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Wife Is in Love with Her boss- I can't process it


Infidelity In an affair or suspect your significant other? Share your experiences and concerns here.

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Old 1st March 2018, 9:39 PM   #61
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I hear you on everything i really do. My point is my wife is the issue. She can be dead to me. I am just asking the question, will it not ruin this other family? I am already ****ed, I am just trying to think of a one year old child here.
The olthrr family is already ruined they just donít know it yet. Youíre just looking for excuses to do nothing.

Exposure is your only weapon.

Strength is a mindset.

Youíd better wake up. Women are turned off by weakness
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Old 1st March 2018, 9:42 PM   #62
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Quit wallowing in the mire of infidelity.

She’s not some special snowflake.

The problem is your are affraid.

Of what? That she’s gonna leave you?

She already has!!! You just don’t get it yet

Last edited by Marc878; 1st March 2018 at 9:45 PM..
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Old 1st March 2018, 9:47 PM   #63
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When exposing you do it without warning so they don’t get together and conspire against you
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Old 1st March 2018, 10:06 PM   #64
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Hi b2121,
I feel bad about all these things happening to you. I was reading the posts here and I was compelled to say that in the end you need to take care of yourself. I am new here and I didnít know that this whole affair has been hitting you hard for years. The only thing I can add here is to recommend a book called Boundaries by Henry Cloud. Consider finding it in the library or buying one. The book is about how to restrict certain things on spouses who are not putting up with their end. While you are waiting for things to happen, consider it might help empower you on how to rein in your wife. I know that some people here might not like it but it did help some people I know.
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Old 1st March 2018, 10:15 PM   #65
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Tell her in no uncertain terms that because you loved her so much you only want her to be happy. Go fĒĒk whomever you want. You just canít do it as my wife. So I am taking steps to get out of infidelity. Fortunately the law provides legal means to do so. And Iím using those steps. Here are the divorce papers Iíve had my lawyer file. Please sign here that you have received them. Or a uniformed sheriff will serve them on you at your place of work.

Then leave the room. You have nothing further to discuss at that time. Oh, tell her future communication will be to and from your lawyer as she has nothing to say that is of interest to you.

No contact means no new hurt.

I assume you have taken steps to financially untwine yourself with her and to protect yourself.
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Old 2nd March 2018, 9:14 AM   #66
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I wouldn't tell his wife because you don't have proof of the affair.

Without proof...you'll look like the bitter husband who can't accept his wife wife doesn't love him anymore.

You can tell her you're splitting up because your wife has told you she's in love with her husband.

I think that will be enough to quench whatever is going on or might have gone on.
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Old 2nd March 2018, 11:45 AM   #67
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You need to be willing to lose the marraige to save it. You can't love her back into caring about you. She smells weakness dude. WE smell weakness. She is going to chew you up and spit you out. She may not even do it on purpose.

If you have any chance of keeping her with any dignity you have left in one piece. File for divorce. You don't need to go through with it BUT SHE NEEDS TO BELIEVE YOU WILL. You need to be smart. You need to think ahead. You need to control your emotions. Any decisions made from emotion are going to screw you. But we both know you won't do it. I can smell the fear dripping like venom off your posts. For **** sake years ago when she was carpooling you should have put your foot down. NOW THE SITUATION IS WORSE.

I get it your some new age feminist she male type. Men and women are equal and the same in every way. Your not supposed to EVER be angry with a woman. it's always the males fault. ....... how is that working for you?

You need to do the 180 look it up. You need to file. You need to send her the message that YOU DON'T NEED HER. The message your currently sending is that you need her more then air. It's not sexy it's not manly and she will lose all respect for you. Honestly I think its too late for you and her. but it's not too late for you to get your own self respect back.

Has anyone talked about the fact this guy still lives in a one room apartment? She probably selected her boss because he is the opposite of this guy. Manly with more money.

