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What should I look out for <related to affairs>?


I4givehim

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I am learning so much about A. I didn't know about disposable phones. Is there anything else I should be looking for that would be a #1 sign of my H continuing with and/or contacting the OW? Thank you for your help

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I have to say this, unfortunately, your Husband will or is doing it again, for sure. There have all kinds of ways to make affair going deeper.

 

You have to look at the other way, or pretend to know he is "clean" for you to continue marriage life. Simple is that.

 

I am learning so much about A. I didn't know about disposable phones. Is there anything else I should be looking for that would be a #1 sign of my H continuing with and/or contacting the OW? Thank you for your help
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I am learning so much about A. I didn't know about disposable phones. Is there anything else I should be looking for that would be a #1 sign of my H continuing with and/or contacting the OW? Thank you for your help

 

Thing is, humans are capable of putting a man on the moon, so it doesn't really take much brain power to keep in contact with an AP, if they want to.

I do know some cheating couples have codes that they use after dday, and some have even prepared strategies to keep seeing each other once the BS finds out too.

I think some BSs are too naive re their cheating partner, because the BSs are often decent people who don't lie and cheat. IMO they are sometimes too ready to believe what they are told by the cheater, post d-day

 

20 Ways To Know If Your Partner Is Cheating -

 

 

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Ifalltopieces

No one can say for sure what your husband will or will not do, only he knows that. However, I agree with the post above. If he isn't seeing the OW anymore, odds are he's going to again or he may find someone new altogether. In this day and age, with the advancements in technology and social media, cheating is cake. Good luck trying to watch his every move. Always trust your gut. If it tells you something is up, then it probably is.

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It's very difficult to know what somebody else is thinking or doing. Technology makes it so easy to be in contact with anybody. It is virtually impossible to know what he is doing with his phone or computer. You cannot monitor him 24/7.

 

He could have her number under another name for example.

 

Does he have a history of cheating.... maybe you don't know that either. He could possibly go underground with the affair for a while and it will resurface if you have let your guard down later.

 

How did you find out? I don't believe I read that in your former thread.

 

Utlimately you will have if you can trust him, other wise you will go insane looking for clues. Nobody should live like that. If the trust is lost, you would be better off without him.

Poppy

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For instance he can create a false Facebook account and call himself Joe blogs. He can give her the password. Voila... simples. THEY Just use the same account. If you feel somethings not right you are usually right.

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Friskyone4u

14,

Google VAR. I would put a VAR in his car or truck . You do not have to be a tech genius. Techies on here can tell you what to buy what batteries to get , where to install it , and how to make sure it does not make any noise.

You should have all of your husbands passwords on everything. Yes cheaters can always find another app or e mail but quite frankly it is a mistake they make on the electronics that very often gets them caught as long as you are watching .

Take the advice about the link for signs of cheating

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Secret email accounts

He could say he's at work and go and see her.

Where there's a will, there's a way.

 

Do you really want to be policing him though?

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Secret email accounts

He could say he's at work and go and see her.

Where there's a will, there's a way.

 

Do you really want to be policing him though?

 

No I don't want to be the police. If he talks her so be it..... His loss. I'm going to take care of me from now on (&my children of course) it's so sad what he has done. He has destroyed so much. I have no idea what he was thinking. My two oldest children are devastated. They want him gone. The younger kids don't know.

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LifelongCheater
I am learning so much about A. I didn't know about disposable phones. Is there anything else I should be looking for that would be a #1 sign of my H continuing with and/or contacting the OW? Thank you for your help

 

It's far too easy to cover your online tracks these days. Voice activated recorders in the home and his car could help quite a bit. Several women I've cheated with have gotten caught by their husbands via VAR's. They can't lie their way out of it when their own voice has been recorded.

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I don’t want to put any bad thoughts in your head but you should know cheaters can be quite tricky and clever in these situations; he did get away with it for a whole year. I dealt with a legally separated man, so I wasn’t technically an OW but after a long story of push/pull and hot/cold on my part, he chose to work on his marriage. BUT he let me know that he was always available for me to contact him and that we could still talk AFTER his wife specifically told him she didn’t want us to be friends anymore.

 

MM also have a habit of having their OW “lay low” until dust settles and they are back at it again. You can buy all that stuff if you want, track his every move and you STILL won’t know everything. The saying goes “If a man has time to take a sh*t, he has time to cheat”. You will go NUTS trying to keep up with a cheater’s every move, that is why most suggest separation and divorce.

 

ETA: The onyl cheaters worth forgiving and going through a reconcilliation process are the ones who show geniune and true remorse and accountibility for their actions...you have to determine if your H fits the bill...and no you won't know for sure for months to come...

Edited by Riri90
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whatatangledweb

Here are different things to check that I have seen people use. Put a keylogger on his computers. It shows every keystroke so if he has any secret accounts you will see them. If he has a smart phone look for aps that allow texting such as whatapp. This is used to hide texts from the phone bill. Put a VAR in the car. It will show if he is talking to an OW while driving. Look at bank statements and CCs to see if there are unusually charges there.

Not all MM contact the OW again. My husband didn't. I know this because the OW kept finding new ways to try to contact him. She texted me over a year later. She was ticked that he never contacted her again. I changed my phone number after that.

