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Depth of Deception, Is There Any Line To Great For A Wayward To Cross?


aliveagain

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Recently I ran into someone at a business function that was a friend of both myself and my ex. I have not spoken to her in almost 6 years as she was more a friend of my ex than myself. It appears that my ex betrayed her in some fashion and they had a falling out. I have never posted my story but the Readers Digest version is we were together just over 4 years, almost five, the last year she left for 6 months after discovery so I can't really call it being together. She cheated for two of those years and an affair child was born in year 4. A friend of hers ratted her out to me and a DNA test proved without a shadow of a doubt that my son who I had named after my deceased father and raised for the first year of his life was not mine. Did the lawyer thing, removed her from my life, complete 180, to this day I remain unlisted/published so she can never find me again(believe me she continues to try).

 

Fast forward to my business function that took place in the last 10 days. This former friend decides to come clean with information that absolutely floored me, information she knew but never told me because of her friendship with my ex. She started off by telling me how sorry she was for withholding information from me, she has felt guilty for years and always intended on telling me at some point because I was such an amazing guy and didn't deserve what my ex did to me. I did my best to tell her it took a lot of time but I eventually moved on and could care less about anything my ex is up to now. She than goes on to tell me that the few times she came to my home with this one boyfriend(3 times I can remember) for dinner that he was not her boyfriend but he was actually other man pretending to be her date. She said that while I was preparing the meal my ex and other man were fooling around in our house while she covered for them(pretending to be playing pool).

 

I actually fed and wined the piece of sh*t 3 times in my home thinking he was with her. I told her that I hope she can forgive herself for her participation and that the whole experience taught me so much about trust and people. I told her that and my ex is out of my life permanently and thanked her for finally being honest. Fu*k her. Even though that nasty bit*h is out of my life sh*t like this still hurts because others knew about it. I think of the laughs they must of had pulling that over on me, fwak. How can some people live with themselves?

 

I apologize to the waywards I may have been a little hard on this site but it was because of sh*t like this that gets me personally involved when reading other posts even when I try to be neutral and objective. Really, how do you cheat on someone you love? How do you do something like this to another human being? How can you justify being that person?

 

I have been struggling with this news for the last week and a half and it's like it just happened all over again even though I have dealt with her and she is out of my life forever. You can never be friends again and that is a fact and waywards that still believe that are smoking something special.

 

Has anyone else gone through something like this? How deceptive was your ex or soon to be ex?

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Mrs. John Adams

I have to tell you my gut reaction...your wife's x friend in my opinion is probably lying through her teeth.

 

and if i were you...i would have no contact with this "friend" either. TROUBLE

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HereNorThere

Ugh, that's so horrible. I'm so sorry that happened to you.

 

Look, that's bad, but you already knew worse. That crazy B tried to trap you with someone's kid. At this point, there isn't much I wouldn't put past her. Just let this newfound knowledge reaffirm that you made the right decision letting her go.

 

Don't let that b*tch rob you of one more minute of your life. It's over, done, finished. Don't lose your peace of mind over someone as worthless as her.

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I have to tell you my gut reaction...your wife's x friend in my opinion is probably lying through her teeth.

 

and if i were you...i would have no contact with this "friend" either. TROUBLE

 

MJA, no she was telling me the truth. She has nothing to gain by lying to me. She has become very successful in the world of promoting and has no reason to lie to me. I believe what she told me is the truth and telling me has something to do with who she is now.

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As a wayward, that is truly awful, and Im sorry for your experience.

 

To answer your question - yes. There are plenty of lines I don't cross. Everyone is different and has their boundaries. Clearly your ex had none.

 

I couldn't comprehend doing any of the things you have described in your post beyond the actual affair part. Believe it or not, we aren't all evil sociopaths setting out to inflict maximum pain on people.

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Ugh, that's so horrible. I'm so sorry that happened to you.

 

Look, that's bad, but you already knew worse. That crazy B tried to trap you with someone's kid. At this point, there isn't much I wouldn't put past her. Just let this newfound knowledge reaffirm that you made the right decision letting her go.

 

Don't let that b*tch rob you of one more minute of your life. It's over, done, finished. Don't lose your peace of mind over someone as worthless as her.

 

Who would have thought that bit*h could still hurt me after all she already did? I thought she was buried. Any news about infidelity regardless of when you learn of it hurts.

