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I am not looking to be judged, only seeking help and advice. I know what I have/am doing is wrong and I feel trapped and addicted. I WANT OUT!

 

I am a 39 y/o MM addicted to a 25 y/o female AP for over 3 years. I am old enough to know better and honestly feel I am in a mid life crisis clinging to any bit of youth I have left. I am a very successful businessman with what I feel is a ticking time bomb in my hands.

 

My affair started when she was hired as a marketing assistant for my company. She still works there, but does not directly report to me. Still see her daily and can't help but to communicate regularly.

 

I enjoy the thrill of the game, the sex and the adrenaline. I have never had a affair before nor have I done drugs or drink/smoke, but I enjoy stupid dangerous things like fast cars and flying and jumping out of things. I don't gamble in the classic sense like at a casino, just seem to get off putting my life and assets on the line.

 

My wife of 14 years hasn't done ANYTHING wrong. We have had ups and downs, but she was the best thing to ever happen to me. I also have 3 beautiful kids with her. To be honest, she is just as hot to me as when I met her. She is so sweet and takes care of me and my children. She has supported me working crazy hours to grow my businesses.

 

On the flip side, my AP is like a dream I have created in my head that I am trying to live out. She is young, smooth, extremely sexy and lots of fun. However, this is destroying me from the inside out. I am losing my connection with my wife. I am unable to focus on my family and my work duties. My emotions are difficult to control. I feel like I am going insane.

 

I find myself doing riskier and riskier things. I just got back from a weekend trip to a city 3 hours away with AP. We went to a luxury resort/spa driving in one of my exotic cars that is easy to spot and many people know its me. I even went as far as putting the top down on the car without seeming to care if anyone saw us.

 

There is NO WAY I would ever make a life with this AP. She makes me look like a saint. She is immature, manipulative and down right mean at times. The only plus is she knows this is messing up her life just as much as it is me. She is a wreck and just as emotional. We both know we are feeding off each other. I have told her I am not leaving my wife many times.

 

Over the past 3 years she has extorted money out of me (thought that was the end of it), given me a STD (treatable). I have never had a std my entire life, even as a horny bachelor. I am some dumb ol' man thinking my youth is over and I keep going back to her. I crave the attention and exciting sex. I cringe thinking of her getting pregnant. I know she has other partners to fill the void I can't give her and she is using me for the excitement and money. Just like I am using her for the excitement and sex. We pretend to love each other, but deep down, there is no love with how we treat each other.

 

It's so odd. I am a very confident and secure man in my business life and have no problem telling someone to eff-off if I am crossed or wronged. I can handle anything in that world. But this girl is able to bring me to my knees. It makes me depressed. I am constantly checking to see if she texted me and at work I walk by her office to just get a smile out of her. No one else is able to do this to me. I feel like a weak unexperienced teenager around her.

 

I am screwed. I want out so bad, I want my life with my wife back. I want to take my wife to places like I was at this weekend with AP. In fact I was there with AP and I kept thinking about how much I missed my wife and wanted to be there with her.

 

The issue is how do I work AP out of my company and life without it getting real ugly. I don't want my wife to know of my stupidity. I don't want to tell her because of my guilt. I don't think it's fair to transfer my pain to my wife.

 

- desperate for help.

Edited by ndeep
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first, can I just say ewww....I sure hope you haven't been intimate with yoru wife since you caught an std.

 

Secondly, It sounds like you don't even care that much for each other( you and ow) more like you feed off one another in a weird way. You enjoy risk, which she gives you, and she enjoys control, which you give her.

 

All that would be fine, if that's what turns your crank, except you are married, and you are putting your wife and kids at risk without their knowledge or permission.

 

You don't know how far this ow will go, or what she will do if she feels scorned. Who knows what she could do to your wife and kids? She may become a stalker, hurt them physically or emotionally, or just be a nuisance that doesn't go away.

 

You have come to a point where you need to make a choice. You are risking your wife's emotional well being, which you have zero right to do. In your soes, I would be honest with your wife and tell her the whole story, after which, i would send a no contact letter to the ow, in which you let her know the affair is over, your wife knows and any further contact will result in you seeing legal advice.

 

good luck to you.

