did anyone do anything out of character after dday

[snappytomcat]

im just wondering if anyone did anything,that they normaly would never do or act after dday?

only 2 good friends,and my adult kids knew about hubby cheating,the kids over heard me talking to my friend,so that's how the oldest found out,and told the younger one.

after I saw a pic of AP,my self esteem tokk a deep dive(I know it would still hurt as hell if she was cute)but I couldn't believe he didn't care,and almost threw it all away for her,i guess in my warped crazy mind at the time,i thought if she was attractive,at least she would have been worth throwing it all away(I don't think like that now its wrong all the way around)I cant believe how I was acting,like a crazy person,so on one of my visits to go see my bro(hes in prison for a long time)I took a picture of the ow,with me cause in my mind I thought inmates are desperate,they will f&ck anything,and asked my bro what he thought of her,he said wtf???who is that old lady,and I said oh shes someone whos looking for a prison penpal,just want to know if you know of anyone who would write her,he said there is nobody that I know in here that would be that desperate,i know very immature,but you do crazy things when you find out the person you loved,and trusted the most betrayed you.

I didn't feel any better after showing her pic to my bro,i mean a little I guess.

also another thing I did was I ran over his laptop with my big truck,not proud of it,but that did make me feel a little better

[ladydesigner]

Yes extremely out of character. I hit my WH on Dday. I have worked on my anger management since Dday. Never in a million years would I ever have thought of doing something like that. Dday really brought out the worst in me.

[yellowmaverick]

 

the kids over heard me talking to my friend,so that's how the oldest found

out,and told the younger one.

 

Creepy. That is exactly how three of my children found out. One eavesdropped on a phone conversation that I was having with my sister (in my closet) and told two of his siblings. They knew for two months before they told me. They were sick about it and didn't want to upset me by telling me they knew.

 

Almost everything that I did for the first year after d-day was out of character for me: crying a lot, not being all that productive at work, detaching from my family/friends, letting my kids get away with doing little/no chores or homework, etc. I am a very sentimental person, but I destroyed every card that he ever gave me as well as my wedding album, marriage certificate, and wedding ring. I even destroyed the wedding photo that he carried in his wallet (hidden, of course, so she couldn't see it).

 

I also started a life without him - which is perhaps the only positive thing that I did. From d-day on, I have introduced myself to every new person I meet as single. I will not date until I am divorced (and I haven't even filed yet), but I will not consider myself married either.

[katielee]

this outta be a fun thread!

anyway, I did what ladydesigner did - right hooked him.

[snappytomcat]

YES,i did hit mine,when he tried to stop me from leaving right after I found out,cold cocked him on side of face,I hate violence but I did feel good

[Timmos]

I destroyed our bedroom. Ripped down pictures, knocked over a bookshelf, broke several things, punched walls, floors, doors (needed an x-ray), and ended up cutting the mattress in half. We sleep on the living room floor now.

[RightThere]

I definitely went very close to rock bottom. Got some anti-depressants, stopped eating and was barely sleeping.

 

Even thought about how I would be better to kill myself. Depression was very deep.

 

If I didn't have a young daughter that I knew was depending on me, I don't actually know where I would be right now.

[Spark1111]

I dyed my hair platinum....bought underwear with matching thongs...and signed up for country line dancing and art classes after work.

 

I also hit the gym and the hiking trails after work, like it was MY JOB!

 

I found old friends and new friends to hang with. The IC had me come in twice a week....until he could ascertain I was not going to bodily harm another.

 

I packed his bags, changed the locks, wished him and his OW a happy future and called the D attorney.

 

starting wearing sexy make-up and donned high-heels and shorter skirts and slight cleavage shirts: The men started coming out of the woodwork. Really, it did not take much.....

 

he started STALKING ME! While living with her!

 

I felt crazy, and determined and out of control. I felt irrational, for me. Yet, my IC discounted it....

 

unless you are threatening to hurt yourself or another.....your response is NORMAL in whatever you do....after DDAY.

[BetrayedH]

Yeah, you could say that.

[Heartbroken Eagle]

I definitely went very close to rock bottom. Got some anti-depressants, stopped eating and was barely sleeping.

 

Even thought about how I would be better to kill myself. Depression was very deep.

 

If I didn't have a young daughter that I knew was depending on me, I don't actually know where I would be right now.

 

Hi Right There.

 

I can totally relate all of your experiences. I was diagnosed with depression but I don't want to take anti-depressants because I'm worried about how it may effect my job. However for the first 2 months from BU I could not sleep without drinking alcohol and lost almost 2 stones in weight. I was also constantly having thoughts of committing suicide.

 

I have a son though who I know loves and needs me. This gave me the strength not to do anything stupid, although occaisionally I do have the 'bad' thoughts. I have also developed a temper. I used to be a very 'laid back' person prior to BU.

 

Really scary how this can so easily creeps up on you!!!

[Sub]

I had a few alcohol benders, lost 30lbs and didn't sleep normally for a couple months. As another poster alluded to, though, having a small child in the picture kept me from flying off the handle and truly losing it. That, and I had just accepted a plum job two days prior to D-Day. I did go on these insane writing binges as a way to cope.

