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Wife gave birth to another man's child


balthazaar

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Hello, so I'm new to this website, and looking for any advice, thats not within those in my family. So my story goes like this. My wife had been one of my best friends for about 6 years. Eventually after school I proposed, and she said yes. During our wedding planning we had some problems, and I had sense there was some infidelity, but she denied it.

 

Come February I find she is pregnant. We moved the wedding sooner, and all appears well. Eventually we get married, both excited. I had asked if there was anything she needed to tell me before getting married, bc I had some suspicions of cheating but she said no. About 2 months before her due date, I come across the phone that questions the paternity of the child. I order a dna test, and shows that i'm not the father, she denies it still and wants to do a swab. I go through, was there for the birth, and I asked her to come clean before the swab, she still says no.

 

The day comes for the swab, and it shows 0% i'm the father. She then admits to having a one night stand with a guy she dated a while back, which I had hated, the day before valentine's day. She states it was a mistake, and she left immidiately. I asked why not tell me I deserved to know. She said she was afraid to hurt me. She has no moved back to her parents, i had asked her to. I'm debating on divorce, but its harder to pull the trigger. She says she will change, and do anything.

 

She stated it was the biggest mistake, and it took that to realize. She stated he had try contacting times after, but has ignored his calls. He doesnt know about the baby. She was hoping the baby to be mine. I want to forgive, but am I foolish for staying? I'm so hurt, and I'm also worried if he will get involved in the future.

 

She states she made the biggest mistake of her life, and will spend the rest of her life trying to make it up. It just hurts she kept it a secret all this time. Is it worth staying? Or do I go. I love her more than anything, and willing to forgive.

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Lernaean_Hydra
She states she made the biggest mistake of her life, and will spend the rest of her life trying to make it up. It just hurts she kept it a secret all this time. Is it worth staying? Or do I go. I love her more than anything, and willing to forgive.

 

NOOOOO! No oh my god please no, walk RUN away from this situation as fast as your legs will carry you. You do not want to get saddled with raising another man's child OR paying child support if she decides to divorce you. Absolutely do not, under any circumstances do this. She doesn't love you, she doesn't even care about you. She cheated and lied through her teeth right up until the end. Why on earth would you ever consider forgiving her? She's not sorry, well, sorry she got caught maybe but is definitely not sorry for what she did. Of course she's willing to work things out with you, OM is probably some broke loser who she can't milk dry.

 

Bind yourself to this woman further and you will be a sucker and a cuckold and have no one but yourself to blame.

Edited by Lernaean_Hydra
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whatcanitellyou

I think the biggest question you need to answer is if you can love and raise the baby as your own. If not, and nobody would blame you if you can't do it, then it's not fair for you to stick around. I think it says a great deal about her level of selfishness that she kept this from you until after the wedding, and that is a major character flaw, but if you think you can raise the baby you can give it a shot. But remember that there will be major complications beyond just dealing with her and the baby; are you going to tell the real father? He has a right to know and the baby will have a right to know. How will you feel about him being around? Tough questions.....I'm a woman so I can't say how I'd feel about this but I can tell you that if I'd found out my husband had had a baby with another woman while we were together I'd pull the plug, because I know I'd never be able to accept the baby.

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GirlStillStrong

The father has a right to know his child. He will eventually find out he has this child and yes, he WILL be in your life.

 

You can probably have this union annulled at this point. But the previous poster is correct: If you assume the role of father for this baby, even though the baby is not yours, you will have to pay child support if and when you eventually divorce.

 

When someone shows you who they are, BELIEVE them.

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How are you going to like looking at that baby every single day when you know the deception behind his existence?

 

How about when he starts calling you "daddy"?

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Thank you for all your advice. She had actually confessed this to her parents, very disappointed. I have gotten very close to her family as well. I agree far too many lies, and I dont know where the truth begins. Before the bucal swab, I had a feeling the dna test was right, and I was raising the baby like my own. Before she confessed, I did actually start getting attached. I'm planning getting my name off the birth certificate. I had read that I would not have to support that child, if my name is not on the certificate, and we divorced I verified this with a friend who is a lawyer. I guess I'm trying to hear a success story, of where a marriage holds together, and strengthens the bond. I'm just a firm believer of the "for better, and for worse..." but it does seem the wise choice would be to leave, but the heart says it can work

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There is no doubt you love her. There is not doubt she loves you but the level in which she loves you is the question. She loved you so little that she chose to sleep with another man knowing full well what she was doing would destroy you. Imagine for a second that she did not think about it at all. You can bet everything you have that she did and she just said in her mind she did not care about you enough to worry about it. Now you can over look this all you want but that's not even really the worst part of this. The worst part of this is she continued to lie to you about it even knowing full well a child was going to come of her betrayal. Had you not figured this out for yourself you right now would be paying and raising someone elses child. You would be bonding and sharing your heart with this child. There would come a time that this would come out and you would feel more pain than you could possibly imagine. The truth is the only reason she is afraid now is because she has a child and your safe to her. You can help her raise this child and pay for this child.

