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I Keep Cheating, but My Husband Doesn't Want to Divorce


Infidelity In an affair or suspect your significant other? Share your experiences and concerns here.

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Old 5th September 2018, 10:04 AM   #376
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Originally Posted by nittygritty View Post
If your husband had cheated and had a baby with the other woman would you see the baby as yours? Feel exactly the same as you do your own child?
No I wouldn't honestly.

Also, the difference is, my husband wants to be this little girls father. Knowing that he wants, treats, and sees the baby as him, I know him well enough to know he'll expect his family to embrace the baby the same way. That is all I'm saying.
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Old 5th September 2018, 10:43 AM   #377
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No I wouldn't honestly.

Also, the difference is, my husband wants to be this little girls father. Knowing that he wants, treats, and sees the baby as him, I know him well enough to know he'll expect his family to embrace the baby the same way. That is all I'm saying.
You donít really know how much of that is contingent on the two of you getting back together. He hasnít known that long and he still hopes that the two of you will reconcile. His feelings could change if that doesnít happen. If he hasnít talked about it to anyone but you then it is still a secret that he is harboring in order to protect you. He is likely ashamed and humiliated by it and willing to do whatever just to try to keep from getting divorced. Which according to you is what he has always done.
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Old 5th September 2018, 11:26 AM   #378
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It's not the job title that I was making fun of, so much as at him. He worked an executive job, looked down on people, and acted all superior to everyone else. It's really karma for him. I know karma will probably come my way eventually, but honestly it was deserved for my husband sake.
Despite all this, heís good enough to have an on-off affair with you for a few years. Your husband is wrong, your cheating has nothing to do with him and everything to do with you.
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Old 5th September 2018, 11:52 AM   #379
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No I wouldn't honestly.

Also, the difference is, my husband wants to be this little girls father. Knowing that he wants, treats, and sees the baby as him, I know him well enough to know he'll expect his family to embrace the baby the same way. That is all I'm saying.
You also wouldnít likely want to have the responsibility of pretending to be Grandma to a child that was the result of your daughterís husband cheating on her with another woman. So why put your 7 month old in that situation rather than keeping her with you most of the time?
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Old 5th September 2018, 1:05 PM   #380
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You also wouldnít likely want to have the responsibility of pretending to be Grandma to a child that was the result of your daughterís husband cheating on her with another woman. So why put your 7 month old in that situation rather than keeping her with you most of the time?
Because he wants her. Whether he tells his mother or not, is not my place to judge. He wants to be her father. Eventually she will put two and two together, but I can't control that. I think it's best I stay out of it. He wants to see the baby. He wouldn't understand and would be extremely hurt if he couldn't see her that often. He is moving in 10 days, and then this will be a non issue.
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Old 5th September 2018, 1:15 PM   #381
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I really do miss him.

I do think I did the responsible thing and got seperated so I can work on myself. I can't change I had sex with the other man. I can't change that the other man is a complete loser and I got pregnant by him. I can't change any of that. I wish I could. I wish every morning to the end of every night that I can change those things, but I can't. I have to live with it, my husband has to live with it, and my daughter has to live with it. I know it, I admit to it, and I'm trying my damn best to make good of the situation.

I'm trying to do better for myself so I can do better for my children. Whether my husband and I stay together or divorce, I do want to be a better person.

As for the other man. I don't want him involved. It may be selfish on the surface, but I really don't think he gives two damns about her. He was pissed off that I didn't want more from him. He was pissed off that my husband got him fired. He's pissed off because his marriage is in the ****ters. I'm a huge part of all the pain his wife must be feeling, and the turmoil his children is going through. As far as I know, no one beside him, his wife, my mother, my husband and I knows about the baby's true paternity. If he wanted to be there for him, wouldn't he have told someone about the baby, or ask to see the baby. He hasn't. Instead, he threatened me, and will tell anyone who will listen what a bitch I am, and on and on and on.

I just hope for my daughter's sake, that the only father she knows doesn't abandon her. Whether or not we manage to reconcile, eventually I will tell her the truth. If I had learned anything these past few months is honesty is a good thing. Being honest with myself has been freeing.
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Old 5th September 2018, 1:37 PM   #382
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You know...

Quote:
Originally Posted by TheRainbow View Post
I really do miss him.

