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On the verge to lose my marriage and my wonderful and lovable husband

Infidelity In an affair or suspect your significant other? Share your experiences and concerns here.

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Old 21st December 2017, 4:20 PM   #31
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You describe a very strange reaction to your husband going on a business trip. I get that you felt lonely, but the way you chose to react to those feelings of loneliness suggest an underlying emotional problem.
I feel for you, because your actions are so misguided and outright self destructive, they seem to reflect something weak and broken within you. I don't mean that as an insult.
Why did you not marry this ex boyfriend? It seems you were nowhere near over him when you married your husband.
I think your actions are worth discussing in therapy because confident, mature, happy individual do not wreck their own lives this way. This isn't some isolated incident, it indicates you need professional help establishing boundaries, respecting your commitments, thinking your choices through and generally growing up.
As for your husband-you must realise that divorce is a possibility. The outcome is not built solely on your wishes. You can not will him to be married. The fact that his family members know about this are, imo, a sign he is leaning toward divorce. You have to be prepared that this is a plausible outcome.
I will risk saying that many, if not most, men would not forgive such blunt infidelity this early in the marriage.
Imo, your best shot at saving your marriage is getting yourself in to counselling and sorting yourself out, so that if he ever wants to speak to you, you will be able to take responsibility and show emotional progress.
Don't rely on your sneaky ex for comfort.
Do the hard work so you can build a better future for yourself, with or without your husband.
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Old 21st December 2017, 4:27 PM   #32
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As a betrayed spouse I can tell you my experience with my ex. I wouldn't touch her again no matter what, the odds are much greater that a meteorite would hit my house before I would ever have sex with her again. Once she gave away what I would give my life to defend, we were done. You can't unf__K yourself, there is no do over and all that remains to do is the final paperwork, finish what your unfaithfulness started. It is not just the fact that you had unprotected sex with another man, it's the treachery, the double crossing, the breach of trust, the fact that you sold out your husband so easily and only 4 months into your marriage because you couldn't wait a month for him to come home. How happy do you think he was alone in a hotel room in a strange city full of people that don't even speak his language? He was going through the same loss as you, I will bet money you won't find a charge for a hooker on his credit card.

You were living a double life. You replaced your husband with another man while he was working to make a better future for the two of you, in fact you initiated the contact. He thinks about the pain he suffered being away from you and how you humiliated him by allowing video's to be made of your disloyalty. Just imagine how you would feel seeing a video of your husband with some other woman, her legs wrapped around his buttocks, both enjoying themselves. I guarantee you that no matter how long you live that vision will be burned into your memory and nothing will ever take it away.

I say these things to you because you are not seeing the reality of your situation. He is not going to have children with you. Prepare yourself, talk to a lawyer, get counselling, fix what is broken in you so you can have a healthy relationship with someone in your future. Do not let your bad choices define who you are.
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Old 21st December 2017, 5:10 PM   #33
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Originally Posted by unique women View Post
Thanks for the suggestion and already made an appointment with Individual Counsellor and marriage counsellor and I love my husband more than anyone, when it comes to my husband I won't even tolerate or defend my ex-boyfriend.

Update. My husband has blocked me from his phone, email id, Facebook, Instagram, I am not able to contact him, I just want to talk to him,
I have gone to my in laws house, they are not responding.
I have tried contacting my husband colleague and his friends, nothing seems to work out.

I am alone going to my office and coming back to my home, I miss my husband very much,
Canít describe in words how much I miss my husband.
Tomorrow is our 2nd year of marriage anniversary, donít know how and with whom to celebrate.
How can you make an appointment for marriage counseling if you can't even contact your husband? If he doesn't even want to talk to you, then I don't see why he would be open to marriage counseling.

I don't think that you love your husband or else you wouldn't have been able to lie to him during your entire marriage. You also wouldn't be cheating with a man you are so quick to defend.

Even if you and your husband reconciled, I doubt that you would be welcomed into his family. Indian culture prizes virtuous wives and the fact that you cheated makes you unworthy in the eyes of your in-laws. They will never forgive you for this.
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Old 21st December 2017, 5:54 PM   #34
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I think your husband is done with you. You have repeatedly betrayed him. If you love him, don't fight the divorce.
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Old 21st December 2017, 6:22 PM   #35
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"Everyone do one mistake..."

This is more than one mistake. A "mistake" is forgetting to put the garbage out. This was a purposeful decision to do something that would be very hurtful to your husband.

I'm sorry to say, I think your marriage is done. And rightfully so, because this "mistake" is unforgivable.
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Old 21st December 2017, 6:26 PM   #36
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Originally Posted by unique women View Post
I know, i have betrayed my husband, as far video and pics are concernd these are made by my Ex bf.