 

 

Staying with her and seeing the child would only be a constant reminder of her betrayal.

 

 

Your relationship is no longer based on love its now based on her need to survive. People use people all the time this level of using someone is the most disgusting I have ever seen. I personally would not even want to know her let alone love her.

 

 

The sooner you get away from her the better off you are. I would tell her this is not going to work out and move towards a annulment if you can. If not then just push for a divorce. Sure it sucks and it does feel like a failure but its not your failure that brought you here its hers. She put you in this horrible position and you deserve better.

 

 

I am truly sorry you are going through this but your not alone. Being cheated on is horrible and it takes a long time to heal from it. The sooner you move on the better off you will be.

 

 

Clay

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I'm just a firm believer of the "for better, and for worse..."

 

So am I, but I look at it like this- your whole marriage has been a sham and a lie.

 

It's not like the two of you married with honest intentions and a clear conscious and 20 years down the line she had a one night stand.

 

She lied and deceived you up until the results came back. If you hadn't have taken any initiative she would have never told you or this child the truth. She deceived you in order for you to marry her, support her, and this child.

 

Don't let this woman make a fool of you. She's a liar and I wouldn't believe that it was only a one night stand either. The truth is probably much more graphic and deceptive than that.

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Thank you for all your advice. She had actually confessed this to her parents, very disappointed. I have gotten very close to her family as well. I agree far too many lies, and I dont know where the truth begins. Before the bucal swab, I had a feeling the dna test was right, and I was raising the baby like my own. Before she confessed, I did actually start getting attached. I'm planning getting my name off the birth certificate. I had read that I would not have to support that child, if my name is not on the certificate, and we divorced I verified this with a friend who is a lawyer. I guess I'm trying to hear a success story, of where a marriage holds together, and strengthens the bond. I'm just a firm believer of the "for better, and for worse..." but it does seem the wise choice would be to leave, but the heart says it can work

 

You may do what your heart says, accept and forgive. But just know you will no longer be a victim and if sometging goes wrong later you will only have yourself to blame like Lernaean_Hydra said.

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Thank you for all your advice. She had actually confessed this to her parents, very disappointed. I have gotten very close to her family as well. I agree far too many lies, and I dont know where the truth begins. Before the bucal swab, I had a feeling the dna test was right, and I was raising the baby like my own. Before she confessed, I did actually start getting attached. I'm planning getting my name off the birth certificate. I had read that I would not have to support that child, if my name is not on the certificate, and we divorced I verified this with a friend who is a lawyer. I guess I'm trying to hear a success story, of where a marriage holds together, and strengthens the bond. I'm just a firm believer of the "for better, and for worse..." but it does seem the wise choice would be to leave, but the heart says it can work

 

This guy has a right to know she had his child. She can't and shouldn't expect any support from you. Yes, get a divorce. Your whole marriage has been based on a lie, her manipulation knowing full well there was a 50 50 chance the baby wasn't yours. She should have been honest. She wasn't and now she has to suffer the consequences. Losing you.

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whatcanitellyou

"For better or worse" refers to the things that fall into the category of life happens. Cheating, lying, abuse, addiction and all around crappy behavior are not covered by this.

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Before she confessed, I did actually start getting attached. I'm planning getting my name off the birth certificate. I had read that I would not have to support that child, if my name is not on the certificate, and we divorced I verified this with a friend who is a lawyer.

 

I'm going to leave the relationship issues alone, others have given you good advice. A very tough mountain to climb.

 

The only way I'd consider raising the child was if the father had been informed of the birth and surrendered his parental rights. Then you could adopt the baby and it would truly be yours.

 

Otherwise you risk adding the turmoil of a custody fight to the chaos of infidelity. Either is tough, together they're life destroying...

 

Mr. Lucky

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Thank your ancestors or whatever divine entities you might believe in that you found out and RUN. RUN, GET A DIVORCE AND RUN EVEN FASTER.

