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My thoughts today. How to destroy a strong beautiful woman


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How to destroy a strong beautiful woman

 

You make her feel like she’s the most important person in your world. You make her feel safe and taken care of.

 

You hold her with such care that she feels like the world and all her fears dissolve. Every time you get close to her face you can’t help but kiss her.

You promise to be her rock and make her feel that it is ok to vulnerable. You vow to be only hers and promise to always be there. When in sickness and in health is tested in your relationship you make sure she knows that you are by her side and will always love her.

 

When she feels unattractive and low because she is so sick you remind her how beautiful and amazing she is.

When she says she is insecure and feels there is something wrong in the marriage you reassure her that everything is fine, it’s just work and stress not her at all.

 

While you are doing all of these things you continue to put yourself in situations where your boundaries are tested with another woman. You start talking to her more and more and begin to feel more and more alive.

You test waters that should not be tested and before you know it you are engaging with this woman mentality, emotionally and physically.

 

You then begin to shift your love, attention and focus to this new shiny object of your affection. Your amazing beautiful wife begins to look worse and worse in your eyes. She is nowhere near as alluring as the new person and she is always questioning you, wanting to know where you are and nagging. The grass keeps looking greener and greener on the other side. You have never felt this way before.

 

When your wife catches you, you lie and make empty promises. You can’t decide and won’t decide. You deserve it all. Eventually the strong beautiful woman says choose. You tell her you have lost your attraction to her and don’t feel “in love”with her anymore. Really, she has changed so much since your involvement with the other woman. She’s so sad all the time, and angry.

 

How could you stay with that compared to the happy welcoming loving woman you have been seeing. She never makes you feel shame or guilt, she’s always happy to see you and understands that you have other things in your life besides her.

When your wife says enough and wants you to leave act aloof and even if it hurts don’t tell her. Keep seeing the shiny new woman and start thinking about the freedom and shiny new life you will have. Yes you have destroyed a strong beautiful woman and your family, friends and reputation, but this is about you and you need to be happy.

 

When your wife tries to express her sadness and anger make sure that you never have too much time to listen, she has friends for that.

Success, Now she is destroyed and has to pick herself back up again. She will have to regain self confidence and self worth, learn to trust herself and others again and support your children through this mess.

 

She will be fine though because she is a strong beautiful woman after all and she will find the strength To push forward. In fact you may not even recognize her in a year or two. Hopefully your decision of destruction was worth it, because there is no going back now.

 

That is how you successfully destroy a strong beautiful woman. However, because she is strong she will not remain destroyed forever. Be careful when the Phoenix in her rises that you don’t find yourself the one being destroyed by the flames.

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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todreaminblue

red your writing is beautiful you made me cry....beautifully written ...that is all i have to say...my throat hurts...you are gifted..shine on.....debxo

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Hi Red, well written! This sounds like the epitaph of your marriage. It shows you have borne the buffeting and come out the other side bruised but not broken. It also indicates that you have finally wrung the remnants of your relationship, the memories good and bad, the bonds of love that once held you so strongly bound to another, completely from your mind and heart. In other words you have now wiped the slate clean and are ready for a completely new and fresh start in life.

 

What can one say except Bravo and keep your spirits high. I guess your soon to be ex husband will slink into a corner and lick his wounds and watch from afar as you step triumphantly out to carve a new and happy life for yourself which does not include him. Warm wishes.

Edited by Just a Guy
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Sadly we see examples of this all too often when reading between the lines on LS and other infidelity sites. I am always taken aback by how the WS, when seeing the pain and suffering of the BS, say they didn't mean to hurt anyone. It is such a stupid thing to say, if you have someone who loves you so much, how else do you (general you) expect them to react?

 

All too often the WS projects their unhappiness onto the BS, blaming them for everything and enabling them to justify the A with their sense of entitlement. That they keep up the facade while at home of nothing being wrong, of problems at work etc to excuse their ****ty behaviour while seeing someone else, is all too common.