Dude your a mess. If you where my buddy I would beat the crap out of you for your own good. There are 3 and a half billion women on earth. You can do better then a lying cheating bitch. If you can't cut her off the ask for an open marriage because I can assure you she is already treating this like one.

If you do the 180 cut her out of your life and make that last more then a few months and she is still begging you back, then and ONLY then can you start making rules and expectations for her. Don't rug sweep.

But somthing tells me your wife has already lost respect for you. And earning respect is alot easier then winning back lost respect. People don't respect doormats. You need to respect yourself or noone else will. There have been dozens and dozens of men who come onto this board and do the pick me dance. It never works and inevitably they almost always come back to say you guys where right.
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Old 2nd March 2018, 11:53 AM   #68
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You need to be willing to lose the marraige to save it. You can't love her back into caring about you. She smells weakness dude. WE smell weakness. She is going to chew you up and spit you out. She may not even do it on purpose.

If you have any chance of keeping her with any dignity you have left in one piece. File for divorce. You don't need to go through with it BUT SHE NEEDS TO BELIEVE YOU WILL. You need to be smart. You need to think ahead. You need to control your emotions. Any decisions made from emotion are going to screw you. But we both know you won't do it. I can smell the fear dripping like venom off your posts. For **** sake years ago when she was carpooling you should have put your foot down. NOW THE SITUATION IS WORSE.

I get it your some new age feminist she male type. Men and women are equal and the same in every way. Your not supposed to EVER be angry with a woman. it's always the males fault. ....... how is that working for you?

You need to do the 180 look it up. You need to file. You need to send her the message that YOU DON'T NEED HER. The message your currently sending is that you need her more then air. It's not sexy it's not manly and she will lose all respect for you. Honestly I think its too late for you and her. but it's not too late for you to get your own self respect back.

Has anyone talked about the fact this guy still lives in a one room apartment? She probably selected her boss because he is the opposite of this guy. Manly with more money.

Dude your a mess. If you where my buddy I would beat the crap out of you for your own good. There are 3 and a half billion women on earth. You can do better then a lying cheating bitch. If you can't cut her off the ask for an open marriage because I can assure you she is already treating this like one.

If you do the 180 cut her out of your life and make that last more then a few months and she is still begging you back, then and ONLY then can you start making rules and expectations for her. Don't rug sweep.

But somthing tells me your wife has already lost respect for you. And earning respect is alot easier then winning back lost respect. People don't respect doormats. You need to respect yourself or noone else will. There have been dozens and dozens of men who come onto this board and do the pick me dance. It never works and inevitably they almost always come back to say you guys where right.
It is what it is but we have a one bedroom by choice. I make very good money and probably have considerably more money than her boss by a good amount. Well soon to be half of what it was, but we have plenty of money.

That's actually one of the ****tiest parts if I need to sell off any investments I will be paying a huge capital gains tax if I can't simply allocate what she's owed in asset form and need to provide cash.
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Old 2nd March 2018, 11:58 AM   #69
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Any losses that...

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It is what it is but we have a one bedroom by choice. I make very good money and probably have considerably more money than her boss by a good amount. Well soon to be half of what it was, but we have plenty of money.

That's actually one of the ****tiest parts if I need to sell off any investments I will be paying a huge capital gains tax if I can't simply allocate what she's owed in asset form and need to provide cash.
Any losses that... you incur as a result of the divorce with be worth every single penny X 10.

You can't see that now, but after you get away from this woman for a while, wow, are your eyes going to open up.

Just keep moving forward...
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Old 2nd March 2018, 12:05 PM   #70
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I hear ya and I do appreciate how much you have been active in here.

I am slowly coming to terms with it as the shock wears off. Made her stay at a friends house so she's not around this week while i am handling ****.

Told her to have a new checking account by Saturday and that I will be going through assets to get a better understanding of the whole picture, to which she thought I was just trying to get a reaction out of her.
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Old 2nd March 2018, 12:50 PM   #71
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I hear ya and I do appreciate how much you have been active in here.

