Amillionpieces Posted February 7, 2016 Share Posted February 7, 2016 After 24 years together (childhood sweethearts) I a Had a 7 month affair. It was not discovered, I ended it. I just asked for a divorce. Told him I am unhappy. Truth is I can't stay after what I've done. He does not have any idea about the affair, I'm sure of that. I don't plan to tell him. It will be months of logistics and I'm not sure what will happen with house and stuff but I met a real estate agent today and Started the process. Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted February 7, 2016 Share Posted February 7, 2016 Maybe you can both have a good life now. I sincerely hope so. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Sastrugi Posted February 7, 2016 Share Posted February 7, 2016 So instead of fighting for your marriage. Admitting your mistakes and trying to fix what you broke. You quite. I sure know that feeling... I sure wanted to quite. Happy to say I took the other route. I got both my wife and i into IC, then marriage counseling. It has been almost two years since I was were you are at today. We have made great progress. What was your husbands reaction when you told him? S. Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted February 7, 2016 Share Posted February 7, 2016 H is never gonna know the truth so this is the best route. You can't fix a marriage if one doesn't know what the problem is. Best not to crush his soul with the betrayal and let him go. The sooner the better. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted February 7, 2016 Share Posted February 7, 2016 I would hope you could at least not blame it all on him. Have some decency at least. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 7, 2016 Share Posted February 7, 2016 After 24 years together (childhood sweethearts) I a Had a 7 month affair. It was not discovered, I ended it. I just asked for a divorce. Told him I am unhappy. Truth is I can't stay after what I've done. He does not have any idea about the affair, I'm sure of that. I don't plan to tell him. It will be months of logistics and I'm not sure what will happen with house and stuff but I met a real estate agent today and Started the process. Your A will come out, he will dig and put two and two together. Your behavior, the manic up and down, he isn't stupid, and I'm sure he knows and has been waiting for you to come clean. This man has been your husband for many years, he knows you well and knew you were hiding something big from him. Please reach out to your closest friends and don't isolate yourself during this traumatic time. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted February 7, 2016 Share Posted February 7, 2016 If I were you I'd let him keep the house. It's the least you can do. And instead of saying "I'm not happy" why don't you say "I'm not committed". It's a lot more accurate. Link to post Share on other sites
Mrs. John Adams Posted February 7, 2016 Share Posted February 7, 2016 I hope you take the high road... And are very fair with the assets you share. When he asks you why you have been unhappy.. I hope you can assure him it was nothing he did... That it is all on you... And that you are deeply sorry for breaking his heart. Because he will blame himself ... And you know the truth. If you choose not to tell your secret.. That's on you... If you let him believe he could have done something to prevent the divorce... That's also on you... And after 24 years you owe it to him to take responsibility for the breakdown of the relationship. He will still blame himself... But at least you will have told him the truth... That you are responsible not him Link to post Share on other sites
katielee Posted February 7, 2016 Share Posted February 7, 2016 tell him the truth - likely he knew SOMETHING was going on. Give him the gift of being able to trust his gut. He can then move forward in another relationship knowing he can trust himself. He deserves to know why his marriage broke up. I don't understand not telling him. Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted February 7, 2016 Share Posted February 7, 2016 tell him the truth - likely he knew SOMETHING was going on. Give him the gift of being able to trust his gut. He can then move forward in another relationship knowing he can trust himself. He deserves to know why his marriage broke up. I don't understand not telling him. Her pride means too much. The best you can hope for here is that she doesn't blame him for it. Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted February 7, 2016 Share Posted February 7, 2016 Good job. I hope you all can move on with your lives in a positive way now. I agree with not telling him, not blaming him, and being more than fair with the assets. Link to post Share on other sites
WomenWubber Posted February 7, 2016 Share Posted February 7, 2016 If your husband is any like the average BH in this site, he will discover the truth some(notverydistant)day. I hope he makes it through the world of hurt he will ultimately have to experience. As for you op, hope you can live with the shame that you have brought upon yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