I do think I did the responsible thing and got seperated so I can work on myself. I can't change I had sex with the other man. I can't change that the other man is a complete loser and I got pregnant by him. I can't change any of that. I wish I could. I wish every morning to the end of every night that I can change those things, but I can't. I have to live with it, my husband has to live with it, and my daughter has to live with it. I know it, I admit to it, and I'm trying my damn best to make good of the situation.

I'm trying to do better for myself so I can do better for my children. Whether my husband and I stay together or divorce, I do want to be a better person.

As for the other man. I don't want him involved. It may be selfish on the surface, but I really don't think he gives two damns about her. He was pissed off that I didn't want more from him. He was pissed off that my husband got him fired. He's pissed off because his marriage is in the ****ters. I'm a huge part of all the pain his wife must be feeling, and the turmoil his children is going through. As far as I know, no one beside him, his wife, my mother, my husband and I knows about the baby's true paternity. If he wanted to be there for him, wouldn't he have told someone about the baby, or ask to see the baby. He hasn't. Instead, he threatened me, and will tell anyone who will listen what a bitch I am, and on and on and on.

I just hope for my daughter's sake, that the only father she knows doesn't abandon her. Whether or not we manage to reconcile, eventually I will tell her the truth. If I had learned anything these past few months is honesty is a good thing. Being honest with myself has been freeing.
You know... I think you are continuing to grow, and I think you will be a better person.

Just hang in there and make proper decisions, and move forward...
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Old 5th September 2018, 3:28 PM   #383
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Because he wants her. Whether he tells his mother or not, is not my place to judge. He wants to be her father. Eventually she will put two and two together, but I can't control that. I think it's best I stay out of it. He wants to see the baby. He wouldn't understand and would be extremely hurt if he couldn't see her that often. He is moving in 10 days, and then this will be a non issue.
He can still be her father. But if you really want to step up and be honest you could go talk to his mother and tell her. You did this and need to take responsibility for it. That way you are being upfront and honest and she can decide what type of relationship she has with your daughter with the other man, if any. Right now your 7 month old daughter is too young to understand any of it but she is bonding and getting attached to your MIL. Eventually, your MIL will likely know the truth and may decide not to have very much of a relationship with your child from another man or be incapable of treating your daughters the same. And your daughter will be old enough to understand and feel that loss and abandonment by the woman she thought was her grandmother. Itís better to protect your daughter from having to go through that by being honest now.
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Old 5th September 2018, 3:40 PM   #384
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But thatís exactly how she tricked her husband into being the father of her affair baby: she wanted her mil to bond with the baby and could accuse her of being cruel if the mil doesnít treat the baby like her own grandkid when she finds out the truth.

Quote:
Originally Posted by nittygritty View Post
He can still be her father. But if you really want to step up and be honest you could go talk to his mother and tell her. You did this and need to take responsibility for it. That way you are being upfront and honest and she can decide what type of relationship she has with your daughter with the other man, if any. Right now your 7 month old daughter is too young to understand any of it but she is bonding and getting attached to your MIL. Eventually, your MIL will likely know the truth and may decide not to have very much of a relationship with your child from another man or be incapable of treating your daughters the same. And your daughter will be old enough to understand and feel that loss and abandonment by the woman she thought was her grandmother. Itís better to protect your daughter from having to go through that by being honest now.
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Old 5th September 2018, 3:41 PM   #385
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I think I know a little how your husband thinks. I was Army Special Forces for over 20 years and was gone a lot. If my wife had cheated and had another man's baby, and I accepted that child, I would have treated that child no different than my other children. I think your husband sees it as I would. The child isn't his, biologically, but she is still the sister of his other child, and the daughter of the woman he loves. He understands that the child had nothing to do with the way it was brought into the world. She did not get to chose who her father or mother was. That choice was made for her by people who where self centered, thinking only of themselves and to ostracize her because of that is not only stupid but totally unfair. Me, I believe any low life male who does his thinking with his penis can be a sperm donor to a willing or unwilling female and produce a baby. It takes someone with some character, emotion, love, and commitment to be a DAD. I appears to me that your husband has these traits. Even if you divorce, be grateful that once upon a time fate put a man of honor, integrity, loyalty, and commitment in your life, even if you didn't keep him. I do wish you well.
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Old 5th September 2018, 4:27 PM   #386
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But thatís exactly how she tricked her husband into being the father of her affair baby: she wanted her mil to bond with the baby and could accuse her of being cruel if the mil doesnít treat the baby like her own grandkid when she finds out the truth.
That is farthest from the truth. If I had any intention of passing the baby off as his, I wouldn't have even told him. My mother in law never really had a bond to the baby until we moved back here in July, and he knew for a few weeks since then. I can be faulted for not being upfront with him when I found out I was pregnant, but to think I used my MIL as a tool to trick him is far from the truth.
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Old 5th September 2018, 10:43 PM   #387
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That is farthest from the truth. If I had any intention of passing the baby off as his, I wouldn't have even told him. My mother in law never really had a bond to the baby until we moved back here in July, and he knew for a few weeks since then. I can be faulted for not being upfront with him when I found out I was pregnant, but to think I used my MIL as a tool to trick him is far from the truth.