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I also found that THIS (tracking, snooping, VAR, keyloggers, playing detective) is what will really drive a BS crazy or up the wall. Not the actual cheating that was discovered but the trying to prevent/track your spouse down before it happens again. Trying to change/control the future. This will tear you up more than anything because you have no control if he decides to cheat again.

 

My only suggestion if you use this type of stuff is once you get the info you need or were looking for, make your decision and MOVE ON. Don't keep snooping, it will destroy you.

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I also found that THIS (tracking, snooping, VAR, keyloggers, playing detective) is what will really drive a BS crazy or up the wall. Not the actual cheating that was discovered but the trying to prevent/track your spouse down before it happens again. Trying to change/control the future. This will tear you up more than anything because you have no control if he decides to cheat again.

 

My only suggestion if you use this type of stuff is once you get the info you need or were looking for, make your decision and MOVE ON. Don't keep snooping, it will destroy you.

 

I could not agree more with the last paragraph. I am an IT person by trade and I remember hacking this account and that laptop, etc. but you know what? I came to really resent having to play detective and for my own sanity, I just stopped snooping. Once trust is gone, there can be no love. Been there done that, not yet divorced but will be.

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I could not agree more with the last paragraph. I am an IT person by trade and I remember hacking this account and that laptop, etc. but you know what? I came to really resent having to play detective and for my own sanity, I just stopped snooping. Once trust is gone, there can be no love. Been there done that, not yet divorced but will be.

 

Yep, some thing happened to me. I knew that every time I snooped I would find something I didn't like and it would make me crazy with rage. So I stopped. Once you make the conscious decision to move on, things can finally start getting better.

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Why are you looking? You can divorce him now.

Exactly.

 

OP, you don't have to prove anything and especially not to him. He knows he cheated.

If you feel you cannot trust him moving forward then don't bother trying, just divorce him.

Life is too short to keep looking over your shoulder.

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Either you can live with the A, or you can't.

 

If you can't, then leave. With trust broken it will forever hang over your head, leaving you doubting and wondering and twisting yourself into knots.

 

If you can, then work with a counsellor together with your H to decide what you want your M to be like, and both commit to making that happen. If either of you is not prepared to invest heavily in making it happen, then walk away. One person cannot reconcile on their own.

 

Those are the only sustainable solutions. Anything else is just drawing out the agony.

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gettingstronger

Why do you think you still need to check up on him? Is there something he is or is not doing since dday that makes you feel this way?

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confusedmandi

All I can say is if he wants to keep in contact with her, he will find a way and you may never find out about it. There are a hundred different ways to keep in contact now a days. I am recently divorced after being cheated on. I gave my H another chance and you know what.. once you "accept" that they cheated (and by this I mean you stay with him he takes this as he "got away with it" no matter how much u cry or threaten or yell) he will do it again! I almost promise you this. I have seen it happen time and time again. Lady I work with found out after four years her H was still seeing the OW. My coworker thought they had worked things out and that they were happy! She had gone thru his phone his car, key logger etc. He had a disposable phone he kept at work and talked to OW there and they had a email account they both had password for and would compose stuff in the "drafts" section and read it. OW knew his work schedule I guess and they would meet every day on his way home from work.

 

Basically if you have to keep tabs on him. its not worth it. I can actually say I'm happier being divorced.

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Why do you think you still need to check up on him? Is there something he is or is not doing since dday that makes you feel this way?

He isn't doing anything to make me think he is talking to her. I recieved a email from the OW. She confirmed NC since DDay. It was a real eye opener reading her email. I feel like such a fool. I never had a reason not to trust him. It's awful the way he took advantage of it. I want to thank everyone for your help. Sometimes I feel like I'm going crazy. Time will heal everything.

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OW is lieing to you to protect their affair.

 

 

You have three options;

1.) Divorce him now

2.) Wait until you catch him cheating again and then divorce

3.) Wait until you catch him cheating again and just live with it

 

Be aware that after being caught the first time cheaters are much more careful to hide their affair. You likely will be none the wiser until you start acting like a private investigator and control his every move for every single day for a good long while. Enjoy, I guess.

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OW is lieing to you to protect their affair.

 

 

You have three options;

1.) Divorce him now

2.) Wait until you catch him cheating again and then divorce

3.) Wait until you catch him cheating again and just live with it

 

Be aware that after being caught the first time cheaters are much more careful to hide their affair. You likely will be none the wiser until you start acting like a private investigator and control his every move for every single day for a good long while. Enjoy, I guess.

At this point I don't care if they talk, meet, or do whatever awful people do together. They are made for each other. She can have him.

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I think this is one of the harder things for me. You can find all kinds of ways to spy on him and try to catch him cheating but in the end it just really takes away from the kind of person you are. You can only do so much to make someone love you. If they don't then you just have to let them go. Why fight for someone when they want someone else. Sure so many people say they don't know what they want but why should that be on the BS. Why should we suffer with there mistakes and indecision. I don't know all of your story but you sound like a really smart woman. I wouldn't put myself through this to much more. I know there are lots and lots of men that would give to be with a woman that is faithful.

 

Clay

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