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Infidelity In an affair or suspect your significant other? Share your experiences and concerns here.

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Old 27th December 2017, 12:43 AM   #46
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Originally Posted by Mr Blunt View Post
Your husband betrayed you and stuck a dagger in your heart. For whatever reason (vengeance?) you decided to have an affair to soothe your hurt and satisfy your emotions.

You want advice? Here is my advice for you. Get all the help that you can so you can learn to FORGIVE your husband and yourself. My definition of forgiveness is that you get to the point that you no longer have hate, anger and revenge; what is your
definition of forgive?
Also, get all the help that you can so that you are accountable to yourself so that you can BUILD YOURSELF BACK UP. You can recover to a great degree but your marriage may not. You can only change you.
Originally Posted by 4fin
I had someone send me an Oprah clip of all things on forgiveness that totally changed the way I approach the subject if not life itself. Forgiveness is giving up hope that the past can be any different.I've told several people that and some get it and some don't. For whatever reason it resonated with me to the core. I used to believe forgiveness was giving something to someone else. That's no longer the case. It's a gift to myself. It may sound selfish but it's a good kind of selfish. It sucks being angry.
Forgiveness is giving up hope that the past can be any different.
That is a good one 4fin!

From an Oprah website I got the two below that seem accurate:

Working It Out
Dr. Hallowell says this step is difficult, but you need to analyze your anger and put your life back into perspective.
  • Flatten the hook (what's holding you back) and rid yourself of the anger that is keeping you from forgiveness. Praying and mediating can help.
  • Take inventory and give thanks for all the things you do have
Read more:
I also found an article from the Berkeley education website

By Berkeley education web site
What Is Forgiveness?

Psychologists generally define forgiveness as a conscious, deliberate decision to release feelings of resentment or vengeance toward a person or group who has harmed you, regardless of whether they actually deserve your forgiveness
In my case with dealing with infidelity, I think focusing on you to build yourself up is crucial. What I did was to make a conscious, deliberate decision to take several actions. Two of those actions were to get closer to my other family members and take actions to rebuild my faith.

My faith helped me to believe that if I desired and strove to please God that my future was going to be OK. In addition, I needed to believe that there was someone that would not betray me, would always be faithful and that I had value; my faith gave me that assurance. I also believed that God would reward me if I diligently sought Him and had faith; that came true in the years that came after the Infidelity. Those are some of the actions that helped me to release negative and hurtful emotions.

Last edited by Moderator; 28th December 2017 at 2:49 PM.. Reason: Fix quote of Mr Blunt
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Old 27th December 2017, 2:45 PM   #47
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I'm glad you enjoyed that Mr. Blunt. I wish I could take credit for coming up with it but I'm really just glad I found it and was at a point where I understood what it meant to give up hope that the past can be any different in the context of forgiveness. It really seemed to apply to the situations betrayed spouses fall in. My situation was so different but it applied well there to.
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Old 28th December 2017, 2:18 PM   #48
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Originally Posted by onehalfmunky View Post
My conscience is clear. I have fun with my friend, but love my husband and father of my two children.
You know, I've taken a break from LoveShack recently because people's repetitive ability to knowingly hurt those they profess to care about simply wore me down.

And onehalfmunky, here you are. Not only do you love your husband but you also have personal knowledge of the pain infidelity causes. And the course of action you choose? You cheat on your marriage...


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"Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for." - Epicurus
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Old 29th December 2017, 12:32 AM   #49
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Hi Mr. Lucky, good to see you again. I guess you are one of the more rational posters on this forum and folks would have missed your advice and opinions. Hope to see you resume posting with vigour. As usual your observation on onehalfmunky is spot on. Warm wishes.
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Old 29th December 2017, 2:47 PM   #50
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I think revenge, vengeance, seeking justice, compensation, retribution, all are good things. Not everyone would agree of course.

I think you should tell your husband about your affair. What's the good of getting revenge in secret?

What you are doing is like if you got punched in the gut so hard you puked, then for revenge you punch your tormentor in the gut, while he is under anesthesia. Lame.
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