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I've recently ended my online affair. It's been two months NC. I still look at his twitter account to see if he posted which I probably shouldn't be doing but I'm doing anyway. I want to stop this behavior but I still feel pangs of wanting to contact him.

 

Has anyone been in this type of situation?

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nightmare01

Good that you ended it - stay strong. What's keeping your OM in your mind is all the checking of his online accounts. If you resist the temptation, and can not check on him constantly, your craving for him will fade.

 

I take it that you're married; have you told your husband of your on-line affair?

 

Honestly - if you really want to end the affair, telling your husband will really show you the impact of your actions and will possibly remove the romantic glow from your memories. That should make staying away from your OM easier.

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Are you married? have a partner?

 

An affair, whether physical or emotional activates brain chemicals similar to cocaine addition. It makes you feel risky, euphoric, and then down in the dumps needing your next fix of chemical rush. It is based on intermittent reward, unlike a real, day in, day out relationship when you can easily have constant exposure to your partner.

 

Go cold turkey if you cannot have constant, non-secret access to this person. You are just pro-longing both the pleasure and the pain.

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Good that you ended it - stay strong. What's keeping your OM in your mind is all the checking of his online accounts. If you resist the temptation, and can not check on him constantly, your craving for him will fade.

 

I take it that you're married; have you told your husband of your on-line affair?

 

Honestly - if you really want to end the affair, telling your husband will really show you the impact of your actions and will possibly remove the romantic glow from your memories. That should make staying away from your OM easier.

 

I told my husband everything.The online affair lasted 4 1/2 years on and off but mostly off. Only the first year we were in daily contact but then we "broke up" for the remaining years. It was mostly fighting with a little sex thrown in. Honestly, I'm addicted to the intensity and drama more than anything. But I do miss the man. After 41/2 years you get to know someone really well and I know his birthday is coming up. The best present I can give him is to keep away.

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Are you married? have a partner?

 

An affair, whether physical or emotional activates brain chemicals similar to cocaine addition. It makes you feel risky, euphoric, and then down in the dumps needing your next fix of chemical rush. It is based on intermittent reward, unlike a real, day in, day out relationship when you can easily have constant exposure to your partner.

 

Go cold turkey if you cannot have constant, non-secret access to this person. You are just pro-longing both the pleasure and the pain.

 

You're 100% correct. I'm craving for a rush. I've never been addicted to anything before, nothing, not drugs, alcohol, cigarettes, never was a smoker, didn't like the way it felt. But I liked the way the affair felt when it was good. It put me into this trance like state where I felt nothing can harm me. The euphoria was incredible. I think that's why people cheat. It's a high that's unbeatable.

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understand50
I told my husband everything.The online affair lasted 4 1/2 years on and off but mostly off. Only the first year we were in daily contact but then we "broke up" for the remaining years. It was mostly fighting with a little sex thrown in. Honestly, I'm addicted to the intensity and drama more than anything. But I do miss the man. After 41/2 years you get to know someone really well and I know his birthday is coming up. The best present I can give him is to keep away.

 

So, there was Sex involved?

3547

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So, there was Sex involved?

3547

 

Yes and no.

 

This was an online affair only. In the first year we webcammed everyday and I suppose it was more like interactive porn but it did feel like we were having sex. It was a bit surreal because I was in my home, safe and by myself and here was this other person who lived in another country getting naked, touching himself and telling me what to do.

 

At any time during the interaction I could have just shut the computer off. I knew this in my mind which is probably why I didn't think what I was doing was so terrible. It felt fun and childish. Each time I logged off the computer I thought "wow I could just never log on to my fake email account and never talk to him again." It felt like a naughty game for a long time. I kept telling myself that the whole thing was so silly it couldn't possibly be an affair. I rationalized that he probably was doing this with other girls and it was just some weird thing people do online when they're bored. It was laughable. Here I was a 42 year old grown women talking to a guy 10 years younger who used funny expressions (he's British) and saying these erotic things to me. I felt like I was playing a naughty game that my husband just didn't need to know about because it was just a game after all.

