LoveShack.org Community Forums

Reload this Page LoveShack.org Community Forums > Romantic > Marriage & Life Partnerships > Infidelity

It took me awhile but I did it 😊


Infidelity In an affair or suspect your significant other? Share your experiences and concerns here.

Like Tree118Likes
 
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 29th January 2018, 10:03 AM   #1
Established Member
 
Sofie2013's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: NYC
Posts: 537
It took me awhile but I did it 😊

I haven't posted anything in awhile, but I do check in every once in awhile. So I hope everyone is doing well. I promised myself to keep you all update If anything happened between me and my ex husband. Most of you have also asked. So I feel I owe you guys an update. In short my husband(Ex) and I have decided to reconcile.


So my story is pretty well documented but here's a quick recap for those who didn't follow my story. About 4 years ago I was involved with another mm. My husband would discover my affair with the mm. The affair would lead to my divorce. I tried to do everything in my power to prevent my husband and I from getting a divorce and save our marriage but it wasn't meant to be. After the divorce we continued see each other on and off, kind of like fwb. But for the last two years we mostly maintained the relationship as friends/ good co parents and nothing more. Until this summer my ex husband started contacting me more and more just to talk. Calls and text turned into fun family outings with boys. The more time we spent as family lead to us spending more time by ourselves. We kind of started dating each other again. Things real started to change during the holidays. The boys really wanted him to spend thanksgiving with us and my family. So I offered him to stay guests bedroom so he wouldnít have to drive all the way back to his apartment in the city. He agreed but didnít sleep in guest bedroom that night 😊. Since then heís been sleeping here a few times a week. After the New Years joked he should just move back in since heís here almost everyday. A week later he asked me how I would feel if he moved back in. I obviously was ecstatic. So after taking about a little more we agreed he should move in.


So it just happens today is the day heís suppose to move in. The boys donít know yet I kind wanted to keep it a surprise for them. I can't wait to see the look on their faces when they find out that dad is moving back home. I know they miss him being around just as much as I do.
Sofie2013 is offline  
Old 29th January 2018, 10:17 AM   #2
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2017
Location: USA
Posts: 1,177
Thank you for the update. You and your ex-husband are a lovely couple, and deserve to get back together. I remember that he started dating around after the divorce. Did you get into dating at all during the last few years?
JuneL is offline  
Old 29th January 2018, 10:56 AM   #3
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 597
Great update. Love the way it is working out for the family.

Also, love your avatar. That kind of philosophy leads to happy endings!

Wish you the best and continued success in the reconciliation!
NotCamelot is offline  
Old 29th January 2018, 11:58 AM   #4
Established Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 1,398
Its really nice coming here today and reading this. You should be really proud of yourself. Your really are in a small group of people that ever really got it.

Good for you and your family.

I wish you all the best.

C
Clay is offline  
Old 29th January 2018, 12:11 PM   #5
Established Member
 
Join Date: May 2015
Posts: 1,308
Congratulations. Now, if the two of you are going to rebuild this relationship, what are you going to do going forwards to ensure you have good boundaries and be a safe partner to him?
Cephalopod is offline  
Old 29th January 2018, 1:57 PM   #6
Established Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: India
Posts: 1,885
Hi Sophie, I don't really remember your story but I'm sure I must have read through it at the time since I had joined the LS fraternity by then. Reconciliations make great endings for painful events like you and your husband must have endured. In any case the way it has occurred indicates it's a win win situation for both you and your husband. It is only when things are swept under the carpet and the WS is not really remorseful, that the reconciliation is false and recovery and healing for the BS is a pipe dream. Your story and that of living DKT3 are an inspiration to all those folk who are making an attempt to reconcile authentically.

I think a hearty congratulations is in order to both of you. Also an excellent start to the new year. Warm wishes.
Just a Guy is offline  
Old 29th January 2018, 2:17 PM   #7
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2017
Location: USA
Posts: 1,177
If you remember her epic threads, you can see that Sophie loves her husband deeply and is still super attracted to him. Personally, I think such affections simply cannot be forced nor faked. For many people who have cheated on their spouse, they don't even respect the spouse thar much, and the reason they want to reconcile is mainly a practical one (afraid of change, finance, not wanting to be alone, kids, among others).
JuneL is offline  
Old 29th January 2018, 2:26 PM   #8
New Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: England
Posts: 8
Wonderful news.
georgyboy is offline  
Old 29th January 2018, 3:53 PM   #9
Established Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 509
I remember your original stories.
This is indeed good news and I wish you both all the best for the future.
Thanks for the update.
Davey L is offline  
Old 29th January 2018, 4:28 PM   #10
Established Member
 
aliveagain's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Just East of the Rockies
Posts: 3,204
Yes, I remember your situation. You were having an affair with a work colleague, your husband called your hotel room at 4 am in the morning to tell you about your sisters accident and your affair partner answered the phone. I remember asking you if you would consider divorcing but then live together afterwards. I was pretty hard on you at the beginning trying to get you to confess your affair before your husband discovered it and that you stood a better chance of saving your marriage if you confessed.