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HereNorThere
Who would have thought that bit*h could still hurt me after all she already did? I thought she was buried. Any news about infidelity regardless of when you learn of it hurts.

 

 

If up you think that's bad, you should see what your life would look like had you kept her around.

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HereNorThere
A

 

I couldn't comprehend doing any of the things you have described in your post beyond the actual affair part.

 

You mean, the WORST part?

 

I don't mean that for you personally, I just think it's funny how we can rationalize some things, but not others. Believe it or not, it doesn't make it more or less worse bringing the person to your house under false pretenses.

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As a wayward, that is truly awful, and Im sorry for your experience.

 

To answer your question - yes. There are plenty of lines I don't cross. Everyone is different and has their boundaries. Clearly your ex had none.

 

I couldn't comprehend doing any of the things you have described in your post beyond the actual affair part. Believe it or not, we aren't all evil sociopaths setting out to inflict maximum pain on people.

 

 

SG I'm a grown man and I am having a real problem with the reality of what I just learned. I have a hard enough time thinking about cheating on someone but to invite her lover to our home and using her friend as a cover to deceive me, wow, who does that? I think I want to be single forever. I thank you for your comment because I really want to trust people again.

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Recently I ran into someone at a business function that was a friend of both myself and my ex. I have not spoken to her in almost 6 years as she was more a friend of my ex than myself.

 

Sooooo...even though she hasn't seen you for 6 years, this "friend" has an epiphany and decides you're owed the truth about the ex you haven't seen for an equally long period of time? And unloads this crap on you at a business function?

 

aliveagain, I'd be as skeptical of her as you are of the ex. And I'd also have cut her off mid-sentence when the subject turned to your marriage. Just more sh*t for you to shovel, doesn't do you any good now. Keep moving forward...

 

Mr. Lucky

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aliveagain,

I can definitely relate. It does boggle the mind of a good person like me or you how people can behave like that. Many of the things that were done to me and you, I can't imagine doing to my worst enemy, much less a person that I profess to love.

In my situation, I didn't have anything quite as bad as what happened to you (because the incident happened outside my own home) but on several occasions my wife arranged for me and her AP to attend dinner functions together with her where we all hung out together. It was totally unnecessary and purposely done by her and the AP to get a rise out of the situation.

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You mean, the WORST part?

 

I don't mean that for you personally, I just think it's funny how we can rationalize some things, but not others. Believe it or not, it doesn't make it more or less worse bringing the person to your house under false pretenses.

 

Apparently it does for OP.

 

I dont think you are right. There are layers and depths to this. Cheating is one thing, but BSs often talk about added layers of betrayal when its been with a friend/with a family member/in the home/in the marital bed/results in an OC/makes the BS engage with the AP.....etc etc.

 

There is a difference, at least that's what I got from AP's original post

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I don't understand the commenters who think the friend is lying. How the hell can you even make up a story like that and why in the world would she do that? Is it so hard to believe that a person may feel guilty about something like that for all these years (I sure as hell would if I did something so horrible) and wants to get it off her chest?

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I will give you examples from my friends and extended family:

 

In a closet 3 feet away from his wife.

Upstairs with SIL while wife was downstairs

On couch while H is passed out on same couch.

In bathroom at party the couple hosted, husband 6ft away. (there were enablers)

In car in the garage at a hosted party, husband outside on porch. (there were enablers)

 

Worst yet, kids left with strangers or alone to be with OM, happened with 2 sets of couples.

 

Story here on LS that i can't get out of my head:

3-some a few feet away while husband is passed out on couch.

 

I could give more, infidelity and i know it is my mantra is "an addiction" some addicts chase the rush harder than others and some just flat out do anything for more. Your wife got a super rush from it and frankly so did the friend. I don't buy the guilt story. She told you out of spite with your ex as a result from the falling out.

 

Funny, i had a friend where she said that her cheating was "respectful" lmao!

Her claim is that because she never slept in the house or took time away from the husband and just work during her lunch break and the OM paid for everything and that she was always there when her H needed her, that somehow in a twisted world it was "more respectful" vs others.

 

I can tell you this, form my own story that that to put to you a question of degree in of what you could have forgiven. Had their never been a child, had the affair been a month and she ended it having never been in your home and then confessed, what would your reaction have been?

