Jump to content

I refuse to police him.


I4givehim

Recommended Posts

I don't care what he does. GO BE WITH HER!!!! I don't want him. I refuse to watch his every move. I told him I WANT A DIVORCE!!!! Good days are ahead of me. Thank you everybody for your help. You are the BEST. :D

  • Like 10
Link to post
Share on other sites
whichwayisup
I don't care what he does. GO BE WITH HER!!!! I don't want him. I refuse to watch his every move. I told him I WANT A DIVORCE!!!! Good days are ahead of me. Thank you everybody for your help. You are the BEST. :D

 

How did he react?

 

There's no point in trying to fix things with someone who isn't ready nor willing to meet you more than half way.

 

His loss...

 

Any update on the OW and facebook? Did you ever speak to her?

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites

I don't blame you. I don't ever want to be in the position of policing someone. I don't like parenting other adults.

  • Like 5
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
How did he react?

 

There's no point in trying to fix things with someone who isn't ready nor willing to meet you more than half way.

 

His loss...

 

Any update on the OW and facebook? Did you ever speak to her?

She wrote me details of their relationship. What he said about me. What he took from me. It was like a light bulb went on in my head. Things I didn't understand before I now know why he did them. It was to SEE HER. He is an awful awful person. I will never get over the deceitful things he did to me and our family. The OW keeps sending me messages. I asked her to leave me alone but she wants to know what I am doing. I wont answer her.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
LifesontheUp

I came to realise I would never forgive my xH too.

 

Isn't anything wrong with that. In fact I was glad I didn't have to worry what he was doing any longer. I let go and let live.

 

Wish you the best. You will get past this. There is light at the end of the tunnell.

  • Like 4
Link to post
Share on other sites
Hope Shimmers

Yes, she needs to leave you alone! Pronto. Tell her if she does not you will charge her with harassment. You owe her NOTHING. Clearly she has only selfish motives for communicating with you.

  • Like 4
Link to post
Share on other sites
nightmare01

Can you block the ow? Block her ob FB and set a filter on email so anything from her is deleted and you don't see it.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
whichwayisup
She wrote me details of their relationship. What he said about me. What he took from me. It was like a light bulb went on in my head. Things I didn't understand before I now know why he did them. It was to SEE HER. He is an awful awful person. I will never get over the deceitful things he did to me and our family. The OW keeps sending me messages. I asked her to leave me alone but she wants to know what I am doing. I wont answer her.

 

Block her.

What you do now is NONE of her business and she shouldn't be asking details about what happens next. Just keep in mind that her truth is desperate, skewed to suit her in a better light. Did she apologize to you for her part in the affair? This is something because you didn't speak to her on the phone you couldn't know if she is playing victim, blaming your H for it all, if she was sincere, if she was intentionally exaggerating so you will dump your H and she can grab him up.

 

What did your husband say? Did you tell him what she told you?

 

He is messed up and a real sh.t to do this to you.

  • Like 4
Link to post
Share on other sites
whichwayisup
why haven't you slapped a RO on her stalker a$$?

 

Too soon for that. If blocking doesn't work and she shows up at the front door, then yes, an RO should be issued.

  • Like 4
Link to post
Share on other sites

Good move. Don't let him take any more from you than he already has. Get an attorney pronto.

 

Block the OW and don't respond. She has no right to ask what you'll do next.

 

Let him be a poor old man without your money.

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites

Personally I would be in no hurry to block the OW yet.

Speak to your attorney and find out if she could be helpful to your cause first.

No point in causing anger and upset, if it is possible she could be used as an ally.

You have to think clever sometimes. Head over heart.

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
I4givehim,

 

What did she say that got you so riled up while you're in "R"?

 

LH

I read her email and the things he said about me as I was working 2 jobs to support our family. It's like a light bulb went on... I'm DONE.

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
Personally I would be in no hurry to block the OW yet.

Speak to your attorney and find out if she could be helpful to your cause first.

No point in causing anger and upset, if it is possible she could be used as an ally.

You have to think clever sometimes. Head over heart.

 

Thank you Elaine. I have learned not to do things out of anger. Take time, think about it and then do what you have to do.... He thinks we should just go on with our lives. Act like nothing happened. I'm NOT forgetting what he did.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

Good for you. :)

 

I hate and I mean HATE seeing good people suffer.

 

You deserve so much better. The best revenge is moving on and having a good life and forgetting them.

 

Clay

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites
Thank you Elaine. I have learned not to do things out of anger. Take time, think about it and then do what you have to do.... He thinks we should just go on with our lives. Act like nothing happened. I'm NOT forgetting what he did.

 

That technique of his is called "rug sweeping". It's the easiest for the cheater and in my opinion emotionally-abusive for the betrayed.

Not a sign of remorse by the way.

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites
TrustedthenBusted

yeah, I did the policing thing for a while. Man what a load off when I gave that stupidity up.

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
That technique of his is called "rug sweeping". It's the easiest for the cheater and in my opinion emotionally-abusive for the betrayed.

Not a sign of remorse by the way.

I agree no remorse. I ask questions and he says "I answered that question. I'm not repeating myself. " My emotions are up and down. I'm trying to keep busy. Keep my mind of him, it, her, anything that reminds me of the affair.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
I told him I WANT A DIVORCE!!!! Good days are ahead of me.

 

Why did you tell him you want a divorce?

 

It's fairly obvious that he doesn't care what you want.

 

If you want a divorce, go get one. You don't need his permission.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
I read her email and the things he said about me as I was working 2 jobs to support our family. It's like a light bulb went on... I'm DONE.

 

I4givehim,

 

It does help to ask the OW questions unless you're willing to live with a serial cheater. You need as much of the whole picture to make a FAIR assessment of the situation two OTHER people put YOU in! YOU weren't there! How are you ever gonna know anything? As I said to MIL, how could I believe a WORD that comes out of a liars mouth? !!!! MIL said he wasn't a liar. OMG. Idiots.

 

You've made your decision. The insults are far too great.

GOOD FOR YOU!!!!

 

SO many people here will support you every single step of the way. My WH won't leave either. Threatens me with leaving all the bl**dy time! Then the gutless wonder won't leave! Wtf?

WH and WW already left their M when they STARTED their "much needed A" because we "weren't meeting THEIR NEEDS"??? So why would they WANT us now? Makes no sense whatsoever! To me! A NORMAL person!

 

IT would've been a good thing if they'd actually BEEN working their guts out for their family like WE WERE. There isn't TIME OR NEED for an affair when you're putting in 100% for your family! The NEED is the family. The TIME is spent with US. Your spouse! Bring an OP in and THEN NEED US??? Bullcrap.

Cake eat from our blood, sweat and tears.

 

I think my WH won't leave because he KNOWS from 3 psychs now that I WILL MOVE ON AND BE BETTER IN THE WORLD THAN HE WILL AFTER HE GOES. WH doesn't want anyone else to have ME or his CHILDREN. But has that ^^^^ made him work harder at R? No way. And the plain and simple truth is that he's a cake-eater!!!! He doesn't WANT US ONLY, he just doesn't want anyone else to have us!

 

Roaring Lion Heart.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...