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ok, fair. - ask to not be judge, but I get it. It's hard to not judge when someone lays it all out there. Just wanting advice.

 

The std thing was a blip but a problem non the less. Clymidia is treatable with 2 pills and BAM it's gone. retested negative. It was over within a week. Indeed. EWWWWW

 

Since then, I have used a condom every-time with OW. My wife and I have been sexually active, yes.

 

I seriously doubt the OW would do anything extreme to harm my wife or family. She is wanting out of this just like I am. But like you said, we keep feeding off each other.

 

I will tell wife later tonight. At least my guilt and pain will be less and now I can give all that pain and suffering to my wife. I will also have my attorney draft letter to OW and also bring him up to speed on all the other money he is about to make on my divorce.

Edited by ndeep
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Hope Shimmers

Anytime someone gives you their opinion, that is 'judging'. That's what the forum is for. If you want people to just tell you they agree with what you are doing, that's not helpful and (I would assume) not what you are looking for.

 

This is like watching a train wreck about to happen, in slow motion. Without the ability to do anything about it.

 

It sounds like you have a supportive wife, who gave you wonderful kids and is still sexually attractive to you. What you are doing is risking your entire family, for sex with a 25 year old immature manipulative selfish woman/girl. Once your wife figures this out, she will likely decide that the 14 years she has devoted to you were not worth it and she may find someone else who ALSO thinks she's hot and sexually desirable and who will appreciate what she has to give. Meanwhile, you will be left with a 25-year-old self-centered immature woman/girl who you don't want a life with, and you will have lost your wife and family.

 

Maybe thinking about your wife making love to some other man, one who will appreciate her, will help shove you out of your selfish mindset that you "want" this "woman" who gave you an STD!!! because she makes you feel young.

 

Grow up already, and act like a real man.

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This is like watching a train wreck about to happen, in slow motion. Without the ability to do anything about it.

 

 

 

 

I agree with all of this! It is exactly like that. I am a idiot. But how the hell do I get OW out of my life? I can go no contact easy by cutting all ties via phone and text, but how do I get her out of my company without setting off all kinds of HR and legal issues. This is the real problem.

 

FYI, my wife has made love to another man, but did so with my permission. It was a one time deal and was a experiment. My wife is no angel. But far more better person than me. I also married my wife 14 years ago. She informed me she had herpes before we ever had sex. I was in love with her and I didn't fault her for getting that when she was a teenager. For some crazy reason I am immune to it. Never got it from her after 14 years with repeated tests.

 

Still no excuse for my actions.

Edited by ndeep
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Hope Shimmers
I agree with all of this! It is exactly like that. I am a idiot. But how the hell do I get OW out of my life? I can go no contact easy by cutting all ties via phone and text, but how do I get her out of my company without setting off all kinds of HR and legal issues. This is the real problem.

 

FYI, my wife has made love to another man, but did so with my permission. It was a one time deal and was a experiment. My wife is no angel. But far more better person than me. I also married my wife 14 years ago. She informed me she had herpes before we ever had sex. I was in love with her and I didn't fault her for getting that when she was a teenager. For some crazy reason I am immune to it. Never got it from her after 14 years with repeated tests.

 

Still no excuse for my actions.

 

Well if she made love to another man with your permission, that's an entirely different situation than your carrying on an affair behind her back.

 

I am not sure what the herpes story (that she got as a teenager) has to do with any of this, but okay. Do you resent her for that, or are you just making a point that she isn't perfect?

 

I would start with getting the OW out of your personal life (no contact, stop texting and all personal interaction) and then worry about getting her out of your company. No one said it would be easy, but it will be a lot easier than losing your family and that's where you are headed. Good luck -

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minimariah
I agree with all of this! It is exactly like that. I am a idiot. But how the hell do I get OW out of my life? I can go no contact easy by cutting all ties via phone and text, but how do I get her out of my company without setting off all kinds of HR and legal issues. This is the real problem.

 

you can't and you shouldn't.

 

i mean... sleeping with a married man is wrong but getting fired for it? SUPER WRONG. you had sex with her and you wanted her -- deal with the consequences. it's just not fair to fire someone just because you decided you don't want to f&ck them anymore. so leave the OW and her job alone. if you'll get rid of her then be sure to find her another, equally good job.

