Your opinions please....Widowed Father-in-law's indiscretions!!!!

[SARose61]

Sadly my Mother-in-Law passed away in July. But what is even more sad is that my Father-in-law has started seeing a woman that the whole family knows he had an affair with almost 15 years ago!!!! MIL is not even cold in the grave yet!!!! Needless to say my husband and all his siblings are heart broken. No one knows if FIL has been seeing her all along or if they just reconnected since my MIL passed away. What is worse, I have done some checking up on the lady and by every indication I see that she herself is still Married or may be just separated from her husband. One of my SILs over heard her dad telling this woman, "I love you" on the phone.

 

OK I know my FIL still has a right to live his life and even to remarry if he so chooses. He is only in his late 50s. My MIL was very sick for the last couple of years of her life. When the affair was discovered a long time ago, things got very nasty. But this woman even called and talked to my MIL and told her she was mistaken that my FIL and her were nothing more than good friends that worked together. In fact they had all gone to high school together. My husbands mom never worked and there were 5 kids the youngest was only about 6 when the affair happened. She may have chosen to stay in the marriage because she had no choice.

 

My FIL told my SIL who confronted him that he had every right to have "female friends" and that she needed to stop acting like her mother.

 

I feel so bad right now for my husband and his siblings. Emotions are running very high and I am not sure if anything will be able to fix this.

 

OK what is worse, acting on impulse we decided to call this womans home and we left a message saying it was my MIL speaking calling from the cemetery to say hello. OK it was a cheap shot, and nothing was gained from it.

 

So tell me do you all think this family can survive this situation? Right now, no one wants to speak to their dad. No one wants to celebrate the coming holidays. Everyone, especially my husbands sister who has always been closest to her dad is in real shock.

 

My thought is if he had only waited a little bit longer and then talked to everyone about it, but what is done is done <heavy sigh>

[Butchey]

Too bad you resorted to the phone call. Going down a level does no good.

 

I have experieced a similar thing and can tell you that he will live his own life despite what people say. You have the choice whether or not to invite him to family gatherings. I wouldn't for awhile. It took my cousin several years to get past the betrayal.

 

So ignore him for some time. He will realize things have changed with his children. He may move to make amends in the future.