 

I know for me, all of the examples above equate to immediate divorce, no questions asked, "dropped kicked the hell out of my life" kind of response. I do think there is a degree to how far you can go to forgive as to reconcile as there is a limit to how far a wayward chases their addiction.

 

For those that enable, F them too, i don't know what is worse, the Wayward or those that get a rush in some twisted alternate voyeuristic sh*t from helping those cheat.

Edited by atreides
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Please believe me when I tell you that this woman that gave me the information has nothing to gain by doing so. We do not communicate and rarely run into each other in business, she has no place in my life now, my ex is also out of her life and has been for years.

 

This information just disgusts me and really shakes me up. I am trying so hard to believe in people, this came out of no where. You just don't know when information will surface that can change your life regardless if your a betrayed spouse or a wayward spouse, you are not always in control.

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Mrs. John Adams
I don't understand the commenters who think the friend is lying. How the hell can you even make up a story like that and why in the world would she do that? Is it so hard to believe that a person may feel guilty about something like that for all these years (I sure as hell would if I did something so horrible) and wants to get it off her chest?

 

I would not go to a function....see a person for the first time in 6 years...and start telling him **** about his ex wife....

 

I am very Leary of old ex friends with stories about ex wives....especially ex wives they now despise...i think she has an agenda.

 

It is my opinion...i cant prove it...it really doesn't matter what i think.

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I would not go to a function....see a person for the first time in 6 years...and start telling him **** about his ex wife....

 

I am very Leary of old ex friends with stories about ex wives....especially ex wives they now despise...i think she has an agenda.

 

It is my opinion...i cant prove it...it really doesn't matter what i think.

 

I have no way to disprove her, again we have next to no interaction with each other and my ex is not part of ether of our lives now. I appreciate your comment.

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I think one of the most cruel things a person can do is to make them believe they are the father of a child and it not be true. I just can't imagine how in anyone's mind, that is OK.

 

My situation was bad, but I have seen many that are worse. Still, to me, it was awful. I was married for 22 years. XH cheated 8 years in - I stayed, had a son with him and wanted to preserve the family...blah, blah 13 years later, I took care of him through a life-threatening illness and subsequent transplant, went into great debt, worked non-stop to try to keep our heads above water and help my son through college and how did XH repay me? He cheated on me. Keylogger let me see that he told his married OW that I wouldn't take him for his week long medical check-up, I screamed at him in front of the doctors, he was the one paying for college, and so many lies, it was just crap. He did not seem to feel remorse and felt more compelled to blame me for what happened, even telling me that he had been miserable for the 13 years in between. Of course, that changed when I asked him why he let me take care of him and go into such debt with him if that was how he felt-then it became the last year.

 

My experience was worse than some and better than some (if that is even possible to estimate), but the same sad thing runs through all of them. These waywards somehow think they deserve something, no matter who they hurt. Selfish, self-serving, narcissistic, egotistical partners who ruin other lives. I don't even hate him; I just feel sorry for him that he is who he is. For a little fun, he ruined a family and now has just enough respect from his son that he will talk to him briefly. That really says more about my son than him, though.

 

I'm sorry for your pain. I do think there are good and decent men and women out there; I know some. I'm not sure I could pick one out to fall in love with, though. I'm not even sure I would want to. Feel better...

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Recently I ran into someone at a business function that was a friend of both myself and my ex. I have not spoken to her in almost 6 years as she was more a friend of my ex than myself. It appears that my ex betrayed her in some fashion and they had a falling out. I have never posted my story but the Readers Digest version is we were together just over 4 years, almost five, the last year she left for 6 months after discovery so I can't really call it being together. She cheated for two of those years and an affair child was born in year 4. A friend of hers ratted her out to me and a DNA test proved without a shadow of a doubt that my son who I had named after my deceased father and raised for the first year of his life was not mine. Did the lawyer thing, removed her from my life, complete 180, to this day I remain unlisted/published so she can never find me again(believe me she continues to try).

 

Fast forward to my business function that took place in the last 10 days. This former friend decides to come clean with information that absolutely floored me, information she knew but never told me because of her friendship with my ex. She started off by telling me how sorry she was for withholding information from me, she has felt guilty for years and always intended on telling me at some point because I was such an amazing guy and didn't deserve what my ex did to me. I did my best to tell her it took a lot of time but I eventually moved on and could care less about anything my ex is up to now. She than goes on to tell me that the few times she came to my home with this one boyfriend(3 times I can remember) for dinner that he was not her boyfriend but he was actually other man pretending to be her date. She said that while I was preparing the meal my ex and other man were fooling around in our house while she covered for them(pretending to be playing pool).

