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How to Make a Fresh Start with OM

Infidelity In an affair or suspect your significant other? Share your experiences and concerns here.

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Old 15th January 2018, 11:46 AM   #16
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If you canít see it would you like it to be explained?
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Old 15th January 2018, 11:55 AM   #17
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Originally Posted by soshy View Post
Thought it might be a good idea to at least to discuss (ask) it with him before I have him served
I think the member is referring to this, as am I:

Present: The day after I'd asked for a divorce. My friend called and asked to grab coffee. I tell him about the divorce and days later he begins pursuing me.
This lasted 1 month.
This indicates that you had a talk about the divorce at least one month ago and 'asked for a divorce'. Having gone through this, yeah, we had that talk too, agreed who would file and my exW filed a week or so later and I was served by the sheriff two days after that. Easy peasy. Make sense?

I'm also looking at this from an OM perspective since I was one once with a MW who gave lip service to getting a divorce but didn't for years. When we don't see concrete actions, movement, love and hope dies and resentment takes its place. Since you wish to make a fresh start with this OM and have agreed to cease contact until you're divorced, the longer you wait to get started, the less likely he'll be around when you get around to it. Men don't generally stay chaste and committed to a nebulous future with no present reciprocation. That's reality. Exceptions? Sure. I was one. A dope. Great life lesson in MW's.
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Old 15th January 2018, 11:51 PM   #18
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Hi Soshy, I guess it's late in the day and one cannot turn back the clock. However, as a point of interest, I wanted to ask you whether it could be that since you fell for your OM ten years ago, your husband felt the alienation due to vibes/ attitude change on your behalf which led him to his affair? You were in fact, in an emotional affair before your husband cheated on you emotionally or physically, so the question of what came first, the chicken or the egg was more or less settled there. Although you may not acknowledge it, your EA would have enabled you to put up an emotional barrier vis a vis your husband which he would have detected at a subconscious level. I would think this is the barrier which led him to rejecting you sexually, something that you probably wanted him to do subconsciously, as it made it easier for you to continue with your EA guilt free.

So I guess you have played the game well and come out the winner. However, the question remains, Who is the victim in all this? Your husband, your son or your marriage or is it the whole package? Guess you have a lifetime to figure that out. What is it that they say about cheaters getting together? Hope you are able to weather the impending storm. Wish you the best for the future.

Last edited by Just a Guy; 16th January 2018 at 12:05 AM..
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Old 16th January 2018, 9:35 AM   #19
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Originally Posted by soshy View Post

Originally Posted by soshy View Post
Thought it might be a good idea to at least to discuss (ask) it with him before I have him served

He confronted me and I told him the truth. My husband took it rather well.

We both feel very guilty about the fact that I am still married. So, decided to put everything on hold at least until my husband has moved out.
I thought with the above bolded statements that you had already discussed divorce with your husband.
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