to move on.

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Hi. I'm married for 10. I'm 40 and my wife is 37. We have a stable marriage and I can say that I'm happy in general. But after years, our sex life has been going down especially in the last 2 years. I ve never cheated on her and I guess she hasn't either. I have a close friend who is 40 like me. We hangout about 2 times a month. He never got married. Only had one serious r.ship. He was a kind of playboy who had many gfriends. He always says that I'm very lucky to have my wife. How decent she is, how hot she is etc. And they get along well with each other. By the way my wife is not a model type of woman. She is curvy, petite but she is hot. About a month ago we went to a bar with him and a few more friends. We drank more than we normally used to. So we were all drank. My wife and my friend wanted to dance. They mostly do when we are out cause I don't like dancing. Although I was drunk I saw that they were dancing very closely. It bothered me a little but I told my self hey they are my wife and my friend what can it be! I felt as if they flirted a little but it wasn't heavy so I didn't say anything. They came back hand in hand.

 

After that they my friend started to visit us more. I didnt suspect that it was about my wife at first. But i accidentally discovered that it was. One night I heard her talking (in fact whispering) on the phone. She was talking with a very soft voice saying no to him. I know it was him cause she called his name quietly. Then I decided to be careful. I was very pissed off. But I wasn't sure what was going on.

 

My wife is not good at technology. So it wasn't hard to find something on her phone or e mail. Obviously they were flirting. My friend insisted on to meet her alone many times but she refused it. But i could see that she liked his attention. Even though they ve known each other for years something started just a few weeks ago. I felt terrible but there was a problem. At first I couldn't admit that but the affair possibility turns me on. I was very jealous but also imagine them together. In a minute in my head I can kill them but in another minute I imagine them dating. Nothing has happened yet. But i wonder if he can convince her or not.

 

What the hell are you thinking. If you want to get rid of your wife you’re doing a good job. Cut the friend out of your life, he already has a knife in your back. The odds you can save your marriage is about 50/50. He doesn’t just want to lay her, he wants her all to himself. If you don’t stop this immediately and extremely forcefully, you might as well save some time and just start looking for a new mate. Your friend is gone and your wife has one foot out the door. Sharing your wife and saving your marriage is as rare as hens teeth and there are thousands of threads to prove it. Wake the hell up unless you’re ready to move on.

 

Chap's post is dead on... and first of all, you don't know for sure that they have not slept together.

 

Listen, if your "Friend", that you need to cut completely out of your life BTW, is a playboy, then guess what, he is better in bed than you are. Way more experience.

 

If you have been married for ten years and the sex has died way down, she is board with you.

 

The sharing thing that you are thinking about, sounds to me like it has already happened.

 

You are being completely foolish, and you need to confront her now, and tell your "Friend" to FO and get out of your life.

 

I think you are being foolish about all of this...

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... I imagine them dating. Nothing has happened yet. But i wonder if he can convince her or not.

 

Are you going to intervene to stop it from happening?

 

I think she will give in eventually. If she stays in touch with him and let's him continually ask her, there willl come a day that she will be weak. It only takes a moment of weakness.

 

As far as you somehow perversely enjoying it, I suggest that the momentary enjoyment you will get will be at the consequence of long-time pain. Not worth it.

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Hi Friend just remember the sage warning 'Be careful what you wish for, you may just get it'! As has been said often on this forum one cannot unring the bell once it has been rung. Proceed with utmost caution here. Best wishes.

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Dear srt93,

 

I would confront both your wife and your friend. You should demand your wife go NC with the friend. She is hiding her conversation with him and she will one day give in. I would also approach the friend and tell him "Don't Ever Contact" your wife again. You should do this ASAP!!!

 

Best,

Dreamer

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viatori patuit

Dude.....

 

Just walk. This is stupid. You will either end in heartbreak or violence. No one wants to see their wife have an affair unless the marriage is dead.

 

Good luck with whatever you decide.

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