 

I wish people would understand just how blessed they are to have another love them with all they have, how the giving of trust is such a huge gift and how truth and leaving, while hurtful, is far easier to cope with, than betrayal. far too many BS feel less than when the A is discovered, most are shocked as the WS does such a good job of denying and lying.

 

I have never understood how someone can be an enabler to a WS, when I was younger a MM used to keep asking me out, he was so, so handsome and I really liked him, BUT, I had seen his wife and their 4 young girls, had seen them together and she looking at him with so much love and he toward her. All I was to be was a diversion, a chance for him to have some excitement that she had no time for in her busy life and I very firmly sent him packing. I could imagine what she would feel if she found out and knew I would be less of a woman to enable that.

 

If this is your life Red, I just know that the strong, beautiful woman is still there, she might be feeling a bit battered by life right now, but, you will recover and you will shine. xx beautiful, but sad post and one most of us recognise

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todreaminblue
S

I have never understood how someone can be an enabler to a WS, when I was younger a MM used to keep asking me out, he was so, so handsome and I really liked him, BUT, I had seen his wife and their 4 young girls, had seen them together and she looking at him with so much love and he toward her. All I was to be was a diversion, a chance for him to have some excitement that she had no time for in her busy life and I very firmly sent him packing. I could imagine what she would feel if she found out and knew I would be less of a woman to enable that.

 

i agree

 

i think girl code should be revived......theres a code of conduct should be upheld in support of all women.....and each other......to strengthen marriage and families not rip them apart.....you dotn chase taken men ....you dotn encourage taken men....you feel for the women as you would feel ..if it were you...because really it is...we are women and we should stand strong and united on right and wrong single or married we should stand the same way..... especially with men who dont seem to care really for either woman more their own pleasure and happiness ............they need to learn ....girl code matters......marriage matters .women ...matter..and so does truth and honesty...deb

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i agree

 

i think girl code should be revived......theres a code of conduct should be upheld in support of all women.....and each other......to strengthen marriage and families not rip them apart.....you dotn chase taken men ....you dotn encourage taken men....you feel for the women as you would feel ..if it were you...because really it is...we are women and we should stand strong and united on right and wrong single or married we should stand the same way..... especially with men who dont seem to care really for either woman more their own pleasure and happiness ............they need to learn ....girl code matters......marriage matters .women ...matter..and so does truth and honesty...deb

 

I'm not a christian, but I do agree with the idea of treating others the way one would want to be treated yourself. it's easy to stray from that path ( I know I sure have at times), but it is still a very sound principle.

 

I never like the excuse of " it just happened" when it comes to an affair. Perhaps that is valid for a drunken one night stand, but in any other case, it was a series of choices, and at any time during the process of a relationship starting, a person always has the time and opportunity to take a step back and consider what they are doing. For someone to not do so is an actual choice they have made.

 

I completely agree with op about the heartbreak of having your trust violated, especially if you are someone who finds it difficult to put their faith in someone else. Them doing so is such a huge gift.

 

op it sounds like you have taken a terrible situation and are finding your way back. Adversity has not broken you, and in fact, very much sounds like it is making you even stronger.

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Hi Todream, what you said above works both ways. It is as applicable to men as it is to women. Sadly too much is made of the male female divide. There is no divide.ne and women are complementary. Each by themselves is incomplete in some way. As a couple, a man and a woman multiply each other so long as they are in harmony. It is only when they lose that harmony that they become discordant and become less than their individual parts. Infidelity is the saddest disservice one human being can do to another. It is also one of the most selfish things that one spouse can do to their significant other.

 

However, in the greater scheme of things, I think these are lessons that life teaches some of us who have a need for a lesson as bitter as this one. This dimension that we occupy, dense as it is is ideal for learning such bitter lessons. I do not want to expound on metaphysical theories as I think most folks on here are sceptical about such things. All I can say is there is a greater purpose for all of us than a mere mortal life lived once and then forever to be extinguished. Whatever we learn through suffering here on earth foes not go to waste but helps us grow spiritually. I think we all need to hold on to that thought to make sense of what happens in our lives otherwise everything would be meaningless.

