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I love my wife, but I love my mistress too?


mrmiserable

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mrmiserable

I'm in love with my wife, and my mistress both...

 

My wife and I have been married for 5 years as of February. And I love her, I do. I am very much in love with her, but I'm not longer attracted to her like I was when we were first married. She's let herself go since our first child, and I don't think she's fat, I just wish she hasn't stopped caring how she looks. She no longer even tries to be attractive for me. When she got pregnant with our second child, she absolutely refused to have sex with me once she found out. She claimed she tired, that sex made her sore, that she didn't like it as much, etc. So for 7 months I put up with it.

 

Then I met a coworker of mine. She flirted, and we laughed, and joked, I was instantly attracted to her and I think this is partly because she reminds me of the way my wife was when we first met each other. After about a month of this friendship, one thing led to another and we started having an affair. And of course, like a dumbass, I stayed with her even after my wife was willing to have sex with me again. Because she was beautiful, and I am honestly ashamed to admit this but because I liked being with her sometimes more than being with my wife, because she didn't nag me about everything. And she was sweeter and more understanding, because, (another thing I am ashamed to admit) she was prettier than my wife and I loved the way she looked. And she was a lot better in bed, because my wife just sort of laid there like she was bored until I was done.

 

And we kept seeing each other every opportunity we could, with it even getting to the point I'd lie to my wife about where I was going or who with, and more than once I had to ask friends of mine to vouch I'd been with them. My wife eventually gotten snoopy, and I think she suspects my affair, she just doesn't have enough solid evidence to confront me with it. And I'm terrified she will, because I don't want her to divorce me, and I don't want my kids to find out what kind of person I've been. But its been 8 months since my mistress and I started having an affair. And I really and truly feel in love with her.

 

I love her a lot, almost as much as I love my wife. She's 9 weeks pregnant, and i know that's a bad thing but I can't help but be a little bit excited to have a baby with a beautiful fantastic woman I love. But I'm also scared pregnancy will change her like it did my wife and I'm going to be caught in a nasty, vicious cycle of being a cheating scumbag. So with my wife being suspicious, and my mistress being pregnant, and my loving them both and not wanting to lose either of them, what should I do?

 

Edit: I have been reading some other posts, and people are quick to point out that of course you're always in love with your mistress, it's commitment free, drama free. Etc. Not the case with mine. We have had our ups and downs. We do argue and get upset with one another, and she is friends with my wife and so she of course feels guilty for having an affair, particularly because my wife chooses to use her as a confidant. And we ourselves aren't perfect and it isn't a oerfect fantasy relationship. She's still very depressed over having miscarried a pregnancy in January and is upset and worried it will happen with this child. So not everything is fantastic and lovely. Its just better in a way because she handles herself and her issues differenty.

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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TiredFamilyGuy

Cause is shortly to lead to effect. No get out of jail free cards exist for this. The best way is to own up and face the music. It will find you anyway. Show a little character other than that of - your words - "lying deceiving scumbag" - because that right now is all your behaviour says about you.

 

You've ducked all the hard decisions and eaten cake so far. Now, like oh so many before, you think you can offer up a little sentiment as a shield "oh, but I love my AP some now". What you are doing to another you claim to love shows how threadbare that claim is. What you doing to your *kids*, your *wife* . Recommend you don't try that excuse again.

 

You face a reality check. Yes you have to choose: double lives can't be sustained. Don't whine or make excuses. You did wrong. Now handle the fallout. You can't control this so don't try. Be honest with your wife and let her decide what *She* wants. How about that?

 

PS Don't blame the affair on her. It should go without saying but your post seems so ... Blind ... I will spell it out for you. Don't blame the affair on her.

Edited by TiredFamilyGuy
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Mrmiserable,

I find it hard to believe that this is a real post and that you are not in fact Mr Troll.

 

If you are real then you are selfish to the core and have a sense of entitlement that leaves me breathless.

 

However, to answer your post... before you get all excited about having a new baby with your mistress, consider the fact it may not be yours. You will not know this until you have a DNA test done after he/she is born.

 

Your g/f hasn't finished grieving for the loss of the last baby, so getting pregnant again will put additional stress on her. She will become emotional and moody as the pregnancy hormones kick in, so be prepated for a rough ride.

 

Just in case you are the father I would start putting some money away to pay for this new baby, as your g/f is going to need it. You may need to take on some overtime to pay for this.

 

As your g/f had a miscarriage before she should talk to the midwife or doctor who may suggest she refrain from sex, depending on the number and timing of previous miscarriages. If this is the case you will need to find another outlet for your urges as you did with your wife.

 

When your g/f's new baby arrives don't be surprised if she "let's herself go" due to having to cope on her own with a stream of dirty nappies/diapers, 2 am feeds, hormonal fluctuations and all the other post-partum stuff that occurs.

