Boyfriend and prostitutes

[Asunflower]

Hello,

 

This is a sensitive problem and i would like, if possible, to look at it beyond the judgmental eye...

 

I m having a relationship with a man that was married, and during the time he was also with me(and before me), he used to visit prostitutes... This happened for 4 years and 2 years while he was with me. I don t know the exact number, but it s around 100 or so:(

 

I know that he stopped, i know that you will ask why i m with him... But the fact it s, i am. I recognized this is a huge issue, people fight their **** and sometimes they choose the wrong path.

 

I just want to know if you ve heard about this before or if someone went to something similar. How did you support your partner? Did they really stop?

[BaileyB]

Oh darling... He is putting your health at risk when he does this. And, it's unlikely that he will stop.

 

Not to scare you, but there was a man on this board who once gave his wife HIV because he engaged in the very high risk behavior of visiting prositutes.

 

Your health comes first. Your physical health, and your emotional health. You simply MUST leave this guy...

 

Surely you value your health and wellbeing more than this...

[BettyDraper]

There is no reason to stay with a man who cheats on you with sex workers.

[4fin]

There's even greater issues than the very valid ones above. Many of these women were probably teen runaways taken advantage of by the lowest of the low. How do you participate in such a system? There is a misconception that women from good back grounds but financially strapped made an informed decision to have consensual/contractual sex on there own. I'm not saying some did not but I'd say it's largely a myth. Where is To Dream in Blue when you need her? She seems like a great person who was a sex worker. I'd like to know what she thinks.

[wmacbride]

Hello,

I m having a relationship with a man that was married, and during the time he was also with me(and before me), he used to visit prostitutes... This happened for 4 years and 2 years while he was with me. I don t know the exact number, but it s around 100 or so:(

 

 

Op,

am I correct in my understanding that he cheated on his wife with you as well as the prostitutes?

 

If so, then I doubt he will change, unless he admits it is a problem and takes concrete steps to address them. By this I mean he gets therapy or counseling etc.

 

If this part of his behavior concerns you, then talk to him about it. Quite frankly, I doubt he has stopped. Seeing that many goes well beyond curiosity and may even prove to be an obsession.

[d0nnivain]

Habitual cheaters don't change. He couldn't keep his marital vows. He repeatedly lied to his wife. He lied to you & cheated on you. The fact that you believe him when he tells you he has stopped with the prostitutes he's lying to you. Please get yourself tested for STD's. Then get a new BF

[Asunflower]

Op,

am I correct in my understanding that he cheated on his wife with you as well as the prostitutes?

 

If so, then I doubt he will change, unless he admits it is a problem and takes concrete steps to address them. By this I mean he gets therapy or counseling etc.

 

If this part of his behavior concerns you, then talk to him about it. Quite frankly, I doubt he has stopped. Seeing that many goes well beyond curiosity and may even prove to be an obsession.

 

Yes you understand correctly. He used to go 2 years before he met me and 2 more years after he net me. He said he stopped when everything blew off(his wife found out and she told me). He started therapy last year and said he hasn t done this again. Now, as you can imagine, believing him it s a choice... a f***ing conscious one. Do i know for sure, 100% that he is not going? No, i don t. I choose to believe he isnt... I have moments when this pops into my head, like if he s not answerig the phone right away or stuff like that.

[d0nnivain]

The reason you are having these "moments" is that you don't trust him. You don't trust him because he has repeatedly failed to behave in a trustworthy manner.

 

You need to also remember that he never told you about this little habit of his. You learned about it from his EX-W. She sounds like a class act. I wouldn't say the same about him.

[Mumbles]

Righto, well, largely predictable responses to this subject. Thats fine and it is what it is. Not that useful though, to helping the OP understand her mans mind, nothing really on the 'why', therefore hard for the OP to really feel like she's got something to work with insofar as "will he keeping doing this".

 

Heres a reality check from a man who's been down this rabbit hole.

 

Lets push aside the relatively small percentage of men who just simply lust after a new body constantly. Those guys will likely never recover from their 'addiction' and you'll have to take verbal and non verbal queues from him to try and determine if the boyfriend is one of these guys.

