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Having an affair w/ a MW


Infidelity In an affair or suspect your significant other? Share your experiences and concerns here.

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Old 10th November 2017, 8:01 PM   #106
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Originally Posted by Bradintx View Post
Iím not 100% sure she wonít again but my feeling is that she will never do this again just like me. She hadnít before and is probably having the same feelings I am. Iím not too worried about any of that. She for sure wonít tell anyone. Thatís not her MO. Sheís a professional in the community and church she attends and so very unlikely she would ever yell a soul and there are a number of reasons why I donít think she will have another affair. At least anytime soon.
I'm not implying that she will tell anyone. Just that there's no way YOU can know that something careless could happen and people won't find out. In my opinion, neither one of you should ever feel safe and in the clear.
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Old 11th November 2017, 9:44 PM   #107
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Absolutely no reason to tell your wife. Don't do it. Those who want you to tell her on here have absolutely no idea how you feel. They never will. You are in utter turmoil and you came here for help. You feel like none is forthcoming...

But you do need to end it with the OW. And you do need to get counseling. It will help immensely. To be able to open your heart and express all the pain and heartache that this is causing you will help so much...

And then you will be able to love your wife and balance will return to your life.

I know.
[]
But he won't be opening his heart to his W. He'll be continuing to lie to her. Maybe he can love his wife, but isn't it kind of condescending?

Maybe that is the point. WS often develop an arrogant tone in their posts, and I've noticed it of OP as well. I'm not even trying to criticize, but facts are facts.

Maybe the OP shouldn't tell though. From his attitudes, I am guessing that if the W starts questioning, she will get stonewalled and trickle truthed to the hilt. Who knows, maybe it would work for the OP's purposes. IMO, there may be no going back from this sort of affair anyway, so may as well go all in the other way.
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Old 27th November 2017, 10:01 AM   #108
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I hope her husband catches wind of it and breaks your &@#king legs.. Grow up and learn to be a man of integrity.
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Old 27th November 2017, 2:43 PM   #109
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I didn't read all the pages, but as the kids say these days, you " caught the feels."

Party is over. Better just hope she doesn't flip out when you dump her. Playing with fire and all...
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Old 22nd December 2017, 7:45 AM   #110
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How are you now?

I’ve read all 8 pages. My search for healing led me here. I’ve taken great comfort in many of the responses and been quite offended by some as well, but only because many of those judgemental comments used to be me. My husband had an affair 15 years ago. He has been caught ‘talking’ to many other women but I have only proof of one physical affair. I should have left so many years ago, but like many, i stayed for the kids. Now, my children are grown and gone, and a MM came into my life that charmed me off my feet. 1.5 years later, we have been having an affair that has destroyed me, yet I struggle to walk away. However, I am very much in love with him. He does not feel the same about me. While our affairs happened for different reasons, I no longer hate the OW. Where are you now in your journey Brad? And Jenkins - thank you for your willingness to share. I’ve been both, the horribly betrayed, devastated, and broken wife...now the one causing the pain. I never thought I’d be here, but I am. And I am funneling fast.

Last edited by Healing321; 22nd December 2017 at 7:48 AM..
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Old 22nd December 2017, 9:51 AM   #111
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Originally Posted by Healing321 View Post
Iíve read all 8 pages. My search for healing led me here. Iíve taken great comfort in many of the responses and been quite offended by some as well, but only because many of those judgemental comments used to be me. My husband had an affair 15 years ago. He has been caught Ďtalkingí to many other women but I have only proof of one physical affair. I should have left so many years ago, but like many, i stayed for the kids. Now, my children are grown and gone, and a MM came into my life that charmed me off my feet. 1.5 years later, we have been having an affair that has destroyed me, yet I struggle to walk away. However, I am very much in love with him. He does not feel the same about me. While our affairs happened for different reasons, I no longer hate the OW. Where are you now in your journey Brad? And Jenkins - thank you for your willingness to share. Iíve been both, the horribly betrayed, devastated, and broken wife...now the one causing the pain. I never thought Iíd be here, but I am. And I am funneling fast.
You want to end your pain then start your own thread. We will
all be willing to help.
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Old 22nd December 2017, 10:09 AM   #112
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I am asking how he is....

Dear Road -

My thread is asking how he is now after NC. I will start my own thread if I feel I need to.
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Old 22nd December 2017, 10:19 AM   #113
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Dear Road -

My thread is asking how he is now after NC. I will start my own thread if I feel I need to.
We can't talk to you about your problems on someone else's thread. Start your own if you want to discuss your problem.
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Old 22nd December 2017, 11:16 AM   #114
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We can't talk to you about your problems on someone else's thread. Start your own if you want to discuss your problem.
Oh my goodness. I do NOT want to discuss my problems!! Iím asking him where he is on his journey. Thatís it. I was looking for a reply from Brad only since it is his thread.
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Old 22nd December 2017, 11:50 AM   #115
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Iíve read all 8 pages. My search for healing led me here. Iíve taken great comfort in many of the responses and been quite offended by some as well, but only because many of those judgemental comments used to be me. My husband had an affair 15 years ago. He has been caught Ďtalkingí to many other women but I have only proof of one physical affair. I should have left so many years ago, but like many, i stayed for the kids. Now, my children are grown and gone, and a MM came into my life that charmed me off my feet. 1.5 years later, we have been having an affair that has destroyed me, yet I struggle to walk away. However, I am very much in love with him. He does not feel the same about me. While our affairs happened for different reasons, I no longer hate the OW. Where are you now in your journey Brad? And Jenkins - thank you for your willingness to share. Iíve been both, the horribly betrayed, devastated, and broken wife...now the one causing the pain. I never thought Iíd be here, but I am. And I am funneling fast.
You are being used for sex by the MM you are in love with. Its your own live and your own choice if you want to be in that situation or not.