 

But it stopped being a game after a while.

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Picture everything you did. Every word you said. All the sexy nude encounters, the intensity, euphoria and drama

 

Now let your husband do those same things with another woman for the next 4 and a half years. Picture him enjoying it. And you just have to take it.

 

Go ahead and send your AP a birthday greeting.

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Picture everything you did. Every word you said. All the sexy nude encounters, the intensity, euphoria and drama

 

Now let your husband do those same things with another woman for the next 4 and a half years. Picture him enjoying it. And you just have to take it.

 

Go ahead and send your AP a birthday greeting.

 

 

OK. Except during those 41/2 years my husband didn't have any interest in sex so I don't think he would enjoy that game too much.

 

Would you like to start again and be less judgmental? I'm here to work out why I did what I did not be a piñata.

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OK. Except during those 41/2 years my husband didn't have any interest in sex so I don't think he would enjoy that game too much.

 

Would you like to start again and be less judgmental? I'm here to work out why I did what I did not be a piñata.

 

I will admit that the second part of his post was a bit harsh, but wasn't the first part just a synopsis of what you did for 4 1/2 years?

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I will admit that the second part of his post was a bit harsh, but wasn't the first part just a synopsis of what you did for 4 1/2 years?

 

 

I can't take his post seriously because it was so confrontational. I'm here to get support from others who know what it's like to have this type of thing in your life and then not to have it at all.

 

The whole affair-ish online thing was bizarre and confusing. It's easy to find forums were people will tell me what a rotten wife I was and how my husband should dump me. I decided to open up a here little bit because I see there are a fair amount of WS who do get support.

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RightThere
I've recently ended my online affair. It's been two months NC. I still look at his twitter account to see if he posted which I probably shouldn't be doing but I'm doing anyway. I want to stop this behavior but I still feel pangs of wanting to contact him.

 

Has anyone been in this type of situation?

 

No, because if you are actually trying to end it, you need to cut off all forms of communication.

 

Don't follow him on Twitter and block him.

 

And the excuse of "my husband wasn't interested in sex" is really only half the story. He wasn't interested in you, because you were getting it elsewhere so you weren't interested in him either.

 

No contact and time is how you get over it. If you aren't willing to do that, then you aren't really looking for support.

 

Why don't you turn off the computer and go talk to your husband?

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You will definitely get support if you truly end it, however looking at his twitter account keeps you getting a "fix". You are still fogged and you have to truly let him go if you really want to end it. Right now you are like a dry drunk who just quit drinking. You may not be drinking the alcohol, but you definitely keep looking at the bottle. What happens next if you keep tempting yourself?

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understand50
I can't take his post seriously because it was so confrontational. I'm here to get support from others who know what it's like to have this type of thing in your life and then not to have it at all.

 

The whole affair-ish online thing was bizarre and confusing. It's easy to find forums were people will tell me what a rotten wife I was and how my husband should dump me. I decided to open up a here little bit because I see there are a fair amount of WS who do get support.

 

 

OK, First, does your husband wont to give you a 2nd chance? Is he willing to work on the marriage with you? I think that MC and IC is in order if you can afford it. Do you wont he same marriage you always had, or do you wont to make a new one? You need to reconnect with your Husband. My wife and I use a weekly date night. This has helped restart and keep our relationship. Make sure you have fun. Communication. You both need to start talking and not just in MC, We set aside a evening each month and let it rip. We talk and bring up anything and everything, but it all stays there.

 

SEX, have sex. Work on ways to spice it up in the bedroom. How this idea, have sex for each day for one week. Everyday. Get into the habit of sex.

 

As you reconnect with your husband, the OM will fall out of your life. Right now you are missing the feeling of excitement. Shift that excitement to your husband and marriage, the online OM will fade. As for not talking to him, delete his contact info, get rid of your computer if need be, but do everything and anything to keep no contact. Do not beat yourself up if you fail from time to time. Let your husband know, and then try again.

 

I wish you luck.

 

11841195

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No, because if you are actually trying to end it, you need to cut off all forms of communication.

 

Don't follow him on Twitter and block him.