 

The only time I heard about a marriage continuing despite a stranger's baby being involved the man in that case - sorry about writing that, but it's true - was a total douchebag and had absolutely no power at all. And needless to say, their marriage wasn't good either.

 

You have no reason to set your life up (or rather down) for something like this -- someone like her. Get away from her as quickly as you can, cut all ties; your feelings for her will vanish in time.

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Thank you for all your advice. She had actually confessed this to her parents, very disappointed. I have gotten very close to her family as well. I agree far too many lies, and I dont know where the truth begins. Before the bucal swab, I had a feeling the dna test was right, and I was raising the baby like my own. Before she confessed, I did actually start getting attached. I'm planning getting my name off the birth certificate. I had read that I would not have to support that child, if my name is not on the certificate, and we divorced I verified this with a friend who is a lawyer. I guess I'm trying to hear a success story, of where a marriage holds together, and strengthens the bond. I'm just a firm believer of the "for better, and for worse..." but it does seem the wise choice would be to leave, but the heart says it can work

 

 

LOL how do you think a woman lying and having another mans baby and then lying some more would EVER 'strengthen a bond'?????????????

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Oh dear Lord you put your name on the birth certificate when you had doubts?! I hope that you can get it removed and that it will not cost you down the line- if you are in America they are great at holding someone to account for the welfare of the child, it doesnt have to be the biological father, anyone will do so I hope they are not able to hold you to this.

 

Do what you can to remove your name from any association with this child and then run for the hills and don't look back.

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I'm just a firm believer of the "for better, and for worse..."

 

There is no better, only worse and the worst has yet to come.

 

she doesn't respect you....

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I am going to go the other way here because I have personal experience with this exact thing. I had another man's child while married to my first husband.

 

And for 16 years, I had no idea it was not my husband's child. My husband and I were dating and we broke up - - - I slept with another man in our social circle. Then about two weeks later, my husband (then boyfriend) got back together. Soon I found out I was pregnant. I did the math in my head and was utterly convinced this baby was my husband's. He proposed and we got married. The man who I had slept with was invited to the wedding, and he came. He asked about the baby - was it his - and I assured him it was not. When the baby was born, my husband was in the delivery room. He LOVED that baby from the moment he laid eyes on him. We broke up three years later but it had nothing to do with the baby. He was the best father I have ever known. Was with the boy all the time and adored him.

 

When the child was 16, he turned into an exact replica of his biological father, just out of the blue. His biological father is over six feet, my son shot up and his face changed and he even walked like his biological father. People were noticing. I asked the biological father if we could do a DNA test and he agreed. It came back 99.9 per cent positive.

 

Well my ex husband was devastated, but strangely, it brought them closer together. My son was very protective of his father after this - he wanted him to KNOW that nothing had changed - that he was his father and always would be. My husband changed not one whit towards our son - maybe became more involved in his life and proudly called him his son.

 

So I guess what I'm saying is it is totally possible your wife was like me and really believed you were the father. And also, that a man can raise another man's child with honor and dignity.

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And also, that a man can raise another man's child with honor and dignity.

 

Sorry, but you just managed to convince yourself that the baby was your husbands and decided to be quiet about it. This here is an entirely different situation; she lied on purpose and kept it hidden, hoping to use him as a meal ticket.

 

There is no honor and dignity in consciously setting yourself up to be financially and emotionally wrecked at the whim of someone who would lie to both her husband and her very own child.

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I am going to go the other way here because I have personal experience with this exact thing. I had another man's child while married to my first husband.

 

And for 16 years, I had no idea it was not my husband's child. My husband and I were dating and we broke up - - - I slept with another man in our social circle. Then about two weeks later, my husband (then boyfriend) got back together. Soon I found out I was pregnant. I did the math in my head and was utterly convinced this baby was my husband's. He proposed and we got married. The man who I had slept with was invited to the wedding, and he came. He asked about the baby - was it his - and I assured him it was not. When the baby was born, my husband was in the delivery room. He LOVED that baby from the moment he laid eyes on him. We broke up three years later but it had nothing to do with the baby. He was the best father I have ever known. Was with the boy all the time and adored him.

 

When the child was 16, he turned into an exact replica of his biological father, just out of the blue. His biological father is over six feet, my son shot up and his face changed and he even walked like his biological father. People were noticing. I asked the biological father if we could do a DNA test and he agreed. It came back 99.9 per cent positive.