I am slowly coming to terms with it as the shock wears off. Made her stay at a friends house so she's not around this week while i am handling ****.

Told her to have a new checking account by Saturday and that I will be going through assets to get a better understanding of the whole picture, to which she thought I was just trying to get a reaction out of her.
b2121 you just got her attention in a major, major way. The sleeping giant is awaking and will soon be over the shock phase and entering into the anger phase. Protect your finances, make sure she can't clean out your bank account without your signature(happened to me). I guarantee you she is thinking about you at work today and not her boss. Feel's good to get control of your life again does it not? While she is away think about what it is that you want. Do you want to try again with someone that has already proven that if an opportunity to cheat occurred and she thought she could get away with it she will act on it. Is it better to end things with her and find someone new? Talk to a lawyer so you know your rights.

If reconciliation is what you want then decide on what your requirements for staying in the marriage are. Set boundaries and the consequences for breaking them. I would suggest a post nuptial agreement that gives you a larger portion of the marital assets if you divorce because of another infidelity(hers). Spouses that don't honor their marriage vows will often honor a sever financial consequence. If she doesn't like your terms isn't it better you know now rather then spending years in false reconciliation with her? The onus is on her to prove it's worth your while staying married to her, not the other way around because she is plain and simply, a sh*ty wife(no mater how pretty she is). Stay no contact, read up on the "180" and follow the 180 guidelines, this will help you detach from her so you can make decisions about your future which may not include her. She's already shown you the future she wants and what she wants isn't important to you at this time, this is only about you. She didn't expect this from you my friend, good work. You can't nice them back, they need to want to be with you of their own accord, that means 100% all in or get rid of her.
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Old 2nd March 2018, 1:06 PM   #72
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it does feel good to not be on the chase and make peace with that part of me being dead. I told her yesterday, where we also agreed to not speak until saturday ( though I am not going to call her on sat or text her and if she does call i am not picking up), that I am done chasing and that i am going to take care of myself for myself and no one else and that while nothing is in stone I am not going to make myself available and I gave her a criteria of what i would need one day.

I also told her that whilst i'm making myself better she should really have some self respect and with or without me in her future understand that her boss is not an option and she needs to make peace with that to understand what she really wants down the road. She admired my clarity and level-headedness and left.
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Old 2nd March 2018, 1:08 PM   #73
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By telling her to get a new account by Saturday - she can still deplete the joint accounts to move it into her name only.

Make sure she has NO access to big amounts that she can move.

Get your assets into your name only before she does! That includes long term investments!
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Old 2nd March 2018, 1:11 PM   #74
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She's not that type of person ( backlash to come I know), but most of my assets are in accounts she has no access to.

She has access to the cash which might be around 30k, but ill take half of it in a new account.

The bulk of the assets which is six figures is in crypto and other assets that she couldn't find with a detective if she wanted.
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Old 2nd March 2018, 1:38 PM   #75
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She's not that type of person ( backlash to come I know), but most of my assets are in accounts she has no access to.

She has access to the cash which might be around 30k, but ill take half of it in a new account.

The bulk of the assets which is six figures is in crypto and other assets that she couldn't find with a detective if she wanted.
It's great seeing you take some progress steps. Something that you need to keep in mind when thinking about her: don't fall into old habits of thinking you know her and what kind of person she is. Truth is you don't know her...the real her. And even if you think you did, you don't know her in this sort of situation. You don't know who she will be a year from now in the middle of the legalities of a divorce. So don't act on who you think she is and how she will act. Act based on it being a stranger who you have no ideas about. You will act smarter, and protect yourself.

Don't assume she is entitled to half. She may spend it and then fight that you made her move out and you own half that cost. Stop making assumptions and go full-on protect-yourself mode. She wants to cheat...she can finance it herself instead of spending your money to see her love interest.
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