 

For the vast majority of other punters though, a goodly proportion of them, though not half, are single guys, or separated guys who aren't getting theirs and are going mental from lack of physical contact. If the bf falls into this category, its probably reasonably safe to assume that if he's getting the physical contact he needs then other activities are likely to cease, probably immediately.

 

Then there is the rest - not single, not separated, but still seeing working girls. These are not the player type guys I mention above who are simply strongly, overwhelmingly motivated to always chase a new body. These are, by and large, just normal suburban guys living normal suburban lives.

 

You've got to ask the 'why' with these guys or you simply won't understand anything. There is _always_ a why.

 

I know a lot of working ladies, a lot, really ... personally (ie; we dont get physical, but we do socialise in a normal social group). Overwhelmingly their customers are married or in another similar LTR. They are seeing the girls because something is not right in the bedroom at home. Its unusual for this reason to be as simplistic as 'the wife won't do *something*' (insert specific sexual act here).

 

More commonly, overwhelmingly, its an almost complete lack of physical intimacy, and not only talking PiV here, but all physical intimacy. For a huge proportion of males in this situation they will simply lead their miserable lives and suck-it-up. For some though, something happens whereby they get the opportunity and consciously decide to take the red pill.... and down the rabbit hole they go.

 

There is no 'unlearning' something you've learned, without a scifi memory wipe anyway (smile). To use the Matrix theme again, Neo could never re-enter the Matrix and 'unlearn' what he'd learned by taking the red pill - he wouldn't again be able to function inside the comfortable ignorance of the Matrix ever again.

 

So it is with men who engage in paid sexual services. They will never unlearn what they've discovered.

 

Does this mean that these men are irredeemable? No, not at all. But the women in their lives are going to have to come to terms with their past and also realise that in a cognitive sense, they are no longer the exclusive 'gatekeepers' of sexual interaction. The sounds worse than it needs to be, but its a real thing that both parties need to be aware of.

 

In many parts of the western world (in particular), at this specific point in time, its become a more or less socially accepted norm that the female in a relationship determines, largely, almost exclusively, the nature and the frequency of intimate physical relations. There are decent reasons for this and I'm not trying to promote that this is, at base, an unnatural or bad thing.

 

However, it can reach a point of ridiculousness where the male partner is simply not getting enough physical interaction to lead a mentally and physically happy life. "Suck it up" is something we see constantly reinforced here on LS in these cases, fine ... whatever ... but you can see where I'm going - for those men who've already taken the red pill, they know, full well, they they needn't grin and bear it - there are options.

 

Women who are focused on their own needs and wants to the exclusion of others, or, those who cannot or choose not to take responsibility for their part in a LTR will likely struggle to be happy with a man who's taken the red pill.

 

To paraphrase a social philosopher: responsibility is something I own ... rights are someone elses responsibility. For someone to have the 'right' to a monogamous relationship, implies that their partner bears the responsibility of that ... to not wander.

 

For both people in a partnership to take on the burden of responsibility to create and maintain a monogamous relationship requires them both to fully own and take on board that responsibility.

 

All the chatter above, about STD's and whatnot, all true, all valid - but these are talking to the symptom, not the root cause, of particular activity. Take away the root cause, and none of the worry and hand wringing about catching a nasty from your wandering spouse needs to be considered ... there simply won't be any wandering.

 

A happy couple, both man and woman, who's mutual needs, in all facets, not only the physical, are being met by their partner, will never find themselves in a situation where they are facing Morpheus and the choice of the red or blue pill. Because they are not searching, that door will never present itself.

 

Or, we can pretend its all guff, as we have a tendency to want to believe, and get all pissed off and hurt when a deeply unhappy man (or woman for that matter, this does swing both ways) makes a choice that he really shouldn't ever have to make.

[JDJ]

Righto, well, largely predictable responses to this subject. Thats fine and it is what it is. Not that useful though, to helping the OP understand her mans mind, nothing really on the 'why', therefore hard for the OP to really feel like she's got something to work with insofar as "will he keeping doing this".

 

...

 

Or, we can pretend its all guff, as we have a tendency to want to believe, and get all pissed off and hurt when a deeply unhappy man (or woman for that matter, this does swing both ways) makes a choice that he really shouldn't ever have to make.

