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Guilt pulling me down, how to move ahead?


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Old 9th January 2018, 11:33 PM   #466
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Hi Deepremorse, for your current dilemma, I have only one answer. Follow his lead. Let him decide. On your anniversary I would be very careful about sending him any wishes. If he chooses to wish you then only should you respond.

If you still insist on sending him some reminder then it should be something generic like 'Have a good day' or something similar. There should be nothing about your anniversary. I say this because you have repeatedly said he reacts logically to everything and he may just think you are reminding him of the anniversary because you are clinging on to hopes of getting back with him. I may be wrong here but it is a risky situation and you should play your cards very carefully indeed. Warm wishes.
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Old 17th January 2018, 6:02 AM   #467
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Hi Deepremorse, for your current dilemma, I have only one answer. Follow his lead. Let him decide. On your anniversary I would be very careful about sending him any wishes. If he chooses to wish you then only should you respond.

If you still insist on sending him some reminder then it should be something generic like 'Have a good day' or something similar. There should be nothing about your anniversary. I say this because you have repeatedly said he reacts logically to everything and he may just think you are reminding him of the anniversary because you are clinging on to hopes of getting back with him. I may be wrong here but it is a risky situation and you should play your cards very carefully indeed. Warm wishes.
Couldn't get myself to send him anything. Thought it would be a very selfish move. Also I was scared of how he would react. He didn't greet. My MIL called and spoke. It seems that he is super busy with work and he might have to relocate to NYC. I figured that might be the reason for divorce proceedings being on hold. But NYC is good news for me as we have an office there.
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Old 17th January 2018, 2:35 PM   #468
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Couldn't get myself to send him anything. Thought it would be a very selfish move. Also I was scared of how he would react. He didn't greet. My MIL called and spoke. It seems that he is super busy with work and he might have to relocate to NYC. I figured that might be the reason for divorce proceedings being on hold. But NYC is good news for me as we have an office there.
Wise decision, seems to me. How kind of your MIL to call you! Good news about his relocation to NYC since you have an office there. Are you there often?
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Old 19th January 2018, 5:09 PM   #469
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Wise decision, seems to me. How kind of your MIL to call you! Good news about his relocation to NYC since you have an office there. Are you there often?
Been there only once but I can try for an offshore position. The management is very supportive. If I drop a request they might consider. But all this depends on him. It's not final for him and I don't have much information about his current status.
I have special bond with my MIL. I was there with her every moment when she had some serious health issues. And I trust her blindly.
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Old 19th January 2018, 5:37 PM   #470
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Been there only once but I can try for an offshore position. The management is very supportive. If I drop a request they might consider. But all this depends on him. It's not final for him and I don't have much information about his current status.
I have special bond with my MIL. I was there with her every moment when she had some serious health issues. And I trust her blindly.
Beautiful to read, Dr! How very wonderful!
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Old 24th January 2018, 12:43 AM   #471
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Thank you all for sharing your thoughts and views. Appreciate all of you for sharing your life experiences and wisdom.
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Old 23rd February 2018, 11:37 AM   #472
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Thought I will give an update.

Early next month, I am visiting Frankfurt to meet my husband. Earlier he had asked me to visit and now he is moving to NYC, so I thought I could go there and see around with him. I hope things will be better.

The reason I am posting again is: things happened so smoothly that it is beyond my belief. The moment I said I would like to visit, he immediately said yes. Knowing that it's him, I can't believe this is happening. I mean I have a gut feeling that something will go wrong and it's not allowing me to be happy about it. I have a feeling that my expectations would get crushed. But again I didn't have any expectation. I was expecting to get a divorced woman tag by end of last year. But here I am still waiting for him to put the final papers. With him agreeing for me to come down there is moving my emotional balance. I knew he would be busy as he has to handover everything next month and move to NYC. But still he agreed to take time out from his schedule. It has never happened before when we were together. I mean he enjoyed success at a very young age but it did cost him his personal time. For him, work comes way above in priority list and I feel he has changed now or someone else who is in his life may have changed him.


## Thanks to the moderators for reopening the thread.
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Old 24th February 2018, 1:33 AM   #473
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Very good news, just be yourself, follow his lead, go there with no expectations and have fun. Your both in a foreign city depending on each other, don't let the pressures from back home interfere. That is a huge change.
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Old 24th February 2018, 10:05 AM   #474
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Hi Deepremorse, this is very good news. Just remember to keep your head and do not get too emotional about things. Your husband is very level headed and I doubt he would be appreciative of any histrionics on your part. You have had a whole year to think things over and to understand why you did certain things the way you did. This will help you answer any questions that come up in an even handed and level headed manner.

