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Wife has said she's gone NC with OW, but says it's difficult to do due to OW's job

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Old 25th October 2017, 6:59 AM   #16
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Was your wife sexting back. You said the OW sent pics did your wife return the favor?
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Old 25th October 2017, 11:12 AM   #17
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Your issue is not the O/W your issue is your cheating wife. She is the only one morally obligated and bound to you by her vows. She has been actively dating another woman for the last 8 months(almost 25% of your married life), she did nothing to protect you as her husband even allowed the O/W to post pictures of their escapades on her Facebook. If you have no children think real hard if this is the woman you see yourself growing old with.

Stop the "I will try and end it with her cr*p, she's a cop" expose them if you want it to end. Your wife is still having an affair so don't waste your money on marriage counselling because it is doomed to fail, she's still cheating. You need to talk to a lawyer immediately, listen to what he tells you. Read up on the 180 and implement it immediately because you need to distance yourself from your cheating wife while you weigh all your options. Cheating is a conscious choice, it requires a lot of planning, deception and lying to carry on an affair. Your wife is good at all those things because you had no clue she was having sex with someone else. Exposure is a consequence of infidelity.
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Old 25th October 2017, 6:10 PM   #18
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Is your wife bi sexual? You don't seem too shocked that she cheated and had an affair with another woman. Just saying, cheating is cheating and regardless that it was with an OW, she hurt and betrayed you, went against your marriage vows.

Did she truly feel bad and that's why she confessed to you? or was she pressured to by the OW (meaning the OW was going to approach you about the affair)?

If you love her and want to work with her, then go to marriage counseling. Though your wife needs to learn how to stay faithful and work on herself so this won't happen again.

If you're not sure what to do, don't make any decisions right now. Wait it out and see what her actions show you. Saying I'm sorry is one thing, showing remorse and trying to make amends/rebuild trust is a whole other ball game.
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Old 26th October 2017, 3:53 AM   #19
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Hi OP, Firstly, can you consider changing your locatin to another city? If that is not possible then what some of the other posters have said about your wife seems spot on. She is NOT remorseful, is possibly still in touch with her AP and is trickle truthing you to keep you on slow burn. Simply put your wife was/is just as much culpable as is the woman cop. As others have pointed out, there may be a very good reason for her to have confessed to you about this affair as it is likely someone has seen them together and that someone knows you or her AP and may have threatened some action which has resulted in her coming clean to you.

You have to accept the fact that your wife is a cheater and possibly a lesbian to boot. She is certainly Bi. The thing is would you like to be married to someone who is in the mould of your wife? If she is a lesbian she is likely to leave you in, maybe a few years down the line when she finds some other AP who really warms the cockles of her heart. The best is to make a clean break now when you are in a strong position rather than years later with kids in the mix and when your wife can call the shots. Think about it. You are still young and can find a good woman to be by your side. Warm wishes.
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Old 26th October 2017, 9:50 PM   #20
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I am so sorry that you are going through this. It must be really difficult for you. I guess I would first ask if you are willing to forgive her? Yes, adultery can end in D, but it doesn't have to. If she is truly willing to work through the issues not just from the actual affair but also the deeper issues that led up to the affair, then I would proceed with both individual and couples therapy. I would consider moving out of OW jurisdiction. It will hopefully help your wife flee from temptation. I agree with other posters that your wife must show in actions that there is NC with OW. If you and your wife do decide to proceed with counseling, here is a number that you can call for a referral: FOTF Counseling Line (855) 382-5433 or (855) 771-4357
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