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Can't taking decision To Choosing Wife or Mistress


MichiganDave

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First off, it seems like I already know the answer to my question. Leave both woman, they deserve MUCH better.

 

I had an affair for over 3 years with a co-worker. However the woman I was having an affair with had no idea I was married and living with my wife and child. She did know I was married, but working on divorce papers and separated from 'wife' Somehow I was able to lie about this for 3 years straight. She's 5 years younger than me.

 

3 years before I started my affair I seen flirtatious emails from my wife and her co-worker who worked at another office. This was upsetting and saddened me, but she claims nothing happened and even wanted to do a lie detector test to prove me wrong, because I threaten to leave. That could have been the perfect opportunity to leave, even before that I tried breaking up but she got the whole family involved and made me the bad guy. I was a low point in my life; I was not in shape, bad grooming, dressed horribly, lazy, etc...a few years later we had a son and married.

 

In 2014 I landed a lucrative 6 figure job that instantly boosted my self esteem and changed my life. I went from 0 to 100, REALLY QUICK. I became a gym rat, focused on health and diet and changed my whole appearance. With all that said. I just moved to a far away city recently for a even better position, my affiar finally had enough of not ever meeting my parents, going to my house, hanging out on the weekends, etc...and we broke up a month after I left. She said I never made her priority. I was scared of getting caught by wife, so I declined all dates and made countless excuses. As beautiful as the girl is, she basically didnt do much from 19-22, as far as socializing and going out. She mainly stayed at home. As beautiful as she is, there would be a line of millioniares who will marry her in a heart beat. I was happy and but upset she called it quits but was becoming more of a family man. However all trips and vacations, I made sure I invited a lot more family. I never had fun with just her, i fell miserable but yet calm and comfortable if that makes sense. I do feel like a jerk for taking this prime years from here but she had many opportunities to go out with girls from work.

 

Then just last week, I went on social mediia and quickly became infatuated with my ex again after seeing her pics. I text her and bent over backwards to get her back. I lied more and more to her to gain her back. Now that she's back, she's telling me she loves me again and wants to move in, she wants to start a business and become an actress . My wife is not that attractive, but the woman I had an affair with is a complete bombshell. She's smart, beautiful, sexy and classy. I married young and was never really attracted to my wife. I just cant imagine not waking up to my kid everyday. Our kid is 2 and sleeps in the same bed. I love my wife because she takes care of me and is the best mom ever, she also takes care of my grandparents. She's a great cook and wife, but I do not want to be seen with her in public, I get embarrassed. She's not even ugly, I'm just an idiot who expects a trophy wife.

 

My mom left me when I was only 4 but I dont have mommy issues. I seen her before she passed a few dozen times. I'm 27 btw. I would even admit of having sex with over 15 woman I met online when I was dating my wife at the time. I'm a horrible person. Even though I had low self esteem at the time, I was sorta blessed with good looks but lacked any swag. I did the online dating and hooking up because it was a thrill but never wanted to have a relationship with any of these woman. I lied to them, in my eyes they were not the one night type but i lied and lied.

 

What should I do? Need advice

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...My wife is not that attractive, but the woman I had an affair with is a complete bombshell. She's smart, beautiful, sexy and classy. I married young and was never really attracted to my wife. I just cant imagine not waking up to my kid everyday. Our kid is 2 and sleeps in the same bed. I love my wife because she takes care of me and is the best mom ever, she also takes care of my grandparents. She's a great cook and wife, but I do not want to be seen with her in public, I get embarrassed. She's not even ugly, I'm just an idiot who expects a trophy wife.

 

...

What should I do? Need advice

 

It sounds as though you should divorce and leave your wife for the affair partner. You're just using your wife so let her go to have a fulfilling life with someone who loves and appreciates her.