It is obvious he still loves you deeply but like many here infidelity is a deal breaker. Glad you are still a couple, my best advice to you, follow his lead. Do not make the same stupid choices, you can't put a value on your family. Great news, great update.
aliveagain is offline  
Old 29th January 2018, 5:08 PM   #11
Established Member
 
Join Date: May 2015
Posts: 1,308
Sophie has he stopped dating other women? Are the two of you exclusive now?
Cephalopod is offline  
Old 29th January 2018, 5:27 PM   #12
Established Member
 
Sofie2013's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: NYC
Posts: 537
Quote:
Originally Posted by JuneL View Post
Thank you for the update. You and your ex-husband are a lovely couple, and deserve to get back together. I remember that he started dating around after the divorce. Did you get into dating at all during the last few years?
Does dating myself count 😂.

Seriously I didnít date or see anyone. I was mostly to busy. I really needed to rebuild my life after my divorce . I had rediscover who I was, find a new job, help my boys deal with everything that was going on and add a few business ventures my sisters and I started. It was more then enough to keep me busy.

Truth be told I was starting to think about dating again. It just happened to be the guy I would start dating would be my ex.
Sofie2013 is offline  
Old 29th January 2018, 5:36 PM   #13
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 835
Sophie, great news!

Thanks for coming back and updating. The world loves a success story.

As someone who was cheated on, it is really nice to read the success stories of those who have made the changes to better themselves. I applaud you and wish you great success in your new life.

If I could offer one very small piece of advise it would be this:

Do you remember back when you became incredibly turned on by your husband when you realized that he was one tough motherfu*ker in his ability to not only keep his cards close, but his ability to absolutely destroy anything that messed with his marriage? Always, and I mean always keep that in mind. He is a man among men and never forget that.

Now go rip his clothes off and have some fun!

Congrats!
frigginlost is offline  
Old 29th January 2018, 5:39 PM   #14
Established Member
 
Sofie2013's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: NYC
Posts: 537
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cephalopod View Post
Congratulations. Now, if the two of you are going to rebuild this relationship, what are you going to do going forwards to ensure you have good boundaries and be a safe partner to him?

Openness and communication is key. I really believe itís as simple as that.

Weíve talked about it a little bit already. When we first started entering the dating phase. I did what most WS are asked to do when it comes to being transparent. I made a list with all my passwords to all my social media accounts and emails. He looked at me as if I had to two heads. He told me he didnít want to be in a relationship where he had to be a ďwardenĒ. He made very clear if he felt something was off or had a bad feeling about anything, he would straight up and ask if something was up and if he didnít like my answer heís gone.

Itís really all on me, I know what heís expecting from me and I know what I need to do to make this work.
Sofie2013 is offline  
Old 29th January 2018, 6:10 PM   #15
Established Member
 
Join Date: May 2015
Posts: 1,308
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sofie2013 View Post
Openness and communication is key. I really believe itís as simple as that.

Weíve talked about it a little bit already. When we first started entering the dating phase. I did what most WS are asked to do when it comes to being transparent. I made a list with all my passwords to all my social media accounts and emails. He looked at me as if I had to two heads. He told me he didnít want to be in a relationship where he had to be a ďwardenĒ. He made very clear if he felt something was off or had a bad feeling about anything, he would straight up and ask if something was up and if he didnít like my answer heís gone.

Itís really all on me, I know what heís expecting from me and I know what I need to do to make this work.

That's a healthy outlook for him, and it demonstrates that he is putting some trust in you.


As for boundaries, write down your own list of do's and dont's when it comes to your relationship and your every-day interactions with people outside the marriage. Avoiding male friendships or talking to male work colleagues about any topic other than work should be strictly avoided. You should just plan on not having ANY friendships with men other than your husband. That would be a good boundary to start with.
Cephalopod is offline  
 

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

 

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
It's been awhile nathan0726 Coping 5 17th March 2010 12:33 AM
It's been awhile..... mendsley Coping 2 8th August 2009 7:10 PM
It's been awhile saturnsfall Coping 4 21st January 2009 9:06 PM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 10:55 PM.

Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.


Copyright © 1997-2018 LoveShack.org. All Rights Reserved.