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TheOneYouHate

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TheOneYouHate

I have moments of extreme strength that I am so close to ending my A and then I wuss out. I was so strong this morning and I was all ready to end it and then here comes the anxiety and a little panic.

 

First of all this is an LTA.. and ending it via a NC email seems really cruel. So how do I do this.. OMG I need a real dose of courage here. I am getting sucked back in, and I know I need to let go.

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I have moments of extreme strength that I am so close to ending my A and then I wuss out. I was so strong this morning and I was all ready to end it and then here comes the anxiety and a little panic.

 

First of all this is an LTA.. and ending it via a NC email seems really cruel. So how do I do this.. OMG I need a real dose of courage here. I am getting sucked back in, and I know I need to let go.

Just man up!!! Get a set.... You have been a wuss for a long time having an A on you loving caring wife. I don't think stopping your A will change you as a person.

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TheOneYouHate
Just man up!!! Get a set.... You have been a wuss for a long time having an A on you loving caring wife. I don't think stopping your A will change you as a person.

 

You know, normally I would have been like "what an ass", then I kind of chuckled. I think I needed to hear that.. thanks,

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Just be honest to your wife and the OW's husband. They will help you get out of it quickly and if not then look at the bright side you will be single soon so you can date and cheat with who ever you want.

 

Clay

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Lurkeraspect
I have moments of extreme strength that I am so close to ending my A and then I wuss out. I was so strong this morning and I was all ready to end it and then here comes the anxiety and a little panic.

 

First of all this is an LTA.. and ending it via a NC email seems really cruel. So how do I do this.. OMG I need a real dose of courage here. I am getting sucked back in, and I know I need to let go.

 

I'm confused.

 

Didn't you already send the breakup/NC email last month? And what? You think email is cruel? Whoa. You might want to truly evaluate your cruelty and whom it's been directed towards. I'm sure the MOM will be just fine. She can go use her husband as her emotional crutch.

 

Why don't you just get off the dime, take control of your life, give your wife the truth about her life, divorce, move on, live happily ever after with this woman you've stated you're not that into (paraphrasing).

 

You truly seem like the martyr type. You create all the drama in your life, continue the drama, then whine and cry about it. No one did this to you. Well, except you.

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TheOneYouHate
I'm confused.

 

Didn't you already send the breakup/NC email last month? And what? You think email is cruel? Whoa. You might want to truly evaluate your cruelty and whom it's been directed towards. I'm sure the MOM will be just fine. She can go use her husband as her emotional crutch.

 

Why don't you just get off the dime, take control of your life, give your wife the truth about her life, divorce, move on, live happily ever after with this woman you've stated you're not that into (paraphrasing).

 

You truly seem like the martyr type. You create all the drama in your life, continue the drama, then whine and cry about it. No one did this to you. Well, except you.

 

I did send a breakup email and got back into it.. must you folks be so mean, I mean dang I have feeling too.. Geesh..

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You know, normally I would have been like "what an ass", then I kind of chuckled. I think I needed to hear that.. thanks,

 

Take it from a women who has been devastated by her STBXH Affair: If or when your wife finds out about your A she will cry a heart wrenching cry that you will never be able to console her. When your children find out that their mother is crying because of what their father did to her will break your heart in a million pieces. So if you think just breaking it off with the OW is hard. You ain't seen nothing yet.

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autumnnight
I did send a breakup email and got back into it.. must you folks be so mean, I mean dang I have feeling too.. Geesh..

 

Whenever you think of email as cruel to the OW....think of that in relations to the epic cruelty of cheating, deceit, lying, etc to the person you actually made vows with.

 

Then email the breakup with a no contact demand.

 

Then go and tell your wife you need to talk to her...and confess.

 

Then give her access to all forms of communication....and let HER block the OW six ways from Sunday.

 

Then start the huge task of helping your wife and your marriage heal.

 

Thhink Yoda: Do or do not do; there is no try.

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TheOneYouHate
Whenever you think of email as cruel to the OW....think of that in relations to the epic cruelty of cheating, deceit, lying, etc to the person you actually made vows with.

 

Then email the breakup with a no contact demand.

 

Then go and tell your wife you need to talk to her...and confess.

 

Then give her access to all forms of communication....and let HER block the OW six ways from Sunday.

 

Then start the huge task of helping your wife and your marriage heal.

 

Thhink Yoda: Do or do not do; there is no try.

 

You know you are exactly right.. I have to quit wussing out for how it will make me feel and send it.

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Lurkeraspect
I did send a breakup email and got back into it.. must you folks be so mean, I mean dang I have feeling too.. Geesh..

 

The point of my post wasn't to be mean to you, but you've been struggling, crying, moaning about the damage you've been handing out...for months. Do you truly want to end the A? Then do it. It's not hard, you end it, block all forms of communication, and you leave no door cracked to resume. Over.

 

But, from reading all your posts, I don't believe you want to end anything. You're enjoying this. Admit it. And hey, if that's the lifestyle you choose to lead, go for it. Just have some honor and let your wife go. She would probably enjoy not spending the rest of her life with a man who's not all in, or who is continually putting her sexual health in jeopardy.

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TheOneYouHate
The point of my post wasn't to be mean to you, but you've been struggling, crying, moaning about the damage you've been handing out...for months. Do you truly want to end the A? Then do it. It's not hard, you end it, block all forms of communication, and you leave no door cracked to resume. Over.

 

But, from reading all your posts, I don't believe you want to end anything. You're enjoying this. Admit it. And hey, if that's the lifestyle you choose to lead, go for it. Just have some honor and let your wife go. She would probably enjoy not spending the rest of her life with a man who's not all in, or who is continually putting her sexual health in jeopardy.

