I4givehim Posted March 22, 2015 Share Posted March 22, 2015 The OW is asking me to be friends on facebook. She wrote that she has a lot to tell me. Should I write back? My husband told me to delete my facebook account so she doesn't bother me. Should I talk or shouldn't I??????? Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 22, 2015 Share Posted March 22, 2015 Don't 'friend' her, that's just stupid on her behalf to try to friend you on fb!! but write her back and ask her to contact you (call you) so you two can talk. Might as well hear what she has to say. You have every right to be pissed off at her but do your best to keep your emotions neutral, ask her anything you need to know and hope she gives you honesty back. Your husband is probably worried about what she'll say. The thing is, he has NO say in whether you talk to her or not. You need to know her side of things. She may or may not be coming from a sincere place..You'll find out though. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted March 22, 2015 Share Posted March 22, 2015 your current faithful husband told you to not friend her? what makes him so special that he can be her lover yet you cannot be her friend? you both have much in common. My adult answer though is this. Delete social media and get on with the priorities of healing. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 22, 2015 Share Posted March 22, 2015 your current faithful husband told you to not friend her? what makes him so special that he can be her lover yet you cannot be her friend? you both have much in common. My adult answer though is this. Delete social media and get on with the priorities of healing. She has an opportunity to hear the OW's side of things. She should NOT add her as a friend, why on earth would ANYBODY add the AP, they are not friends. This will help both women get closure, get some answers. If the OW gets nasty or has intentions to just cause more problems, isn't apologetic, then cut her off and block her. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Smthn_Like_Olivia Posted March 22, 2015 Share Posted March 22, 2015 Do you have to friend her in order to exchange messages?? I didn't think you had to. If you are wanting to know what she wants to tell you, which I personally would, then I think FB messenger is the better option. If you need to confront your husband on some of the allegations, then you have documentation of exactly what she said or claims. Not just a phone call that is relaying a "he said she said" conversation. If you feel you know everything you need to know, then ignore her request and move on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
darkmoon Posted March 22, 2015 Share Posted March 22, 2015 (edited) horrified at the idea of her phoning you, this will not stop at one call, why would she have to stop? this is all part of the game, this drama, this buddying up we are more your friends on loveshack right here worrying about you she wants to get to you, create a facebook profile, if you must hear her out, keep your real facebook off-limits, i think all this is a game for her to carry on acting brash, it could hurt you she could easily be trouble, just when you might want to idk watch a movie, repair your home life... Edited March 22, 2015 by darkmoon 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted March 22, 2015 Share Posted March 22, 2015 The OW is asking me to be friends on facebook. She wrote that she has a lot to tell me. Should I write back? My husband told me to delete my facebook account so she doesn't bother me. Should I talk or shouldn't I??????? Do not friend her on FB but you could set up a new email account, free on Yahoo or Google or some of the other free providers and use it only for speaking to her, that way she has no access to your phone number or your other accounts and so if she becomes troublesome you could just delete that address and she then can't contact you. Being a friend on fb means she could end up seeing photos, writing on your wall and communicating with your family and other friends, unless you had your privacy settings set right. Too big a risk. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author I4givehim Posted March 22, 2015 Author Share Posted March 22, 2015 Ok, I will make up another account for her and I to communicate. I didn't feel right about writing to her on my fb. I have so many questions I want to ask her. Thank you everybody 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Red123 Posted March 22, 2015 Share Posted March 22, 2015 If you want to hear her out then do, but I agree do it through Facebook messenger. If she has already used that platform to talk to you then tell her to send you a message, I wouldn't give her your phone number. You can hear her out then block her once you have what you need. Please keep in mind that we all experience things from our own perspective so what she says is coming from hers, his may have been different. He doesn't want you to talk to her and that's not a shock, as he is probably afraid, it's up to you if you want to. I chose not to speak with the MOW my H had an A with but I was lucky(if you want to call it that) to stumble upon conversations they had without either of them knowing. She really expressed how in love they were and how special their 3 month A was, his responses were not of that nature. So I'm sure if I spoke to her that would have been her stance on the A. She also argued with him that it wasn't an A at all what they had was special not cheap which she stated is what As are. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
purplesorrow Posted March 22, 2015 Share Posted March 22, 2015 You can listen but she is no more trustworthy than your husband. My stbx's ow called me, she lied and I knew she was lying because of evidence I already had. Put your poker face on and don't have a reaction to anything she tells you. I may have missed it, how did you discover his affair? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted March 22, 2015 Share Posted March 22, 2015 The OW is asking me to be friends on facebook. She wrote that she has a lot to tell me. Should I write back? My husband told me to delete my facebook account so she doesn't bother me. Should I talk or shouldn't I??????? I go with the advice of setting up an email account to communicate. DO NOT accept her friend request. How dare she. Tell your H that he better tell you EVERYTHING NOW. What he told her about you, did he make any future plans with her etc. You can't always believe everything she says though. OW have been known to lie to the BS to be hurtful and because the H didn't leave to be with her. What ever she says, ask for evidence otherwise don't believe a word. You really can't take her word, because she's clearly proven honesty is NOT her best quality. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author I4givehim Posted March 22, 2015 Author Share Posted March 22, 2015 You can listen but she is no more trustworthy than your husband. My stbx's ow called me, she lied and I knew she was lying because of evidence I already had. Put your poker face on and don't have a reaction to anything she tells you. I may have missed it, how did you discover his affair? Anonymous letter in the mail. It said YOUR HUSBAND IS HAVING AN AFFAIR. No return address. When I showed it to him he confessed. Link to post Share on other sites