Edited by BlueIris
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In 2014 I landed a lucrative 6 figure job that instantly boosted my self esteem and changed my life. I went from 0 to 100, REALLY QUICK. I became a gym rat, focused on health and diet and changed my whole appearance. With all that said. I just moved to a far away city recently for a even better position, my affiar finally had enough of not ever meeting my parents, going to my house, hanging out on the weekends, etc...and we broke up a month after I left. She said I never made her priority. I was scared of getting caught by wife, so I declined all dates and made countless excuses. As beautiful as the girl is, she basically didnt do much from 19-22, as far as socializing and going out. She mainly stayed at home. As beautiful as she is, there would be a line of millioniares who will marry her in a heart beat. I was happy and but upset she called it quits but was becoming more of a family man. However all trips and vacations, I made sure I invited a lot more family. I never had fun with just her, i fell miserable but yet calm and comfortable if that makes sense. I do feel like a jerk for taking this prime years from here but she had many opportunities to go out with girls from work.

 

Is the "she" and "her" in this entire paragraph your affair partner? You took her family members on vacations? Just..wow...

 

What should I do? Need advice

 

Divorce your wife, drop the OW, provide for your son and get counseling to understand how you've become the type of person that uses others with zero regard for their happiness or emotional health. Learn why you're so willing to trade their future for your "now"...

 

Mr. Lucky

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Divorce your wife. Let her find someone who will treat her as she deserves to be treated.

 

Not to be unkind, but you write that you are a horrible person. I have to agree. You need some serious counselling because either you are extremely selfish with no regard for another persons feelings, or you have some pretty serious issues that are affecting your judgment and decision making.

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GunslingerRoland

I've got to ask, how the hell do you keep a gorgeous woman for that many years treating her like that? I'm totally stumped.

 

 

Also I don't know how you can have an affair of that magnitude without your wife realizing... you must have the two most naïve women in the world in your life.

 

 

There is a lot broken inside of you. The fact that you are embarrassed to be seen in public with your wife because she isn't a trophy isn't normal or healthy. What do you think is going to happen to your mistress in 5-10 years? Are you just going to move from one young bombshell to the next forever? Dumping them if they gain 5 pounds or get a couple of grey hairs or wrinkles.

 

 

What makes you happy inside with a woman? Perfect looks or even great sex isn't what is most important in a relationship. I get the sense that you've never had a relationship that actually left you feeling fulfilled.

 

 

You probably need to see a psychologist, there is a good chance you have some kind of disorder, but at least if you know what you are up against you can work with it.

 

 

Then I would really recommend starting fresh, leaving both relationships which are a mess anyway, and figuring out what kind of woman you really need in your life.

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Most MM who post here want to stay with their wives so stay with her.

 

If you are paranoid about this blowing up in your face then stop the affair now, because it will eventually blow up in your face and make your marriage an even bigger hell.

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Why don't you try to just man up and make a decision. Good grief.

 

Divorce your wife and let her be free, go with OW and live your life. BTW, that almost never works out, but hey, give it a shot.

 

Or, you could try to be a man, suck it up and start taking care of your wife and children the way you should.

 

I kind of doubt that you have what it takes to really love a woman and take care of her the right way. Sorry to be so blunt, but come on.

 

And if you think that I am just some betrayed spouse hating on you, guess again.

 

Buddy, you are bush leaguer compared to me. I have been a Major League POS in my life.

 

Good luck...

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How about telling them the truth and see which one of them would actually choose you?

 

Spoiler alert: it will probably be neither.

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How about telling them the truth and see which one of them would actually choose you?

 

Spoiler alert: it will probably be neither.

 

No they will probably fight over him in a classic "pick me battle" and feed this guy's ego even more.

 

MichiganDave, I agree with those saying leave both of them and get help before you make any major decisions. Think of it this way: you have a child who is going to look to you to be a role model, and even you recognize on some level that what you are doing is all kinds of messed up. But really, regardless of what happens with your wife, you MUST tell her and ask her to get tested for STDs - you've been banging some other woman who you think has been faithful to you but since your wife thinks you've been faithful to her, I wouldn't be so quick to trust your trophy girlfriend. Your wife, who takes care of you, your child, your extended family deserves someone who can fully appreciate her for all she has to offer, not someone who is "embarrassed" to be seen with his wife in public.