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todreaminblue
I'm not a christian, but I do agree with the idea of treating others the way one would want to be treated yourself. it's easy to stray from that path ( I know I sure have at times), but it is still a very sound principle.

 

I never like the excuse of " it just happened" when it comes to an affair. Perhaps that is valid for a drunken one night stand, but in any other case, it was a series of choices, and at any time during the process of a relationship starting, a person always has the time and opportunity to take a step back and consider what they are doing. For someone to not do so is an actual choice they have made.

 

I completely agree with op about the heartbreak of having your trust violated, especially if you are someone who finds it difficult to put their faith in someone else. Them doing so is such a huge gift.

 

op it sounds like you have taken a terrible situation and are finding your way back. Adversity has not broken you, and in fact, very much sounds like it is making you even stronger.

 

 

you dont have to be christian to believe in this principle and follow it.....

 

Therefore all things whatsoever ye would that men should do to you: do ye even so to them: for this is the law and the prophets.

 

you just have to feel its right and solid guidance for a happy life....we all fail..i fail horribly ....i try not to repeat my mistakes.....being christian doesnt save from failure or make us better than anyone else..for sure ...we arent....god loves us all....equally.....following christ gives us peace after failure and strength to get back up again and keep trying.............cheers wm......deb

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todreaminblue
Hi Todream, what you said above works both ways. It is as applicable to men as it is to women. Sadly too much is made of the male female divide. There is no divide.ne and women are complementary. Each by themselves is incomplete in some way. As a couple, a man and a woman multiply each other so long as they are in harmony. It is only when they lose that harmony that they become discordant and become less than their individual parts. Infidelity is the saddest disservice one human being can do to another. It is also one of the most selfish things that one spouse can do to their significant other.

 

However, in the greater scheme of things, I think these are lessons that life teaches some of us who have a need for a lesson as bitter as this one. This dimension that we occupy, dense as it is is ideal for learning such bitter lessons. I do not want to expound on metaphysical theories as I think most folks on here are sceptical about such things. All I can say is there is a greater purpose for all of us than a mere mortal life lived once and then forever to be extinguished. Whatever we learn through suffering here on earth foes not go to waste but helps us grow spiritually. I think we all need to hold on to that thought to make sense of what happens in our lives otherwise everything would be meaningless.

 

 

ima coming back to you.....interesting...deb

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Starswillshine

You may knock her down for awhile, but a strong woman always gets back up and becomes stronger.

 

Much love!!!!

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todreaminblue
Hi Todream, what you said above works both ways. It is as applicable to men as it is to women. Sadly too much is made of the male female divide.There is no divide.ne and women are complementary.

 

for sure men should have a code of conduct.... and they should just as much value marriage and women...everyone who makes vows and promises should keep them and a code of high conduct towards others is really quite simple if if you love them as if loving yourself....you see them as you are.......and you treat them the same.....everyone is accountable for their own actions and their own choices....

 

not so long ago i wrote that the masculine and the feminine are a perfect complement to each other.....that opposites in relationships in that respect can complement each other.

 

Each by themselves is incomplete in some way. As a couple, a man and a woman multiply each other so long as they are in harmony. It is only when they lose that harmony that they become discordant and become less than their individual parts.

 

 

i dont know if its harmony but more a mix of respect a given, appreciation of differences and hard work.....opposites are needed to achieve the best possible resolution in life.....discord,arguments, mistakes will always happen its how you manage to get through those you find personal progress and mutual progress together....opposites like magnets...will always clash.....to become one ....pressure needs to be exerted and it is hardly ever harmonious....like coal ...unless you put extreme pressure .......you wont get diamonds.....and how you make a diamond sparkle is in the way you cut it....how steady those hands are..time and effort.......like a relationship between a man and a woman...you wont cut the grade unless you stay steady in spite of disharmony and a wonky workbench.....

