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Shall I break up? Wife cheated.


jackreacher20144

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jackreacher20144

Married 1 year and wife cheated with this dude for over a year. This dude also married . She's basically been lying to me for over year, going on fake business trips and excuses to see him. His wife found out and told me. She also told me she didn't love me anymore but loved him. She even moved out for a month to live with him but came back to me because she thought he couldn't give her what she wanted. I wanted her back because I don't think I can live without her. She told me it was his fault and he seduced her but I always had a feeling she liked him, I also know the guy. But now she says she's sorry and wants to make it work with me. I told her I would divorce her if she left to be with him but I didn't have guts to do it since I love her so much. I don't think I can live without her. She's been back with for few months but I'm always looking over my shoulder. People told me to ditch her and says it won't last but I forgive her.

I'm scared she may cheat again maybe with same dude. She also blames me for not given her attention enugh after getting married that's why she cheated. She told me this her first time. I think she was just infatuated with him .

 

 

Things are kinda back to normal now but now I have her back there are still things I can't get over. So people told me things will never be the same but I disagree .

I love her so much. What shall I do?

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Its obviously a personal decision but I would not be able to take someone back after they've cheated, especially when they aren't prepared to take any responsibility for their actions, as she is (not) doing. Blaming other people for your affair is ridiculous.

 

If you can no longer trust them, there's zero point in being with them. And why would you want to be? That's no way to live, constantly doubting, looking over your shoulder, wondering what's real and what's not. No, no, that's for the birds.

 

If you want her back, she's going to have to come to the party, you can't just carry on like nothing happened! Some counseling and proper commitment from her to regaining your trust would be a minimum.

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jus d'orange

This is a bit out of my league, but I'd highly recommend you go to a marriage counsellor together if you're intent on this marriage surviving. The distrust is extremely deep-seated now and infidelity was part of the marriage from its outset; that's gonna be a huge obstacle to overcome.

 

If she refuses to attend marriage counselling together, I can't see a reason for you not to divorce. The problems that caused her to cheat haven't magically gone away, which means you're just passing the time until it happens again.

 

Take initiative here. Do this for yourself. If she's not willing to get serious, longterm counselling, then divorce and go to counselling yourself. You don't deserve to be treated like that and it's absolutely ridiculous that she'd blame it on you in any way, or try to say that she didn't have agency in her own affair. Of course she did.

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Friskyone4u

Everything you stated is WRONG starting with being back to normal. Your marriage is not normal in any sense and Inam sorry to tell you that . Married one year , cheating the entire time , leaving you for him or telling you she loves him, and then coming back when her dream boyfriend is not her soul mate

I suggest you google or ask what Plan B is because that is what she has made you.

She has done all of this with no consequences and I would be the ranch there will before other men before you have had enough . And remember, it's all your fault because she says so.

I think you should reevaluate your analysis of your situation before you are in the same situation

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Right. So lets get down to brass tacks here.

 

Your wife has cheated on you for the entirety of your marriage which has only been 1 year.

 

Your wife left you for this other bloke.

 

You wife only came back to you because he didn't give her what she wanted.

 

Your wife has told you she doesn't love you.

 

You wife has come back to you not because she want to make it work but because "you will do".

 

Please tell me how any of the above is positive. It doesn't sound to me as though you love her. It sounds to me as though you are scared to stand on your own two feet.

 

Life does go on and there are women out there who will not do this to you. You are looking over your shoulder because you know as well as I do that she is going to do this again.

 

Jesus most women go longer than a year with no sex... shes hoicking her pearly all over town and not even giving your marriage a chance!

 

Messed up.

 

If you think this is "love" I am afraid you have no clue...

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PegNosePete

No way Jack. I would divorce her so fast it makes her head spin. My phrase of the day.

 

She is totally unremorseful, uncommitted to you and does not love you. She has come back to you for the security and paychecks that you provide. She will bail on you at the first sign of a "better offer" coming along.

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Lokin4AReason

I would say next ...

 

 

why you may say, well, lying to your face = no respect

 

 

no respect means no love

 

 

no love means no future

 

 

but unless you see a future than I would recommend some serious counseling IMO

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frigginlost

If this was a 10 year marriage, I'd say work it out.

 

This is a one year marriage and she has shown you her true colors.

 

1) Be thankful it's only been a one year marriage.