 

PS When your young trophy wife bores of your 6 figures and finds someone with 7 since you're confident she could have that, where will that leave you?

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My mom left me when I was only 4 but I dont have mommy issues.

 

I think you have deep seated issues that go back to this^^^ but you won't admit it.

 

I suggest you find yourself an IC (Independent Counselor) and let your wife and your OW know what has been going on and let the chips fall where they may, but I do think you need to be alone for awhile and figure yourself out.

 

If you don't think you have any issues go straight to personality disorders and look it up (Cluster B's) because many of those people think they have no issues as well.

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cozycottagelg

You need to divorce your wife. You're clearly a coward and will not tell her the truth, or you wouldn't be here, but you can at least give her the opportunity to meet someone who will treat her with respect.

 

You are only 27. This OW is probably the first of many you can/will have throughout your marriage. Let your wife go.

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cozycottagelg

Also - you're on a forum with hundreds of people who have been heart broken over affairs. Nobody gives a single ***** that your OW is a bombshell. Who cares.

 

Seriously laughing at loud wondering if you were expecting someone to say "oh she's hot..okay definitely her then!!"

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But really, regardless of what happens with your wife, you MUST tell her and ask her to get tested for STDs - you've been banging some other woman who you think has been faithful to you

 

Don't forget these dozen or so additional sex partners:

 

I would even admit of having sex with over 15 woman I met online when I was dating my wife at the time.

 

MD, you may have done many of the BS a service by posting here. For those of us that have asked how our WS could be so selfish and stupid, you've provided a glimpse of the mindset that enables such thinking...

 

Mr. Lucky

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ShatteredLady

Tell the truth & leave your wife. Hopefully she will meet a good stepfather for your son who will teach him what it means to be a real man.

 

Yes! You have Mummy issues but you're old enough to of dealt with them by now. At least you know what it feels like to be dumped at a young age...that may be of some help for your son once you get IC & figure out what's wrong with you.

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I disagree you should leave your wife.

 

What you should do is man up and become a decent man for your wife and your child.

 

You seem to already know your flaws. And that they are indeed FLAWS.

 

Fix yourself, the "good looks" you were "blessed" with won't last forever. And you'll regret screwing over a good woman.

 

This isn't about what's wrong with your AP or your wife. It's about what's wrong with YOU.

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I disagree you should leave your wife.

 

What you should do is man up and become a decent man for your wife and your child.

 

You seem to already know your flaws. And that they are indeed FLAWS.

 

Fix yourself, the "good looks" you were "blessed" with won't last forever. And you'll regret screwing over a good woman.

 

This isn't about what's wrong with your AP or your wife. It's about what's wrong with YOU.

 

I would only add that manning up means being honest with your wife. Right now she's just being tricked into staying in this marriage and devoting her best years to you. Stop that. Give her the respect of making her own informed decision.

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My exH was a gorgeous man. Drop dead beautiful.

 

But since I found out what he had done to me he has become the ugliest man alive.

 

Good looks can't cover up bad behavior. You are what you do... And it reflects in any person's looks.

 

Ah, to be honest. Can you be honest with your wife? Because my pain - I had to find the truth myself.

Edited by S2B
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MD,marriage is not really about having someone who takes good care of you, do you take good care of your wife?

 

I've noticed that you haven't responded to any of others comments, don't you want to justify your actions.

 

Dave's not here man.

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Vile....just absolutely vile..

 

There is a beautiful Lilly called the Dragon Arum, that is architecturally quite exquisite, but the stench of rotting meat is its nemesis. The smell is foul.

 

Beautiful on the outside but stinking and ugly on the inside.....

 

Your poor wife and family....

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Do everyone a favour and tell the truth for a change. Give them a chance to make decision based on the person you really are. BTW I suspect that you really are a .....ahem.... not very nice person.