 

 

the more steady you are the more the diamond will sparkle....and be of higher value unfortunately....that value will be seen there will be jealousy externally and that pearl fo great price or diamond if you will i prefer a pearl to a diamond analogy lol.... it will be envied.......when people feel jealousy and envy they seek to destroy what they themselves dont have,.......women love the diamonds of high value...as they should...but they should wait for their single diamond....in the rough...i work with coal....so should they and see the potential..they want a diamond ready made....when it takes time and effort to make a diamond and so much pressure they cannot cut the grade so certain types of women steal it instead.....pfft burglers..not interested in coals.....i love coal...it shines ...you just have to look harder....its part of my personality to see beauty in coal.....i see potential and i build men up.....to be confident in every way...i support my man and motivate him ...in every way i can ...he can chase his dreams get that job he wants and become successful....i leave men better than i found them....an din this its mostyl confidence with women ....not so fortunate because whereas i stay true to them ...they dotn stay true to me...i just havent met my coal that deserves me yet....

i specifically used girl code...because like op ...i could have written exactly the same story as her...except....i stayed steady.....year after year ....affair and ons after another....now if you think i think myself superior for staying steady you would be wrong...because it was self harming......we were mismatched opposites......lasted fifteen years.....but in those fifteen years ..i went through what op went through never able to heal fully ..taking hit after hit to the relationship and getting back up again and working my forgiveness to the bone......till it ripped me apart and i nearly died..... because it was like a self harm fulfilling prophecy when we finally split....the song that came on the radio when i finally knew i couldnt fight anymore....i was done.....my girls in the back seat of the car....i looked back at them......with a huge fat frog in my throat and it burning inside me as how to save a life from the fray came on.......my girls still dont like to hear that song...they saw it in my eyes ...i was done.....and i was court ordered to hospital not long after......the women who had had affairs knew he had a family and through the years gfs i confided in about my ex .how much i loved him the little things he did how i was felt so lucky that a man could love me the way he did..betrayed me and slept with him.....hence girl code and my throat closing up when i read ops post....i felt that big fat frog in my throat again..that car ride ...and the end.....girl code is important and so is a mans code of honor....but with girls.....when nurture gentleness and compassion should be key and desirable......they are being forgotten and girl code ....is becoming a memory......it needs to be taught fi it cant be felt...girl code is nurturing families.....marriages...to love and honor .......a man code is to defend and protect guard and keep safe all that exist within his home...and honor above all...his wife over others......its all askew...

 

as far as what you have written below there are some complex thoughts int here and i am tired my granddaughter was sick this morning so i was up with her....ill come back because i have some thoughts you might appreciate to share and discuss....i like your thoughtfulness and the complexity of the theories you present...like deep waters. thank you for sharing them....

 

as far as op goes....she was smarter than me......muchly so... i am very glad to have read her story because in her story theres a happy ending with a beautifully written expression of pain and healing........i love the happy endings ....eases the fat frogs in my throat..:0)...or creates them i haventdecided which....

 

.much love op xo...deb

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Infidelity is the saddest disservice one human being can do to another. It is also one of the most selfish things that one spouse can do to their significant other.

 

However, in the greater scheme of things, I think these are lessons that life teaches some of us who have a need for a lesson as bitter as this one. This dimension that we occupy, dense as it is is ideal for learning such bitter lessons. I do not want to expound on metaphysical theories as I think most folks on here are sceptical about such things. All I can say is there is a greater purpose for all of us than a mere mortal life lived once and then forever to be extinguished. Whatever we learn through suffering here on earth foes not go to waste but helps us grow spiritually. I think we all need to hold on to that thought to make sense of what happens in our lives otherwise everything would be meaningless.

Edited by todreaminblue
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Hi ToDream, thank you for your response. You have previously shared a part of your story on this forum and all I can say is that life has been a rollercoaster for you. You have suffered much including indignities and humiliation which no human being should have to suffer but you have come out the other side still pristine in your nature and spirit. That is a beautiful thing and possibly there a very few people on here who can lay claim to such strength of character as you have displayed in your life. You are a survivor and can always hold your head high in the presence of others.