 

Such an eloquent and thought-provoking post!

[Just a Guy]

Hi Folks, what Mumbles said makes logical sense. However, there are people on this planet who are sexually driven and will never find sexual satisfaction with just one person. You could say they are promiscuous by nature or offer whatever other explanation you want to. The fact is that they are always hankering after variety and even if they are happily married and getting all the sex they need at home, it is just not enough. This is the reason one has these alternative lifestyles proliferating.

 

In OP's case, I would think her partner is what is termed a sex addict. It is an obsession with him and whenever he gets the urge he just goes and satisfies it in the simplest way he can by visiting a sex worker. Like any addiction he would probably need a rehab program to cure him and even then he could relapse. To my mind his problem stems from a deeper psychological problem embedded in his subconscious mind and he may have to visit a psychiatrist to get to the root of the problem to be able to cure it. I would recommend that the OP try the treatment dispensed by Dr. Brian Weiss for a lasting cure for the problem. This is just my opinion and you are welcome to take it or leave it. Warm wishes.

[major_merrick]

Just to chime in on this one...In the past, I visited prostitutes. Massage girls, whatever. I've also had sex with tons and tons of other girls. I'm still not totally sure of my motivations, but at least for me, there were a couple of different reasons.

 

First, I like sex. I like a lot of it. Definitely for a woman, I'd say my sex drive is higher than average. Outside of a high-quality relationship, it takes quite a bit of casual sex to keep me content. Prostitution is an easy/quick fix.

 

Second, relationships don't always go well. In the past, I've been a cheater. I never cheated with a prostitute, but knowing myself I would have. It is a simple fact that intimate relationships rely on sexual intimacy. If it is lacking, a sex-driven partner will seek out another source. Sometimes a wounded person will seek out someone who is specifically a substitute for the person they love or would like to love.

 

Since he cheated on you and you found out from someone else, that puts him in a pretty dangerous category for you. Continuing that relationship is unlikely to have a positive outcome. That said, I'm a recovering cheater and I'm making a good faith effort to change. My husband is aware of my wild tendencies, as are my GFs (poly relationship) although they aren't totally aware of the details.

 

I can tell you that if someone with cheating/purchasing tendencies wants to change, the effort will be noticeable. For example, a while back I was being pursued by another girl. I wasn't with my husband at that point, but I involved my GF#1. I let her take the lead, and she let the other girl know that it just wasn't going to happen. There will be some degree of openness about someone who wants to change, and a willingness to give up some degree of personal freedom to allow their partner to police their actions. For me, one thing I did was to let my GF#1 come along with me to work in the morning. She still drives me to work, and picks me up afterwards...it has turned into a nice bonding time.

 

As yourself if your partner is making any noticeable effort? Is it believable? Change is tough and the odds are against you, but it is possible.

[Mrin]

Sorry but, no... oh hell no.

[Just a Guy]

Hi Major_Merrick, I am a little confused by your post. Can you clarify as to what your status is? Are you a lesbian or a bisexual woman who is now in a heterosexual marital relationship? You have mentioned a husband and at the same time have mentioned GFs and poly relationships. At the same time you mentioned that some 'girl' was chasing you recently and you let your GF#1 handle her and fob her off. It all becomes a bit confusing when so many variables are added into the mix without a qualifying explanation.

 

Having said that I think what you have had to say dove tails with what I said in my post. For some women sex just by itself without any emotional attachment can and does happen and this reflects the way men can have sex without getting emotionally attached. For most women this is not possible and attachment invariably follows sexual union with a man be it their SO or some other man(as in an affair). The so called Hotwives regularly have sex with other men with only the minimal of emotional feelings being engendered for them. This is why they can maintain the kink without it damaging their primary relationship. However, even they sometimes fall prey to the emotional quicksand that is ever present in such types of liaisons. The point is that a certain degree of promiscuousness exists in all of us but most people are able to keep it in check. In some cases the urge may just be too strong and as the saying goes "The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak" , conundrum comes into play and the weak willed fall by the way. In any case I do not know what the OP wants to do with the situation which has been handed to her but the fact is that she is where she is because she wants to be there. The ball is entirely in her court. Best wishes.

