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Husband had affair with my son's girlfriend.


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Old 24th November 2017, 11:06 PM   #1
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Talking Husband had affair with my son's girlfriend.

Let me start by saying my husband is a wonderful husband and father. We have been married for 10 years and have 2 children and I have 2 older son's from a previous marriage. Over the past couple years my husband and I started having difficulty in our relationship. We never stopped loving each other but had a lot of resentment towards each other for things that have happened in the past. My 2 older children were difficult to raise. Their father was absent and had died several years ago. My husband tried his best to be a father to them. My 2 children are adults now. My 19 year old has been with his girlfriend for 5 years and now live together. She is 19, my husband is 39. She had taken advantage of the fact that my husband and I were having trouble amd started flirting and make sexual passes at my husband. Finally after several months my husband thought our marriage was over and acted on her advancements. They had a sexual affair and during that 2 month period my husband and I started working on our marriage. They ended the affair and he came clean about everything. I had already seen lots of signs and confronted him often. I had also confronted her one time and she denied it happening. After I confronted her she met up with my husband. Even though they had ended the relationship they still continued to flirt. We stopped my son and girlfriend now fiance from coming over as much as they were which was almost daily because it was causing lots of hurt emotions when she would visit. Everytime I see her I want to lash out at her. My concern is do I confront her because she is going to be my daughter-in-law and do we tell my son his Stepdad had and affair with his fiance and this isn't the first time she has cheated on him?

Last edited by TheGoodWife; 24th November 2017 at 11:21 PM..
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Old 24th November 2017, 11:33 PM   #2
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Wow. This one hit a new low. I'm sorry you're going through this.

You know, normally I'm in the camp of confessing is a personal choice, but I really think in this case, if you and your husband are working on reconciliation, the son needs to be informed. He needs to understand why his soon-to-be wife can't come over. And she can't.

This is a tough one all the way around, though, because once the son finds out, he will probably not be so forgiving with your H.

Have you forgiven your H?
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Old 24th November 2017, 11:36 PM   #3
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You would let your son unknowingly marry a girl that just cheated on him (and one that cheated with his step-father, no less)?
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Old 24th November 2017, 11:52 PM   #4
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Put yourself in your son's place. Engaged to a man and he has an affair with your mother and other women. Would you want to know before marrying him and having children with him?

How would you feel if you found out that your father (and mother) knew this but kept this information from you?
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Old 25th November 2017, 12:48 AM   #5
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Sorry but you can't let your son marry her with telling him the truth. This will effect the relationship between your husband and him. I would not recommend he marry any woman that would cheat on him before they even marry, specially to a woman that would have an affair with his own stepfather. He is definitely going to need some professional counselling to get through this. Just my opinion but too much has happened to save this. You need to decide what you want to do about your relationship, your caught in the middle of a major train wreck, your son or your husband.
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Old 25th November 2017, 12:53 AM   #6
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Damn, your son needs to know before he makes a giant mistake. It's his choice whether or not he can look past it, but I'm also in the tell him ASAP camp. She didn't just cheat on him with some random guy, but his stepdad! That's a lot more calculated and telling of her character, imo (and your husband's!). A particularly brutal level of betrayal.
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Old 25th November 2017, 1:11 AM   #7
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I would divorce the husband - he had no business engaging in a sexual affair with a 19 year old girl, especially if she was your son's girlfriend. This shows a lack of good judgment that would never be acceptable to me.

Divorce the husband. Tell your son why you are divorcing. Let the chips fall where they may...
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Old 25th November 2017, 1:23 AM   #8
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First off - put the blame where it belongs! Your HUSBAND did this!

All that blame isn't on her - and you said he's a great husband and father - HE IS NOT!!!!!!!!!

Yes - tell your son. And figure out why you're justifying your husband's HUGE betrayal to not only you but also to your son.

I can't see why you'd stay married to a monster like that.

Stop describing him as anything good!

Sorry for the caps folks - this one really pissed me off - the way she didn't hold her husband accountable.

The gal may have flirted - but SHE wasn't the married one! She also wasn't older... your husband is like a perpetrator... I'm left wondering if she was of legal age - he may have commited a crime that should land him in jail!

He is not a good husband. I'd divorce him without thinking twice!

It makes me sick to see you blame her.

If she was not of legal age when he screwed her you need to report him to the authorities. There's consequences for behavior like that - it's called jail time. Do what's right!

Last edited by S2B; 25th November 2017 at 1:29 AM..
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Old 25th November 2017, 1:35 AM   #9
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Wow! I can't believe that you haven't told your son already. If you love him then you have to tell him, immediately. Then I think you need to face reality where your husband is concerned. He is not a wonderful husband and father. He cheated on you for months, with a barely adult women who is young enough to be his daughter and who also happens to be his stepson's fiancÚ. It doesn't get much more despicable and disturbing than that. Now you are colluding with this pair of cheaters to keep your son in the dark. Where is your head? Why are you protecting your no integrity cheating husband over your son?
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Old 25th November 2017, 1:45 AM   #10
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You've put all the blame on her? He is 39 years old. She's barely legal.

You are enabling his behaviour with that reaction.

You may want to remain married to him but you MUST hold him accountable.

This borders on being child abuse. I hope your 2 younger children aren't girls.
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Old 25th November 2017, 1:47 AM   #11
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Tell me how you reconcile this (abut your husband) in your mind? I really want to know.

This really isn't about the girl...this IS about your husband.


When did he cheat prior? And don't say never - because he has.
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Old 25th November 2017, 2:03 AM   #12
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If you don't tell your son now, he will hate you for the rest of his life once he finds out. I wonder what would happen when his girlfriend's parents learn that her would-be stepfather-in-law is a predator who has preyed their daughter.
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Old 25th November 2017, 2:16 AM   #13
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You are also betraying your son by with holding truth from him.

You need to tell and tell now!

He will wonder why the hell your husband still lives with you - you need to take action so your son doesn't also hate you forever knowing you knew yet didn't do something to change the situation.

You HELPED to cover it up. Tell him!

But be prepared - because your son will ask why you're still with him.
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Old 25th November 2017, 4:53 AM   #14
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I blame the girl 50%, old enough to open her legs, so no playing the innocent, ban her from your house, she has a lot to learn, but being promiscuous need not be on the list, she is quite clued-up on that.

Meanwhile give your husband one last chance, and share good times, you both took those vows...

Last edited by darkmoon; 25th November 2017 at 5:06 AM..
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Old 25th November 2017, 6:28 AM   #15
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Quote:
Originally Posted by darkmoon View Post
I blame the girl 50%, old enough to open her legs, so no playing the innocent, ban her from your house, she has a lot to learn, but being promiscuous need not be on the list, she is quite clued-up on that.

Meanwhile give your husband one last chance, and share good times, you both took those vows...

Regardless of what the girl did, she is her sons girlfriend. His mother knows and isn't telling him. And her husband had a sexual relationship that borders on incest and child abuse. Yes it was legal. Just. But morally wrong on SO many levels.
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