So you'll really need that other OW set up as you've already said you can't cope with post pregnacy changes in a woman's body.

 

I assume your g/f is taking additional vitamins like most mums-to-be? I would sugggest she order them in bulk so you can both take them. You schedule is going to be so busy you'll need them. :rolleyes:

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Ninjainpajamas

Ha, I think you have more problems than figuring out who you really love...while you're blinded by this whole love affair and crossing of heart strings (because that's new) the fact that you've got the OW pregnant is going to lead to a can of whoop@ss being open on you.

 

You think your wife is not going to eventually find out? What do you think her reaction is going to be when she finds out you got another woman pregnant? let alone someone she knows and confides in.

 

Anyway, this is all sounds Jerry Springerish, who knows what is real on LoveShack or not some of the time...but if this is real, I feel pretty sorry for you, has it ever crossed your mind that you might end up without either woman, paying child support for three kids and who knows how often you'll see them or be apart of their lives?

 

Luckily for men one is usually dumb enough to take the man in, but still...if this is your life, I'd hate to be in your shoes, totally not considering the consequences of your actions. You better start thinking of damage control at this point.

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Well without reading i can say that not true.

Or you dont know what love is and love none of them or you loe only one.

 

Love for a partner is not what you can have for multi people.

 

And reading your post i can see that you are confusing lust with love. While they are super different.

This is why you should not cheat or let yourself gt involve in cheating. It is something really messy it brings alot of pain with it. More for your wife!

Because she did not sign up for this.

 

I think you need to get to know what love is and what marriage means!

Because you are talking about your wife and this OW only about how they look and how they are in bed.

What about the things that have noting to do with your lust?

 

You are barely married and the things that you said about your wife should not be this big of a deal. And if you are worried it shouldnt be a big problem for you to tell her.

Because you married the person so it should be a problem for you to be open and talk.

And sex is a stupid thing to make a issue about it if the other one dont do much that you like.

Because relationship/marriage is communication, so is also sex!

You are sharing the bed with your wife and you and her should be able to every time tell each other what you like and how you like it and how hard and how soft.

And in that way you both can get to know each others body and what both like and the 1000 of spots on the body that helps bring the intensity of the enjoyments and orgasms.

Its just like you get to know each other better once you are living with each other

after marriage and have to communicate to and adapt certain things, so its also with sex.

Both enjoy each others body and teach each other what they dont know.

That is also marriage! You go for it together! You just dont go outside when you cant have it at home! You said before God on your wedding day in good and bad times.

But jet you forgot it?

 

I can only say affairs always starts because of lust, and is almost always just lust.

And that is what i see in your description about your co-worker.

Its all about the body , the sex, the way she looks etc.

 

You need to stop this affair and take responsibility for your actions and men up and

stand behind your choice of being married.

If there is a issue you have to work on it with your wife. And if you you guys cant get true it, there is counselling.And if you really love her

you would enjoy working on it with her because you want things to get better soon and you should be a team with her.

Change your job if needed and break all contact with that woman.

 

Beside if you saw your child birth at the hospital you most know even more

that giving birth is not something small.

So you cant come with little bs about her body.

She went true it all to give you a child.

Pregnancy do change your body. Love should look true that!

 

And educate yourself! about marriage (Christian books i recoment)what is your role and how you should be as a men, and how to make it work. WHat do woman like and how they are generally, about what pregnancy is, and start communicate with your wife. Its easy to give the sperm to make the baby and then sit and complain!

 

Marriage is work! Its not like in the movies! You have to invest and work on it, talk, compromise, love, care, invest, patient, etc.

 

Beside what is so hard for you to open your mouth before sex, and during sex and tell her in middle of the hot moment i want you to sit on me and ride me.

There is where you have to use your dirty talk etc.

Its team work.

Beside you need to talk to know her better and why she dont do certain stuff.

Maybe she dont know that you want it or she still have pregnancy pains, or she had a

traumatic experience and she dont dare do certain stuff.

 

If you are working things out in your marriage you have no time to mess with other woman.

Because there is enough to be talk and work on in a marriage and to enjoy also.

Because finally the person is your wife. How great is that.

 

Cheating always makes the situation worse. Because you are not working on it and

you will make a distance between you and your wife. Because she may not want you to touch her at all now that you have been sleeping around!

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But I'm also scared pregnancy will change her like it did my wife and I'm going to be caught in a nasty, vicious cycle of being a cheating scumbag. So with my wife being suspicious, and my mistress being pregnant, and my loving them both and not wanting to lose either of them, what should I do?

 

What you should do is take a little detour off the fantasy land trip you are currently on, and find the path back to reality. And by reality I mean to understand what love means. Right now you don't. That is why you will likely remain to be a 'cheating scumbag'(your words).