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First off, it seems like I already know the answer to my question. Leave both woman, they deserve MUCH better.

 

I had an affair for over 3 years with a co-worker. However the woman I was having an affair with had no idea I was married and living with my wife and child. She did know I was married, but working on divorce papers and separated from 'wife' Somehow I was able to lie about this for 3 years straight. She's 5 years younger than me.

 

3 years before I started my affair I seen flirtatious emails from my wife and her co-worker who worked at another office. This was upsetting and saddened me, but she claims nothing happened and even wanted to do a lie detector test to prove me wrong, because I threaten to leave. That could have been the perfect opportunity to leave, even before that I tried breaking up but she got the whole family involved and made me the bad guy. I was a low point in my life; I was not in shape, bad grooming, dressed horribly, lazy, etc...a few years later we had a son and married.

 

In 2014 I landed a lucrative 6 figure job that instantly boosted my self esteem and changed my life. I went from 0 to 100, REALLY QUICK. I became a gym rat, focused on health and diet and changed my whole appearance. With all that said. I just moved to a far away city recently for a even better position, my affiar finally had enough of not ever meeting my parents, going to my house, hanging out on the weekends, etc...and we broke up a month after I left. She said I never made her priority. I was scared of getting caught by wife, so I declined all dates and made countless excuses. As beautiful as the girl is, she basically didnt do much from 19-22, as far as socializing and going out. She mainly stayed at home. As beautiful as she is, there would be a line of millioniares who will marry her in a heart beat. I was happy and but upset she called it quits but was becoming more of a family man. However all trips and vacations, I made sure I invited a lot more family. I never had fun with just her, i fell miserable but yet calm and comfortable if that makes sense. I do feel like a jerk for taking this prime years from here but she had many opportunities to go out with girls from work.

 

Then just last week, I went on social mediia and quickly became infatuated with my ex again after seeing her pics. I text her and bent over backwards to get her back. I lied more and more to her to gain her back. Now that she's back, she's telling me she loves me again and wants to move in, she wants to start a business and become an actress . My wife is not that attractive, but the woman I had an affair with is a complete bombshell. She's smart, beautiful, sexy and classy. I married young and was never really attracted to my wife. I just cant imagine not waking up to my kid everyday. Our kid is 2 and sleeps in the same bed. I love my wife because she takes care of me and is the best mom ever, she also takes care of my grandparents. She's a great cook and wife, but I do not want to be seen with her in public, I get embarrassed. She's not even ugly, I'm just an idiot who expects a trophy wife.

 

My mom left me when I was only 4 but I dont have mommy issues. I seen her before she passed a few dozen times. I'm 27 btw. I would even admit of having sex with over 15 woman I met online when I was dating my wife at the time. I'm a horrible person. Even though I had low self esteem at the time, I was sorta blessed with good looks but lacked any swag. I did the online dating and hooking up because it was a thrill but never wanted to have a relationship with any of these woman. I lied to them, in my eyes they were not the one night type but i lied and lied.

 

What should I do? Need advice

 

You need therapy and EFFECTIVE THERAPY at that. You asked.

 

You are rubbishing your WIFE. Trashing your precious child's life.

 

Treating a "bombshell" as an IDK. Sex creature? Trophy as you like to think.

 

People are not born to be used by you. If you think you don't have mummy issues, and I'm extremely sad for your loss btw, you have lots of issues going on. Before you use more people badly, get help.

 

For your child at least.

 

At 27yo you should know better but as you are this OLD and do not, you may become a better person by seeking and employing the advice of a very experienced psychologist.

 

EMPATHY, or complete lack of, for any others you say you care for glaringly shows one personality disorder.

LYING relentlessly to manipulate women for sex. Woah.

 

BE HONEST AND OPEN with a therapist and try to straighten out your head.

 

You're ONLY doing harm to those investing their love and energy in you.

 

Lion Heart

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