Please do keep us updated as to how things go with you two and I hope you have a good time in Frankfurt. Please be restrained in every way and I think you will come out a winner. As always, let your husband take the lead. Warm wishes.
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Old 26th February 2018, 2:05 PM   #475
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Remember to be totally honest with him in all things. Don't get pushy with him. Let him lead.
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Old 27th February 2018, 5:23 AM   #476
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Good for you, DR. You've come such a long way. It's been touching to watch you slowly change. I hope you continue in this direction regardless of what happens in your marriage and enjoy yourself as a better, more honest person to yourself.
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Old 27th February 2018, 10:13 AM   #477
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This is really great news, DR! I couldn't be happier for you! I won't post any advice for you because others have already given you some good words. Prayers for you and your H, and thanks for the update!
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Old 27th February 2018, 3:34 PM   #478
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Very good news, just be yourself, follow his lead, go there with no expectations and have fun. Your both in a foreign city depending on each other, don't let the pressures from back home interfere. That is a huge change.
I hope things will be great. I have dropped a request for NYC transfer with my management. Till now no progress in that matter. It might take months before this becomes a reality or even worse it might not happen.

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Hi Deepremorse, this is very good news. Just remember to keep your head and do not get too emotional about things. Your husband is very level headed and I doubt he would be appreciative of any histrionics on your part. You have had a whole year to think things over and to understand why you did certain things the way you did. This will help you answer any questions that come up in an even handed and level headed manner.

Please do keep us updated as to how things go with you two and I hope you have a good time in Frankfurt. Please be restrained in every way and I think you will come out a winner. As always, let your husband take the lead. Warm wishes.
I will keep you all updated. It's been a year since I last travelled to any place. So I am little excited to go somewhere else.
I know I need to work to better manage my emotions. Still struggling with that. I hope I would be able to control my emotions in front of my husband. I must confess after he said ok to my visit, I have cried a little. Probably going to cry myself out during the flight so that I will be prepared to meet him.


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Remember to be totally honest with him in all things. Don't get pushy with him. Let him lead.
Definitely, I will be if he asks me questions. I am more than open to discuss anything. There are few things that I have realized in last few months and I want to convey them to him. I am hoping to have some quality time with him. I hope it's only both of us. I have no idea about his social life there.

The good thing is I asked for hotels around, he said he will take care and not to worry about it. I am not sure if I am going to stay with him or he is going to book a hotel for me.

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Good for you, DR. You've come such a long way. It's been touching to watch you slowly change. I hope you continue in this direction regardless of what happens in your marriage and enjoy yourself as a better, more honest person to yourself.
Thanks. I am trying.

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This is really great news, DR! I couldn't be happier for you! I won't post any advice for you because others have already given you some good words. Prayers for you and your H, and thanks for the update!
Thanks.
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Old 27th February 2018, 9:15 PM   #479
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I hope things will be great. I have dropped a request for NYC transfer with my management. Till now no progress in that matter. It might take months before this becomes a reality or even worse it might not happen.

I will keep you all updated. It's been a year since I last travelled to any place. So I am little excited to go somewhere else.
I know I need to work to better manage my emotions. Still struggling with that. I hope I would be able to control my emotions in front of my husband. I must confess after he said ok to my visit, I have cried a little. Probably going to cry myself out during the flight so that I will be prepared to meet him.

Definitely, I will be if he asks me questions. I am more than open to discuss anything. There are few things that I have realized in last few months and I want to convey them to him. I am hoping to have some quality time with him. I hope it's only both of us. I have no idea about his social life there.

The good thing is I asked for hotels around, he said he will take care and not to worry about it. I am not sure if I am going to stay with him or he is going to book a hotel for me.

Thanks. I am trying.

Thanks.
The bolded is such good news to hear! Sounds very good to me.
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Old 27th February 2018, 11:46 PM   #480
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Just curious...How did this visit come about? Did you contact him and tell him you decided to take him up on his invitation to visit Germany? Or did he contact you again and invite you to come and see him?

It sounds to me like you contacted him...reinvited yourself to visit him...and he agreed.

I hope you are not being unrealistic in your expectations. You still seem to be hellbent on winning him back...and he seems to be hellbent on moving on without you.

I think you are living in a fantasy world....his answer about where you will stay indicates to me...he will arrange for a hotel. I truly feel you are about to be crushed...but then you are the one telling the story...
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