 

I will tell wife later tonight. At least my guilt and pain will be less and now I can give all that pain and suffering to my wife.

 

why would you want to give "all that pain and suffering" to your wife?

sure, you should be honest with her but the phrasing is just weird.

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ndeep, you really are in it way too deep. I cannot judge as I am having an affair, but when I hear people still love their spouse and they are still attracted to them and they mean everything to the person who is in the A, I just scratch my head. Anyways, I would actually think you do need to talk to your attorney about what can possibly be done to remove the OW from you business. Do you only have one office? Can she be relocated? Have you spoken to her about ending the A and how hard it would be for both of you to see each other each day? You say she wants out too. Did she actually say that or are you assuming? If she also wants to end it, maybe she would end it with a severance package. There are people on here who go NC and continue to work together, although in your case, it sounds like neither of you would have much self control. I hope she wouldn't take revenge if you end it and contact your wife. She could make your life hell, would she? I think the best route might be talking to OW about ending it and how she feels about continuing to work there. If she would rather find another job, then maybe you could help her in her search or give her several months severance so she could find one. I would first want to find out if she is going to be cooperative or uncooperative. Talk to her and see how she reacts. Good luck.

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I am not looking to be judged, only seeking help and advice. I know what I have/am doing is wrong and I feel trapped and addicted. I WANT OUT!

 

I am a 39 y/o MM addicted to a 25 y/o female AP for over 3 years. I am old enough to know better and honestly feel I am in a mid life crisis clinging to any bit of youth I have left. I am a very successful businessman with what I feel is a ticking time bomb in my hands.

 

My affair started when she was hired as a marketing assistant for my company. She still works there, but does not directly report to me. Still see her daily and can't help but to communicate regularly.

 

I enjoy the thrill of the game, the sex and the adrenaline. I have never had a affair before nor have I done drugs or drink/smoke, but I enjoy stupid dangerous things like fast cars and flying and jumping out of things. I don't gamble in the classic sense like at a casino, just seem to get off putting my life and assets on the line.

 

My wife of 14 years hasn't done ANYTHING wrong. We have had ups and downs, but she was the best thing to ever happen to me. I also have 3 beautiful kids with her. To be honest, she is just as hot to me as when I met her. She is so sweet and takes care of me and my children. She has supported me working crazy hours to grow my businesses.

 

On the flip side, my AP is like a dream I have created in my head that I am trying to live out. She is young, smooth, extremely sexy and lots of fun. However, this is destroying me from the inside out. I am losing my connection with my wife. I am unable to focus on my family and my work duties. My emotions are difficult to control. I feel like I am going insane.

 

I find myself doing riskier and riskier things. I just got back from a weekend trip to a city 3 hours away with AP. We went to a luxury resort/spa driving in one of my exotic cars that is easy to spot and many people know its me. I even went as far as putting the top down on the car without seeming to care if anyone saw us.

 

There is NO WAY I would ever make a life with this AP. She makes me look like a saint. She is immature, manipulative and down right mean at times. The only plus is she knows this is messing up her life just as much as it is me. She is a wreck and just as emotional. We both know we are feeding off each other. I have told her I am not leaving my wife many times.

 

Over the past 3 years she has extorted money out of me (thought that was the end of it), given me a STD (treatable). I have never had a std my entire life, even as a horny bachelor. I am some dumb ol' man thinking my youth is over and I keep going back to her. I crave the attention and exciting sex. I cringe thinking of her getting pregnant. I know she has other partners to fill the void I can't give her and she is using me for the excitement and money. Just like I am using her for the excitement and sex. We pretend to love each other, but deep down, there is no love with how we treat each other.

 

It's so odd. I am a very confident and secure man in my business life and have no problem telling someone to eff-off if I am crossed or wronged. I can handle anything in that world. But this girl is able to bring me to my knees. It makes me depressed. I am constantly checking to see if she texted me and at work I walk by her office to just get a smile out of her. No one else is able to do this to me. I feel like a weak unexperienced teenager around her.

 

I am screwed. I want out so bad, I want my life with my wife back. I want to take my wife to places like I was at this weekend with AP. In fact I was there with AP and I kept thinking about how much I missed my wife and wanted to be there with her.

