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Infidelity In an affair or suspect your significant other? Share your experiences and concerns here.

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Old 28th February 2018, 12:16 AM   #91
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Originally Posted by Just a Guy View Post
Hi Merrmeade, towards the end of your post you have justified your staying on with your husband by saying that he recognizes and accepts that he did wrong. Having read so many of your posts on different threads I seem to have got the impression that this was not your husband's first instance of infidelity. What I gathered was that he had been involved in many more prior to this last one but I may be wrong. How and when you discovered those previous affairs is something only you would know and be able to shed light on.

My point is that your husband is guilty of a number of affairs and apparently you forgave him all of those. I can understand that at your age you may be loath to divorce your husband and start afresh but if you do remain married shouldn't you at least be clear of your position vis s vis his? You do not have to rub the fact that he is a serial cheater in his face. After all you have decided to stay with him. However, you should not let him off the hook either and make it clear to him that one more slip up on his part means you are gone. Your posts on other threads have masked a deep pain and suffering roiling just beneath the surface and this will never diminish or disappear unless you face your demons head on. As I said I may be wrong and if so, I apologize. However, if there is some truth to my observations then you would have to work to resolve the unsettled questions which have yet to be addressed. I do hope you Googled Dr. Brian Weiss. He might prove to be the proverbial lifeline for you. Warm wishes.

P.S. Sorry for the thread jack. Good to know that you are clear about the reasons for which you are proceeding with divorce from your husband, Red. Do keep posting periodic updates on your progress. Warm wishes.
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Originally Posted by BluesPower View Post
The issue is... like all BS's, if the WS wants to come "Completely" clean and do the work there is room to think about R.

If not, you have no choice but D.
It's not comfortable or easy to answer this, but to avoid confusion, I'm going to try.

Here was the basis of my presumptuous comparison with Red:
A betrayed spouse is a victim until she can stand up to the lies and demand dignity - whether divorced or reconciled. This thread is testimony to Red's courage and strength. I tried to make the point that a betrayed spouse in reconciliation needs the same courage and strength not to allow the truth to be buried or disrespected. I think my right to assert that position was challenged, but I am the ONLY one who can honestly say whether I am living up to my god-given right to dignity and respectóno one else.

This happens every couple of years and is pretty discouraging. It was a mistake to open up so much. Though I don't have to justify or explain, I will correct one error: I did not know about my husband's serial cheating when it was happening. That information unfolded during the past five years. It came out when I discovered his last affair. He has been as remorseful as he knows how to be.

Now, time for a LS break. It's not worth it. Good luck, Red. Sorry to piggyback on your thread. You've done great, just great.
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Old 28th February 2018, 10:24 AM   #92
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Originally Posted by merrmeade View Post
It's not comfortable or easy to answer this, but to avoid confusion, I'm going to try.

Here was the basis of my presumptuous comparison with Red:
A betrayed spouse is a victim until she can stand up to the lies and demand dignity - whether divorced or reconciled. This thread is testimony to Red's courage and strength. I tried to make the point that a betrayed spouse in reconciliation needs the same courage and strength not to allow the truth to be buried or disrespected. I think my right to assert that position was challenged, but I am the ONLY one who can honestly say whether I am living up to my god-given right to dignity and respectóno one else.

This happens every couple of years and is pretty discouraging. It was a mistake to open up so much. Though I don't have to justify or explain, I will correct one error: I did not know about my husband's serial cheating when it was happening. That information unfolded during the past five years. It came out when I discovered his last affair. He has been as remorseful as he knows how to be.

Now, time for a LS break. It's not worth it. Good luck, Red. Sorry to piggyback on your thread. You've done great, just great.
I agree it takes the same level of self preservation to reconcile as it does to leave. Going through both, and obviously a failed reconciliation I would say that reconciliation takes much more strength. Although this is very painful and I am grieving my 20+ year relationship a weight has been lifted that I didnít feel while trying to reconcile. Thatís me though and my husband turned out to not be a safe partner for me. Only you know the relationship between you and your H. I believe people can change if they truly want to. Thank you for your encouragement.
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