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Why wonít she stop?


Infidelity In an affair or suspect your significant other? Share your experiences and concerns here.

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Old 12th January 2018, 9:36 PM   #16
Smj
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I donít know - I guess I hoped to understand her. I guess I wonít ever.

And itís true - I hurt each time it happens and thatís taking something from me. Directing me away from whatís important.

We have a plan now - we will just have to wait and deal each time it happens.

Iím sorry - Iím still in pain, still wishing to understand. Thank you all for letting me vent
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Old 12th January 2018, 9:58 PM   #17
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I also couldn't comprehend why you are staying, considering your children are grown. It's also not right for your daughter to make you stay using her autistic son. So what if your grandson only talks to your husband? They can continue to have a relationship after you two split.
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Old 12th January 2018, 10:16 PM   #18
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Don't say sorry, you are hurt. You won't ever understand her Smj.

The person to understand, or not, is your husband. The man who sleeps next to you in bed.

There isn't anything to 'figure out' beside he had sex with someone not you and was caught.....because this one is being particularly persistent.

That you are taking this on yourself (as so many bs do) is sickening to me.

I wish you and your marriage well. Lot's of married people surpass infidelity.

It is very unlikely that this is his first affair.

That said, what difference does it make? Have counseling for your own self Smj.

Best wishes.
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Old 13th January 2018, 12:29 AM   #19
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JuneL - no, no! I didnít explain that well. My grandson is a great judge of character. Heís 11 and all his young life he knows. The fact that heíd pulled away when WH was hiding stuff, and now he is all in again. He will have a relationship with his grandfather if I stay or leave. It just took seeing him smiling and laughing to make me think, maybe heís being honest?

I stuck with may be heís telling the truth but who cares he had an affair and manipulated me, and I left anyway. I finally came back for a few weeks, mostly to see my IC, get my car and my cat, and Iím currently doing a day by day thing - he knows Iím not all in, and itís on him.

Just FYI - if itís over I do not want the house, just car, cat, (and probably the deaf kitten he adopted right before it all went down cause Iím not leaving her with him), money - the rest is his, furniture, etc. thereís one plate and a stool that belonged to my grandmother, it all fits in my car.

Iím a runner by nature - he is the first person I ever trusted in my life, except my grandmother. Heís the only person I never believed would hurt me, and he did it. Itís like a great big joke! Hurt and more hurt, at 16 I run, finished school on my own, at 19 I stood still long enough to trust someone, in my 20ís I got help. We had amazing healthy strong kids, who have their own amazing kids, I mean, 32 years of happiness, not always perfect. But! Jokes on you S! Took 32 years to set it up! Isnít it funny! Thereís no one in the world who wonít hurt you! No one who isnít bad!

At the ER On DD I kept pointing at people - telling the Dr - that person steals their grandmothers SS money. That person probably murders kittens - they all look normal - but they arenít! The Dr is all / you can trust Me! I said, no, Iím pretty sure you lure teen age boys into your basement and murder them so you can eat their brains. Iím pretty sure they wrote and highlighted on my file ďso very nuts!Ē

Timshel - I am going to counseling on my own. I wasnít and still am not ready for MC. Sheís a trauma specialist, deals with child abuse, ptsd, etc. itís not easy because I felt Iíd dealt with all my childhood so long ago, and she explained that this trauma pulled it all back to the surface. I had terrible flashbacks for over a week.

Itís like a do over from Hell.

My kids, my son in law, they are amazing.
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Old 13th January 2018, 3:13 AM   #20
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I am so sorry you are both going through this, reconciling is hard enough without dealing with an OW who won't give it up. Only you and your H know what you are both doing to try to reconcile. I and my husband (XWH) were together a long time when he had his affair and I balanced all that we had with the A and decided what we had was good enough to work on reconciling. The OW was constantly popping up after 6 years and a 650 mile move, I had empathy for her, helped her, but still she kept on trying to insert herself into our life.

yes, I knew that H had responsibility for the A and my hurt, but her constant attempts after it ended to be in our lives became a problem. I didn't want to take action against her, I figured she was hurt and had enough drama in her own marriage without me adding to her issues, but, enough became enough and we had to involve the police.

it is the problem of both you and your husband and as such a desist letter is essential and should come from you both, if this fails then I am afraid it cannot be ignored and an official letter is the next step. Don't let it drag on, it is hard enough dealing with the A and reconciling without all this. It doesn't have to be nasty, but you really don't nor should you have to, have this. I wish you the very best in reconciling, we are 10 years on from D Day and very happy. It can work, looking ahead instead of back is hard when the OW just won't take no for an answer. x
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Old 13th January 2018, 11:42 PM   #21
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Thank you for the support Seren. I do wish our OW was married, then i would screen shot the emails etc, and send them to him.
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