 

Well my ex husband was devastated, but strangely, it brought them closer together. My son was very protective of his father after this - he wanted him to KNOW that nothing had changed - that he was his father and always would be. My husband changed not one whit towards our son - maybe became more involved in his life and proudly called him his son.

 

So I guess what I'm saying is it is totally possible your wife was like me and really believed you were the father. And also, that a man can raise another man's child with honor and dignity.

 

 

 

More like you convinced yourself to believe the what you wanted to be the truth.

 

 

Any way OP, the courts have forced many a BH to still be held responsible for child support even when there is DNA evidence proving you were not the bio dad.

 

 

You must hire a lawyer that practices family law to get your name off of the birth certificate and to divorce your WW as soon as possible. Otherwise you run the risk of having to be stuck for child support and health insurance for the next 18 years and a judge may include college costs.

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Also why would the OM be invited to the wedding when WW cheated with him and you hated him?

 

 

Total lack of respect from the WW and the OM.

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I am going to go the other way here because I have personal experience with this exact thing. I had another man's child while married to my first husband.

 

And for 16 years, I had no idea it was not my husband's child. My husband and I were dating and we broke up - - - I slept with another man in our social circle. Then about two weeks later, my husband (then boyfriend) got back together. Soon I found out I was pregnant. I did the math in my head and was utterly convinced this baby was my husband's. He proposed and we got married. The man who I had slept with was invited to the wedding, and he came. He asked about the baby - was it his - and I assured him it was not. When the baby was born, my husband was in the delivery room. He LOVED that baby from the moment he laid eyes on him. We broke up three years later but it had nothing to do with the baby. He was the best father I have ever known. Was with the boy all the time and adored him.

 

When the child was 16, he turned into an exact replica of his biological father, just out of the blue. His biological father is over six feet, my son shot up and his face changed and he even walked like his biological father. People were noticing. I asked the biological father if we could do a DNA test and he agreed. It came back 99.9 per cent positive.

 

Well my ex husband was devastated, but strangely, it brought them closer together. My son was very protective of his father after this - he wanted him to KNOW that nothing had changed - that he was his father and always would be. My husband changed not one whit towards our son - maybe became more involved in his life and proudly called him his son.

 

So I guess what I'm saying is it is totally possible your wife was like me and really believed you were the father. And also, that a man can raise another man's child with honor and dignity.

 

 

Solostand, it is a pleasingly cute story but it also illustrates why I think that most women aren't capable of logical reasoning. But you are right that OP's wife is just like you.... you both are liars.

 

And just out of curiosity.... where was your honor and dignity when you were lying to your first husband all these years?

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The father has a right to know his child. He will eventually find out he has this child and yes, he WILL be in your life.

 

You can probably have this union annulled at this point. But the previous poster is correct: If you assume the role of father for this baby, even though the baby is not yours, you will have to pay child support if and when you eventually divorce.

 

When someone shows you who they are, BELIEVE them.

 

That's not true. When/if they divorce the issue of custody will come up.... at that point all the OP has to say is, we had DNA testing done and the child is not mine. No matter whether or not he was there to change diapers and behave like a father or not, if the child is not his biologically, the courts will not force him to pay child support.

 

OP, if I were you, I'd get out of this situation right now. Yes she made a mistake but do you really want to spend the rest of your life raising this child? Altruistically you COULD do exactly that, but you'd have to accept the situation for what it is. Reconciling after infidelity is very, very difficult. It would be even harder to do with a child that isn't yours in the mix. If you DO decide to stay, then you need to plan on staying for the long haul and be willing to work through any issues that may arise because of this.. Think about the choices you have in front of you. What is best for you in this situation?

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More like you convinced yourself to believe the what you wanted to be the truth.

 

 

Any way OP, the courts have forced many a BH to still be held responsible for child support even when there is DNA evidence proving you were not the bio dad.

 

 

You must hire a lawyer that practices family law to get your name off of the birth certificate and to divorce your WW as soon as possible. Otherwise you run the risk of having to be stuck for child support and health insurance for the next 18 years and a judge may include college costs.

 

I've never heard of this happening.... in fact I witnessed this exact situation... long story short, this girl got pregnant by my ex, married another man while she was pregnant, he put his name on the birth certificate, raised the boy as his own for 3 years (knowing full well he wasn't his child) and then they divorced. She went after her husband for child support, he was dna tested and proved he wasn't the father and she then came after the real father of the child. If the child isn't yours biologically, and you can prove that with dna, then I don't see how or why the courts would force anyone to pay child support. Maybe alimony if they were married, but not child support.

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