 

The issue is how do I work AP out of my company and life without it getting real ugly. I don't want my wife to know of my stupidity. I don't want to tell her because of my guilt. I don't think it's fair to transfer my pain to my wife.

 

- desperate for help.

 

Bill Clinton probably felt the same way. Like "What the hell am I doing?" but couldn't stop.

 

People here are going to tell you to tell your wife. Do you want that? If not, then stop yourself.

 

As for getting rid of your AP, just tell her some bullcrap story about how you think she deserves better than you, how she deserves more than you and how you care about her and want her to be happy, etc. etc. It'll sound nicer than leave me alone I want to focus on my marriage now.

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why would you want to give "all that pain and suffering" to your wife?

sure, you should be honest with her but the phrasing is just weird.

 

The phrasing is exactly what it is. I would rather take a lifetime of guilt and sadness to my grave than to make her feel one ounce of pain because of my wrong doing. Telling her because she needs to know is dumb. If the roll was reversed. I would hope to hell (if she wanted to end it with her AP and made the choice to stay with me) that she keep it with her. I wouldn't want to stew over that and feel the pain from her bad choices. You are doing nothing more than taking your burden and dumping it on someone else.

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OW is only 25 so chances are, this won't be the job she stays at forever. She may even leave herself once the A ends.

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Redheaded Mistress
The std thing was a blip but a problem non the less. Clymidia is treatable with 2 pills and BAM it's gone. retested negative. It was over within a week. Indeed. EWWWWW

 

Since then, I have used a condom every-time with OW. My wife and I have been sexually active, yes.

 

If I were to take one of my dinner plates, smear dog poop all over it, disinfected it so that it was clean, then handed you your dinner on it, would you say "hey, you cleaned the plate, BAM, all the germs are gone and all is fine."

 

Here's guessing probably not.

 

And just because you got it treated after doesn't mean that between the point you got infected and the point you were diagnosed that you couldn't have passed it to your wife. Sex Ed 101 dude.

 

I seriously doubt the OW would do anything extreme to harm my wife or family. She is wanting out of this just like I am. But like you said, we keep feeding off each other.

 

I will tell wife later tonight. At least my guilt and pain will be less and now I can give all that pain and suffering to my wife. I will also have my attorney draft letter to OW and also bring him up to speed on all the other money he is about to make on my divorce.

 

 

So your plan is to "give all that pain and suffering" to your wife and you somehow think that will make you feel better? Dude, you've got this totally bass ackwards. Not to mention the sentiment of telling your wife so that you can feel better and she carries the weight of all of this as opposed to you is a bit... Well... Twisted.

 

Listen, the simple fact is this... You right this like it's a James Bond novel, full of drama and intrigue, talking about how you feel and how that feels, sexy this, fast car that, indulgent lifestyles, a midlife crisis, you want to leave but she won't let you, you don't want to go because she's so smooth, she's a lying manipulative whatever, and your wife sits by the door waiting for you with a parade when you get home, yet you are just so drawn to ruining your life because that's the type of guy you are.

 

The reality you need to wake up to is that you're not Don Draper, this isn't an episode of "Mad Men," and you can't fob off accountability on this to the crazy OW, your midlife crisis, and your addiction to all things fast lifestyle. Now, I know upon reading this, you're already building the scaffolding upon which to put your cross, but I really don't think you've truly thought about your role in this.

 

Some simple, inescapable facts are you entered into this relationship and maintained it, not because you were tricked, not because you love to ruin everything you touch, but because you wanted to. You made an active choice somewhere along the line to do this and for all of the "I'm trapped" sentiment, you're here where you are now because it's where you choose to be.

 

Some other, inescapable facts is that the wife never becomes a Saint until you feel like getting out and working on the marriage or you realize you're past the point of marital salvation... Though, at some point, when too much criticism is heaped your way, I'm sure Saint BS will suddenly turn into "she seems like a Saint but here's the skeletons in her closet... So she's bad too." And the mistress never becomes a mental case until you either want out or want to pretend you want out or because the wife now knows and you want to salvage it by throwing her under the bus.