R.Gant Posted February 7, 2016 Share Posted February 7, 2016 (edited) Well at least this will give everyone a chance to move on with their lives. At least with D you may give BH the chance to be happy and not live a lie. your planning on selling the house if he cant buy you out? That seems to be the case here and in most others. Edited February 7, 2016 by R.Gant Link to post Share on other sites
Author Amillionpieces Posted February 8, 2016 Author Share Posted February 8, 2016 If your husband is any like the average BH in this site, he will discover the truth some(notverydistant)day. I hope he makes it through the world of hurt he will ultimately have to experience. As for you op, hope you can live with the shame that you have brought upon yourself. No I can't actually. I plan to make sure the shame never reaches my children. Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted February 8, 2016 Share Posted February 8, 2016 No I can't actually. I plan to make sure the shame never reaches my children. Shouldn't you have considered them BEFORE you slept around on their dad? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Amillionpieces Posted February 8, 2016 Author Share Posted February 8, 2016 Tapping out of this thread. It was a mistake coming here. Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted February 8, 2016 Share Posted February 8, 2016 You've made the right decision for all concerned. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
66Charger Posted February 8, 2016 Share Posted February 8, 2016 I have read many stories of those who cheat and true remorse will never happen, because deep inside a cheater is who they are. Obviously, this isn't you. Your inability to reconcile what you did versus who you are, is not a detriment, but shows you have a conscience and deceit is not part of your character. Your affair broke you as a person. This tore into your soul. That, unfortunately, is the good in you. This is not who you are. Your affair really did break you into a million peices. I have to agree, you should not tell your husband yet. There is no way you can heal this marriage without forgiveness and the person who must forgive and be forgiven is you. Once you forgive yourself, then talk to him. My words may hold no significance on the OW forum, but I do sincerely wish you well and hope that one day you forgive yourself and go and sin no more. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
katielee Posted February 8, 2016 Share Posted February 8, 2016 66 - a person with a conscious would not waste one moment of their spouses time by allowing him to remain uninformed. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Mrs. John Adams Posted February 8, 2016 Share Posted February 8, 2016 obviously...she has a conscience.... She may not be handling things the way some here think she should... but her conscience is eating her alive...she is worried about her husband...she is worried about her children... She knows what she did is wrong...she knows she cannot fix it...she believes she is saving her family by keeping her secret and divorcing. She is choosing to handle this the way she thinks is best I am not walking in her shoes....I do not know all of the details But I certainly am not going to throw stones at her....after all I was a selfish cheater too... Best of luck to you ma'am. If you ask the moderators...they will lock this thread for you if you do not want your situation discussed any further. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted February 8, 2016 Share Posted February 8, 2016 This BH will be divorced forever blaming himself for the death of the marriage because not only did his WW cheat on him she left him with a lie. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted February 8, 2016 Share Posted February 8, 2016 This BH will be divorced forever blaming himself for the death of the marriage because not only did his WW cheat on him she left him with a lie. Unfortunately you are correct. The truth should always matter but affairs/betrayals are always carried out in secrecy and darkness. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
still_an_Angel Posted February 8, 2016 Share Posted February 8, 2016 Tapping out of this thread. It was a mistake coming here. So sorry for your situation, asking for D does seem to be the best option. Hope it all turns out well. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
still_an_Angel Posted February 8, 2016 Share Posted February 8, 2016 Shouldn't you have considered them BEFORE you slept around on their dad? Water under the bridge. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
aliveagain Posted February 8, 2016 Share Posted February 8, 2016 What advice should you give someone who destroyed her marriage and the life of security her children deserved to preserve her image? She's too much of a coward to face what she has done no matter who she hurts in the process. Imagine having to accept that your a lying, cheating coward. The truth will always come out. She'll convince someone she's worth the risk or she'll grow old with a houseful of cats. If your real and willing to face up to what you've done and want real advice that may really help you, come back otherwise, keep running. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
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