 

2) Show your true colors to her, and throw that piece of garbage to the curb.

 

You will live a fine life without her. Trust us...

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You've been married just 1 year and already she proved to be a catastrophe. Get divorced as quickly as you can before you waste your life and put the lives of children in jeopardy. Your wife isn't remorseful, she's rug sweeping and blameshifting. You might love her but she uses you only.

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Married 1 year and wife cheated with this dude for over a year.... She's basically been lying to me for over year
Have you asked why she even bothered to marry you?

 

She also told me she didn't love me anymore but loved him.

I'm having trouble believing that she loved you ever.

 

She even moved out for a month to live with him but came back to me because she thoughthe couldn't give her what she wanted.
In other words, a divorce from his wife

I wanted her back because I don't think I can live without her.
Unless she's mother earth, this is decidedly untrue.

 

She told me it was his fault and he seduced her
:lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao: isn't it always?

 

I don't think I can live without her.
There you go again.

 

She's been back with for few months but I'm always looking over my shoulder.
So you do have some common sense.

 

People told me to ditch her and says it won't last
They are not saying this to be mean, or because they don't like you

 

but I forgive her.
You can forgive her and get rid of her at the same time.

 

I'm scared she may cheat again maybe with same dude.
See? Common sense!

 

She also blames me for not given her attention enugh after getting married that's why she cheated.
BS. Now it's not his fault, it's your fault. Anybody's fault but hers.

 

She told me this her first time
her first time cheating you mean?

 

Things are kinda back to normal now
Normal for you is this:

Married 1 year and wife cheated with this dude for over a year.... She's basically been lying to me for over year
Don't settle for "normal"

 

 

I love her so much. What shall I do?
Reclaim your manhood. Kick her to the curb without delay.
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Married 1 year and wife cheated with this dude for over a year. She told me this her first time.

 

She has cheated your entire marriage and you're bragging about her self control? :confused:

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Darren Steez

If she makes you happy stay with her.

 

Everyone will say divorce but you're not going to do it so enjoy her while you can. Some other dude will soon enough.

 

Good luck

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If she makes you happy stay with her.

 

Everyone will say divorce but you're not going to do it so enjoy her while you can. Some other dude will soon enough.

 

Good luck

 

Don't get her pregnant. Use a condom. Good for STDs too. Wait, you might already have gotten an STD from her. :(

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She never loved you to begin with and she will cheat again. Her blaming attitude says it all. Why waste your time on her.

 

You can live without her and you did when she left you. You should never make anyone so important to the point you feel you can't live without them.

 

Google 'no more Mr. Nice guy'. It's a book you need to read.

Don't give your heart to someone that would trample all over it and make you their plan B.

 

You're best filing for a Divorce and moving on with your life. Don't make the mistake of getting her pregnant either.

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littlesister1234

When you forgave her, did you forgive for her or for yourself? Forgiveness should be something we do for ourselves, to let go of any feeling attached with something. Forgiveness for other people won't let the feelings go, and in some cases if it's premature forgiveness, it makes you feel worse. I asked this question not too long ago about forgiveness and got some really great responses.

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She even moved out for a month to live with him but came back to me because she thought he couldn't give her what she wanted.

 

I bet she wanted stability and security. So you are giving her that for sex. Just be honest about it and hire a prostitute.

 

I wanted her back because I don't think I can live without her.

 

She knows that. That’s why she felt it was safe to have an affair. She can try out other guys and you will always take her back. That's why she married you and never stopped seeing the OM. Affairs are fun. Look at it from her prospective. Why in the world would she stop seeing other men?

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Married 1 year and wife cheated with this dude for over a year. This dude also married . She's basically been lying to me for over year, going on fake business trips and excuses to see him. His wife found out and told me. She also told me she didn't love me anymore but loved him. She even moved out for a month to live with him but came back to me because she thought he couldn't give her what she wanted. I wanted her back because I don't think I can live without her. She told me it was his fault and he seduced her but I always had a feeling she liked him, I also know the guy. But now she says she's sorry and wants to make it work with me. I told her I would divorce her if she left to be with him but I didn't have guts to do it since I love her so much. I don't think I can live without her. She's been back with for few months but I'm always looking over my shoulder. People told me to ditch her and says it won't last but I forgive her.

I'm scared she may cheat again maybe with same dude. She also blames me for not given her attention enough after getting married that's why she cheated. She told me this her first time. I think she was just infatuated with him .

