sweet_pea Posted April 10, 2014 Share Posted April 10, 2014 Did learning that your SO spent money on another person/romantic relationship (that could have been used for bills, you/your family, etc.) behind your back bother/hurt you on top of their having an affair or did it not matter in the grand scheme of things (since they were having an affair anyway)? Is it possible for a BS to get the money spent on the AP back? I've been thinking about this lately, so I thought I'd ask y'all… Link to post Share on other sites
gettingstronger Posted April 10, 2014 Share Posted April 10, 2014 She paid her own way, I keep the books around here so I know And yes, that would totally piss me off. We do fine financially but my sons college is 40K a year so we have loans for it. I would kick his butt if he spent any money on such a selfish act. I do however don't think it would be a deal killer for me. I also doubt you could recover the money. Link to post Share on other sites
Arieswoman Posted April 10, 2014 Share Posted April 10, 2014 My exH, during his affair, took his girlfriend to hotels, bought her presents etc using my Credit Card. He was an additional signatory on it. He had been hiding the bills when they came each month and just paid the minumum payment. The result of this was that when he left and the next monthly bill landed it was for the tune of £1,000s. I went ballistic. I contacted the credit card people and they said that there was nothing they could do as it was my a/c and I was responsible. I asked my solicitor what I could do and he said he could do nothing. So I had to take out a bank-loan to pay off the card, rather than pay the huge interest on the CC. A year and a half later I moved and paid off the loan. By this time he had moved in with OW and her mother and had been there a year. I wrote to my now ex-husband and asked him what he proposed to do about the CC bill. I said that it was generated during the time of the marriage and therefore he was responsible for half of it. He wrote back after some time and said that he couldn't afford to pay me anything as he had to pay his rent and other living expanses. Armed with this evidence I dobbed both OW and her mother in to the Inland Revenue (IRS) for not declarings earnings from renting out property. There was an investigation by the IR which caused them all a lot of bother and I believe they had repay some money via their tax payments. I have always said that it wasn't so much my husband's actual affair that upset me but all the lies and fallout that came from it. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Smilecharmer Posted April 10, 2014 Share Posted April 10, 2014 I agree, it is like double infidelity. The lies and the cheating from someone I love and trust would feel like a double slap. Using family money for something so tawdry would make me furious. Not sure if you can ever get it back, but ask your attorney. If you kept good enough records, it might be possible to recoup something. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Arieswoman Posted April 10, 2014 Share Posted April 10, 2014 Smilecharmer, In my case my WS had destroyed all the CC bills and records. I suppose I possibly could have got duplicates from the CC company In order to get the money back I needed to prove that I wasn't at the specific hotels at the time the money was spent. I would have needed to get sworn statements from witnesses who would attest to me being somewhere else. The cost of all this, needing a solicitors involvement, would have been more than the amount of money that would have been recouped. (This doesn't take into account the amount of time and emotional energy that would be taken up with this.) Sometimes it's better to cut your losses. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sweet_pea Posted April 10, 2014 Author Share Posted April 10, 2014 Wow, I'm sorry to hear about all you went through over that, Arieswoman. That is awful. Affairs really suck all around for the BS. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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