[whatatangledweb]

Oh, yes...way out of character. I cried all day long for several months and had full blown rages. D-day I punched him several times. Later I punched a steel door until my rage died down, blowing up nine of my knuckles. I took a hammer to his phone and slammed his laptop on the concrete until it broke to bits. I called him every vile name I could think of. I was either a crying mess or full on rage ( I rarely cry normally nor do I get mad easily).

 

I don't know which of us was more shocked by my behavior.

[confusedandhurt2002]

I ran over his ipad. With my van. Twice.

[confusedandhurt2002]

Oh..I shattered dishes and photos in the backyard too.

 

Ahem. i may have sent a PM on FB to the OW and told her I wanted her to die too.

 

Yes, all of these are very out of character for me....

[painfullyobvious]

I went out drinking. I don't drink. I signed up for guitar lessons and bought books on how to be romantic as well as surviving infidelity. I started selling my video games because I thought she was upset with me playing games too much.

 

After I looked back what I did after dday told me a lot about myself and our relationship. I was too content at home and needed to make some changes in my life and our relationship. I obviously knew I could do more outside of our relationship than I was. I needed hobbies and more goal oriented things for myself. Her affair showed me that and I am thankful for that now. I also noticed my first instincts was too be more romantic and show appreciation for her. Like this was why she cheated in my mind. A lesson I carried over into the next relationship and others.

 

I try to learn from my mistakes and her affair was horrible but I did learn about myself. I don't condone or excuse her affair but it helped me learn about myself and how people can and will be cruel to you. I can say this now but I'm glad she cheated on me. It was a life changer for me and it ended up being a blessing in many ways.

 

I bumped into my ex a few times. She continues to make the same mistakes (cheating, blaming, excuses for her behavior) even recently while I have grown. You can either make dday mean something for a relationship or let it consume you. After a few weeks of emotional trauma and even abuse I found a strength I never knew I had. That was the biggest discovery of dday

 

Good luck to all

[underwater2010]

Yep....I forgave him and gave him a second chance. In the past....it would have been a deal breaker. I would have walked away without a backward glance. I guess that is what 14 yrs and 3 kids will do. They make sure that you cannot have a selfish bone in your body. My love for them was stronger than my ego.

[compulsivedancer]

Yeah, you could say that.

 

It sounds like you and Timmos should have a conversation....

[compulsivedancer]

H punched our front door (which is steel). He is a musician, so doing anything that could damage his hands is extremely out of character. I think he fractured a bone or two, as it's never been quite right since.

[excusememister]

Totally out of character, but I called him every filthy name that would roll off my tongue. We have never, in all the years we've been together, called each other dirty names. This was an exception, and boy, did I let him have it. I also kicked him; he pathetically came crawling, begging, and pleading to me. I kicked him in his back and told him to get his "sorry azz up" and to get the frick out!!

[peaksandvalleys]

Yes. I made sure he and she hurt. I don't normally go out of my way to hurt anyone but I made an exception just for them.

[experiencethedevine]

Yes. I left a message on the other woman's answer machine calling her a Cee yoU Next Tuesday after she had phoned every one of our children saying the most terrible things to them.

 

 

So completely out of character to use such a vile expletive.

 

 

However, that doesn't mean I regretted it. I most certainly did not.

[peaksandvalleys]

Yeah, I don't regret anything either. If I were to do it again I would probably make it even nastier.

[ladydesigner]

Yeah, I don't regret anything either. If I were to do it again I would probably make it even nastier.

 

You know I do not regret hurting my WH or the MOW. I do however regret losing my cool. Wish I could have dealt with things the way you did. Calm and collected and then slam the hammer down

[WasOtherWoman]

I called his affair partner and told her she would not be hearing from him again. She asked me if I still love him... I said I was not sure. She asked why I was hanging on to him then. I replied "because I CAN."

 

I waited a while, then divorced him.

[VeronicaRoss]

I wasn't myself for two years. I tell people going through a divorce no matter how civil, it's like being an animal having to chew through it's leg to get out of a trap. It is completely disorienting, and you are no longer who you thought you were -- a married person with a mate and a plan for the rest of your life.

 

After a cheating ex told me he was leaving me (and I knew for who) he went to the bathroom. I saw his back pack w/ his work laptop and grabbed it and took off. I had no idea what I was going to do, I was just mad. I went to a friend's house, opened it up and saw he had already deleted all mail and photos of me, I was truly history. The man was cold. I didn't read anything else, including the messages from his new girlfriend. I knew it would hurt and there had already been enough of that. I went back to give it back to him and told him I'd give it back if he gave me the concert tickets for the show we were going to see in a few days, he smiled. For him it was an easy trade.

 

Flash forward, they're married. And I ran into him arm in arm with another man at a resort, he flashed me an evil smile. Just as his former roommate warned me after the break-up, the dude was at least bi and subject to cheating with men and women.

 

The important thing to remember is you're going to have to live with your actions for the rest of your life, take care of yourself and stay far away and let them run their insanity. But if you continue to tangle with it it will just make you act more insane too. But even then, I still can't believe how I acted for the years after. With something to prove.