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8yrs marriage, husband cheated twice- WHat do I do?


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I want to start out by saying that I do believe in second chances but when husband cheats twice I don’t have guts to come out with his betrayal in front of our families. I’ve been married for over 8 years now, have a 16 Months old sweet boy. 2 years ago my husband started texting and calling on skype with a woman, I caught him confronted him, he convinced me that it was his self destructive nature that pushes him back in our lives. His mom cheated on her first husband and so did his dad with his first wife, apparently families on either sides have not forgotten so I was told. Anyway, So he had Skype calls and texts with some girl who was a colleague working remotely.

I kept this incident between us and over the course of a year I started trusting him again, I would occasionally tell him he was always after girls but girls didn’t reciprocate with same enthusiasm, so as I went out of the country a month ago, he made an account on Tinder and went out with some girl. Twice. Once outside for drinks and dinner then second time at her place, with malice’s intentions, fortunate or unfortunate for ME, gorl’s Roommate was going through rough phase and this girl went ahead and took care of her. My husband the dearest, started for Home and this girl sends her an image from shower of just her leg. There were some inappropriate texting that followed.

Now I see all this on his iPad (I carried with me) which has my toddler’s songs, I’m at my parents’ place choked thorat unable to tell anyone what happened.

I asked him about his funny business, he said, since I always say girls won’t go for him and he has been the one chasing them, he wanted to know if that was right. So it’s kinda my fault. Since I didn’t tell anyone about his prior fling he stopped to this level, NOW IM SCARED to even think about a future with him. I need help, need boost to come up with a decision. Please help me. I have a baby and I’m a housewife. I don’t know what to do.

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Nothing, absolutely NOTHING that he has done is 'kinda your fault'. Get that notion out of your head right now. It's typical cheaterspeak - assigning blame to someone else.

 

By malice intention, do you mean he went back to her place to have sex?

 

You need to confide in your parents, at least one of them. Who are you more close with?

 

You've done nothing wrong, and have nothing to be ashamed about. You need to start somewhere by confiding in someone. I promise you'll feel a lot better when you do.

 

Can you stay with your parents for a while? Meanwhile, contact a lawyer and at least set up a consultation. Know what your options are. I'm so sorry this has happened. Your husband sounds quite childish.

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You've done nothing wrong. His choices, his decisions are just those, HIS. Not yours, but his.

 

He cannot blame his parents for his choices. So, there was cheating on the parts of both of his parents, so what? That doesn't mean he's destined to make the same mistakes. If he was a good guy, he would have made sure to NEVER cheat on anyone. It's not hard to make that choice.

 

You need to get yourself to your gynecologist to get tested for STIs. I would also kick him out of your house, but if the house is in his name only, that would probably not be wise. You need to end this marriage so your child doesn't grow up thinking dad's behavior is okay.

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I concur with the others. You’re not to blame for his choices. Hate to say it, but this is exactly the problem with being a stay at home mom. Many men think they have the right to treat her any way they can because she has few options. Hence, women's lib. You put yourself at the mercy of someone else and, in my experience, that rarely pans out well. Even if you stay at home, you need to be skilled at something that makes you employable.

 

The other major problem here is that you’ll never be able to trust this guy again. If you’re ok with that, then stay with him. If you’re not, you need to divorce him.

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You have been married 8 years. You will be entitled to spousal support, in addition to child support.

 

I'm not saying you should divorce him, that is a very complicated decision and you haven't given nearly enough details for me to have an opinion on that.

 

I am saying, see a divorce lawyer ASAP. It won't be free but it will be the best $200 or so that you have ever spent. You need to know your rights before you can make a decision like this. Plus knowing your rights will help you while discussing things with your husband.

 

Don't tell him you are going to see a lawyer, just do it. You can decide later if you want to tell him how you know your rights, or not, but get to a lawyer ASAP.

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I see 2 options.

 

 

Kick him to the curb or wait for him to cheat a third time (that you know about). Odds there's more, a LOT more.

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Odds there's more, a LOT more.

 

My first thought as well. Pbhojak, the two times you've busted him are pretty clear proof of his intentions. And if he's this persistent, I guarantee he's had other irons in the fire. He simply seems uninterested in monogamy.

 

I'd see a lawyer to clearly understand my rights going forward...

 

Mr. Lucky

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INOW IM SCARED to even think about a future with him. I need help, need boost to come up with a decision. Please help me. I have a baby and I’m a housewife. I don’t know what to do.

 

1. Get divorced.

2.Move back in with your parents.

3. Go back to work.

 

Those are your greatest survival options. You have no happy future with this man.

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