 

What both of these inescapable facts are tied together with is the person who's doing the cheating is trying to rope in why their situation is the fault of everybody but them.

 

I strongly suggest before you decide to help yourself by telling her and thus "letting her carry your burden" is you do some serious soul searching on your part in all of this. Not the sexy, fast life, hard living, Don Draper version that has you erecting the scaffold upon which you display your martyrdom, but the real, actual, honest-to-God version where you don't throw yourself under the bus in a way designed to make you look good through self-deprecation, where you don't drag out and parade your wife's problems from thousands of years ago to explain how what you did is now somehow OK, and where you don't put all the blame on the OW like she forced you to be with her for 3 years, give her money, take her on trips, and so on.

 

Honesty, it's the way and the light.

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minimariah
The phrasing is exactly what it is. I would rather take a lifetime of guilt and sadness to my grave than to make her feel one ounce of pain because of my wrong doing. Telling her because she needs to know is dumb. If the roll was reversed. I would hope to hell (if she wanted to end it with her AP and made the choice to stay with me) that she keep it with her. I wouldn't want to stew over that and feel the pain from her bad choices. You are doing nothing more than taking your burden and dumping it on someone else.

 

it is quite simple -- if you didn't think about your W's pain while having an A, you don't have to think about her pain when it's all over. she deserves to know because she has the right to make informed choices, she has the right to know completely the man she married.

 

so yes, you should tell her -- without telling her, you probably won't get out of the A & she'll find out through a D-day.

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if you want out, it's easy: find her another job asap. Make sure she does not work for you anymore as soon as you possibly can. Stop all contact after that. Play very safe with your wife and spend quality time with your children. Pray every night that your wife never finds out.

 

end of story

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FYI, my wife has made love to another man, but did so with my permission. It was a one time deal and was a experiment.

 

Oh wait, let me guess... It was YOUR idea?

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Redheaded Mistress
I agree with all of this! It is exactly like that. I am a idiot. But how the hell do I get OW out of my life? I can go no contact easy by cutting all ties via phone and text, but how do I get her out of my company without setting off all kinds of HR and legal issues. This is the real problem.

 

You can't fire your plaything because you want to want to go back and play with your old toys. Problems aren't fixed by simply making them go away, because if that's how you go about this, it's only a matter of time before a new toy wanders through and tempts you again.

 

You don't fire her because you don't want to deal with her. You deal with it like an adult and act like an adult at work. Change your personal email, change your personal cell number, don't answer her calls, texts, emails outside of work, take her off social media, and pretend she doesn't exist outside of the four walls that confine your workplace. Millions of people do this on the daily, just because you had an affair with her doesn't mean you can't either. And if it's so hard and you really feel like you can't do it, then you find a new job, you don't fire her to make her go away.

 

FYI, my wife has made love to another man, but did so with my permission. It was a one time deal and was a experiment.

 

So that really in no way counts at all to anything having to do with you or this story, does it?

 

My wife is no angel. But far more better person than me. I also married my wife 14 years ago. She informed me she had herpes before we ever had sex. I was in love with her and I didn't fault her for getting that when she was a teenager. For some crazy reason I am immune to it. Never got it from her after 14 years with repeated tests.

 

Still no excuse for my actions.

 

I. Totally. Called. It.

 

You marrying her 14 years ago matters not. Her having herpes 14+ years ago matters not. You forgiving (?!) her for that matters not. These are things you knew about, blessed, and accepted her for anyway. You don't save these little things in a "in case I screw up and need something to throw in your face" fund.

 

You being immune to herpes is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard, besides that two pills and chlamydia is gone thing... You need a sex ed class for real. At least if you're going to cheat and maintain this relationship, be educated about what you could come home with and give to your innocent-but-not wife.

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it is quite simple -- if you didn't think about your W's pain while having an A, you don't have to think about her pain when it's all over. she deserves to know because she has the right to make informed choices, she has the right to know completely the man she married.

 

so yes, you should tell her -- without telling her, you probably won't get out of the A & she'll find out through a D-day.

 

it's actually not quite simple. I do think about my W's pain while having an A. That messes with me more than anything and if you read my OP, I even said while I was out with AP all I could think about was how bad I am hurting my wife by not giving her this attention and how I want out.