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TiredFamilyGuy is right. There's no get out of jail free cards for this one. You will not be able to hide an affair child indefinitely. You're going to be a father and (if you stay with your wife) you're going to be spending family money on child support, have to respond to emergencies, and so forth. What you've been doing so far has been a walk in the park when it comes to leading a double-life. It will be exponentially more difficult to raise a hidden child and that's assuming that you've got an OW that is willing to put up with being your side-piece indefinitely. Spend some time on the OM/OW forum and you'll see that this kind if business will eventually break a woman.

 

It's time to man up and start making decisions with your head instead of making them with your, um, emotions. It's only a matter of time before your wife knows about your OW and OC. You need to grow a pair, confess, make a decision about which woman you want to commit to (your wife may help you with this decision), and then communicate to both women how you plan to support these children. The fun and games are over.

 

What are you going to do?

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I'm in love with my wife, and my mistress both...

 

My wife and I have been married for 5 years as of February. And I love her, I do. I am very much in love with her, but I'm not longer attracted to her like I was when we were first married. She's let herself go since our first child, and I don't think she's fat, I just wish she hasn't stopped caring how she looks. She no longer even tries to be attractive for me. When she got pregnant with our second child, she absolutely refused to have sex with me once she found out. She claimed she tired, that sex made her sore, that she didn't like it as much, etc. So for 7 months I put up with it. You put up with it? Oh poor you..she's carrying your child and you put up with her being tired and not wanting sex.

 

Then I met a coworker of mine. She flirted, and we laughed, and joked, I was instantly attracted to her and I think this is partly because she reminds me of the way my wife was when we first met each other. After about a month of this friendship, one thing led to another and we started having an affair. And of course, like a dumbass, I stayed with her even after my wife was willing to have sex with me again. Because she was beautiful, and I am honestly ashamed to admit this but because I liked being with her sometimes more than being with my wife, because she didn't nag me about everything. Why should she nag you? She doesn't live with you. She doesn't share the mundane day to day stuff with you. She is the fantasy. And she was sweeter and more understanding, because, (another thing I am ashamed to admit) she was prettier than my wife and I loved the way she looked. And she was a lot better in bed, because my wife just sort of laid there like she was bored until I was done.

 

And we kept seeing each other every opportunity we could, with it even getting to the point I'd lie to my wife about where I was going or who with, and more than once I had to ask friends of mine to vouch I'd been with them. My wife eventually gotten snoopy, and I think she suspects my affair, she just doesn't have enough solid evidence to confront me with it. And I'm terrified she will, because I don't want her to divorce me, and I don't want my kids to find out what kind of person I've been. And still are. But its been 8 months since my mistress and I started having an affair. And I really and truly feel in love with her.

 

I love her a lot, almost as much as I love my wife. She's 9 weeks pregnant, and i know that's a bad thing but I can't help but be a little bit excited to have a baby with a beautiful fantastic woman I love. But I'm also scared pregnancy will change her like it did my wife and I'm going to be caught in a nasty, vicious cycle of being a cheating scumbag. Of course pregnancy is going to change her. Do you have any idea how hard it is to be a single parent? You get to swoop in and play with the kid when you feel like it and she has to deal with the hard stuff. You think she's going to have time to look pretty for you? So with my wife being suspicious, and my mistress being pregnant, and my loving them both and not wanting to lose either of them, what should I do? You should tell your wife the truth and let her decide what she wants to do.

 

Edit: I have been reading some other posts, and people are quick to point out that of course you're always in love with your mistress, it's commitment free, drama free. Etc. Not the case with mine. We have had our ups and downs. We do argue and get upset with one another, and she is friends with my wife ooh, fun for your wife..a double betrayal! and so she of course feels guilty for having an affair, particularly because my wife chooses to use her as a confidant. And we ourselves aren't perfect and it isn't a oerfect fantasy relationship. You still don't have the day to day life with her that you have with your wife. If/when you do, this will change..oh but of course, you've already pointed out that you plan to cheat again if this woman 'lets herself go' so what do you have to worry about? She's still very depressed over having miscarried a pregnancy in January and is upset and worried it will happen with this child. So not everything is fantastic and lovely. Its just better in a way because she handles herself and her issues differenty.

 

Answers in bold (in case this is for real, which I don't think it is).

 

Bottom line, tell your wife and let her decide what she wants to do. It's the only fair thing. Out of the three of you, she's the only one who is in the dark. She deserves to have all the information, particularly about the pregnancy.

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You need to let your wife go mate, she sounds worthy of ten of you. Cake and eat it? I can only think your extremely poor values and norms are down to a week upbringing. If you love your wife let her go, she doesn't deserve any of this.

You are either a troll or completely challenged by modern decency.

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As this new member logged out after posting this and hasn't returned, we'll close it up pending their return to answer questions and/or seek more input. The thread starter can punch the 'alert us' button on this post and advise us. Thanks for your participation!

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