 

On a different note I have to say that inspite of what you may think, all that you have been through has been something that is designed to help 'you' (your soul) learn lessons which are learnt much more quickly and effectively here as mortals than they are in the spiritual world. If you are interested I would suggest that you read two books which will give you an idea about what I am talking about. These books are ' Heaven is Real' by Pastor Todd Burpo and ' Proof of Heaven' by Dr. Eben Alexander. The first book is the story of Pastor Burpo's four year old son who had a near death experience while in a coma due to a serious illness and the second one is the experience of Dr. Alexander himself who also was in a coma for a week due to a severe form of meningitis. Dr. Alexander is a neurosurgeon of repute and has analysed his experience coming from a scientific background so as to dispel any notion of quackery or charlatanism in his story. If you do read these books they will change your perspective of our lives on Earth and in the afterlife. Both these and other books on related matters are very empowering and emancipating. They will help to free one from the fear that usually haunts all of us, especially the fear of death. Hope you found some of this helpful. Warm wishes.

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todreaminblue
Hi ToDream, thank you for your response. You have previously shared a part of your story on this forum and all I can say is that life has been a rollercoaster for you. You have suffered much including indignities and humiliation which no human being should have to suffer but you have come out the other side still pristine in your nature and spirit. That is a beautiful thing and possibly there a very few people on here who can lay claim to such strength of character as you have displayed in your life. You are a survivor and can always hold your head high in the presence of others.

 

On a different note I have to say that inspite of what you may think, all that you have been through has been something that is designed to help 'you' (your soul) learn lessons which are learnt much more quickly and effectively here as mortals than they are in the spiritual world. If you are interested I would suggest that you read two books which will give you an idea about what I am talking about. These books are ' Heaven is Real' by Pastor Todd Burpo and ' Proof of Heaven' by Dr. Eben Alexander. The first book is the story of Pastor Burpo's four year old son who had a near death experience while in a coma due to a serious illness and the second one is the experience of Dr. Alexander himself who also was in a coma for a week due to a severe form of meningitis. Dr. Alexander is a neurosurgeon of repute and has analysed his experience coming from a scientific background so as to dispel any notion of quackery or charlatanism in his story. If you do read these books they will change your perspective of our lives on Earth and in the afterlife. Both these and other books on related matters are very empowering and emancipating. They will help to free one from the fear that usually haunts all of us, especially the fear of death. Hope you found some of this helpful. Warm wishes.

 

 

thankyou justaguy for your thoughts and for your book suggestions they are the types of books i love to read.....

 

i believe with all my heart ....that i have had some faith shaking experiences in my life ...with men ...and for my belief in love,forgiveness and god.....i dont believe i have been taught lessons at all by god would not give lessons of such nature which defies loving reprovement consequence and or "life he gave" with lessons that were unbearable and cruel.....i have had to rely on my faith to get me through......and faith love and forgiveness transcend life.....

 

 

a good friend of mine an atheist once asked me deb how can you let them treat you the way they do(she often forgets i am christian ) .....why do you do the things you do (let people stay in my home who use or abuse me) or forgive people who take things from em and dont look back.....and i told her because one day i will be that there has to be more to life than this.....that one day i will be rewarded for just doing what i feel is right.....and time and again i have been in need myself......of forgiveness or charity or kindness offered to me so timely...and i have been blessed to have those tender mercies ...in the darkest days my faith renewed......over and over again during trials

 

trials are not lessons.....and like you i believe there comes a need for refinement for personal progression.....a humbling.....and there is also times there's consequences for poor choices.....consequence to me is temporal and of natural man and refinement is divine and of god and our own faith and spirituality......

 

what im really scared of justaguy is that god thinks he is creating some kind of leader in me by giving me hard trials of faith.....the navy got it wrong with me too......they wanted me to be a leader and i declined the offer....they put me on show caused jealousy to stir up by saying that i had the highest iq in the intake that year the most promising recruit i was also the youngest female ...........and then offered me a red rope....