 

Things are kinda back to normal now but now I have her back there are still things I can't get over. So people told me things will never be the same but I disagree .

I love her so much. What shall I do?

 

What are you trying to save friend, she was cheating on you even as you drove to the church to get married. She test drove him for a month and decided she liked your lifestyle better. I don't know how to say this in a gentle way but you are nothing more than her back up until the next guy with more to offer comes along. You need to get rid of her because your in for a world of hurt with this one. Marriages with infidelity early in the relationship rarely survive, you never even made it a year and she already moved out to be with him. Whats going to happen in year 10 when some of the newness has worn off, how are you going to keep her interested in you.

 

You can't get over it because no normal person should have to endure the sh*t she just put you through, no one would get over it, run. You probably can have the marriage annulled saving you tons of legal expenses. Please don't do anything really stupid like having unprotected sex with her, please don't get her pregnant. She is such a bad choice for you. Talk to a lawyer about your options before its too late. The affair ended because she was busted.

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Make sure you always wear a condom.

If she sees you may be unsure re the marriage, she may try and trap you with a child.

She may leave you again if the OM changes his mind (I guess it was his decision to split)and he then ends up looking after YOUR child, or she finds another OM and takes YOUR child with her.

 

She is in the position of power here, (she cheated, she left, BUT you took her back because you love her); your life could be made hell.

 

After 10 years and young children, yes, try to make a go of it.

After a year and no children, RUN.

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jackreacher20144

She said we can work things out and she said the OM wife also cheated on him and he took her back. I don't know what to do. She asked me to give her child this year so we can get back on track and cement our marriage but I'm not sure. I have herpes and I gave it to her because I got it from an ex-gf. I feel guilty for it. We spoke to a counselor and he said we could work things out. I'm really in two minds but the alternative of doing without her weighs more than the cheating. She told me she will never cheat again. I believe her but some people say once a cheater always a cheater. She has been really nice to be recently.

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She asked me to give her child this year so we can get back on track and cement our marriage but I'm not sure.

Oh, dear god PLEASE do not procreate with this woman...

 

She has shown herself to be untrustworthy and a liar: Why would you help bring a child into this world with someone who will be teaching a child these types of things???

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jackreacher20144
Oh, dear god PLEASE do not procreate with this woman...

 

She has shown herself to be untrustworthy and a liar: Why would you help bring a child into this world with someone who will be teaching a child these types of things???

 

But she recognizes her mistake and now she says she really loves me and will never do it again. She apologized to my parents. She says if I really love her then I would forgive her because most people wouldn't in this situation.

 

Also I believe the OM wined and dined her so I believe she was mesmerized by the fantasy and now she has woke up I want to give her a second chance because she told me she would do the same if I cheated on her.

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She said we can work things out and she said the OM wife also cheated on him and he took her back. I don't know what to do. She asked me to give her child this year so we can get back on track and cement our marriage but I'm not sure. I have herpes and I gave it to her because I got it from an ex-gf. I feel guilty for it. We spoke to a counselor and he said we could work things out. I'm really in two minds but the alternative of doing without her weighs more than the cheating. She told me she will never cheat again. I believe her but some people say once a cheater always a cheater. She has been really nice to be recently.

 

 

DO NOT bring a child into this mess of a marriage just now.

What are you actually doing about this apart from pretending it never happened? What has actually changed here?

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jackreacher20144
DO NOT bring a child into this mess of a marriage just now.

What are you actually doing about this apart from pretending it never happened? What has actually changed here?

 

She said sorry and promised that she would never do it again and she now she knows she really loves me.

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She said sorry and promised that she would never do it again and she now she knows she really loves me.

 

Talk to a lawyer and make sure you know your rights. Make sure she is not just stalling for time.

This woman lied to your face for over a year.

Protect yourself.

 

She says if I really love her then I would forgive her because most people wouldn't in this situation.

That is emotional manipulation. Beware.

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I don't support the comments about "kicking" "garbage" to the curb, but otherwise I do agree with the consensus that a quick divorce is by far your best option. It's not clear that fidelity is even a distant goal or physical possibility for your wife. I recommend you forgive her in your heart, just so you don't have to carry the pain of hatred around as an additional burden, and proceed to a quick divorce. Then be a lone for a while and work on getting your womanpicker calibrated and tuned up.

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