[d0nnivain]

Why someone cheats is not as important to me as the fact that they cheated.

 

If somebody has a high sex drive, craves strange, prefers multiple partners, is a sex addict . . . whatever . . . be up front about it so I can make a choice not to date you. Don't go behind my back & then try to justify it on the grounds that you "can't help it."

 

Why does the person who wants to be with others get to make that choice & try to stick me with it when I have been denied the opportunity to chose to not be with somebody who thinks like that?

[BettyDraper]

Righto, well, largely predictable responses to this subject. Thats fine and it is what it is. Not that useful though, to helping the OP understand her mans mind, nothing really on the 'why', therefore hard for the OP to really feel like she's got something to work with insofar as "will he keeping doing this".

 

Heres a reality check from a man who's been down this rabbit hole.

 

Lets push aside the relatively small percentage of men who just simply lust after a new body constantly. Those guys will likely never recover from their 'addiction' and you'll have to take verbal and non verbal queues from him to try and determine if the boyfriend is one of these guys.

 

For the vast majority of other punters though, a goodly proportion of them, though not half, are single guys, or separated guys who aren't getting theirs and are going mental from lack of physical contact. If the bf falls into this category, its probably reasonably safe to assume that if he's getting the physical contact he needs then other activities are likely to cease, probably immediately.

 

Then there is the rest - not single, not separated, but still seeing working girls. These are not the player type guys I mention above who are simply strongly, overwhelmingly motivated to always chase a new body. These are, by and large, just normal suburban guys living normal suburban lives.

 

You've got to ask the 'why' with these guys or you simply won't understand anything. There is _always_ a why.

 

I know a lot of working ladies, a lot, really ... personally (ie; we dont get physical, but we do socialise in a normal social group). Overwhelmingly their customers are married or in another similar LTR. They are seeing the girls because something is not right in the bedroom at home. Its unusual for this reason to be as simplistic as 'the wife won't do *something*' (insert specific sexual act here).

 

More commonly, overwhelmingly, its an almost complete lack of physical intimacy, and not only talking PiV here, but all physical intimacy. For a huge proportion of males in this situation they will simply lead their miserable lives and suck-it-up. For some though, something happens whereby they get the opportunity and consciously decide to take the red pill.... and down the rabbit hole they go.

 

There is no 'unlearning' something you've learned, without a scifi memory wipe anyway (smile). To use the Matrix theme again, Neo could never re-enter the Matrix and 'unlearn' what he'd learned by taking the red pill - he wouldn't again be able to function inside the comfortable ignorance of the Matrix ever again.

 

So it is with men who engage in paid sexual services. They will never unlearn what they've discovered.

 

Does this mean that these men are irredeemable? No, not at all. But the women in their lives are going to have to come to terms with their past and also realise that in a cognitive sense, they are no longer the exclusive 'gatekeepers' of sexual interaction. The sounds worse than it needs to be, but its a real thing that both parties need to be aware of.

 

In many parts of the western world (in particular), at this specific point in time, its become a more or less socially accepted norm that the female in a relationship determines, largely, almost exclusively, the nature and the frequency of intimate physical relations. There are decent reasons for this and I'm not trying to promote that this is, at base, an unnatural or bad thing.

 

However, it can reach a point of ridiculousness where the male partner is simply not getting enough physical interaction to lead a mentally and physically happy life. "Suck it up" is something we see constantly reinforced here on LS in these cases, fine ... whatever ... but you can see where I'm going - for those men who've already taken the red pill, they know, full well, they they needn't grin and bear it - there are options.

 

Women who are focused on their own needs and wants to the exclusion of others, or, those who cannot or choose not to take responsibility for their part in a LTR will likely struggle to be happy with a man who's taken the red pill.

 

To paraphrase a social philosopher: responsibility is something I own ... rights are someone elses responsibility. For someone to have the 'right' to a monogamous relationship, implies that their partner bears the responsibility of that ... to not wander.

 

For both people in a partnership to take on the burden of responsibility to create and maintain a monogamous relationship requires them both to fully own and take on board that responsibility.