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Oh my goodness. I do NOT want to discuss my problems!! Iím asking him where he is on his journey. Thatís it. I was looking for a reply from Brad only since it is his thread.
Yeah, you might want to start your own thread if you want to. I too am curious how OP's story turned out. Given that it was from Oct 2017, I guess the saga is still on-folding itself.
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Old 22nd December 2017, 12:03 PM   #116
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Jumping into this a little late.. hope things are turning out okay for OP.

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Originally Posted by Bradintx View Post
..She is neurotic and has lots of weird personality traits that I donít find attractive at all. I must admit I do love her on some level but could never marry her....
oh no...

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Originally Posted by Bradintx View Post
Well I have taken in and read everything and then truly appreciate everyoneís thoughts and advice. Truth is I do love the OW and have feelings for her and her for me. But we know that there is no way we would want to disrupt our families to be with each other. Thatís a fact. Iím not scared of ending it with her. She would never do anything to me or want to disrupt her situation. It probably is more of a physical thing that keeps me from stopping it. I know Iíve been unhappy for the last year and a half. There are times when Iím happy with it but more times than not Iím miserable. Miserable for what Iím doing, miserable for how the OW makes me feel at times, miserable that Iím a sorry human being. Reading this and even typing this out is actually helping me to see what I need to do. I know I would be happier to end it. I want this burden to over so I can have my life back. I want to be the old me. My friends know something is going on. My coworkers know something is wrong. They comment all the time that Iím not the same person I used to be. I want to be me again.
^^ I have been unhappy for the last 10+ years. But I always somehow knew deep down that having sex with another woman would probably make me more miserable and confused me and turn me into a bigger ****up than I already am.

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Originally Posted by Bradintx View Post
I honestly donít know the best way to stop this. Yes I did it. Yes I take full responsibility for what Iíve done. I chose this. I own this. Iím not afraid of owning it. Thatís part of my unhappiness is my disdain for myself in getting myself in this situation. I wish I could have a do over. I would never have texted her that first time. I wouldnít have allowed myself to get drawn in. The crazy thing is I distanced myself many times from her because I thought she was getting to in love with me. I didnít want to allow her to do that. Now I find myself not wanting to let her go but I know thatís the right thing and the only thing to do.
There is only one way to do it. Go No Contact all the way 100% and keep drinking your way through it.

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Originally Posted by Bradintx View Post
If I end it now there wonít be anything to come of it. She wonít say anything because she has too much to lose. Sheís not crazy in that sense but is in many other respects. After having read and processed everything Iím ready to end it. Iím ready to get some semblance of my life back. It may never be the same after this but I truly think it would be light years better than what it is now. I know that I canít take back three years. I also wish I could take back that moment when we first discussed texting and never done it. Oh well I know I canít do that and the only thing I can do is end it and try to forget it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bradintx View Post
Just saying that to point out the unlikelyhood of her telling anyone.
Don't count on it. People talk to other people they know well to get things off their mind and conscience. You don't know this woman from didley. You dont know if affairs is what she normally does and its her thing and you may be one of a long line of men that has come and gone in her extra marital affair. You also dont know what kinds of friends she has and who she confides in. You will be surprised how small the world sometimes is - even in a major metropolitan city with over 4 million people like where I am. ;-)
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Old 22nd December 2017, 5:32 PM   #117
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I want to end it, but it is hard for a number of reasons.
If you had a fulfilling, loving, emotionally intimate relationship with your wife it would be easy for you to leave, and never look back.

As long as you keep this affair alive you will not be able to work on your marriage, and get close enough to your wife in a way that will satisfy your needs. You won't experience a true love or connection with either woman. You are cheating both yourself and your wife from what could be a satisfying happy, healthy relationship. Your weak choices is what is making you a weak man.

It sounded like this affair has been going on a long time. The fact that your wife has not picked up on it, or noticed behavior changes in you makes me think she is just as distant from you as you are her. Maybe she is cheating on you too? You seriously need to get in to both couples and individual therapy.
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Old 28th December 2017, 12:30 AM   #118
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Can you promise to do us a favor? When your life blows up because of what a horrible husband and father you are betraying your family like you do, please come back and describe how utterly destroyed you are. It's very therapeutic for the innocent people here who have been victimized by people like you. You could call it part of your comeuppance and a step toward redemption. Is this the kind of man you want to be? Why not stop being a total douche, man up, and do the right thing? It's not that hard, you know.
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Old 4th January 2018, 10:56 PM   #119
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So we went no contact for a while. She texted and I responded. We started up again. Itís been three weeks since last physical, but I ended it again and havenít talked to her in the past week. Iíve reread the entire thread over and over. Lots of good points but some bad assumptions. Iím not perfect. I want to do right. I have ended it and will not contact her again except for when we are at some public event. I did and do care about the ow but I love and care about my wife more and my family more. This affair thing is crazy. It makes you do do dumb things. Or at least irrational things. I am still reading replies and still want all opinions and advice to come as it does help me to make the right decisions.
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Old 4th January 2018, 10:59 PM   #120
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I have also gained healing through your experience. Thank you for coming back to share with us.
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