I don't think you did that either. I think you have treated your husband horribly but I don't get the people here who are insisting that you have to tell your MIL so that she has the opportunity to reject your baby. You have done enough to betray your husband so I don't think you should be going behind his back to talk to his mother. If he wants her to know then it's up to him to tell her.

And I don't think she would reject your baby anyways. Not if she already loves her. I know if I found out one of my grandchildren wasn't biologically mine due to my daughter in law having an affair it wouldn't change my feelings for that child at all. I'd be mighty upset at my daughter in law but that grandchild would still be the same child to me. If I did try to reject her I'm pretty sure my son would set me straight on that.
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Old 5th September 2018, 11:06 PM   #388
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Sooner or later the truth will come out. I rather it come from my husband then for them to find out another way. For the first few months she had no hair and looked so much like my oldest daughter at birth, but by five/six months, red hair started to come in. Like copper red hair, and she is pale where my husband has a darker complexion, not tanned, but just darker. She has similar features to our oldest, but she still looks different and I hate to say it, she is looking more and more like the other man. I think once this baby is born, it'll be even more evident.
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Old 6th September 2018, 3:56 AM   #389
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I donít get it. Youíve had numerous affairs. You said at the beggining you didnít want to be married and you donít love him, so thatís why you separated. Youíve said you want to feel worthy of love... your husband has bent over backwards to prove you are. You owe everything to this man and youíve done nothing but spit in his face. Honestly, where would you be right now in life without him?

So I ask, do you want to be with your husband. No bull****... no side stepping... no excuses.... yes or no? You say you want to be a better person, whatís stopping you? Why on Godís green earth do you need to be separated to do so? How is it better for you? How is it easier? What exactly are you doing to be a better person that you couldnít do by his side. You want to stop dragging him through the mud? So stop. He helped you becone who you are while you spit in His face and after all that you pay him back with seperation? So you can become a better person? Huh? And after all this NOW your finally faithful, when youíre no longer with him? He does all the work and takes all the shots to the chin and heart so the next guy can get the reward of a better you? Why canít you be married to him and improve yourself? You say your being honest with yourself... so I ask again do you actually WANT to be with your husband? Simply yes or no.
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Old 6th September 2018, 7:56 AM   #390
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But thatís because youíve already bonded with the kids. If you found out one of the kids was not your sonís way before the kid was born, would you not think itís the biological parents responsibility to raise the kid?

Plus, itís always easy for us outsiders to say I would treat all the kids the same. The truth is, many if not most parents or grandparents play favoritism even when all the kids are biological. Thereís a poster on here who chose to give up the 1-year-old baby when he found out his then wife did the same to him.

I wanted to know why the OP chose not to tell her husband that he might not be the father when she learned that she's pregnant, and why she chose to have unprotected sex with the OM when she and her husband were trying to have a baby. These actions went far far beyond sex addiction or wanting attention from men.

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I don't think you did that either. I think you have treated your husband horribly but I don't get the people here who are insisting that you have to tell your MIL so that she has the opportunity to reject your baby. You have done enough to betray your husband so I don't think you should be going behind his back to talk to his mother. If he wants her to know then it's up to him to tell her.

And I don't think she would reject your baby anyways. Not if she already loves her. I know if I found out one of my grandchildren wasn't biologically mine due to my daughter in law having an affair it wouldn't change my feelings for that child at all. I'd be mighty upset at my daughter in law but that grandchild would still be the same child to me. If I did try to reject her I'm pretty sure my son would set me straight on that.
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