 

All the chatter above, about STD's and whatnot, all true, all valid - but these are talking to the symptom, not the root cause, of particular activity. Take away the root cause, and none of the worry and hand wringing about catching a nasty from your wandering spouse needs to be considered ... there simply won't be any wandering.

 

A happy couple, both man and woman, who's mutual needs, in all facets, not only the physical, are being met by their partner, will never find themselves in a situation where they are facing Morpheus and the choice of the red or blue pill. Because they are not searching, that door will never present itself.

 

Or, we can pretend its all guff, as we have a tendency to want to believe, and get all pissed off and hurt when a deeply unhappy man (or woman for that matter, this does swing both ways) makes a choice that he really shouldn't ever have to make.

 

I believe that there is a lot of truth to your advice. Nobody should get into an exclusive romantic relationship if she refuses to be physically intimate for an extended period of time. Both partners have a responsibility to meet each other's emotional and physical needs. I cringe when I see wives doling out sexual favors to their husbands as a manipulative ploy. That's emasculating and cruel. I'm only focusing on women because as you said, we are the gatekeepers of sexual satisfaction in a relationship and I have not noticed any husbands using sex to control their wives.

 

I'm not sure if your post completely applies to the OP's situation.

It appears that her boyfriend has a history of going outside monogamous relationships for sexual satisfaction. He doesn't seem like he needs any justification for this since he has been unfaithful to his wife as well as his girlfriend. At the very least, this man lacks integrity since he has no qualms about lying to women he claims to love.

[Els]

The issue here isn't really the prostitutes, but rather the cheating. If he'd cheated on you with his co-worker or whatever, my answer would still be the same - it's certainly grounds for a divorce. Especially when it was done REPEATEDLY.

 

"Lack of sex" isn't an excuse for affairs, not any more so than "lack of dates" or "lack of connection" is (and we don't even know if any of that is the case in the OP's R). If you can't handle the normal ups and downs in a monogamous relationship, don't be in one. It's a free world in most developed countries, you are free to remain single forever or engage in polygamous or open relationships if you so choose. If the lack of sex/dates/connection exceeds normal ebbs and flows, then perhaps you might want to consider leaving, or informing your partner that you are going to open up your R and allowing them to make the informed decision to leave. Instead of taking the cowardly, yellow-bellied way out and sneaking around.

 

I'd bail.

 

Edit: I just re-read your post and it appears he cheated WITH you, not just on you? Well, yeah, you kinda reap what you sow in that case. Not sure why you would expect him to be faithful to you if he couldn't be faithful to his wife.

Edited March 25, 2018 by Elswyth

[BettyDraper]

The issue here isn't really the prostitutes, but rather the cheating. If he'd cheated on you with his co-worker or whatever, my answer would still be the same - it's certainly grounds for a divorce. Especially when it was done REPEATEDLY.

 

"Lack of sex" isn't an excuse for affairs, not any more so than "lack of dates" or "lack of connection" is (and we don't even know if any of that is the case in the OP's R). If you can't handle the normal ups and downs in a monogamous relationship, don't be in one. It's a free world in most developed countries, you are free to remain single forever or engage in polygamous or open relationships if you so choose. If the lack of sex/dates/connection exceeds normal ebbs and flows, then perhaps you might want to consider leaving, or informing your partner that you are going to open up your R and allowing them to make the informed decision to leave. Instead of taking the cowardly, yellow-bellied way out and sneaking around.

 

I'd bail.

 

Edit: I just re-read your post and it appears he cheated WITH you, not just on you? Well, yeah, you kinda reap what you sow in that case. Not sure why you would expect him to be faithful to you if he couldn't be faithful to his wife.

 

I agree wholeheartedly with former OWs reaping what they sow.

If a man will cheat with a woman, he won't have a problem with being unfaithful to her as well.

 

Normal ebbs and flows are very different from partners actively refusing to meet typical needs in a relationship. That behavior is selfish and I wonder if their partners cheat as a way to respond in an equally self centered manner.

 

I don't believe that infidelity is a healthy way of handling a troubled relationship but I do think that relationships come with shades of grey rather than black and white. I can empathize with a cheater without condoning their actions.