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Hope Shimmers
Oh wait, let me guess... It was YOUR idea?

 

Yes it was HIS idea and now she's getting blamed for it. With statements like "she is no angel".

 

I would rather take a lifetime of guilt and sadness to my grave than to make her feel one ounce of pain because of my wrong doing.

 

Wow. How noble. Now is a fine time to think of that. Should have thought of all that BEFORE you decided to screw a 25 year old with STDs.

 

Gross, by the way.

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Oh wait, let me guess... It was YOUR idea?

 

wasn't my idea, It was hers. But it did become another one of those things that created excitement that I so much enjoy. Turns out it wasn't that exciting. Was over quickly.

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Yeah, I must say, it's kind of messed up to pull out the "My wife is no angel" card after you've said in the OP how she hasn't done anything wrong and how perfect she is.

 

So, which is it?

 

Nevermind, it doesn't matter anyway, because you KNOW you don't want your marriage to blow up, whether she's an angel or not.

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Hope Shimmers
wasn't my idea, It was hers. But it did become another one of those things that created excitement that I so much enjoy. Turns out it wasn't that exciting. Was over quickly.

 

Okay, but at least she ran it by you, correct? Instead of doing it behind your back?

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wasn't my idea, It was hers. But it did become another one of those things that created excitement that I so much enjoy. Turns out it wasn't that exciting. Was over quickly.

 

lol

 

so you imagined it lasting hours?

 

Maybe it would be more exciting for you if your wife was having an secret but hot and sexy ongoing affair behind your back....

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it's actually not quite simple. I do think about my W's pain while having an A. That messes with me more than anything and if you read my OP, I even said while I was out with AP all I could think about was how bad I am hurting my wife by not giving her this attention and how I want out.

 

Yes, I see that you do want out, so I won't bash you for that. You have come to the right conclusion.

 

But, you need to fix yourself young (I mean old) man!

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Redheaded Mistress
it's actually not quite simple. I do think about my W's pain while having an A. That messes with me more than anything and if you read my OP, I even said while I was out with AP all I could think about was how bad I am hurting my wife by not giving her this attention and how I want out.

 

Bud, I think the point she's getting at is that whenever you talk about the assumptive pain you're inflicting on your spouse, you do it by mentioning you first, not her. When one says I, I, I, I, me, me, me, me in describing something that's supposed to be about others, one tends to get the impression you're not so much thinking about their pain, but your pain as mirrored in them and what you want for yourself to change it to make you feel better.

 

And really, while you say it's all you think about, you just talked about how you were out in public with her in your car and not hiding it and not particularly caring about being caught... So really, you find fairly sizable chunks in your time to not so much worry about your wife and how it'd hurt her.

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Wow, what a mess. You stepped in a massive pile of sh*t OP, and now there's no way out of it.

 

This is your company, right? Can't fire her or lay her off for having an affair w/you, at least not without risking massive liability. You also can't do that if you're in a position of authority in a company you don't own. No one in your HR or law departments will get on board with that unless they're extremely shady and reckless.

 

I don't get the 'plan' btw - confess to your wife tonight and then get rid of your AP? You seem convinced your wife will leave you, so why get rid of the reason your wife will leave you at that point?

 

I don't think you have any real intention of leaving or even sidelining the 25 year old. It's obvious she's an addiction to you and one you have no real hope of controlling - so much so that you put all the eggs in her basket by exposing yourself to tremendous professional and personal liability for the sake of banging her (over and over again for 3 years). I mean I assume you know the power she has over you in that regard, right? She could pretty much end your marriage and your job at any time she likes. No wonder she extorts money from you (and no wonder you pay it lol).

 

I'm hard pressed to think of any more one-sided game than this one. I hope the puss was worth it. (btw you should also know she'll dismiss you the moment you're no longer useful to her and/or when she finds a new mule. At that point I guess you can only hope she doesn't get bored enough to topple you over too while she's at it. In a way you should really beg for mercy from her, tho that would be risky bc she'd probably start seeing you as a pussy and just want to f*ck you up all the more because of it.)

 

My god. :rolleyes: This is almost like a throw-yourself-at-the-mercy-of-the-court level disaster.

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