Noirek Posted March 22, 2015 Share Posted March 22, 2015 If you message people who aren't your friends on fb it often goes in the "other" folder. Sending a friend request guarantees that they get the message in their inbox. Once communication starts it is no longer necessary. If you want to talk no need for a new account. Just reply back and deny the friend request. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
purplesorrow Posted March 22, 2015 Share Posted March 22, 2015 Anonymous letter in the mail. It said YOUR HUSBAND IS HAVING AN AFFAIR. No return address. When I showed it to him he confessed. Do you think it was her? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
darkmoon Posted March 22, 2015 Share Posted March 22, 2015 (edited) she wants to assess you, her rival, hopefully you will be evasive, or even fib, if she gets chatty then she will want to meet you and so the assessment continues in fact, i would not take her too seriously at all, be dignified and objective be careful too, OWs I have come across dream myriad dreams, none of which feature the wife, do not reply to her promptly, plan a bit Edited March 22, 2015 by darkmoon 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author I4givehim Posted March 22, 2015 Author Share Posted March 22, 2015 Do you think it was her? YES!!!! I think she thought I would kick him out and he would go running to her. Her plan didn't work. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
purplesorrow Posted March 22, 2015 Share Posted March 22, 2015 Do you believe your husbands story at all? Is there something specific you would like to know? In my case, they had a story they had decided on. She stuck to it and he didn't. Just be careful. Link to post Share on other sites
Steen719 Posted March 22, 2015 Share Posted March 22, 2015 I did not "friend" my XH's AP, but I did send her a message on FB. I wanted her to know the results of her and my XH's affair and to tell her that I was not planning on telling her family. Her kids were my son's age and it hurt him so badly, I could not do that to them. (While I feel that she deserved some pain, my issue was with my XH as he is responsible for what he promised me). I knew a lot already, but did glean some background information. Anyway...you do not have to be a friend to send a message. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
HeartWon'tHeal Posted March 22, 2015 Share Posted March 22, 2015 As a FOW I would NEVER contact the BW. I don't know if she knows and at this point don't care. The affair is done and over and I feel nothing but shame. In my heart I have apologized to her and have no desire to ever talk to her. I think she wants to keep the door open with your husband and is probably snooping for information. Do not friend her on Facebook. Do you think she is unhealthy emotionally? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author I4givehim Posted March 22, 2015 Author Share Posted March 22, 2015 Do you believe your husbands story at all? Is there something specific you would like to know? In my case, they had a story they had decided on. She stuck to it and he didn't. Just be careful. A story???? I'm not ready to talk to her yet. I have a lot of questions and I want to be prepared for her. Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted March 22, 2015 Share Posted March 22, 2015 My husband told me to delete my facebook account so she doesn't bother me. Haha, looks like your husband screwed up his affair! OW will tell you a lot of information thta your dear husband is hiding from you, which is why he doesn't want you on Facebook anymore. Let her tell her side of the story. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted March 22, 2015 Share Posted March 22, 2015 A story???? I'm not ready to talk to her yet. I have a lot of questions and I want to be prepared for her. That is another reason why email is better than messaging or texting, because messaging usually demands a short answer over a quick time period. Email conversations are usually slower and they will give you time to think and give her time to write long replies that you can then look at at your leisure. Quick messaging could result in short meaningless responses and it could easily degenerate into jabs, fighting talk, posturing and storming off. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted March 22, 2015 Share Posted March 22, 2015 Do you think it was her? Maybe she was trying to get your H to leave you and thought this would push him. It's certainly been done before. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted March 22, 2015 Share Posted March 22, 2015 A story???? I'm not ready to talk to her yet. I have a lot of questions and I want to be prepared for her. Take your time and really consider if you want to hear what she has to say. Write down any questions you have. In the meanwhile, ignore her request and tell your H you will not be deleting your FB account. He needs to come clean and tell you EVERYTHING NOW. I would tell him that if you find out something from her, that he hasn't told you, reconciliation is no longer a consideration for you. I'm sorry, but a man whose wife is working to support the family, goes and cheats and says you weren't there. ....yeah that wouldn't wash with me at all. Let his OW support him, as she was more than happy to be his bit on the side for a year. That's another thing, was it more than a year? Cheaters lie about the length of the A so often. Questions you need to ask him. Has he sexual contact with anyone else before this affair since you've been married? Has he had sexual intercourse with anyone else before this affair since you've been married? How long has it gone on for? Did he tell her straight up that he was married or did she already know he was married. Where did they meet ? How did it start ? Tell him you have booked a polygraph to confirm if he is being truthful. If he doesn't want it, then he's lying to you. The yes/no questions are suited to a poly. Any which way he resists your request, then I suggest you proceed to file for D. Don't take any crap from him. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted March 22, 2015 Share Posted March 22, 2015 Ok, I will make up another account for her and I to communicate. I didn't feel right about writing to her on my fb. I have so many questions I want to ask her. Thank you everybody You can exchange messages with her without friending her. Your H doesn't have a say in what you do or don't do any longer! Ask her for info. Do NOT give up any info when she asks you! Just keep collecting info from her until you think you have enough. You can always choose to block her if you want to. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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