 

And the excuse of "my husband wasn't interested in sex" is really only half the story. He wasn't interested in you, because you were getting it elsewhere so you weren't interested in him either.

 

No contact and time is how you get over it. If you aren't willing to do that, then you aren't really looking for support.

 

Why don't you turn off the computer and go talk to your husband?

 

I don't follow him on Twitter because I don't have a Twitter account. I google his twitter name and click on it. He has no way of contacting me. I could potentially contact him and I haven't in two months.

 

I'm waiting for my husband to get home from work. When he does I'll log off. I am serious about getting over this affair and not getting into another one. I want to change.

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understand50
I don't follow him on Twitter because I don't have a Twitter account. I google his twitter name and click on it. He has no way of contacting me. I could potentially contact him and I haven't in two months.

 

I'm waiting for my husband to get home from work. When he does I'll log off. I am serious about getting over this affair and not getting into another one. I want to change.

 

Good for you.......

1276

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You will definitely get support if you truly end it, however looking at his twitter account keeps you getting a "fix". You are still fogged and you have to truly let him go if you really want to end it. Right now you are like a dry drunk who just quit drinking. You may not be drinking the alcohol, but you definitely keep looking at the bottle. What happens next if you keep tempting yourself?

 

I know. The good thing is his tweets aren't very interesting. LOL. But I shouldn't be looking at them at all.

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OK, First, does your husband wont to give you a 2nd chance? Is he willing to work on the marriage with you? I think that MC and IC is in order if you can afford it. Do you wont he same marriage you always had, or do you wont to make a new one? You need to reconnect with your Husband. My wife and I use a weekly date night. This has helped restart and keep our relationship. Make sure you have fun. Communication. You both need to start talking and not just in MC, We set aside a evening each month and let it rip. We talk and bring up anything and everything, but it all stays there.

 

SEX, have sex. Work on ways to spice it up in the bedroom. How this idea, have sex for each day for one week. Everyday. Get into the habit of sex.

 

As you reconnect with your husband, the OM will fall out of your life. Right now you are missing the feeling of excitement. Shift that excitement to your husband and marriage, the online OM will fade. As for not talking to him, delete his contact info, get rid of your computer if need be, but do everything and anything to keep no contact. Do not beat yourself up if you fail from time to time. Let your husband know, and then try again.

 

I wish you luck.

 

11841195

 

My husband very much wants our marriage to work. We do have to get more serious about the sex part which does seem to be a problem. He refuses MC. He says he doesn't want to waste his weekends doing something he doesn't feel he needs.

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My husband very much wants our marriage to work. We do have to get more serious about the sex part which does seem to be a problem. He refuses MC. He says he doesn't want to waste his weekends doing something he doesn't feel he needs.

 

Well, if you told him your sex needs got real with a man 10 years younger that you sex-cammed for 4.5 years, that might convince him MC is a very real goal.

 

I'm not judging you here.....but the MC will ask how often you texted, sexted your spouse....how much time you invested into your marital relationship as opposed to what was spent on your OM?

 

And if you really, honestly answer that question......

 

A good MC will question you as to what sort of marriage you may have today IF you told your H your sex-life, or lack thereof was a deal breaker....( I know you did not:() and IF you devoted the same time, texts, sexts to your H as you did your AP.

 

You might be really, really surprised today at the sexuality of your marriage had you devoted THE SAME amount of time if you had.

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viciouscircle
I told my husband everything.The online affair lasted 4 1/2 years on and off but mostly off. Only the first year we were in daily contact but then we "broke up" for the remaining years. It was mostly fighting with a little sex thrown in. Honestly, I'm addicted to the intensity and drama more than anything. But I do miss the man. After 41/2 years you get to know someone really well and I know his birthday is coming up. The best present I can give him is to keep away.

 

The best present you can give yourself is to keep away. The drama and intensity feeling fade but you need to allow that to happen also. quit following him on twitter and finally close the chapter.

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autumnnight

First, OP, I wanted to ask you....do you happen to own a time machine?

 

No? I was gonna say, if you do, can I borrow it.