 

No I do not want to live like this, it is not a good existence.

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TaraMaiden2
I have moments of extreme strength that I am so close to ending my A and then I wuss out.

Then that's a lie. You're TELLING yourself you have moments of extreme strength, but they're patently nothing of the kind, or else you would follow through.

What you have is intentions. You know - like the ones that pave the road to hell....

 

I was so strong this morning and I was all ready to end it and then here comes the anxiety and a little panic.

Strength is nothing - non-existent - if it is overcome by anxiety and 'a little panic'.

 

If you really were strong this morning, it would have taken a lot more than 'a little'...

 

First of all this is an LTA.. and ending it via a NC email seems really cruel. So how do I do this.. OMG I need a real dose of courage here. I am getting sucked back in, and I know I need to let go.

 

Oh for goodness' sake, give ME the email address, I'LL do it for you....

There you go, sorted.

 

What's that saying..."Never send a boy to do a man's job."....?

 

As I4givehim said, you're really going to have to grow a pair, dearest....

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I did send a breakup email and got back into it.. must you folks be so mean, I mean dang I have feeling too.. Geesh..

Okay, lets switch things around for a minute. Pretend a friend of yours told you exactly what you've told us. What advice would you give him? Your perspective is different as an outsider looking in. We've all tried pushing you into the right direction, but it's YOU that has to want it. It's no different than quitting smoking or any other bad habit. Quit cold turkey- deal with the withdrawals and any other consequences that go along with it. Of course it will be hard, but in time it will get easier.

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TheOneYouHate
Okay, lets switch things around for a minute. Pretend a friend of yours told you exactly what you've told us. What advice would you give him? Your perspective is different as an outsider looking in. We've all tried pushing you into the right direction, but it's YOU that has to want it. It's no different than quitting smoking or any other bad habit. Quit cold turkey- deal with the withdrawals and any other consequences that go along with it. Of course it will be hard, but in time it will get easier.

 

Yeah I would tell them the same thing, you have to stop it now, it is the worst thing you could be doing and it is going to destroy your life.

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TaraMaiden2
Yeah I would tell them the same thing, you have to stop it now, it is the worst thing you could be doing and it is going to destroy your life.

 

Write that out on loads of pieces of A3 paper, and stick 'em up all over your apartment/home. Make sure there's one everywhere you look. Even the John.

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I would say that one should always avoid unnecessary cruelty to others. In this case I think you have to choose to hurt some one. Remember that your affair partner is not blameless here. She knew you were married. Don't shed too many tears about hurting her. When you play with fire..........

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Southern Sun

So do it over the phone if that makes you feel like less of a jerk. But you have to do it, and be firm about it. You can be firm and still kind. By the way, being firm and actually ending it and not waffling IS the kindest thing you can do - not only for your wife, but in the end, for the OW as well.

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i am gutted
Take it from a women who has been devastated by her STBXH Affair: If or when your wife finds out about your A she will cry a heart wrenching cry that you will never be able to console her. When your children find out that their mother is crying because of what their father did to her will break your heart in a million pieces. So if you think just breaking it off with the OW is hard. You ain't seen nothing yet.

 

Amen to that ^^^

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I did send a breakup email and got back into it.. must you folks be so mean, I mean dang I have feeling too.. Geesh..

 

No one is saying you don't have feelings, but if you are getting flustered with what a bunch of people on the internet are saying about your choices, just think how the people in your real life will treat you when you are exposed. This is nothing.

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That being said, I hope you find the path that leads you to doing the right thing, for all involved. Good luck to you.

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HereNorThere

The same way you do anything, brother - One foot in front of the other.

 

Ever have friend addicted to cigarettes, booze, drugs or something and wonder "why doesn't he just stop? Well, that's the way we're looking at you.

 

Sometimes in life you have to run towards the pain in order to get it over with. It's hard to make yourself sick, but that's essentially what you'll be doing. The good part is that it eventually subsides and you get your life and integrity back.

 

Sadly, maybe you're just one of those addicts who won't stop until they're found dead with the needle still sticking out of their arm. Who knows? I'm hoping you're stronger than that, but maybe you aren't. You're the only person who truly knows that.

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Take it from a women who has been devastated by her STBXH Affair: If or when your wife finds out about your A she will cry a heart wrenching cry that you will never be able to console her.When your children find out that their mother is crying because of what their father did to her will break your heart in a million pieces. So if you think just breaking it off with the OW is hard. You ain't seen nothing yet.

 

Reading that statement just broke my heart... I am so sorry you had to experience such pain, I can't imagine what that feeling of betrayal would be like other than utter devastation. My heart goes out to you and I wish you all the best. May God be with you...

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I don't know the full story but better surely to break up face to face if this is a LTA.

Emails and texts are throw away, they can be sent in moment of emotion and 2 secs later it is all different, people know that. YOU have already done that and here you are again in the same place.

 

Sitting there face to face and breaking up shows you mean it, shows her there is no going back. Gives her the opportunity to ask questions and gives her closure. She can see in your face that you mean it.

 

Do not go all wishy washy and keep her hanging on and hoping with protestations of love or "if only..." nonsense, tell her it is over, full stop. Be well prepared before you meet her, firm your resolve and do not buckle.

 

Man up, you were man enough to have two women on a string, be man enough to tell one of them it is over to her face.

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must you folks be so mean, I mean dang I have feeling too.. Geesh..

 

You have put your feelings over your wife's for a long time.

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