 

I actually fed and wined the piece of sh*t 3 times in my home thinking he was with her. I told her that I hope she can forgive herself for her participation and that the whole experience taught me so much about trust and people. I told her that and my ex is out of my life permanently and thanked her for finally being honest. Fu*k her. Even though that nasty bit*h is out of my life sh*t like this still hurts because others knew about it. I think of the laughs they must of had pulling that over on me, fwak. How can some people live with themselves?

 

I apologize to the waywards I may have been a little hard on this site but it was because of sh*t like this that gets me personally involved when reading other posts even when I try to be neutral and objective. Really, how do you cheat on someone you love? How do you do something like this to another human being? How can you justify being that person?

 

I have been struggling with this news for the last week and a half and it's like it just happened all over again even though I have dealt with her and she is out of my life forever. You can never be friends again and that is a fact and waywards that still believe that are smoking something special.

 

Has anyone else gone through something like this? How deceptive was your ex or soon to be ex?

 

 

 

Another example of trickle truth. You have put most of the affair behind you. Now you have new information to process. You will get pass this and hopefully you will not get trickle truthed again.

 

In a way be happy because this lateness news only reaffirms that you are better off without your WW and in NC with her.

 

I would of asked the XF why was she telling you.

 

Then I would of asked her how do you know she is telling you the truth. After her past behavior makes it hard to believe now when she willingly took part in deceiving you.

Edited by road
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Please believe me when I tell you that this woman that gave me the information has nothing to gain by doing so. We do not communicate and rarely run into each other in business, she has no place in my life now, my ex is also out of her life and has been for years.

 

This information just disgusts me and really shakes me up. I am trying so hard to believe in people, this came out of no where. You just don't know when information will surface that can change your life regardless if your a betrayed spouse or a wayward spouse, you are not always in control.

 

I'm truly sorry that this happened to you. It's awful!

 

You say she had nothing to gain but she did, it was killer er all these years.she unloaded it on you which is another selfish act on her part. Why would she ever tell you something so hurtful? I think she is just as bad as your ex and if she had any integrity or morals she never would of helped you're ex.

I'm sorry for being blunt but she was a part of it too...

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Also, I have to add that she sounds very cunning.... I don't think I would trust her but either way someone that would hurt you after not seeing you for 6 years is one of those people that loves to see others in misery!

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You mean, the WORST part?

 

I don't mean that for you personally, I just think it's funny how we can rationalize some things, but not others. Believe it or not, it doesn't make it more or less worse bringing the person to your house under false pretenses.

 

No, bring the OM to your house under false pretenses---WAY worse! It takes the cake!

 

She was getting off on how far she could take it. PLUS she had participants in her game.

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Another example of trickle truth. You have put most of the affair behind you. Now you have new information to process. You will get pass this and hopefully you will not get trickle truthed again.

 

In a way be happy because this lateness news only reaffirms that you are better off without your WW and in NC with her.

 

I would of asked the XF why was she telling you.

 

Then I would of asked her how do you know she is telling you the truth. After her past behavior makes it hard to believe now when she willingly took part in deceiving you.

 

Road, this was so out in left field it doesn't make sense. My belief is her guilt for playing her part in my deception had gotten to her(she did her best to apologize for her past behaviour) and the minute we ran into each other it surfaced and she came clean. Being in each others life doesn't come into play because she and I stopped talking when ex and I stopped being a couple. It is doubtful that this former friend and I will ever meet again, we do not hang out in the same circle of friends. This is why I lean towards believing her.

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(believe me she continues to try)

 

She tries after 6 years? She must be really desperate.

 

How can some people live with themselves?

 

Honestly? I don't know. You're feeling so hurt because that woman opened up old wounds only to relieve her guilt. Frankly, she's hardly better than the people she covered for. On the other hand, if these crows started picking at each others eyes they must have had a hell of a fallout indeed.

 

Either way, it's in the past. And even if they were laughing back then, they're not laughing anymore, especially not her and whatever guy got the happy news he has to pay child support because the original plan didn't work out.

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