maggie60 Posted July 7, 2017 Share Posted July 7, 2017 My husband and I have been dating for about 5 years. We have been long distance for the past 3 years. We were engaged Jan. 2016, and married Jan. 2017 and planning to move in together April 2017. He starting postponing our move-in time for various reasons and became VERY distant starting around March. He mentioned some issues that we needed to work on and that he does not love me anymore, but refused to see me (but for a few short visits) or really vocalize the issues. After a few months, I had enough and just went to visit him and discovered he had an affair for over a year. Seems like they tried to end it (she was married too), and they were back together after our wedding. She may even be living with him. They also appear to very much be in love and have a deep connection. (ugh..kill me now). He never told me about the cheating, even though I asked him point blank on multiple occasions, so I discovered it on my own. I am completely torn and devastated. I love this man so much. I never thought he was capable of this. Even when he became distant, I never really thought that cheating would be the main issue. He claims to be very religious and we even had religious counseling before marriage. I've talked to a few close friends and family and they are all completely shocked that he did this. He put on a complete front for the past year! Why did he go forward with the marriage? We talked about how important the marriage vows were, and the whole time he was hiding this from me! I can suspect a few reasons why he did this but we will be having a conversation about it this weekend. I don't think he will be interested trying to resolve this. Initially, I did not want to work on it either--cut my losses this early (no change in my life right now, no kids, etc.) and not deal with these perpetual issues for the rest of my life. After cooling down a few days, I realize I still love him and maybe I should take our vows more seriously... But I know it is not the smart thing to do... What do I do? And why did he do this!? Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted July 7, 2017 Share Posted July 7, 2017 I'm so sorry that this has happened to you. Just wanted to say, you do not need to take your vows more seriously. He is the one who didn't take his vows seriously. He has betrayed you, and you should not trust him. Has he shown any interest in ending it with the other woman and reconciling? If I was in your position, I would definitely file for annulment or divorce. Be glad that you learned the truth before life became more complicated - with kids, finances, etc... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted July 7, 2017 Share Posted July 7, 2017 Why didn't you two move in together after you married instead of living apart? Maybe you can get an annulment since the marriage was so short. Link to post Share on other sites
Author maggie60 Posted July 7, 2017 Author Share Posted July 7, 2017 He was finishing up residency in June and had a major test in April, so we thought it would be better to wait until that was done. In hindsight, it may have been his way to delay moving in together... I don't even know if it makes a difference if it is an annulment or divorce for me. I'm sure he would like an annulment for religious purposes, but the vindictive side of me doesn't want him to get that. Link to post Share on other sites
usa1ah Posted July 7, 2017 Share Posted July 7, 2017 He was finishing up residency in June and had a major test in April, so we thought it would be better to wait until that was done. In hindsight, it may have been his way to delay moving in together... I don't even know if it makes a difference if it is an annulment or divorce for me. I'm sure he would like an annulment for religious purposes, but the vindictive side of me doesn't want him to get that. He lied and played you. Do not let this go easily for him. Expose everywhere. For him to play that he was a religious man, hiding this then married you. Set his world on fire. Get a good cutthroat lawyer and go after him. I wonder if you can sue him for fraud? He has played you for over a year. Treated you like fool. Don't stay with someone that can do this to you. If him loved you him would never had done this. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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