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Infidelity In an affair or suspect your significant other? Share your experiences and concerns here.

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Old 5th March 2019, 1:49 PM   #106
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Quote:
Originally Posted by El Duendecillo View Post
Spot on assessment^^^

Mincrafter, IMHO the years of betrayal your WW subjected you to is unforgivable.

Screwing a guy in your social circle, while allowing you to unknowingly hangout around him, and knowing this entire group of so called friends knew what was going on behind your back??? Slept with him in your own home, in your own bed? That is beyond betrayal, and disrespectful.

Me personally, I could never forgive what she has done. She is 100% responsible for her actions, and has to live with the consequences.

As others here have suggested, remaining in a toxic marriage just for the sake of your children, may actually cause harm to them in the long run.

Can you really ever get over what she has done?
But will it be enough for you to get an instant divorce without considering the financial entanglement and the children? I don't think so.

Unless you have been betrayed and found yourself in such a situation, you will never know what you will do. Its easy to sprout **** like that sitting on the outside. Us actually betrayed have a swallow a lot of **** sandwich when we are in it.
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Old 5th March 2019, 1:53 PM   #107
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Originally Posted by oldtruck View Post
There is no justification to have an affair.
There is no justification to lie to your wife.

Time to have a real talk with your wife, the full truth and then
decide what the both of you want to do together.
For my situation there is absolute justification. No round about that.

To put it in a single sentence, I was betrayed and then lead to bleed alone till it stopped and someone came along I needed that put a pressure on the bleeding wound when my wife would not.
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Old 5th March 2019, 4:57 PM   #108
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Originally Posted by mincrafter View Post
Unless you have been betrayed and found yourself in such a situation, you will never know what you will do. Its easy to sprout **** like that sitting on the outside. Us actually betrayed have a swallow a lot of **** sandwich when we are in it.

Sir, I think you forget that most of us have been in your shoes. It's awful. Over a decade ago, I was where you are right now. It hurt like hell, and the ones who suffered the most for my hsbnad's crappy behavior was our kids.

They always seem to pay the highest price in this sort of situation.
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Old 5th March 2019, 5:03 PM   #109
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Originally Posted by mincrafter View Post
But will it be enough for you to get an instant divorce without considering the financial entanglement and the children? I don't think so.

Unless you have been betrayed and found yourself in such a situation, you will never know what you will do. Its easy to sprout **** like that sitting on the outside. Us actually betrayed have a swallow a lot of **** sandwich when we are in it.
Buddy.. I HAVE BEEN BETRAYED LIKE THIS.. I'm not here for my morbid amusement, at the expense of people like you. Many of the members you have attacked probably have been also.

And.. I did get out. Immediately. All I see you doing is making up a bunch of excuses as justification for staying with your WW. If you want to stay with her, then stay.

Honestly, I believe you're deluding yourself and making excuses for reasons to stay.
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Old 5th March 2019, 5:04 PM   #110
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Originally Posted by mincrafter View Post
I needed that put a pressure on the bleeding wound when my wife would not.

No, what came along was someone else who was also wounded, and you are BOTH taking advantage of one another. You both wallow in self pity about how awful your spouses/lives have been, and that inertia is keeping you stuck.

Sorry, but when you're a parent, you don't get to wallow in self pity and screw up your kid's lives because you are hurting. You pick yourself up as quickly as you can, dust yourself off and keep on going. You've had over A YEAR to start to move forward, but you sound just as angry and hurt as you did when you first came here.

Please, be honest with yourself. Can you really say you've moved forward? As an outside observer, I don't think you have. I get that. I really do. Sometimes, it's comforting to wrap ourselves in self pity and anger...we all do it. The thing is it provides no real value other than a stopgap measure until we are on better footing...but that takes effort and a willingness to remove that blanket. Have you done this?
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Old 5th March 2019, 5:09 PM   #111
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Originally Posted by El Duendecillo View Post
Buddy.. I HAVE BEEN BETRAYED LIKE THIS.. I'm not here for my morbid amusement, at the expense of people like you. Many of the members you have attacked probably have been also.

