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I cheated, not remorseful.


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Hi LS,

 

Been a while since I posted last. My situation is not that uncommon. After things had improved with my wife regarding sex and intimacy they quickly went back to the way they were.

 

I warned my wife several times that I wanted sex and only for her, but that if I didn't get it from her I would look elsewhere. Well after 4 months of constant rejection and no intimacy, I strayed and slept with an old HS friend of mine. I did not sneak around, I made it perfectly known to her that I was going to sleep with this woman and she said "go right ahead honey" to quote verbatim, assuming I was making an empty threat. After the deed was complete and she saw that I did in fact sleep my HS friend she got mad at me!!! Wtf right?!

 

Anyway now I don't know what to do. This marriage is horrible and i'm not sure myself if she is cheating on me or not. She is angry at me and exposing my "affair" to everyone in our town. My reputation has been compromised and my family is dissappointed in me but no one knows of what led me to it. She is constantly crying and is rarely speaking to me. Not sure if I want to divorce or if she wants to divorce either....

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You know you could just leave the marriage? I assume there are no kids involved, why bother staying in an unsatisfying marriage with an entitled princess who's not willing to give affection to you? Why bother staying in that kind of marriage OP? Is everything else besides sex/affection great? Is she a good wife in every other aspect? I just do not understand why you are "not sure" if you want a divorce or not.

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gettingstronger

Actions have consequences- she denied you sex and affection, you strayed- you strayed- she outed you-

 

The issue I see is that rather than protect one another and your marriage you BOTH manipulate and injure each other- that dynamic seems unhealthy- if you both can not commit to long term, intense counseling it may be best to call it quits-

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autumnnight

You told her. She said go ahead. If I were you I'd expose THAT little piece of info to everyone.

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I would say she didn't think you were serious or she didn't think this woman would agree. As you told her very specifically (not a general threat but a specific woman) and she said go ahead...'well thats permission. But I agree, why stay in this marriage?

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grandeh

 

 

All you did was make the situation worse by getting your rocks off with a 3rd party outside your marriage.

 

 

Annul, divorce or sit your wife down for an honest conversation and both of you come to a decision.

 

 

 

 

Because throwing rocks at each other will only kill both of you.

 

 

HM

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I think you should have just ended the marriage. You would have been alot better off. I would have never taken the bait on her telling you to go elsewhere. I would have called her on it and used it as part of the divorce.

 

You now feel somewhat a victim but sadly your just as guilty as she is now.

 

Clay

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Hi LS,

 

Been a while since I posted last. My situation is not that uncommon. After things had improved with my wife regarding sex and intimacy they quickly went back to the way they were.

 

I warned my wife several times that I wanted sex and only for her, but that if I didn't get it from her I would look elsewhere. Well after 4 months of constant rejection and no intimacy, I strayed and slept with an old HS friend of mine. I did not sneak around, I made it perfectly known to her that I was going to sleep with this woman and she said "go right ahead honey" to quote verbatim, assuming I was making an empty threat. After the deed was complete and she saw that I did in fact sleep my HS friend she got mad at me!!! Wtf right?!

 

Anyway now I don't know what to do. This marriage is horrible and i'm not sure myself if she is cheating on me or not. She is angry at me and exposing my "affair" to everyone in our town. My reputation has been compromised and my family is dissappointed in me but no one knows of what led me to it. She is constantly crying and is rarely speaking to me. Not sure if I want to divorce or if she wants to divorce either....

 

Well, tell everyone what she did, just like she is doing.

 

If neither of you want a divorce then you'll just stay together while nothing changes and be miserable.

 

You should have ended the marriage instead of cheating. sometimes people value the marriage and all that comes with it but not their spouse.

Edited by Popsicle
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Instead of cheating, you should've separated from your wife & started the divorce proceedings. She definitely dared you to cheat when she told you to "go ahead" but you know it was wrong.

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You could have done the manly thing and divorced her with your integrity and honor intact.

 

Instead, you cheated.

 

Your loss of reputation is on you.

 

In my last marriage, we only had sex TWICE in FIVE YEARS (and both of those times were so quick I failed to orgasm) Did I cheat? Nope. I'd rather have my honor, respect, and integrity than an orgasm.

 

Divorced him instead.

 

Now I have nothing to be ashamed of. Funny how that works, eh?

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Why did you marry someone who doesn't give you what you want? It's true that you shouldn't look for all good qualities in one person, but there are a few on that list that just HAVE to be there. And yes, do make mention that you told your wife and she said "go ahead"; cheating isn't good but people should be less hostile towards you when they don't consider you to be the grumpy insensitive guy that waits to skulk off at midnight to meet a prostitute in a back alley.

 

I also think you should strongly think about divorcing. Doesn't matter if she doesn't want to divorce, you can do that without her consent.

For the future - if you divorce without infidelity, you're considered an a$s for a while. With infidelity you're a$s de luxe. It doesn't improve anything.

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Both of you have proved that regardless is what happened, you are not miserable enough in the marriage to leave, so the other person can pretty much do whatever they want.

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Not sure if I want to divorce or if she wants to divorce either....

 

So we can better understand your position, perhaps you should list your reasons for wanting to stay in the marriage. From your post, almost anyone here could list reasons to leave.

 

Your wife's motivation is pretty clear. She doesn't want a divorce because she's found someone who will put up with almost anything...

 

Mr. Lucky

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The manly thing to do is divorce her and then go find someone to shack up with.

 

To go have an affair while still married because she said "go ahead" with obvious sarcasm is a cowardly thing to do.

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The manly thing to do is divorce her and then go find someone to shack up with.

 

To go have an affair while still married because she said "go ahead" with obvious sarcasm is a cowardly thing to do.

 

I don't think it was sarcasm, I think it was a challenge and a dare from both of them.

 

He dared her to step up and show that she stilled cared about marital fidelity and she dared him to show that he didn't. They each too the dare and each are paying the price.

 

This is a very toxic and dysfunctional situation. All is lost. No hope here.

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okay so why you talking about it???

don't justify yourself to "loveshack"..

 

Why not talk about it in an INFIDELITY FORUM??? We all justify every single decision we make, if only to ourselves.

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autumnnight

And once again, we see that the sexual betrayal of withholding is okay (and probably his fault yada yada), but an affair that he announced he would be having is the be all end all.

 

Surprise, surprise

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TrustedthenBusted

Well, you should know by now when a woman says "go ahead" what she really means is "please don't do that"

 

And when she says "please don't do that" she really means " I'll make your life hell if you do that"

 

so the question is, how long do you want to live in hell? Becausae now that she's started the grass fire, it will never EVER burn out completely.

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toolforgrowth
Well, you should know by now when a woman says "go ahead" what she really means is "please don't do that"

 

And when she says "please don't do that" she really means " I'll make your life hell if you do that"

 

so the question is, how long do you want to live in hell? Becausae now that she's started the grass fire, it will never EVER burn out completely.

 

Then women should clearly say what they mean. Not the OP's fault for hearing "Go ahead" when the words "Go ahead" came out of her facehole.

 

I absolutely refuse to play the "What does she REALLY mean?" game. OP shouldn't have to either.

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