 

what foilowed was me being bullied a lot...and i was effectively cut down a young woman with hardly any female friends 2000 km from home hated by women who were older and should have known better......they went beyond bullying and sabotaged my reputation.....

 

and i asked for an honorable discharge....and i got one.....so thats my biggest fear is failure and people turning on me..........i am not a leader im a supporter a cheer squad a motivator a mediator a unifying person who wishes to support and help leaders..ill be the last one through the door to make sure everyone else is there...i want to create good confident leaders....i am not confident in my ability to lead..i create confidence in others......or am i confident to have a position of importance ...i decline them....and i get scared because great leaders have great trials and i am not a leader nor would i be great..i love team work....

 

i beleive however god loves me in spite of my glaring flaws and believes in me.....as much as i believe in him...even when i didnt talk to him...i still loved him in my heart ...and i dont believe god has set out to teach me lessons of cruelty and pain.....i believe a lot of them were because of the natural man in me and others who have serious issues.....and god has decided to use those as trials of my faith to make good of horrible ugly actions of others adn my own i guess he reminds me of them to keep me humble and compassionate with others...........i believe he has trialed me because he wants me to become something i dont believe i can be... ....because he loves me.

 

i believe poor choices i have made have cost me consequences..i dont believe they were lessons...i already know right from wrong and i accept my responsibility when i make poor choices... i accept as consequence rightful.....i pay when i do something wrong....i believe intrials more than lessons because .....trials follow my family......and god would not teach m lessons by hurting my family...because it makes me want to die ...and it has nearly succeeded when my family is hurt ...i get very sick........that is not of god.....god loves families...it is evil.....and the cruelest thing to do to me ..is too hurt the ones i love...god knows it destroys me...and i believe in an interventionist god.....and miracles.....he would save my family or there is no use in ...saving me....i cannot live forever without them...that is not my passion or hearts desire.......i would go to outer darkness...as long as the ones i love ...are safe...i will find peace.....i send warm wishes right back at you...and thank you again for the books i love good books with hope in them and love.......deb.....

Edited by todreaminblue
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Hi Red, I was mulling over your thread title and it seems to me that it is incomplete. To my mind it should have read"My thoughts today, 'How to destroy a beautiful and strong woman but not succeed in the attempt'". The fact is that you are not destroyed and if anything , have emerged stronger from this ordeal! As time goes by I should think you will go from strength to strength and in the process gain in self confidence and self esteem. This would only add to your allure and desirability so that the next man in your life will value and treasure you as your stbx husband should have. Isn't it sad that some of us do not value what we have until it is lost to us and beyond our reach. I am sure your stbx husband will be kicking himself for how he has hurt himself. He will probably carry his remorse for his loss to his grave. In any case I wish you the very best going forward in your life. Make it good. Warm wishes.

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Hi Red, I was mulling over your thread title and it seems to me that it is incomplete. To my mind it should have read"My thoughts today, 'How to destroy a beautiful and strong woman but not succeed in the attempt'". The fact is that you are not destroyed and if anything , have emerged stronger from this ordeal! As time goes by I should think you will go from strength to strength and in the process gain in self confidence and self esteem. This would only add to your allure and desirability so that the next man in your life will value and treasure you as your stbx husband should have. Isn't it sad that some of us do not value what we have until it is lost to us and beyond our reach. I am sure your stbx husband will be kicking himself for how he has hurt himself. He will probably carry his remorse for his loss to his grave. In any case I wish you the very best going forward in your life. Make it good. Warm wishes.

 

Thank you. The title was actually a bit of a snide remark. My post was my true feelings but I was trying to write it outside of myself. I find writing therapeutic and posted it thinking others may relate to the emotions behind it.

My STBXWH is moving out on the first into a room in someone else’s house. He is still seeing the married MOW and has lost a lot of people. I am sad but am looking forward to the healing I will be able to do with him gone. I truly think he hit a midlife crisis and in the coming months is going to have a very rude awakening of the consequences of his choices. He will have to deal because I am moving forward without him.

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