[Just a Guy]

Hi Donnivain, you are absolutely correct in your stipulation that the fact of cheating is the sticking point and not the reason why someone cheats. However your stipulation holds true only if the OP was the BS. She, in fact, was the man in question's collaborator and mate in cheating herself and so she foes not occupy theoral high ground to question his actions in cheating. However, as a woman who is in love with a man who has a character defect which leads him to satisfy his sexual desires with sex workers, she is in a position to ask as to the why's and the wherefores before she hitches her wagon to his harness. I think her intention in coming to this forum was to explore possible scenarios and solutions to her beaus problem. It was in this context that I formulated my reply to her query. Best wishes.

[Keats]

Your talking to a mistress LOL

 

Wife, mistress, prostitutes...

 

Righto, well, largely predictable responses to this subject. Thats fine and it is what it is. Not that useful though, to helping the OP understand her mans mind, nothing really on the 'why', therefore hard for the OP to really feel like she's got something to work with insofar as "will he keeping doing this".

 

Heres a reality check from a man who's been down this rabbit hole.

 

Lets push aside the relatively small percentage of men who just simply lust after a new body constantly. Those guys will likely never recover from their 'addiction' and you'll have to take verbal and non verbal queues from him to try and determine if the boyfriend is one of these guys.

 

For the vast majority of other punters though, a goodly proportion of them, though not half, are single guys, or separated guys who aren't getting theirs and are going mental from lack of physical contact. If the bf falls into this category, its probably reasonably safe to assume that if he's getting the physical contact he needs then other activities are likely to cease, probably immediately.

 

Then there is the rest - not single, not separated, but still seeing working girls. These are not the player type guys I mention above who are simply strongly, overwhelmingly motivated to always chase a new body. These are, by and large, just normal suburban guys living normal suburban lives.

 

You've got to ask the 'why' with these guys or you simply won't understand anything. There is _always_ a why.

 

I know a lot of working ladies, a lot, really ... personally (ie; we dont get physical, but we do socialise in a normal social group). Overwhelmingly their customers are married or in another similar LTR. They are seeing the girls because something is not right in the bedroom at home. Its unusual for this reason to be as simplistic as 'the wife won't do *something*' (insert specific sexual act here).

 

More commonly, overwhelmingly, its an almost complete lack of physical intimacy, and not only talking PiV here, but all physical intimacy. For a huge proportion of males in this situation they will simply lead their miserable lives and suck-it-up. For some though, something happens whereby they get the opportunity and consciously decide to take the red pill.... and down the rabbit hole they go.

 

There is no 'unlearning' something you've learned, without a scifi memory wipe anyway (smile). To use the Matrix theme again, Neo could never re-enter the Matrix and 'unlearn' what he'd learned by taking the red pill - he wouldn't again be able to function inside the comfortable ignorance of the Matrix ever again.

 

So it is with men who engage in paid sexual services. They will never unlearn what they've discovered.

 

Does this mean that these men are irredeemable? No, not at all. But the women in their lives are going to have to come to terms with their past and also realise that in a cognitive sense, they are no longer the exclusive 'gatekeepers' of sexual interaction. The sounds worse than it needs to be, but its a real thing that both parties need to be aware of.

 

In many parts of the western world (in particular), at this specific point in time, its become a more or less socially accepted norm that the female in a relationship determines, largely, almost exclusively, the nature and the frequency of intimate physical relations. There are decent reasons for this and I'm not trying to promote that this is, at base, an unnatural or bad thing.

 

However, it can reach a point of ridiculousness where the male partner is simply not getting enough physical interaction to lead a mentally and physically happy life. "Suck it up" is something we see constantly reinforced here on LS in these cases, fine ... whatever ... but you can see where I'm going - for those men who've already taken the red pill, they know, full well, they they needn't grin and bear it - there are options.

 

Women who are focused on their own needs and wants to the exclusion of others, or, those who cannot or choose not to take responsibility for their part in a LTR will likely struggle to be happy with a man who's taken the red pill.

 

To paraphrase a social philosopher: responsibility is something I own ... rights are someone elses responsibility. For someone to have the 'right' to a monogamous relationship, implies that their partner bears the responsibility of that ... to not wander.