 

Now that that is out of the way, let me make sure I have all the facts :)

 

You have a long term online affair

 

You told your H and he knows everything that he wants to know

 

You have cut off all forms of communication, but you still peek at his twitter at times

 

You want your marriage to get better

 

You know what you did was wrong.

 

You cannot go back and do the last 4 1/2 years differently, but you can change and learn from them. Does your husband have access to everything in your online and real life? Is he free to check on you if he needs to? What are you doing to help him feel safe?

 

Sex....sex is very important to many many people. You have the chance to work on this moving forward. The affair may make it somewhat harder because your H will likely have triggers, making him feel stressed about sex at times.

 

You say you are in MC. Use that and be 100% transparent.

 

And STOP looking at twitter. STOP.

 

My final advice is this: concentrate on whatever keeps you looking in the windshield and not the rear view mirror.

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Well, if you told him your sex needs got real with a man 10 years younger that you sex-cammed for 4.5 years, that might convince him MC is a very real goal.

 

I'm not judging you here.....but the MC will ask how often you texted, sexted your spouse....how much time you invested into your marital relationship as opposed to what was spent on your OM?

 

And if you really, honestly answer that question......

 

A good MC will question you as to what sort of marriage you may have today IF you told your H your sex-life, or lack thereof was a deal breaker....( I know you did not:() and IF you devoted the same time, texts, sexts to your H as you did your AP.

 

You might be really, really surprised today at the sexuality of your marriage had you devoted THE SAME amount of time if you had.

 

I did try. My husband had a lot of stuff going on in his life and he really was too busy and stressed to be interested in sex. When I admitted my affair to him he admitted that he was using porn to just wack one out and be done with it. He didn't want to be with me. The OM did.

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The best present you can give yourself is to keep away. The drama and intensity feeling fade but you need to allow that to happen also. quit following him on twitter and finally close the chapter.

 

Like I said before I don't have a twitter account I just google his tweets. I need to stop doing that but I get curious as to what he's up to.

 

I have kept away now for 2 months. I think that is a record since I usually contact him at least once a month.

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First, OP, I wanted to ask you....do you happen to own a time machine?

 

No? I was gonna say, if you do, can I borrow it.

 

Now that that is out of the way, let me make sure I have all the facts :)

 

You have a long term online affair

 

You told your H and he knows everything that he wants to know

 

You have cut off all forms of communication, but you still peek at his twitter at times

 

You want your marriage to get better

 

You know what you did was wrong.

 

You cannot go back and do the last 4 1/2 years differently, but you can change and learn from them. Does your husband have access to everything in your online and real life? Is he free to check on you if he needs to? What are you doing to help him feel safe?

 

Sex....sex is very important to many many people. You have the chance to work on this moving forward. The affair may make it somewhat harder because your H will likely have triggers, making him feel stressed about sex at times.

 

You say you are in MC. Use that and be 100% transparent.

 

And STOP looking at twitter. STOP.

 

My final advice is this: concentrate on whatever keeps you looking in the windshield and not the rear view mirror.

 

If I had a Time Machine I'd probably be a lot wealthier :D. If I ever do get one you'll be the first to borrow it.

 

We're not in MC as my husband doesn't want to go. TBH my husband doesn't know I'm on this site or another pro-marriage site. He wouldn't be comfortable with me talking about the affair. I don't have Facebook or any other social media. Just this site and the other relationship site that is VERY pro-marriage.

 

The sex is a bit of an issue. I'm not sure what to do with that at this point. I do want to get better and not repeat the past behavior with someone else which I do think I'm at risk for doing. I need to get IC but I'm scared that the therapist will make me feel worse and I don't need more bad feelings right now.

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A good IC would never make you feel bad about yourself! their job is to help you sort through your feelings and why you did what did; kindly and gently.

 

give them three visits to determine if you feel a rapport, trust, and that they can help you!

 

If after the third visit you are not hitting on all three points, find another!

 

Brigit, a good one has HEARD it all and will try to help you help yourself.

 

Please....try to get a good recommendation.

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