Some chose to leave, some, like me, chose to stay. We all did what we thought was right for us.



op, I know you think we're not understanding what you've been through. Most of us do, and we all have our own horror story. This is why people have offered you the advice that they have. They've learned to spot a train wreck from personal experience.

Perhaps we aren't giving you what you are looking for. What do you want form us? Advice? A place to vent? Sympathy? If we know what help you need, we can better provide it.
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Old 5th March 2019, 9:45 PM   #112
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Originally Posted by mincrafter View Post
For my situation there is absolute justification. No round about that.

To put it in a single sentence, I was betrayed and then lead to bleed alone till it stopped and someone came along I needed that put a pressure on the bleeding wound when my wife would not.
You were a victim when your wife cheated on you, betrayed you in the worst way. But as soon as you chose to cheat and have an affair too, you're no longer a victim in this mess. You're a willing participant in creating MORE problems and unless a miracle happens, doubtful the marriage can be saved. Too much hurt, lies, betrayal and mistrust on both sides, even though your wife is in the dark about your own affair.

You could have relied on your men friends, other family members, or even gone to counseling. Instead you allowed yourself to get close to another woman during this mess and now it's worse than it was before ... Because your wife IS trying and you're leading her on, giving her hope by going to counseling with the false pretense of the marriage getting better. Yeah two wrongs don't make a right, but right now neither of you are any worse or better than the other.
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Old 5th March 2019, 9:56 PM   #113
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Originally Posted by mincrafter View Post
But will it be enough for you to get an instant divorce without considering the financial entanglement and the children? I don't think so.

Unless you have been betrayed and found yourself in such a situation, you will never know what you will do. Its easy to sprout **** like that sitting on the outside. Us actually betrayed have a swallow a lot of **** sandwich when we are in it.
And you are determined to wallow in your misery, creating more misery for yourself and those around you... rather than dealing with the situation in a healthy and constructive way.

Just my humble opinion, not that you want to hear it anyway...
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Old 5th March 2019, 10:01 PM   #114
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Originally Posted by mincrafter View Post
For my situation there is absolute justification. No round about that.
You were the victim, and now you are the victimizer.

Regardless of what you may think or any excuse you may offer, you do not have the right to hurt your wife and your children this way. She did not have the right to do it to you. You do not have the right to do it to anyone else. Two wrongs, don’t make a right.

You and your wife can hurt each other for years if you are so inclined, war of the roses. But, the innocent victims in all of this are your children. Raising them in an unhappy and healthy home will cause damage that you can not even begin to predict or understand. Unfortunately, I don’t know that you can really appreciate that right now because you are not able to look outside yourself and your own pain.

Money that is lost, can be regained. What about your self-respect, peace of mind, and the security and well being of your children... is that not worth whatever division of assets is settled in the divorce?

Last edited by BaileyB; 5th March 2019 at 10:10 PM..
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Old 6th March 2019, 8:58 AM   #115
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personally, I think that anyone who has revenge affair looses any moral high ground they might otherwise have had. after all, just like they felt they had a reason/justification to cheat, so did their spouse.
Either way, it's a crappy move.
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Old 6th March 2019, 6:38 PM   #116
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Agree w/ pepperbird on this. The high road and the low road cannot be walked at the same time.

I would go further and say his actions are worse than his. What she did was classless and selfish and there is no justification. What heís doing however is the same plus he knows the pain that the betrayal causes. Whatís more is he is holding his trust and respect out like a carrot on the stick for his wife to earn. Or worse, revels in the pain it will cause her when she learns of it, while feeling morally smug and superior.

What he wanted from the group and upset he isnít getting is the support held out to victims of betrayal while expecting high fives for starting his own affair.

You know what they say about revenge, an eye for an eye makes us all look like awesome pirates. Unless you wronged two people, in which case youíre gonna need a dog and a long stick.

MV
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