 

For both people in a partnership to take on the burden of responsibility to create and maintain a monogamous relationship requires them both to fully own and take on board that responsibility.

 

All the chatter above, about STD's and whatnot, all true, all valid - but these are talking to the symptom, not the root cause, of particular activity. Take away the root cause, and none of the worry and hand wringing about catching a nasty from your wandering spouse needs to be considered ... there simply won't be any wandering.

 

A happy couple, both man and woman, who's mutual needs, in all facets, not only the physical, are being met by their partner, will never find themselves in a situation where they are facing Morpheus and the choice of the red or blue pill. Because they are not searching, that door will never present itself.

 

Or, we can pretend its all guff, as we have a tendency to want to believe, and get all pissed off and hurt when a deeply unhappy man (or woman for that matter, this does swing both ways) makes a choice that he really shouldn't ever have to make.

[Asunflower]

Thank tou for your support.

 

I opened this thread to get some insight into this issue... Yes, i am still with him. He isn t doing it anymore(it s what he says, of course i can t be 100% sure but i choose to believe he isn t on that path again).

 

He didn t do that because of lack of sex... He was having sex at home and also with me. As I understood, it was a coping mechanism for some personal crap... We don t use the word “sex addiction” much but i believe it s what it was... U know, like of someone drinks for 4 years, that s called an addict. When you cannot control your urges anymore and u get that fix, that s an addiction.

 

Considering he is a handsome, potent man with no problems in having women willing to have sex with him, what he did was a ****ty ego fix, power, control, proving that he is good etc... Or it might be a mommy thing.

 

Whatever the real reason, of course it concerns me, not only that he could do it again, but all this coping with life and that ego fix don t usually go away so easily. In my other thread i talk about his issue of me having sex with another man when we were broken up by his choice. Of couse, everyone is like”omg, double standards, why is he having that problem considering what HE did?”

 

Well, those questions are in my mind as well. Some people say he s a psychopath, some say he s a narcissist, sociopath etc. Some people ask why am i with him...

 

I m trying to understand, especially from a man s point of view what am i dealing with here...

[Miss Clavel]

 

I m trying to understand, especially from a man s point of view what am i dealing with here...

 

im trying to understand how you're not pissed about all the money he throws away.

[Mumbles]

im trying to understand how you're not pissed about all the money he throws away.

 

Well at a guess ... its because its _his_ money, not hers, and she has no rights over it (???)

[Mumbles]

Whatever the real reason, of course it concerns me, not only that he could do it again, but all this coping with life and that ego fix don t usually go away so easily. In my other thread i talk about his issue of me having sex with another man when we were broken up by his choice. Of couse, everyone is like”omg, double standards, why is he having that problem considering what HE did?”

 

Well, those questions are in my mind as well. Some people say he s a psychopath, some say he s a narcissist, sociopath etc. Some people ask why am i with him...

 

Mmm. Be cautious. I was quite careful in my lengthy response a few posts ago. If your SO is in fact a narc, or any of the other cluster-B personality disorders then you are in for a rough time ... and promiscuity is only one of them, and a relatively minor one at that.

 

Its important that you get a bit of a grip on this early, because everything else will result from that. I'd strongly suggest you do a bit of background research, youtube is not a bad source for an introduction, but of course it can't stop there

 

 

I m trying to understand, especially from a man s point of view what am i dealing with here...

 

There are punters, like me, and then there are cluster-b personality disorders. Whilst viewed through the lens of promiscuity they may seem to present in the same way, to a casual observer, but they are not and its going to be really important for you to try to nut out what your SO is, because your search for knowledge, and, probably, your responses, will be strongly coloured by what type of man your SO is.

 

My wife is, I am certain, a HPD, histrionic personality disorder. This is a form of narcissism that presents most commonly in women - though not exclusively. I've had my fair share of struggles with this and am happy to go on a journey with you if you think your SO is most likely a narc.

[Mr. Lucky]

I m trying to understand, especially from a man s point of view what am i dealing with here...

 

Interesting how you're more interested in his use of prostitutes than his extramarital relationship with you. Why have you accepted being the OW?

 

Mr. Lucky