Definitely , one day i am going to have kids with my current husband.

You can laugh and make fun of me, because of my mistake.

I am alone and sad right now, but definitely one day i will be with my husband.
Your boyfriend may have made the videos, but he could never have made them if you were not having sex with him. YOU own the responsibility for this betrayal.

I would be shocked if your husband took you back. And YOU are responsible for that.

Last edited by BaileyB; 21st December 2017 at 6:28 PM..
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Old 21st December 2017, 6:29 PM   #37
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There is something missing here. Even by LS standards, this is beyond most threads.

Was this an arranged marriage? Maybe your exboyfriend was the one you wanted but had to marry your husband for cultural reasons?

This would explain a lot.
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Old 21st December 2017, 7:08 PM   #38
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You need to stop calling and looking at what you did a mistake. What you did was make a series of selfish, destructive, and hurtful decisions and acted on them. Nothing you did was a mistake.

You also need to ask yourself why you thought it was fine to sleep with someone else just because you were feeling lonely. Let alone why you were clueless enough to let someone film it. Would you be fine with your husband doing the same??

It doesn't seem like you're sorry for what you did or the damage you caused. You don't even come off like you think you've done anything morally wrong. You just seem sorry you got caught and are suffering the consequences. Believe me people will see right through that. Is this the first time you've ever cheated? I'm getting the impression it's not.

I don't know a ton about Indian culture, but I have seen more than a few threads regarding Indian couples in India where the wife is the cheater to pick up a few things regarding infidelity. Your marriage is over. The fact that you seem to be in denial about even that as well again makes me question your thought process.

So you humiliated yourself, your husband, your family, destroyed your marriage and for what??? A married ex-boyfriend you're practically still defending??

Get a therapist, stop being so selfish and self-centered, don't fight your husband on the divorce, and try growing up.

Good luck.

Last edited by JS84; 21st December 2017 at 7:11 PM..
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Old 21st December 2017, 8:48 PM   #39
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Unique Woman.

What did you expect to happen when you engaged in this type of behavior? Why would you think that your husband would forgive you especially within your culture?
If the roles were reversed do you believe that you would be so accepting and forgiving as you want your husband to be?

What happened to your moral compass?
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Old 21st December 2017, 9:07 PM   #40
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Have you read the thread by deepremorse5?
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Old 21st December 2017, 9:44 PM   #41
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Or the thread by Deadsoul.

Both of these should be of help.
ďIt may not be the most important hole in the world, but I am in it"
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Old 21st December 2017, 10:14 PM   #42
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Originally Posted by understand50 View Post
Or the thread by Deadsoul.

Both of these should be of help.
well not so much deadsoul...

deepremorse5 has MANY similarities deadsoul...not so much
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Old 21st December 2017, 11:55 PM   #43
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What you did to your husband will leave permanent damage in his view of you. Even if he comes back to you (doubt) it will not be a deep and fulfilled relationship. You are going to have to face the fact that you proved that you did not have deep and strong love for your husband and he knows that.

Some things in life cannot be fixed. Get professional help, learn to accept your reality, and try to improve your loyalty and trustworthiness for the future. At this point you are a very weak woman that does not understand the true characteristics of real love.
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Old 22nd December 2017, 12:54 AM   #44
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Originally Posted by elaine567 View Post
I do not think you could have done much more to guarantee that your husband never ever wants talk to you ever again, save perhaps murdering his mother or burning his house to the ground.
So far, all we hear is what you want. You have used every opportunity that your husband was gone to have sex and record it with another man, and you expect someone to feel bad for you about your anniversary. Basically you are sorry you got caught and had you been not on a business trip I do not think anyone who reads this believes for a second that you would be still doing it.

If your husband has any brains he will keep it just gthe way it is. You Artie still in contact with your boyfriend and I am sure pretty soon you will be in bed with him again if you do not get your way.

Get a divorce and have as much sex with boyfriend as you want and become a porn star if you want to. But please donít tell us how much you love your husband.

And forget the word MISTAKE. A mistake is when you forget to buy detergent at the grocery store. You made decision after decision to betray your husband knowing exactly what you were doing, and not only that but you recorded it which is even more disrespectful.
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Old 22nd December 2017, 2:00 AM   #45
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Originally Posted by unique women View Post
Thanks for the reply,

i believe ,i need a professional help,

please don't use any harsh words for my ex boyfriend, he is my first love and first person,to whom i lost my virginity.

Offcourse, i love my husband and i want to work on this marriage.
This is not true.

If you are defending your ex, you donít care one bit for your husband.
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