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Double betrayal


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Old 5th August 2018, 1:43 PM   #1
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Double betrayal

This is my first time posting on an online forum. I found out a few weeks ago that my husband was having an affair with my daughter-in-law. This is a second marriage for me and I canít believe Iím going through this again. I left my first husband because he cheated, and now my current husband has done the same thing to me, but only worse. My son respected and admired him because he treated me much better than his father did.

My son has already filed for divorce from my daughter-in-law. Sheís pleading for a second chance, but heís made up his mind. I, on the other hand, am not so sure. As pathetic as it sounds, I still love my husband. He says heíll do whatever it takes to make this up to me. Weíve been together for six years, married for four. I just donít know if itís worth trying to salvage. If I do give him a second chance, my son will cut me out his life. He says he will not stop me from having a relationship with my grandkids, but he will not want me in his life. Iím afraid to be alone. Iím 58 now; it doesnít get easier meeting new people as we get older. My husband is 46 and while I was hesitant when he initially pursued me years ago, he eased my fears that age didnít matter. Now itís a huge insecurity again, will he cheat again with the next attractive, younger woman?
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Old 5th August 2018, 2:10 PM   #2
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The capability is there. It takes a special low class man to have an affair with his step sons wife.

You have a lot to lose. IMO dumping your H would be the better choice.

Cheaters lie a lot and that's probably all you're getting.

Better wake up to reality
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Old 5th August 2018, 2:16 PM   #3
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You're afraid to lose what you have, but you'll lose something either way.

If you choose your husband, you lose your own son who has done nothing wrong and is hurting and in need of support.

If you choose your son, you lose a man who has betrayed your trust in a terrible way, a man who has a big age gap with you and may have seen you as an 'easy target', someone that he could manipulate because you were 'lucky' to land a man like him. Most likely yes, he'll cheat again when a good prospect comes along, while trying to keep hold of your support.
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Old 5th August 2018, 2:20 PM   #4
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You need to follow your son's lead and file for divorce as well.

Not only was he having an affair, but with your own family member. That takes a special kind of lying, deceptive, creep who lacks empathy, boundaries or any sense of respect. For all of those reasons, yes, he will probably cheat again.

Don't let fear of being alone be your reason to flush all of your standards and your relationship with your son right down the toilet.
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Old 5th August 2018, 2:36 PM   #5
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No-brainer, that is your son. Can you imagine how he will feel every time he sees your husband at functions in the future? He needs his mom right now for support.

The other issue, minor in comparison to your son, is the age difference. Husband is quite a bit younger and may be tempted again as time marches on. I think older men/younger women of that span might work, but think the reverse is more difficult bc men are visual, we love with our whole selves.
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Old 5th August 2018, 3:28 PM   #6
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I can't believe it's even a question in your mind. Older people get re married all the time if the spouse passes away. You CAN find love again, but you WON'T be able to have another son at your age.
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Old 5th August 2018, 4:12 PM   #7
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I'm sorry that you are dealing with this, again...

But, I would file for divorce before the day is done. He cheated with your son's wife! Men can come and go, but your children are with you always. What he has done is absolutely unacceptable.
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Old 5th August 2018, 4:24 PM   #8
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You have been married only 4 years and he has already cheated, and with the wife of your son no less. And yes, the chances he will do it again, with someone else, is astronomical. Listen to the advice you are getting. This man has no respect for you or your son. You may love him but, by his actions, he is a cheat with no regard for anyone but himself. He does his thinking with another body part besides his brain. Your relationship with your son is far more important than staying with a man who would commit such an unforgivable act. Be assured if you chose this cheat over your son you will forever be sorry you made such a choice. Sons are forever and cheating husbands are temporary. As far as finding love again at your age, don't worry. There are so many men your age (widowers, divorcees) just looking and hoping for just one good woman. I know of three very good men, in the small town I live in, who have lost their wives. Not long ago I read where a couple in their 80's got married. If they found happiness at 80 then you will have no problem at your age. All you have to do is look for what you seek. I do wish you well.
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Old 5th August 2018, 5:03 PM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by doublebetrayed View Post
I found out a few weeks ago that my husband was having an affair with my daughter-in-law.
That's not just a double betrayal, it's an ultimate one. When someone shows you who they are at such a base level, best to believe them.

The issue with your son aside (and that's no small concern), do you really want to be sleeping with one eye open for the rest of your life? Hard to understand why you don't feel you deserve better than this...

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Old 5th August 2018, 5:05 PM   #10
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No I wouldn't give him another chance and she doesn't deserve one either from your son. Imagine all of the behind the scenes flirting, texting, lies and plans that went on behind you and your son's back. These two are evil. If you lose this man you will not be alone as you have a son and grand kids who loves you. If you chose this man you may very well end up mentally and emotionally abused as well as alone in the end.
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Old 5th August 2018, 8:04 PM   #11
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Yes, of course he’s going to cheat again. It takes a special kind of scumbag to do what he did and he’s showing you who he truly is as a person. Plus, you’re teaching him that you have no self-respect by staying so to him it’s a pass to cheat again. If you will tolerate this level of douchebaggery, then to him you’ll tolerate just about anything in the future. That’s the lesson you will teach him.

Your fear of being alone is going to be far more tolerable than your fear of forever living in doubt and insecurity, should you stay with him. More importantly, the fear of losing your son should be your motivation and priority to move on from this creep.
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Old 6th August 2018, 11:01 AM   #12
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Well if you stay with your husband you know the cost upfront. Your son will grow to resent you for doing that. He will never come around. He will see you staying with him is that your choosing the man that attacked him.

I know it hurts but even if your husband would never cheat again its not worth losing your son over.


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Old 6th August 2018, 11:48 AM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Clay View Post
I know it hurts but even if your husband would never cheat again its not worth losing your son over.
"Double betrayal" is what the OP's son would experience if, after having had his wife cheat on him, his mother chooses the AP over him...

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Old 6th August 2018, 11:49 AM   #14
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You raised your son right, now take his advice. This is a no-brainer.
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Old 6th August 2018, 1:58 PM   #15
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Quote:
Originally Posted by doublebetrayed View Post
This is my first time posting on an online forum. I found out a few weeks ago that my husband was having an affair with my daughter-in-law. This is a second marriage for me and I canít believe Iím going through this again. I left my first husband because he cheated, and now my current husband has done the same thing to me, but only worse. My son respected and admired him because he treated me much better than his father did.

My son has already filed for divorce from my daughter-in-law. Sheís pleading for a second chance, but heís made up his mind. I, on the other hand, am not so sure. As pathetic as it sounds, I still love my husband. He says heíll do whatever it takes to make this up to me. Weíve been together for six years, married for four. I just donít know if itís worth trying to salvage. If I do give him a second chance, my son will cut me out his life. He says he will not stop me from having a relationship with my grandkids, but he will not want me in his life. Iím afraid to be alone. Iím 58 now; it doesnít get easier meeting new people as we get older. My husband is 46 and while I was hesitant when he initially pursued me years ago, he eased my fears that age didnít matter. Now itís a huge insecurity again, will he cheat again with the next attractive, younger woman?
It takes a special kind of scum to cheat with the DIL. Good for your son getting rid of her but you get to choose between scum or your son. You will be more alone without your son than you will be with a man who will go to no lengths to cheat.
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